Westiegirl: Restarted Day 1 Under my Belt!

[canireallydothis!!]

Hiya Sarah, You have done so well and I think you have coped massivly well on your move and all the stress you have had to cope with.
You will have a great wedding, and you will look stunning!
Good Luck in all that you do in your new home x

 

[lavender]

Welcome to your new home sarah, I am sure you are going to be really happy there, and you are such a lovely friendly person you dont need to worry about making new friends, just get yourself out and about and you will soon have loads.XXX

 

[Karen1972]

Sarah, you're bound to feel a bit shell shocked after the move honey, but believe me it will all come together for you real soon!!

Hope you're doing ok SSing??

Luv,

 

[westiegirl]

Thanks Gillian, Vicky and Heidi for your lovely messages of support.

Today has been an excellent day. Didn't wake up until after 9am, which is quite unusual for me, especially as I was asleep by 10.30pm last night. Must be all the sea air!

Felt a bit weird when I woke up as all the family are about and I felt like I should get up and "socialise" but I realised, nah, nobody was bothered whether I got up or not. I'm too caught up in "shoulds" and what I really want to be thinking is "could if I wanted". Actually I needed to go to the toilet and as I have no water here yet I had to go down to my mum and dad's to use their bathroom. They had only just woken up as well so no problem there at all. I guess I just have to get used to a new way of living and not think that I have lost my independance. I actually feel more sorry for my brother because 3 adults and 4 dogs have descended on him and taken over his house. The poor lad is more worried about his 2 cats. We've reassured him that in a head-to-head meeting his cats are sure to come off better - they always do!

My brother did a bit of work on my bathroom (hopefully it will be done by Tuesday) and it was nice just to chat with him. I told him about my OMG moment yesterday and he suggested joining something like a kick boxing club as a way to meet new people. He's thinking of joining some sort of martial arts class and I might tag along. That would be fun and also a way to keep fit. I think I might also take a welsh language class - my skills are a bit rusty (haven't done any languages since school!). I would also quite like to join a sports team. I quite fancy women's footie, but I will have to look into whether there are any teams locally. I love to watch the game so much but I'm not sure I would be any good, but there is only one way to find out!

My mum and I took a walk round the shops this afternoon. That was really nice and very productive as we took a trip into Be-wise and had a look at their summer sale clothes for my holidays. Glad I did. Bought 3 tankinis, a cotton vest top, a sarong and 2 sets of short pyjamas - all for £16.50. Yep, that's right - £16.50!!!!! The quality doesn't seem too bad either but for that amount of money it doesn't matter. I basically need a whole holiday wardrobe so the cheaper I can get it the better. The best thing is that, besides being able to get more for my money, I can actually take more with me because all my clothes are only a fraction of the size of my old wardrobe. On previous holidays half my suitcase was taken up by my huge knickers!!!

SSing has been good again today. Sundays are usually very hard for me, as they have always been about socialising and socialising=eating. Perhaps that has been part of my problems recently, because I haven't been working it's felt like a weekend every day because I have lacked the structure and routine of a normal working week. I have only had my packs and just faced a testing moment when I sat with my Mum and Dad whilst they ate their evening meal. They had a lovely roast turkey dinner (my favourite) and I sat and threw back cup after cup of coffee and had a hot chocolate foodpack. The food was calling me but I ignored it. Even made the decision to cover the unserved leftovers that were sitting on the side with clingfilm and put them in the fridge. Also threw my mum's leftovers from her plate straight in the bin. Recently I have been picking at my Mum and Dad's leftovers, which has helped trigger the binge cycle. I have also found that once I have a food pack I want more so in some ways I wish I didn't have to have any at all. I have spent the last 3 weeks hiding whilst my Mum and Dad have been eating so I didn't have to face the temptation however tonight I made a decision to sit with them and enjoy the conversation but "test myself" in the prescence of food. So far, so good. Have I turned a corner? God I hope so, but I'm not counting my turkey (dinners) before they hatch!

