Westiegirl: Restarted Day 1 Under my Belt!

[westiegirl]

Thursday 22nd March 2007

It's now 10.55pm and I've been in the door for 30 minutes and I feel very satisfied.

Such a normal sort of day but with such big implications, mentally!

Work was fine - very very busy. My new role is very demanding and I love it! Stress is at a good level - keeping me motivated but not tearing my hair out. Give a month or two *lol*.

Phoned my LL counsellor at lunctime to make sure the class was still going ahead, because of the long journey. It was, but I didn't tell her whilst I was phoning I was walking to the chip shop to get all our lunches!!

Did a bit of overtime but could only stay until 5.30pm as I wanted to get on the road and start my "journey". So got in my car and took a deep breath and set off the 50 odd miles to my LL meeting. Weather conditions were fine and the journey was fine. Took less than an hour to get to Wrexham and then another half an hour driving around lost! Found a place to pull up and called my LLC who gave me directions.

Arrived dead on time at 7.15pm. My new LLC is lovely and there were 2 other girls there also. One had started 2 months ago and the other was just starting tonight. I felt like an old hand at it all! There will be at least another 2 people next week so the group should build nicely.

Got weighed and measured and here are the scores on the board:

Weight: 12.11
Bust: 43
Waist: 40
Hips: 45

Will have to update my ticker to reflect my weekly changes now.

It was so good to be back in a group with a LLC talking sense and giving you focus. Changed my thinking about SSing even just after tonight (we were talking about taking breaks etc). I have 1 break planned for April and my 4x4 weekend. Will possibly have a rethink!

The class finished at 9.15pm and I headed home. I drove home in a heightened state of anxiety until I was about 10 miles from home. It was dark, it was horrid, I didn't know the roads and I hated every minute of it! 10 miles from home was where I got more familiar with the road and I know that over the coming weeks I will become familiar with all of the route and it will be getting lighter so it won't be so scary.

So home at last and very tired. No work tomorrow, hurrah! A blessing really as I need time to recover from my trauma! Too tired to appreciate that I have faced some demons tonight, but sure I will feel more proud of myself tomorrow. It seems silly to be scared of driving so few miles but it's just one of my anxiety triggers!

Must go to bed now, my eyes are so heavy. Only 2 more sleeps to Birmingham!

 

[Gen]

Sarah... I'm sooooooo happy for you... tired and all that you were last night your positivity shone out of your last post!!!

Have a wicked weekend hun and hope ur start of LL goes swimmingly for ya!!!

love always

 

[westiegirl]

Friday 23rd March 2007

Feeling on top of the world today. I hope nothing brings me down!

Woke up this morning at the usual 6.30am before remembering that I didn't have to get up and went back to sleep until 8am. Watched TV in bed and had breakfast before getting up slowly and pottering around and doing some chores. Changed my bed sheets so that's something to look forward to later - crisp clean sheets! Got around to hoovering my lounge and bedroom. They are the only 2 rooms properly carpeted in my flat. The others still have offcuts and my excuse not to hoover is because the last 2 times I have broken my mum's new hoover! I have snapped the belt twice because of the edge of the offcuts getting caught in the brush! Oops! My dad did it too so I think it's because the hoover is crap and not me *lol*.

Got a letter from the doctors surgery today to ask me to make an appointment to see my lovely doctor next week. I phoned them and told them that I had phoned earlier in the week and they had said she was fully booked. Funnily enough today with a letter I managed to get an appointment for Tuesday at 4.20pm. Funny that! Ooh, it makes me mad!

The sun is shining and I am feeling totally hyper and on top of the world. I have started to pack my case for tomorrow and have a basket of paperwork to do but just can't face it when the weather is too nice. I have also been avoiding doing the worksheets the counsellor sent me because I'm ostriching again!

Instead I have put some music on and I am dancing like a loon around my flat! It's some really clubby Ministry of Sound stuff and I am really going for it!!! Practising busting my moves for tomorrow night! I just can't wait!

My whole head has changed from the day before the January meet in the Toon. My head was in a bad place then because I had put on the weight and I was embarrassed and thought (wrongly) that everyone would judge me as a failure.

Today I am the same weight as (if not a little more than) I was then. But I don't care. Well that's a bit wrong, I do care but I don't think it defines my existence! I have learnt a lot about myself over the last few months and I am beginning to realise my own worth.

