Westiegirl: Restarted Day 1 Under my Belt!

[westiegirl]

Day 1 - LL - Like a pair of comfy old shoes

Woke up today and could barely get out of bed. I think it was a combination of lack of sleep at the weekend, my hectic day yesterday and the fact my body thought it was still an hour earlier.

Started the day with a black coffee and a hot chocolate pack. Did my weekly weigh in and measurements, not so good after the weekend away but that will change!

Work was ok - felt a bit useless because I wasn't quite with it!

For lunch I had a mushroom soup with some husks and a peppermint tea. Was grateful for it because I was starting to get hungry.

The afternoon passed in a whirl of busy-ness, which was just as well because I was still hungry. Have been taking ibuprofen all day but still feel a bit rotten.

Came home and was very very excited! I had a nut crunch bar waiting for me. Oh yummy. I have missed those little suckers so much! Many might call me mad because they think they are like cardboard but I could eat them till they came out of my ears!

So it is 6pm and I am sitting with a coffee and watching the news. Still have 1 pack left for the day. Will have a vanilla coffee later. Still feeling hungry mind you, so roll on Wednesday or Thursday and ketosis. But it is a good hunger. I know it is strange but it feels good to be "empty" if you know what I mean. Feels right to be doing LL again. Odd I know because CD isn't really any different, but it is just like a pair of comfy old shoes that you put on after finding them in the back of the wardrobe.

 

[cazmaz_irl]

Hiya Sarah,

Great you've got your comfy shoes on ya today LOL....good luck on the LL....sorry to hear about your suitcase, such a bummer....

 

[flirty40greeneyes]

Glad to hear LL is working for you Sarah and good luck in getting into K.

 

[pandora]

well done hun, back on track. keep up the good work.
it was wonderful to meet you on saturday - what a blast we had at Flares eh ?
xx

 

[lavender]

HI Sarah,

how spooky, I am back to packs again for a while having had a really emotional few months and used food to get me through!!
Day one for me today and do feel positive, just waiting for my mousse to set as that will set me up for the evening, dont feel hungry but do want to eat!!!
Haven't weighed as I am not going to get back into the scales game again, when i wear my skinny levis again i will be happy!!
I can just do them up but the flab thats splurges over the top is revolting and i can't breath in them so i am guessing I am looking at amonths SS at least!!
what are your goals ???
good luck with them and stay strong!!

Love Heidi xxx

 

[nce1]

Hi Sarah
It was lovely to meet you at the weekend, good luck with LL

 

[westiegirl]

Looking on the bright side.......

the lovely policeman has just been to take my statement!

Um, yummy eye candy! He's local and is the same age as me but I hope he didn't notice me eyeing up his ring finger (no ring, but that doesn't necessarily mean anything ). He said he would request the cctv footage but Chester station doesn't actually have cctv. How bad is that (even he said so) when the small piddly stations en route do! He said he'd be in touch (if only *lol*) but not to hold my breath! He obviously didn't notice that I already was . What am I like!

Thanks Dizzy for the credit card tip. If the house insurance doesn't cover it then it's something I'll look into.

Thanks everyone for your supportive comments. My mum was so sweet because she went shopping today and wanted to buy me a pressie but didn't know what size clothes to buy so she left it. She has cursed the person who did this (she has gypsy blood in her veins from her mother's side). She's more upset than I am. I think it's because when her bag was stolen on the train she lost a lot of things with sentimental as well as monetry value and this reminded her. My stuff, whilst costly when you add it up, is just stuff. Nothing of value really - more inconvenience than anything else. Matt was quite sweet. When I told him he said I hope you haven't lost that lovely dress. I had to tell him I had. I wasn't even aware that he remembered the dress (I wore it on our first "proper" date). Sometimes men never cease to amaze me!

After Mr Policeman left I have come back to my flat and had to force myself to have my last pack of the day. Not hungry but know I have to have it. Made a chocolate muffin which was just a means to an end really!

Please, please, please let this motivation continue!