In my head I have always justified eating food in lots of ways (as I'm sure we all have) and one of my "self permissions" was "this is the last time". For example my first binge when I started management was the "last time" I was working in the cafe and it was the "last time" I would be able to have the lovely food we sold, I ate a meal with my mum and dad the night before we moved as it was the "last time" we would be there as a family, I ate a full meal on my birthday and then scoffed loads of chocolate afterwards because it was the "last time" I would be celebrating my birthday in Edinburgh. Basically it's a bunch of nonsense isn't it? None of those situations would be the "last time" I would ever eat, it was just a way to justify to myself my "child" decisions. However before I left Edinburgh I made myself a promise and decided to turn this crooked thinking to my advantage. I never eat based on the "first time", so living here in Llandudno, everything is a "first time" therefore there will always be an opportunity to do things again - neither me nor the town are going anywhere! So I cannot justify things the same way. I also promised my new start meant I'm not going to buy 6 chocolate bars and scoff them in secret whilst walking the dog *lol*! So far I have been good to my word. I can't say it has been easy, today whilst in town my mum and I stopped for coffee and all the cakes looked lovely, but I reasoned, they will still be there in 6 months and if I want one I can have one then (hopefully not the exact same cakes *lol*). I was quite obsessed at looking at the menus of all the cafes and restaurants we passed. I think my Mum got a bit fed up with me!

I am feeling quite positive today although I am currently feeling very hungry - my stomach is rumbling loudly. This is day 2 again and so I'm not in ketosis but hopefully after tomorrow I will be. Please let me stick to it this time!!!!

 

[westiegirl]

Feeling desperate tonight, because yep you've guessed it, reached day 3 and have fallen off the wagon.

What the f*** is going on with me. I have a really positive day and then I really muck myself up by eating rubbish. Was OK all day but about 4.30pm I just started to pick at biscuits and had some ice cream, followed by some double choc chip cookies half an hour ago. I now feel sick. Not because I have eaten a huge amount but because I feel I have failed again. I have been trying to analyse what happened today but I couldn't think of what my trigger was. It seemed no different to any other day I have had (recently). Not particularly stressful but once the idea to binge gets in my head I know even if I resist for a short while I will give in to it eventually.

What is wrong with me? How can I break this destructive cycle? Anybody got any tips or good books I can read. I get so positive (for example my last post) but then I really undo all my good work. Why? Why? I'm so annoyed with myself!

 

[IreneH]

Sarah
You are still finding your feet. So don't worry
Irene xx

 

[westiegirl]

Thank Irene, I am finding my feet, but at the moment just feel like I'm losing my mind and the battle!

 

[Dom1979]

Hey sweetie, just a quick one before bed. I can't give you any advice about the bingeing, as I do it myself from time to time. I know how to stop myself, but the thing is, if I really want to binge, I don't listen to myself! Sick and wrong, but true! But, today I haven't binged.

I think the key for me is ensuring I have other things to do to distract me, or to fill that void that I am trying to fill with food. So, for example, today I've been busy with OH and getting stuff sorted for going back to work tomorrow. I'm also not feeling upset or anything, which is a major reason for me not bingeing. You can beat it, take it a minute at a time if you have to.

As Russian Doll (I think) said (and I'm majorly paraphrasing, but hope the gist is correct) - if you are driving along, and your car gets a puncture, do you get out of the car and puncture all the other tyres too and then blow the car up? No, you fix the puncture, and move on.

You can do that - it's still early days, and this food malarkey takes a long old time to get your head around. I've been eating since April, and at the most I would say I was 'aware'.

Chin up, you are not on your own, and you can totally turn this around.

Hugs xx

 

[Karen1972]

oh honey you sound so like me! i always kid myself that this is the LAST TIME!

I really don't know what to say to you - maybe you need to get help in order to conquer this..... I would say try anything and everything to win this war cos it's sooooo worth it!! Nothing beats being slim - and you know that soooo well!

Go to your gp, get a private counsellor - whatever just get some help!

I was supposed to go to the nutritionist at my gp's surgery on wednesday but have had to cancel cos of work commitments, the next available appt is November - aarrgghhh!!

However, i've just managed my first binge free weekend in about 8 weeks so i'm hoping i've turned a big stonking corner!!