When I went to Newcastle I was not long back in Wales and really felt like I had no life. Today I have a half decent flat (work in progress), a steady job (who begged me to stay when I wanted to leave), with great workmates and a number of men pursuing me! I have my brother as my pal and I am happy just chilling with him and his mates and on the whole I feel more contented. I am thoroughly ashamed to admit that men have been a turning point in my life. From feeling totally undesirable I am now beating them off with a stick! I still think I'm sad for wanting the acceptance of a man to value my worth but this is my diary and if I can't be honest on here where can I be? Sometimes the evidence of what you are told is not enough but the 3 men I have met up with are all still wanting me makes me realise that I can't be that bad afterall can I. If it was just one then I could dismiss it but all of them can't be wrong can they! That's not to say I don't still feel insecure but I am better than I was! Yesterday morning I got in the car to drive to work. Looking in the rear mirror I caught sight of myself and I thought to myself that I looked alright. Funnily enough I hate mirrors (as a lot of us on here do) but instead of oh god I look awful or aren't I gorgeous you know what my thought was. You look normal. Talked about it at LL last night and like most people we all just want to be normal and accepted how we are. Beginning to feel normal is actually a bit of breakthrough for me!

The only thing I would add to my life at the moment is some local girly mates to chill with and party with. Not sure how you find them! Found my boys on a dating site so need a girly mates site! Workmates are good but are not the partying type.

Feels like it is starting to come together, at last. But please remind me to look at this post in a week or twos time when my hormones are raging again and I'm back down low again! Or just remind me to get off my @rse and put some music on coz that always cheers me up!

Must go now, have my counselling appointment at 2.30pm and must get my sh!t sorted!

 

[Redpam]

So pleased you are feeling much happier now Sarah. Long may it last.

Lucky you with the weather. Its very cloudy and bl$$dy cold here in Norfolk today and we have had several short showers too. Looking out of the window I can see just a glimmer of blue sky so perhaps it will be better tomorrow.

It was lovely to read such a positive post and do you know it makes me feel more positive too.

Enjoy Birmingham. Wish I was coming

Pamx

 

[Gen]

Hey Sarah... great to see ya so positive!!! have a great weekend chick

love

 

[Mich]

Safe journey tomorrow hun..... glad your feeling on top of the world...... I too am heavier than the Toon and over a stone heavier than the last meet but am trying on to stress.... gonna enjoy the weekend, gain some inspiration and knuckle down from Monday.... I so envy you going back to LL I wish we could afford for me to do it..... I found my LL books yesterday whilst having a sort out - I am going to make the time to sit and read them..... might have to pick your brains a bit too being a 'good student' first time around...

See you tomorrow hun..... btw ...... you need your disco fever cd's on as I'm doubting they will have any Ministry of Sound stuff tomorrow in Flares......

Love

 

[westiegirl]

So pleased you are feeling much happier now Sarah. Long may it last.

Lucky you with the weather. Its very cloudy and bl$$dy cold here in Norfolk today and we have had several short showers too. Looking out of the window I can see just a glimmer of blue sky so perhaps it will be better tomorrow.

It was lovely to read such a positive post and do you know it makes me feel more positive too.

Enjoy Birmingham. Wish I was coming

Pamx

Thanks Pam, sometimes I think it bit of sunshine is all I need to perk me up. Sure I suffer from SAD!

Hopefully that glimmer of blue will spread and fill the whole sky and bring sunshine to you (and inside you too). I hate being miserable. It's just not me! I think I am a genuinely annoying chirpy person. Well in the company of others anyway. On my own it's a different matter!

 

[westiegirl]

Hey Sarah... great to see ya so positive!!! have a great weekend chick

love

Thanks Gen, my twin *lol*! You have a good un too and be sure to pamper yourself ok?

 

[Gen]

Thanks Gen, my twin *lol*! You have a good un too and be sure to pamper yourself ok?

yes sir twinnie!!!

love

 

[westiegirl]

Safe journey tomorrow hun..... glad your feeling on top of the world...... I too am heavier than the Toon and over a stone heavier than the last meet but am trying on to stress.... gonna enjoy the weekend, gain some inspiration and knuckle down from Monday.... I so envy you going back to LL I wish we could afford for me to do it..... I found my LL books yesterday whilst having a sort out - I am going to make the time to sit and read them..... might have to pick your brains a bit too being a 'good student' first time around...

See you tomorrow hun..... btw ...... you need your disco fever cd's on as I'm doubting they will have any Ministry of Sound stuff tomorrow in Flares......