Have been on Pandora's declaration thread (we both said we would restart today when we met on Saturday) and my declaration is to do 56 days nonstop (ish). I might have the weekend off at my 4x4 weekend with J. After all I might need the extra sustenance for all that hard work I'll be doing (being a passenger in a jeep *lol*). Going to buy myself some wellies for that weekend. Have spotted some lovely pink ones in the window at Millets. I think J is quite "facinated" by the thought of me in pink wellies!

Should start thinking of winding down soon but I've been catching up on threads and I'm now awake again. Going to read a few more.

 

[Karen1972]

Hi honey......Was absolutely wonderful to meet you on Saturday at long last!!! It was just like meeting and old friend!!! You're amazing!!! I'm sorry to hear about your case, that's awful and would P*ss me right off if i was in your shoes! Great news about LL and your feelings towards - like me (your twin) we are loyal LL'ers eh??? It's given us both our lives back at the end of the day hasn't it?!?!?

 

[westiegirl]

Day 2 - Absolutely Hank!

Feeling quite tired this morning. My early night didn't turn out to be so early after a long phone call to Matt. Um, not sure how I feel about him at all. I do like him a lot but I guess I'll need to meet up with him a few more times to be sure. Also spent loads of time catching up with the threads on here and getting excited about going to Dublin!

Apparantly he missed me lots over the weekend (he was in Dublin), he even bought be a present but lost it in an internet cafe in Dublin. Ooh dontcha just hate it when that happens! I missed him too, a bit, but not that much cause I had a fab time with the girlies! I've convinced him to come dancing with me again (poor mad fool!).

Had a vanilla coffee pack for breakfast - yum. It was lovely - I actually really like them!

Work is going very slowly today - I have a mega headache. I've been popping ibuprofen and have an hour or so until I can take more. I am also totally starving. Day 2 hunger, darn it! Had a panic because I forgot to bring my pack with me. Not such as problem when in the swing of it but this is proper physical hunger so I was devestated. Luckily found a CD Broccoli and Cheese soup in my desk and even though it is not LL, needs must.

Got to leave work early to today as I have my doctors appointment for my test results. I'm sure they are going to say that there is nothing wrong with me and I'll be back to square 1. Don't think I could bear that! Oh well, still got a few hours of work to get through so must go!

 

[Gen]

Hey Sarah... delighted LL is like ur old comfy shoes

Hope the doc results work out for the best for ya chick

love

 

[westiegirl]

Not My Best Week So Far

Just back from the doctors and no further forward really. She said the ultrasound showed no cysts but it did reveal an "abnormal" area on my ovary. No way of telling what that means without further tests. So she is going to refer me to a specialist. Not sure how long it will take - could be 2 months. Might have to have a laproscopy (sp?) which will mean a general anaesthetic. Does that mean I won't be able to SS afterwards? If that's the case I best hope that it takes a couple of months for the appointment and make sure I stick to SSing coz that is almost as much time as I need!

So I'm sitting here at home on my sofa. Just had a nut crunch bar (yum) but I'm feeling sorry for myself. Slightly worried but trying not to be because 2 months is a long time to be worried for. Want to eat because a) I'm feeling anxious b) It's that time of day and c) I'm still starving!

Just need to get through the next hour or so. Still have 1 pack left to go and I want to save that till later. Think I might try and close my eyes for a bit!

 

[pandora]

stay focussed hun, these are emotional times & food will not help, although at the mo you may think it will.
1) if you need to to have a Laparoscopy having a little less of you will make the sugery easier to perform
2)if you can get as much off now as you can & you then can't SS for 3 months after the surgery, you will prob be almost at goal any way
good luck hun
xx

 

[westiegirl]

Bums! Just ate 4 slices of bread and butter with mayo. It's my ultimate comfort food and I "just had to have it". Been thinking about it for hours and I would probably would have been ok except my mum and dad have gone out for a meal and I had access to their fridge. Darn darn, darn!