Only you know what will make you change honey!

 

[Eclipse]

Hi Westie

Haven't posted on your thread before, but thought I would put my "tuppence worth" in, for what its worth.

You have done brilliantly, look at your weight loss ticker! I think that I am the same, its the "almost there" phenomenon! So close, yet so far. We put pressure on ourselves to get to that goal, yet you have lost so much! Don't beat yourself up about this blip, go with the flow and when you are ready to get back on, you will. I personally want to lose another 11lbs or so, but I am undergoing radiotherapy treatment for cancer again at the moment, so taking each day at a time and hoping to start at Slimming World on Thursday night, to shift those few pounds. But in the whole scheme of things 11lb is nothing, and I will get them off eventually.

You haven't failed, you had a bad moment, and now it has passed - forget it, move on and tomorrow is another day. You have done great so far, life's too short to worry about what you have done, file it, put it in the folder marked "sorted" and open a new one! Put whatever name you want on it, and look into it every day to make sure there's no rubbish in there.

 

[westiegirl]

Hey sweetie, just a quick one before bed. I can't give you any advice about the bingeing, as I do it myself from time to time. I know how to stop myself, but the thing is, if I really want to binge, I don't listen to myself! Sick and wrong, but true! But, today I haven't binged.

I think the key for me is ensuring I have other things to do to distract me, or to fill that void that I am trying to fill with food. So, for example, today I've been busy with OH and getting stuff sorted for going back to work tomorrow. I'm also not feeling upset or anything, which is a major reason for me not bingeing. You can beat it, take it a minute at a time if you have to.

As Russian Doll (I think) said (and I'm majorly paraphrasing, but hope the gist is correct) - if you are driving along, and your car gets a puncture, do you get out of the car and puncture all the other tyres too and then blow the car up? No, you fix the puncture, and move on.

You can do that - it's still early days, and this food malarkey takes a long old time to get your head around. I've been eating since April, and at the most I would say I was 'aware'.

Chin up, you are not on your own, and you can totally turn this around.

Hugs xx

Dom

Thanks, I hope you are doing well and I'm sorry I've not been able to keep with you recently. As someone else has said on here (sharon summerskye I think, apologies if it was someone else), I feel like I'm meeting myself coming back!

I liked the analogy of the car! Mind you I'm missing my car. It's in Scotland and I'm in Wales! Feel like I'm missing an arm. It was playing up before I came down and when it kept stalling I did kick it and swear at it a bit! Didn't puncture the tyres and blow it up but I felt like it!

I feel like we've come a long way together - both starting in January and all - remember the January Starters thread on DH? I knew this bit would be hard but I never considered how hard it would be!

As you say, all I can do is to take one day at a time. Today was a bit stressful - trying to find a flat for my 83 year old Nana who still thinks of money in shillings and is as stubborn as a coot! All that and we're still not sorted ourselves! Maybe a minute or a second at a time is more appropriate for me! (even a nanosecond!)

 

[westiegirl]

oh honey you sound so like me! i always kid myself that this is the LAST TIME!

I really don't know what to say to you - maybe you need to get help in order to conquer this..... I would say try anything and everything to win this war cos it's sooooo worth it!! Nothing beats being slim - and you know that soooo well!

Go to your gp, get a private counsellor - whatever just get some help!

I was supposed to go to the nutritionist at my gp's surgery on wednesday but have had to cancel cos of work commitments, the next available appt is November - aarrgghhh!!

However, i've just managed my first binge free weekend in about 8 weeks so i'm hoping i've turned a big stonking corner!!

Only you know what will make you change honey!

Karen

Well done on your weekend. I did read your thread about it and I'm really proud of you. Maybe I need to make a public promise too. I'm not sure where to go from here but I'm missing my LLC and my group a lot. I don't think a nutritionist is the answer for me - been there, done that - I know what I should be doing, it's just very hard to do it! I need to get my head sorted. Can you get a labotomy on the NHS? Luckily I go to Edinburgh on Friday and have arranged to meet my LLC after her groups. It will be time for a serious and frank conversation. I just don't know what to do! Feel so helpless and that I can't do this. Although my LLC says no, you only think you can't do it. I know she's right but as Dom said in her reply, when I want to binge I don't listen to myself either. Yes, it is sick but true!

