Westiegirl: Restarted Day 1 Under my Belt!

Day 4&5/32 - I Need Routine

Have had a busy week without much time for posting :(.

Yesterday was day 4 and today day 5. I'm going well at the moment. Sticking to my packs ok, even if this week I am having 4 a day - Karen you are right, it is meant to be 3 but with such a busy working week I made an executive decision to have 4 until fully established in ketosis. I have fallen at the first hurdle so often recently that this time if an extra pack is what it takes then that works for me. I feel like I am now at the point of cutting down the packs, when I was in the zone before I never had a breakfast pack so that will be the one that goes next week.

There is one thing that I think has really made the difference to be this time - a set routine. When I moved here I just felt like I was "floating". I didn't have a job, I would get up in the morning (later and later by the day) and not have anything to do, no money coming in and no friends. I did go through a REALLY low patch before christmas. Working at M&S didn't challenge me, plus the early mornings killed me!

So this year things have changed and things are definately on the up. I am enjoying my new job, I feel like this week I have started to gain a greater understanding of what the hecks going on lol. My colleagues are nice as well, so that helps.

So my routine is set and that is the way I like it, get up at 6.45am, at work for 8.30am, home by 5.30pm and an evening doing what I want. Went back to Yoga this week, I really enjoyed it, in fact I enjoyed it so much that I fell asleep during the half hour meditation at the end :eek:. It is very relaxing and I'm going to start the next 10 week block next wednesday. Hopefully by the time that is over I will more flexible as well as at my goal. I start my pole dancing classes next Tuesday :eek:, so a couple of nights out a week is a good start.
 
Only 1 More Sleep Till My Date

Ok, so tomorrow is the big day. Tomorrow I meet J. From being totally nervous and scared out of my head I am so excited I'm not sure I will be able to sleep tonight. ;)

This is such a big deal for me. I haven't been on a date since before I met David, with was in 1991. OMG 16 years! David and I split up 2 years ago and my self esteem was so low that I couldn't possibly contemplate going out on a date at all. How could I possibly go out with anyone when I was too fat and ugly to for anyone to even consider looking at me. They possibly would but I wouldn't put myself out there in order to find out until I had lost some weight. Doing LL has been a godsend! Last summer in Edinburgh my confidence totally soared and I did get lots of attention, especially from my ex workmates *lol*. Moving here was a little bit of a set back to my confidence but I feel like I'm coming out the other end. Karen, you have inspired me in lots of ways and I must thank you for getting me on udate. Even if things don't work out with J at least I will have made some personal progress and the next time will be better. I'm not being negative here, as you never know but I will at least know what to expect.

But on the subject of J, I am totally hooked by him at the moment. We talk at least 3 times a day, usually one or other gives the other an alarm call wake up, we usually talk lunchtime and then we go to bed together :eek: lol. Actually what I mean is that we will spend at least an hour every night just talking and saying goodnight. OMG, it is just lovely. I have never been treated so well before. We were talking the other night and I realised the difference between him and David. David was a nice man but I never felt that he really "cherished" me. I always felt like he was too concerned with other people's opinions rather than my feelings. I guess that I felt that he never defended me. I don't mean that he would start a fight over me but if a situation arose in which I felt I was being hard done to, he would rather go with the path of least resistance than stick up for me and cause a scene. In lots of ways he was a weak man and I wanted someone stronger. But in analysis of our relationship now (and I know I'm not blameless) but I really feel like he contributed to my descending self esteem. Don't get me wrong I was already using food as a comfort but as a student when we met my weight was stable, I was stable, I felt quite confident and I was having the time of my life. David was a good part of my life but we should have cut the strings much earlier that we did. I feel quite bad because this seems like a character assassination and it's not. He is a wonderful man, but he made bad choices and was too weak to take the correct path rather than finish it with me. I can't be too angry about that because in his mind he was saving my feelings, even if it made things worse in the long run. I guess for such a modern, independant woman I have old fashioned values of the roles men and women play in relationships. Fraid that's me and I think I have found someone that appreciates that. Everything J has said to me and all the clues point to him being like I want him to be. He did make me smile earlier when he called. His work had tried to get him to do a 2 day delivery which would have cut into tomorrow. He told them no and when they tried to challenge them he said if you want me to do it you better call "my Sarah" and tell her. :eek:. How sweet is that. Although he did also tell em that he couldn't do it because he was going away for a dirty weekendf lol. Truckers, what can you do with them!