Day 2 - didn't quite make it through unscathed! Ok I'm not beating myself up but I do feel disappointed with myself.

I am hiding from my feelings. I have been ok all day but definately took a down turn in mood after my doctors appointment. I know that there is nothing I can do about it at the moment but I guess your mind just turns things over and over. I know I am catastrophising, there is probably nothing wrong with me but my mind is full of what ifs. Even if it is nothing serious there is still the possiblity of minor surgery even as part of the tests. That in itself is quite scary, then waiting for the results to come and not knowing for a while. My mum is right when she says that if they thought it was serious then I would be having the tests asap. That's all well and good but it doesn't mean that I'm not scared witless! I feel like such a moan but I must admit I am frightened! I've never had anything wrong with me before (ok there might not be but I always do worst case scenario).

Just been to make a coffee and shed a few tears. Wish I'd done that an hour ago because it might have made me feel better and not made me turn to food. Hiding from my feelings again and hiding behind or stuffing them down with food. I guess I have a long way to go don't it!

I guess worse case scenario as far as LL is concerned is that I may have slowed entry to ketosis but it's not the end of the world.

An early night may help and I'll be on top of the world tomorrow (fingers crossed!).

 

[cazmaz_irl]

Hi Sarah,,,

Not a lot I can say, you've figured it all out for yourself, just like last nite when we were advising Shaza,,,don't beat yourself up, its only a few slices of bread....

try not to imagine the worst case scenario, if it was worst case the doc would have hauled your ass into hospital right then and there, its just womens plumbing, you'll be grand...they didn't find anything and the fact they're gonna wait a few months means its just a formality...

carry on regardless,,,hey there's a movie in that ha ha

 

[KittyB]

(((Sarah)))
Oh bless you, sounds like you've had a horrible day.
I understand completely how difficult it is not to turn to your normal coping methods when you're feeling stressed or upset.
Try to stay positive about things
Kitty xxx

 

[FatFairNForty(ish)]

Hi party animal!!

SOOOO fantastic to see you and boogie with ya in Brum last weekend! What a giggle!!! You looked soooo great too!!!

As for your legs hurting - lol MUST be all that pole dancing!!

Gutted to hear about your case! You never know - someone might hand it in somewhere...

policeman sounded lush

Don't worry about having a laporoscopy - I had an op done that way and was up an about the next day, although took it a tad easy. Can't see why it would mean you can't SS... not your digestive system they'll be poking around in eh

Not making light of it hon, just try not to worry - am sure once they send that little camera in they will find nowt terrible

Dead impressed you are back on LL with a vengeance! Good on ya!! Don't give that bread a second thought - it's gone! Done and dusted!

Can completely understand the tears... am off to bed in a mo meself. Deffo a good idea to get an early night my dear.

Roll on Dublin when we can dust off those dancing shoes again!!

Lots of love (and thanks SO much for the mega hug).

Jennie xxxxxx

 

[westiegirl]

Day 3 - Decisions to Be Made

Doing a lot of staring at the screen and I can't find the words.

Downward spiral is upon me and I need to get back up again!

Must admit that I have succumbed again and I think it is because I have a lot on my mind. It's not helping that I'm bottling it up again. Should be letting it out and writing thought records instead.

I have had a busy day but quite a lot to think about after today.

My mum and dad came home from their meal last night and were talking and have offered to pay for me to have a private consultation at the hospital. Not sure whether to or not. Will have to think about it.

I had another phonecall from M & S today and they have offered me another job. This time it is a permanent position. It's 5 days a week, 10-6pm and would be Tuesday-Saturday (Sunday and Monday off) with 1 Saturday/Sunday off every 4 weeks. The pay and holidays are rubbish comparitively but there would be no travelling and the staff discount card. I hate having to make decisions! Why can't life be simple!

 

[lavender]

hey Sarah,
really sorry to hear about your medical troubles but everyone is right,if they had the slightest doubt that you were in need of urgent treatment they would have had you in ages ago, litigation being what it is these days they wont take any risks!! do try to put it in the back of your mind, tell yourself you can get it out and have a 10 min worry about it every day and then no more!!!