Thought records? Perhaps I should start writing them again, they helped me so much during Foundation. I'm also thinking of looking up a counsellor in this area (I think there is one within 20 miles). The group thing really motivated me. Feel a little lost at the moment. I'll see what my LLC says on Friday.

 

[Karen1972]

Karen

Well done on your weekend. I did read your thread about it and I'm really proud of you. Maybe I need to make a public promise too. I'm not sure where to go from here but I'm missing my LLC and my group a lot. I don't think a nutritionist is the answer for me - been there, done that - I know what I should be doing, it's just very hard to do it! I need to get my head sorted. Can you get a labotomy on the NHS? Luckily I go to Edinburgh on Friday and have arranged to meet my LLC after her groups. It will be time for a serious and frank conversation. I just don't know what to do! Feel so helpless and that I can't do this. Although my LLC says no, you only think you can't do it. I know she's right but as Dom said in her reply, when I want to binge I don't listen to myself either. Yes, it is sick but true!

Thought records? Perhaps I should start writing them again, they helped me so much during Foundation. I'm also thinking of looking up a counsellor in this area (I think there is one within 20 miles). The group thing really motivated me. Feel a little lost at the moment. I'll see what my LLC says on Friday.

Yeah you should definitely find a LLC in your new area - i also miss my old group and LLC, the one here is not a patch!

My bingeing is slightly different to yours in that i will only do it for one day then feel guilty for 6 days until i get the weight off only to do it all over again!! I weigh every day so always know where i'm at and that really really helps me!

The way i feel now is that i can never imagine bingeing again (altho that is a stupid thing to say), but i think that it is such a shock to the system when you start eating again that it's normal for people to go into binge mode - i mean so many people here have experienced it!!

I'm hoping it's a temporary blip and that mine has well and truly passed! I'm still scared stiff of piling the weight back on and in many of my clothes i am at the absolute limit and i simply cannot afford to put on any more weight! I'm also out partying twice a week and if i feel fat goin out then it's a huge motivation for me to continue to be good.

We all have our different motivations - what are yours??

Oh and i think doing thought records are a great idea, now more than ever!!!

You've gone through a huge amount of change recently so don't beat yourself up too much about it, but you need a plan to take forwards. It's scary how much weight can go in in such a short time isn't it?

You do have other options outside of ss'ing, maybe you should consider that hun???

I wish i could have a proper sit down and chat with you honey!!

 

[westiegirl]

Hi Westie

Haven't posted on your thread before, but thought I would put my "tuppence worth" in, for what its worth.

You have done brilliantly, look at your weight loss ticker! I think that I am the same, its the "almost there" phenomenon! So close, yet so far. We put pressure on ourselves to get to that goal, yet you have lost so much! Don't beat yourself up about this blip, go with the flow and when you are ready to get back on, you will. I personally want to lose another 11lbs or so, but I am undergoing radiotherapy treatment for cancer again at the moment, so taking each day at a time and hoping to start at Slimming World on Thursday night, to shift those few pounds. But in the whole scheme of things 11lb is nothing, and I will get them off eventually.

You haven't failed, you had a bad moment, and now it has passed - forget it, move on and tomorrow is another day. You have done great so far, life's too short to worry about what you have done, file it, put it in the folder marked "sorted" and open a new one! Put whatever name you want on it, and look into it every day to make sure there's no rubbish in there.

Cheryl

Thanks for taking the time to reply on my thread. I'm sorry to hear you are having to have radiotherapy at the moment. My thoughts are with you and I hope it goes well.

I know I have done well and you are so right, it is harder nearer the end. I don't want to give up now and I am scared it will all go back on. At least if I am struggling everyday I keeping my weight stable! It might not be the best way to maintain but until I get my head sorted I suppose it's better than piling the weight back on.