So my date starts late morning tomorrow and is a weekend date :eek:. I'm not even scared of that four poster bed anymore because I know that there is going to be no pressure on me to do anything I don't want to do, he's made it very clear that we go at my pace and that is appreciated so much :eek:.

So tonight means only 1 more sleep. I will update when I can...............
 
I am so excited for you, honey - and I just hope that J turns out to be all you wish for .. but by the sounds of it, he already is :D

I can't wait to hear how the weekend went. Feel like a right old mother hen here *lol*

Lots of love
 
Oh Sarah i'm so excited for you and really hope that J is special to you and that you both go on to be very happy together. Is J the one from MSE??? ......... if so then you can throw your bouquet my way!!!

Glad Amsterdam went well .......

........and can't wait to see how the date goes!! Best wishes and fingers crossed - oh and love the way you are more confident and looking forward to meeting him!
 
Hi Sarah,

was just really nice reading about your growing confidence and impending date with J. I wanted to wish you luck! It sounds like some really important things in the type of relationship you'd want are in place. And whether now or in future, knowing what you want so often seems to be the first step in getting it.

I suppose that's one of the things us dieters are all learning and doing- and no wonder so many other positive personal changes often then follow.

(btw what you said about your previous relationship didn't sound like a character assassination at all, just a very fair and balanced analysis of where things went wrong).
 
Hey Sarah, I hope you have a fab time with J :D ....come back and tell us all about it....:D

Lucky you a weekend date, lush:D
 
OMG Sarah how exciting for you - and how weird that i'm taking a back seat in dating world and you are well in teh driving seat hahaha!

I hope it was a great date honey, i'm so pleased that you've got your self confidence back!

Can't wait to hear all about it!
 
I hope the date has been fantastic for you, you deserve to meet someone fantastic so you can have that happiness :)
 
I'm Back - But He's Not the One

Thank you all for your lovely messages of support.

So I'm back home and I really don't know where to begin!

Yesterday started in a rush, I needed to do some shopping so rushed down the town, knowing J would be arriving shortly. He called me as I was just coming out of the shopping centre so I talked to him as I hot footed up the town. I needed to go home first as I had bought a few bits and bobs (including a yoga pillow, which was a little too large to fit in my handbag lol). As we were talking we realised that he was driving right past me so of course he stopped. That was not the way I wanted the date to start - middle of the street, me hot and sweaty from practically running back from the shops and loaded down with shopping bags! So first impressions - not as big as I thought he would be, quite a cheeky grin but not as gorgeous as I hoped. Does that make me superficial? Probably, but ho hum! Anyway he was a gent and gave me a lift home and said he would give me half an hour to get sorted and then come back for me. I rushed around, got changed and was just about ready when he phoned to say he was outside.