I have fallen on day 3!!! it was the apple that got me??? then i decided to have a stir fry for dinner and have another bash tomorrow, i am really not sure if I can do just packs,

1. its soooooo bloody hard 2/3/4/5 time around when you dont have a massive amount to lose.
2. I think not having so much to lose your body finds it harder to manage on so few cals , i found towards the end of my LL time my head was definatly not right, I found concentration hard and my memory was shocking, today whilst massaing I found myself forgetting what i should be doing, so I think that for me I may have to do packs in the day and a small supper (whilst remembering that i really do want to drop some lbs and that is possible with healthy eating and staying away from the "FATTY TREATS" !!!

Lets see what tomoorow brings for us both, good luck and no beating up
Love Heidi xxx

 

[westiegirl]

OK, nipped that post in it's bud!

Wrote down about my awful life and realised what a moaner I am!

My life is actually pretty good and I've got nothing to moan about at all!

Ok, nothing is really that bad. I have a lot to be grateful for and happy about and on the whole I am.

I have a roof over my head and I don't have to worry too much about bills as I share them with my family.

I have a decent job which challenges me and they let me decide my own position because they wanted me to stay so much. I have another employer head hunting me and they think I am good too. When the manager phoned me today he asked what i was doing I said I was working in an office and he said "oh that's a change" I told him that working in M&S was a change and he said that you would never know because I had impressed them and he thought that I'd always done that job *lol*.

I also have a guy who really likes me and wants to see me all the time. He sends me lovely (and flirtatious) texts and he wants me for my body and my mind. Never felt so desired before. I also have another guy who wants to be with me, and even though I can't be with him (and he knows how I feel, so I'm not leading him on) it is nice to have him as a friend.

So scrub the last post. I'm a spoilt brat who has the ability to change her own life and make her own decisions. Yesterday and today have been blips because the news from yesterday did frighten the life out of me, but I really think that there is nothing to worry about. I can't moan poor me at all, I'm nor poor me, I'm very lucky and I'm just having a down day and should get over it!

Here endeth the pity party!

 

[westiegirl]

hey Sarah,
really sorry to hear about your medical troubles but everyone is right,if they had the slightest doubt that you were in need of urgent treatment they would have had you in ages ago, litigation being what it is these days they wont take any risks!! do try to put it in the back of your mind, tell yourself you can get it out and have a 10 min worry about it every day and then no more!!!

I have fallen on day 3!!! it was the apple that got me??? then i decided to have a stir fry for dinner and have another bash tomorrow, i am really not sure if I can do just packs,

1. its soooooo bloody hard 2/3/4/5 time around when you dont have a massive amount to lose.
2. I think not having so much to lose your body finds it harder to manage on so few cals , i found towards the end of my LL time my head was definatly not right, I found concentration hard and my memory was shocking, today whilst massaing I found myself forgetting what i should be doing, so I think that for me I may have to do packs in the day and a small supper (whilst remembering that i really do want to drop some lbs and that is possible with healthy eating and staying away from the "FATTY TREATS" !!!

Lets see what tomoorow brings for us both, good luck and no beating up
Love Heidi xxx

Thanks Heidi, it really is nice to see you back - I have missed you lots! I know you've had a bit of a time of it recently and I hope that things are settling down for you.

I agree totally with how you feel. I found the end of LL tough last year - my head wasn't right either. Thought it was in the right place last week but it seems that I can fall at any hurdle so I'm going to have to be careful. Not sure if I can do packs either. Have pledged to do 56 days but only managed 1!

It is definately harder now than it ever was. But you are right, today is today, tomorrow it will be gone and it will be a new day. I have lots of regrets about putting weight on again, but only if I let myself think about them. So I don't. The negativity is just a waste of energy and I need all the energy I can get to build up my new life!

Wishing us both luck for a bright new day tomorrow!