Love

Mich hunny, you can pick my brain anytime. I'd love to help if I can. I was a good student first time around but have been a failing student recently. Hoping a LL kick up the backside will help!

You know me by now hun, I will dance to anything, and I mean ANYTHING! Just that MOS was in the CD player!

 

[westiegirl]

I wish I could bottle this feeling

It's now late afternoon and time for a little bit of relaxation - been a manic fool all day but I'm still feeling good.

Just back from my counselling session which went really well. Basically I felt a bit of a fraud because I was so happy I felt like I shouldn't be there! The counsellor was really good and was really pleased with my progress. Though I did express concern that probably in 2 weeks time I would be pulling my hair out and be feeling rubbish. She suggested I keep a journal. A proper handwritten one that I can pick up and flick through. I must admit that since moving here I have been really lax about my diary. I have kept written diaries since I was 13 but not recently. As I said to my counsellor I think it is because I have been avoiding them because I don't want to face what am I going through at the moment. Pretty much like when I'm avoiding coming on here. If I put things down in my diary there is nowhere to hide!

She also helped me put into perspective my weight gain. I moved here in October. Since then I have put on 2 stone. But I have moved to a new part of the country, changed jobs (twice), left behind my friends and had to make new ones, had to live with my parents (sort of) again and develop a new social life. During this time I have ONLY put on 2 stone. I could have easily put on all the 6 stone I lost last year (plus more). I have been on and off SSing since then but my weight has been pretty stable since January. So that's all positive things to be proud of. Guess when you put it like that I should give myself credit for being a stronger person than I thought!

One thing I forgot to write about earlier in the week was something that gave me a bit of a buzz in work. I was sorting out a parcel for a courier and had to guess it's weight. I tried to pick it up but couldn't. Then I noticed it said 28kg on it. Out of curiosity I converted that into pounds and then into stones. It was 4 stone something, which is less weight than I lost last year. I couldn't lift it up and yet I used to carry more weight than that around on my body. It gave a moment to stop and reflect on how far I have come.

After the counsellor I stopped at the retail park and had a look around Debenhams. Was thinking of buying something for the weekend but decided against it. I have decided no more clothes for the moment because I am determined to do SSing properly this time and they will be too big soon. Did buy a couple of bras though. I only have a couple of bras because I've got loads of smaller ones and one thing you can't get away with is a too small bra.

Also bought a new purse because mine broke a few weeks ago. First time in ages I've curbed my shopaholic tendencies!

Came home and passed my dad just a couple of doors from our house. He made me laugh earlier because he borrowed my car to go to the post office. He came back and I asked him if he liked my music. He said that he couldn't find the volume control and had to drive all the way with the windows closed because he was too embarrassed to have anyone stare at him blaring out "modern" music *lol*. As I passed him this afternoon I slowed right down and turned my music up full blast. He looked mortified but I almost wet myself laughing! When I pulled up I did give him a quick lesson on where the volume controls are!!!

Well, I feel like a snooze coming on so I'll catch up with everyone. Later. I love having a day off!

 

[westiegirl]

Sunday 25th March 2007

Well here I am home again after a great weekend in Brum.

Will probably not get chance to read everyones threads tonight as I am sooooo tired, but will catch up with everyone soon.

So let's start with yesterday.

Got up good and early and was totally hyper, listening to more music and dancing whilst finishing packing. Had a look at my train journey and found a slightly different route that left 20 minutes earlier but arrived an hour and a half earlier. So got the train at 10.30am and met up with Mich and Mandy at the station before waiting for Jem.

On to the hotel and checked in before meeting up with the few that had already made it and were all just chilling. Quick freshen up in the room before heading back downstairs for a proper chat. There was a big group of us and I won't do the list as it is on the other thread anyway but it was great to see everyone and see how well everyone was looking. As usual too many people to chat to everyone so next time I will catch up with those I didn't get chance to speak to much.

The group split up early evening and some of us went for dinner before going back to the hotel for a shower and putting the glad rags and makeup on. We all met up in the lobby of the hotel about 8ish. I had a clothing crisis. Cheryl kindly advised me on my outfit, which was to have been my Warehouse dress, but when I put it on I looked pregnant!!! It was a combination of the tie under the boobs and the fact that I haven't SSed for ages and the carbs in my dinner bloated me. I was going to wear it with tights and black knee high boots. Instead wore the usual staple outfit of black trousers, black vest top and little black shrug cardi. Kept the boots on though!