I am a very visual person and my favourite shop is W H Smiths (I have a stationery fetish) so I really liked your idea about files and folders. I am organised to the point of anal! So the idea of putting things in a file called "sorted" and keeping a file free of rubbish really appealled to me. I can't promise it will work, but I just know something has got to change!

 

[westiegirl]

Yeah you should definitely find a LLC in your new area - i also miss my old group and LLC, the one here is not a patch!

My bingeing is slightly different to yours in that i will only do it for one day then feel guilty for 6 days until i get the weight off only to do it all over again!! I weigh every day so always know where i'm at and that really really helps me!

The way i feel now is that i can never imagine bingeing again (altho that is a stupid thing to say), but i think that it is such a shock to the system when you start eating again that it's normal for people to go into binge mode - i mean so many people here have experienced it!!

I'm hoping it's a temporary blip and that mine has well and truly passed! I'm still scared stiff of piling the weight back on and in many of my clothes i am at the absolute limit and i simply cannot afford to put on any more weight! I'm also out partying twice a week and if i feel fat goin out then it's a huge motivation for me to continue to be good.

We all have our different motivations - what are yours??

Oh and i think doing thought records are a great idea, now more than ever!!!

You've gone through a huge amount of change recently so don't beat yourself up too much about it, but you need a plan to take forwards. It's scary how much weight can go in in such a short time isn't it?

You do have other options outside of ss'ing, maybe you should consider that hun???

I wish i could have a proper sit down and chat with you honey!!

I keep thinking that I'm over my blip (felt so positive that I'd cracked it yesterday) but then it just starts again! It doesn't help that I am sharing a kitchen with my brother and parents and they have lots of lovely treats in it to tempt me!

I can't even begin to work out what it setting me off! It is quite scary how many people do go into binge mode once food is introduced - maybe there is something to this ghrelin hormone business!

I feel like you in that when I have a full social life it is such a motivation that I can't imagine binging. I've been on some cracking nights out and not over drank or been tempted by chips on the way home - just been hyper on dancing. The trouble is at the moment my social life is zero! Even my dad calls me Billy Nae Mates. My Mum is trying to help organise my social life - how sad is that! I can't even begin to organise my new life yet as I go back to Edinburgh on Friday and don't return here until 20th October. I'm looking forward to the wedding but it's just such a pain at the moment! The timing is just wrong for me. Do you think that they would postpone it for me? lol! Although there won't be any food in the house when I go up so I guess that's a blessing!

I am looking forward to my meet up with my LLC on Friday as she is totally inspirational. I know she can say the right things to me but it is me that has to do the hard bit isn't it! Joining a new LLC might just be the motivation I need. I might ask her about other options than SSing as it just isn't working for me at the moment.

It won't be long until we can have a real chat hunny - January isn't that far away is it? Looking forward to seeing you in Newcastle!

Oh well tomorrow is another day!

 

[Summerskye]

Hi honey

I just want to send my love to you and let you know that you're not alone. I'm getting very close to target too and resuming 'proper' eating again shares the bejasus out of me. It's a monster battle battling the 'eating monster'. It may be a lifelong battle, but what's the alternative? Actually, I know what it is and I don't think either of us wants to go there again ...

I hope you have a lovely time in Edinburgh this weekend and that meeting up with your LLC again will help steer you back on track and that you find another counsellor soon near where you are now.

Lots of love to you darling - you know where I am whenever you need me.

 

[westiegirl]

Hi honey

I just want to send my love to you and let you know that you're not alone. I'm getting very close to target too and resuming 'proper' eating again shares the bejasus out of me. It's a monster battle battling the 'eating monster'. It may be a lifelong battle, but what's the alternative? Actually, I know what it is and I don't think either of us wants to go there again ...

I hope you have a lovely time in Edinburgh this weekend and that meeting up with your LLC again will help steer you back on track and that you find another counsellor soon near where you are now.

Lots of love to you darling - you know where I am whenever you need me.

Thanks Sharon, your reply means a lot to me. I saw the alternative last week when I was moving house and took my eye off the ball and tbh I didn't like it much!