We then had a little drive up the Great Orme in his "bus" - his car is literally the size of a minibus, and you could party in it (or anything else you fancied as it has blackened windows ;)). We admired the view from the wonderful headland country park that is just behind my house (I am very lucky to live where I do) and I relaxed a little. He was quite nervous too but I guess I knew straight away that he wasn't the one for me. What was projected through the computer wasn't quite the same in real life and I didn't really feel any spark of attraction at all. We then went back to the hotel as he wanted to show me the room. It was lovely with a HUGE 4 poster bed and a sofa and TV. He had a huge bunch of flowers waiting for me there too, which he had organised earlier in the week. They were gorgeous but just compounded my guilt for not fancying him. But I decided to give it a go and we had some tea out. I had told him in advance that I was SSing but I don't think he realised the full impact of it. He got a little stroppy when looking for somewhere to eat because he said, I didn't come all this way to eat on my own. I told him it was tough and that I wasn't eating. He eventually calmed down and we went to a fish and chip restaurant. Gosh, it smelt devine but I just drank a full pot of coffee and a bottle of water! I then needed to go home and pick up my overnight stuff so he went back to the hotel and I said I would meet him there. Quickly popped home, picked up my bag, told my mum I wouldn't be home and off I went. The hotel room had a DVD player so we just watched DVDs. I was very straight with him and told him that I wasn't ready for anything to happen between us but I would stay (in my pyjamas) if he was OK with that. He said he was and that he understood. All well and good, however as soon as we went to bed I knew I'd made a mistake - he fell asleep immediately and I lay awake for hours (too hyped up after all that bl**dy coffee!). Couldn't get comfy and he was hogging the bed and hugging me, but the trouble was that he was so strong that I was pinned down and couldn't move or breathe! Jesus, I counted the minutes and even spent some time making sure I could name all 20 sides in the football premiership lol. I think the turning point had come earlier when seeing my wallpaper on my phone he didn't even know who Steven Gerrard was!!! My goodness (for those of you who don't know he's Liverpool's captain and one of the best England footie squad members). The person I end up with has to support footie, not necessarily follow Liverpool, but he will have know who Stevie G is!

So pinned onto the bed wide awake I had a lot of thinking time. I realised that we totally didn't have anything in common. He wanted to stay in a watch DVDs and I would have liked to go out. I should have listened to my dad earlier. When I came home for my bag my dad said where are you going? Are you going dancing? I said no, J has too left feet and my dad replied, ditch him then! LOL! I think he wants a fully established relationship where you don't go out and it's all comfy and nights in on the sofa. I want that too, eventually but I want to be wooed and have some fun first. He's only 32 but it's like he's 52 lol! I did manage to grab a couple of hours sleep but he was all over me and I did have to remind him a couple of times that I wasn't going there! I wasn't frightened as such but I did feel a little uncomfortable and slightly foolish.

Woke up at 7am and waited till 7.30am before I escaped to the shower. Took ages and stayed in there to get all my pampering and makeup done - prolonging it as much as possible. Breakfast was at 9am and I had another pot of coffee whilst he had a cooked breakfast - didn't even bother me a jot! I knew I couldn't just ditch him and we agreed to go for a drive. It was such a beautiful day and we drove down to Snowdonia National Park. Breathtaking views and beautiful places to stop but we just kept driving - for 3 1/2 hours! I really didn't appreciate the views that much because all I could think of was how I just wanted to be at home! Drove back by 1.30pm and stopped at Asda for him to pick something up and when he said what next? I took the opportunity to make my escape. I said I needed to go home as I had a few things I needed to get done. What's stuff? he said and I said I needed to sort my boxes to find my car paperwork because I can sell it without and it's somewhere in the boxes dumped in my flat. His whole attitude just changed then. He would barely talk to me. He drove me home was not even going to get my bag out of the boot. He sat there stony faced and barely reacted when I thanked him for the weekend. He could barely say goodbye properly and got back in the car without even giving me a hug! His final words were Have a nice afternoon tidying your room. Oh dear!

Came inside feeling totally **** and like I'm a *****! Felt totally guilty because he had driven 2 1/2 hours (each way), paid for a hotel room and bought me such lovely flowers. My mum said don't worry about it because no one made him - true. Sitting upstairs just about to watch the rugby (part of the reason I wanted to come home lol) and really felt like pigging out on packs. I had a tetra for breakfast and now have just eaten only a bar - so only 2 packs today so far. Decided that I'm doing so well that I'm not going to sabotage myself by going off the rails over one bad date! So the other pack will stay in the kitchen till later.