Everyone looked stunning and as usual I felt totally inferior to the beautiful girls in the room around me! Was proud to be with them though as everyone is lovely.

Left the hotel and had a few drinks in a couple of pubs before heading to Flares. Got my dancing shoes on and hit the floor. Luckily not literally, as I thought I might, as the heels on my boots were so high and thin!

Had a whale of a time dancing like a loon and being a veteran of poledancing classes, felt I was supremely qualified to dance on the podium! How about not! I was too drunk to dance properly and bashed myself so many times I've got bruised knees and elbows!

Eventually got chucked out about 4.30am and will say no more of the evening WGOTSOT!!!!

This morning I woke with a rather dry throat and a stonking headache. Thought that breakfast might help which it did somewhat but I did have to go to Sainsbury's and buy headache tablets and lucozade.

Checked out at midday and we all sat and chatted for a bit before we all went our separate ways. Mandy, Jem and I all headed to the station for our trains. Discovered that my original train had been cancelled and they suggested catching a train going to Wolverhampton (where the original train was now due to start from) and announced the platform. I rushed down there only to see the train pulling away from the station 2 minutes before it's departure time. I was not a happy bunny and complained to a guy on the platform. There were 4 other unhappy people who missed it aswell. The only alternative he suggested was to wait 50 minutes for a train to Chester. Was well hacked off because I didn't have enough time to do anything (like shopping with Mandy) but wait. So I bought 2 bottles of water and a paper and sat in the waiting room. Caught my train ok, but because the one before was cancelled it was very busy and all seats were used. I had a good seat at a table but a family got on and sat in the other seats. It was ok but I didn't have much stretch room and my back was killing me. Worked out that is probably due to the podium dancing as well *lol*.

Eventually got to Chester and discovered that it was over an hours wait until my next train. Sat down in the cafe and had a pannini and a coffee - my (first) last supper!

Train arrived and as it started from Chester it was quite early so I got on and got a good seat and made myself as comfortable as possible, which was difficult because my back was really sore. The journey takes an hour and I was aching like mad and feeling so tired.

So on arrival in the Junction I was dismayed to find my suitcase was missing. Spoke to the conductor and looked at the other end of the carriage (in case I was having a blonde moment) but no sign of it. The guy from the station was really good. He went to the office and emailed all the North Wales coast stations to look out for it or in case it had been handed in because someone picked it up by mistake. He then took my details as they would check the train when it was emptied to see if it had been moved and he finally gave me the number to phone the British Transport Police to report it. My dad was waiting for me and gave me a lift home. We don't have much luck as a family on trains. My mum had her bag stolen a few years ago from under her seat on a train, with all her expensive jewellery in it. Her and my dad had been to Edinburgh on holiday and she didn't want to put it in the suitcase. She lost her engagement ring, an emerald ring, her eternity ring, a cameo ring and gold earrings and necklace. She was gutted but the good that came out of it was that with the insurance money they bought the first of the hell hounds.

Phoned the BTP when I got home and they logged a call for me. They were very nice and said that the police will contact me in due course. I wrote a list of what was in the case and I'm a bit gutted really. I know I only went for one night but it's a lot of stuff:

- camera (Mich did you organise it so that there is no podium dancing evidence pictures *lol). I knew that I should have brought a portable one!
- straighteners
- hairdryer
- speakers and charger for mp3 player
- black trousers
- pink t-shirt
- 3 black cardis (various styles and functions)
- 2 shrugs
- vest top
- underwear (including one of my new bras I bought on Friday)
- Warehouse dress
- pyjamas
- knee high black boots
- toiletry bag and contents
- make up bag and contents (including some lovely ruby and millie makeup brushes that cost a fortune
- jewellery bag (luckily mostly cheap tat but some of my favourite bits and also the silver earrings my brother bought me for christmas)

I'm so angry because I'd put in some of my favourite items of clothing and they've now gone. Not even sure it will be covered under the insurance as my brother does the insurance and hasn't got the personal belongs cover). It'll cost a fortune to replace it all. Mind you the barsteward has been cursed because they'll have to open it and everything was just flung in this morning, including my dirty washing *lol*.

A PC from the BTP called me and said he would pop in and take my statement. When he arrived he said he couldn't take it because he'd been called to Chester but took a few details and will come back tomorrow night for the statement. Oh goody, he was rather yummy. Tall and muscular with some nice looking tats!