I have just joined the Bonfire Night Challenge because I haven't been setting myself proper goals recently, just "floating" about. My weight has been up and down and I've really not bothered too much about it. I guess too much else on my mind. It will be good to have something to aim for.

I think you will be fine when you start to eat normally again. You have been having breaks throughout the programme and have always got back on track afterwards, something I never did so it was something I never learnt. I think you will approach it with your usual aplomb!

 

[lavender]

HI sarah,

this is such a otugh game we are playing and everyone above has given great advice ,i really love the car analogy, spot on, it was very thought provoking for me!!

i am having a battle of my own at the moment with the scales and my constant urges to keep going back to SSing when i feel i am not in control( which right now seems like most of the time!!). I am trying to stay off the scales and only weigh once a week ,last friday i was 11,7 and as i have felt more and more panicky about my weight I ahve been looking at myself and thinking how "FAT" i was now looking, so the scales game has given way to the "YOU LOOK FAT" game!!

So this morning i did weigh and it wasnt good, 11, 10 ,so i immediatly thought " BAcK to SSing" again quick, back to safety where i know I can lose and I can be safe from food!!
But then i thought to myself, is this how I want to be for ever?
of course not and i have decided to do a thought record as i am not good at these and wonder if mastering them may be the key to finding out what lurks beneath that may be sabbotaging my "efforts" to stay slim!!
I ahve a book called "mind over mood" bydennis greenberger which is very good and easy to understand and follow, i think it explains the thought record process really well, have thought about going down that route??
Maybe if you were writting down some thoughts ad feelings you may see a pattern emerge which will give you some insight into whats really going on for you.
i would be happy to scan a thought recrd in for you or indeed anyone who fancies a bash at them, perhapes we could we could have a bash at some together, we do all seem to have a need to get some answers to "why" we are behaving the way we are.
You are not alone and i can really understand how you feel, but please try to stop the beating up, have a look at your management book again and do the positve afformations , they can really help even if you dont think they are, you dont even have to believe them, they are for your sub concioius mind!!!
Also do your acheivements at the end of each day, a firm record of your progress will let you see on paper just what you are doing and that you are moving forward and doing rather well actually!!!

Right big deep breaths, big smile to yourself in the mirror, say positve afformation for day out loud 3 times , such as " I am A strong and capable woman" ( because you are!!!) and then go out there and kick some a**e!!!!

i will do the same, one of my acheivements yesterday was to not pick the cheese when i made the boys tea !!! i am very proud of that and todays challenge is to make breakfast and
Harrys packed lunch without picking, here goes.!!!!!

SMILE!!! big hugs, we can do this and we will !!! No slacking or I shall come to wales and find you!!! Hug to your mad westie too!!!

 

[Mini]

Wishing you happiness in your New Home!

Hi Sarah,

You are going through a very traumatic phase in your life and I think you are handling it very well all round and I think you need to give yourself some points for what you have achieved in the last year and I am sure on your balance sheet you might find you even surprise yourself just how well you have done.

Binging is the outward expression of stress and I think if you find new healthier ways of releasing this stress is key.

By the sound of what you are saying in a couple of post you are a sporty person and this is a good way also to meet and get to know people, while at the same time becoming part of the community and at the same time it is also an avenue for releasing your bent up stress.

You did very well in the summer sale!!! Good for you

So happy for you that you are enjoying your new lap top and in time your new home will feel more like yours as you do bits and pieces with it.

Love Mini xxx

 

[Gen]

Hiya Sarah

Sorry to hear you were feeling so bad last night, I really hope you are feeling better today.

I too have been going through ups and downs... mostly downs to be honest with SS'ing and personally. I have posted on my own thread but last night i decided not to ss for a while and to eat healthily. i still have about 3 stone to lose so its gonna be slow but today i feel like a different person. the battle is no longer on with me and food, we are now friends... for the moment i really felt that i needed to get food back into the equation to make the life changes that need to be made and to be able to make the right choices.

anyway i just really wanted to let you know that there most definitely is another option to SS'ing 100%, even if only temporarily.

sending you loads of hugs and stuff and hope you are feeling good today!!

love

Gen xx