But I do think I'm a glutton for punishment because I texted P earlier (whilst in a service station toilet) and said how about a chat later. It's no wonder I feel like a *****, I am! My confidence has been boosted this weekend because he was still all over me until I said I was leaving but I have also learnt many valuable lessons, not least I am never going on a weekend date again! I think local is best lol! I can get rid of them at the end of the night then!

Oh well, off to watch the rugby, must be someone out there, but I think I'm not too fussed about dating at the moment. SSing is falling into place so I think I might be as well to concentrate on that at the moment!
 
aww such a shame but if he's not for you then he's not for you. At least when you just go out for a drink with someone you can escape quickly instead of having to spend the whole weekend, that must have been soo awkward for you.

Don't think of yourself as a *****, it was pointless carrying on the pretence to just have to let him down later on. at least it'll have saved you the "you're not for me" chat another day.

Enjoy the rugby
 
I think in the circumstances you behaved extremely well! You are right about weekend dates, what'll you do with P?!?!?!

We're just watching the rugby too (hubby's from Wrexham) - after a rough start, Wales are on the up!
 
Hey hun,

Don't beat urself up from not being into him, it sounds like he expected a bit too much from u. U're not a *****, and at the end of the day if he's not the one then thats fair enuff, end of!

Least u got some beautiful flowers and got to see some lovely views!
Oh, AND u managed to stay on packs!! Well done u!!

Much love, chelle xx
 
Sarah - just catching up and read about your date - having done the internet dating thing to death, so to speak, I am glad that your weekend date wasn't even worse (ask me about Paris some time!! ;) ).. lol

Well done on remaining in control of things though, and try not to feel too bad. I think you are right about him not being the one, but to be honest.. you would never have known had you not met up and spent a good amount of time with him, so, no regrets ok? :D

He sounds like a nice enough chap but just not looking for the same things as you, and, whilst it was his choice to spend his money and do all that driving, I think maybe you can forgive him his brevity as we all know how rotten it feels to be rejected. That said - I don't want you to feel bad about it all as you cannot manufacture that special spark! It's either there or t'aint!! :D

Look on the bright side - you met a nice man, had a pleasant time in lovely surroundings and YOU made the decision about the outcome - all major plusses AND.. even more importantly perhaps.. you stuck to the diet DESPITE his lack of understanding and the feelings you had when you got home! So! Well done you! and keep on dating! :D xxx

PS glad you explained the footy thing - I haven't a clue about it and know lots of chaps who don't either and they are all lovely... :) but I think another positive is that you now KNOW that you have to have a man who shares your love of footy , and that will help you loads in sorting out the wheat from the chaff :D
 
I am pleased you managed to ss perfectly even though he was trying to make you feel uncomfortable about it and I agree he doesn't seem to be the one.
The next one might be better

Irene xx
 
Aww, I'm sorry too that he didn't live up to your expectations ... but not knowing who Stevie G is?! :eek: Really!! :rolleyes:

I'm hugely impressed by your resolve to stick to SS'ing throughout too - but hardly surprised as I know how focussed you can be when you put your mind to it :) - although I think it was a bit mean of him to be so miffed that you wouldn't eat with him.

As the others have said, at least you now know he's not the one for you - and that's the whole point of dates isn't it? Maybe someone more local might be the way forward next time .. and if you don't like him, then you can easily (as they say in all the worst Sunday newspapers) make your excuses and leave :)

Take care honey. Lots of love,
 
Thank you a lot guys! I guess I started to feel a lot better this afternoon when I came on here and started to put it all into writing. I know I'm not a ***** and I never intentionally hurt him and if I could do if differently then I probably wouldn't. He was the one who pushed for us to meet and I didn't force him to spend so much money. I do understand his reaction as well, Jennie you are right he is probably smarting with rejection and I do regret that but I don't think that there is anything else I could have done. One thing about me is that if I don't like you I can't fake it and I would never have been able to lead him on anyway, so there is no way that I did.

I am going to be honest with P and tell him that I can't do full weekends and that's that. If he wants to meet (and I decide I want to aswell) then we will come to some sort of arrangement, but I ain't making the same mistake again.
 
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