Anyhew, I'm now in my bed. Totally exhausted and keep remembering the little things that I will have to replace that will cause inconvenience, like my happy pills which were in the toiletry bag and my foundation which I will have to go out and replace, and my favourite lipstick.

Had my last supper (which seems to be the same supper of choice for a few of us restarters), a lovely roast dinner cooked by my mum.

LL starts tomorrow and I am looking forward to it actually. My head is thinking "when I am slim again" rather than "will I ever be slim again". I hope it lasts but I am pledging to do 2 months (possibly almost) non stop. May break for my 4x4 weekend but that's 3 weeks away yet.

Now I must sleep or I won't be able to work tomorrow!

 

[MadamDotty]

Hi Sarah

Lovely to meet you yesterday, really enjoyed the meet & wasn't Flares just brilliant - mind you I felt a bit like Grandma leaving just before midnight (or should that be Cinderella LOL) but I did have a 45 minute drive home - that's my excuse

Shame we didn't get to chat more, but there were a lot of people there weren't there - impossible almost to get around to everyone.

Take care

Jan
x

 

[Summerskye]

Everyone looked stunning and as usual I felt totally inferior to the beautiful girls in the room around me! Was proud to be with them though as everyone is lovely.

Absolute rubbish!! You're a total star and our very own Dancing Queen! If I could move a fraction as well as you can, I'd be one very happy woman indeed

So gutted for you about the suitcase, honey - but hopefully someone has just picked yours up by mistake and will return it as soon as they realise what they've done.

Much love to you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[Isobel1965]

Ah, darling! So pleased you had a good time in Brum but what a bummer about your case!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!

You never know - it might have been a genuine mistake and it'll get handed in - stranger things have happened!

Well done on getting back to LL - I'm sure that'll do you the world of good, babes!!!

lots of love

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[natayou]

awwwwwwww thats awful about your case, i really feel for you, had my bag stolen a few years back, its so horrible.Hope they manage to find it!!
nat xxxx

 

[westiegirl]

Hi Sarah

Lovely to meet you yesterday, really enjoyed the meet & wasn't Flares just brilliant - mind you I felt a bit like Grandma leaving just before midnight (or should that be Cinderella LOL) but I did have a 45 minute drive home - that's my excuse

Shame we didn't get to chat more, but there were a lot of people there weren't there - impossible almost to get around to everyone.

Take care

Janx

Hi Jan

Lovely to meet you too, there are just never enough hours at these meet ups. Next time we will have a proper natter and maybe you could even stay over, it's so worth it!

Absolute rubbish!! You're a total star and our very own Dancing Queen! If I could move a fraction as well as you can, I'd be one very happy woman indeed

So gutted for you about the suitcase, honey - but hopefully someone has just picked yours up by mistake and will return it as soon as they realise what they've done.

Much love to you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hi Sharon, the dancing must be down to all the practising I do! I don't need an excuse to dance! Don't think the suitcase was a mistake though - I've not had a phone call to say it's been handed in so I think there was intent.

Ah, darling! So pleased you had a good time in Brum but what a bummer about your case!!! ARGH!!!!!!!!

You never know - it might have been a genuine mistake and it'll get handed in - stranger things have happened!

Well done on getting back to LL - I'm sure that'll do you the world of good, babes!!!

lots of love

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Thanks Isobel, gutted about my suitcase. Keep finding things that I need and have lost, for example my blow drying brush this morning.

LL has started and I'm doing OK, but we'll see!

awwwwwwww thats awful about your case, i really feel for you, had my bag stolen a few years back, its so horrible.Hope they manage to find it!!
nat xxxx

Hi Nat, not holding out much hope. It is a bummer and it isn't till you sit down and think about it that you realise all the bits and pieces that are missing. Cost and inconvenience are just the half of it!

 

[dizzy-n-mizzy]

Hi Sarah

Really sorry about your case. Just a quick thought re insurance. If you recently bought any of the items with a credit card you may be able to make a claim from the credit card.

Hope you can recover the case. I know how awful it feels to lose personal stuff through theft. From experience I found that when I replaced things as soon as possible it helped me to forget.

Dizzy x

 

[IreneH]

Good luck with LL

Irene xx

 

[Gen]

hey sarah.... delighted you had such a brill weekend!!!!

That is so crap bout ur suitcase but so good about the yummy Police man... every cloud and all that

Good luck for LL you can do it chick!!!

Love