Westiegirl: Restarted Day 1 Under my Belt!

[westiegirl]

Day 1/42 Saturday 30th March 2007

Not a bad day at all. After my early morning post I had a snooze and woke up again at 9am. Got up and had my shower and a vanilla coffee shake for breakfast.

Went to my brother's as he was looking on t'internet for me, for a charger for my MP3 player to replace my stolen one. Not many about - apparantly they are quite rare and the cheapest was £26 . He had to go off on a job so he said he'd look later for me.

Left the house about 11.30am and went down the town. Went to Millets to buy my pink wellies for my 4x4ing weekend. This is the link

millets.storefront - Women's Gerbera Print Wellington - Search Results: 082536

I love them! Bought the matching brollie and long pink socks too! Think I might stand out amongst a group of motor crazy boys. Umm, not sure my attitude is going to be the same as the rest of them lolol!

Then went to the hairdressers and had my colour done. Had a permanent brown all the way through to cover the grey and then some blonde highlights on top.

After I was finished there it was time to go shopping. First stop was Boots and only buying some basics to replace my stolen items cost £200. I almost died! That was just a few basic makeup items, hairbrushes, shampoo, hairspray, deodourant and toiletries bag. I did buy some perfume to replace mine as well because I love it and thought, bugger it, I'm going to buy at least one treat. I also bought some women's hormone balance supplement tablets. They contain isoflavins because I read a magazine article that says they can help, especially with night sweats. They were quite expensive but it's 3 months supply and I'm so desperate I'll try anything.

I then went to Dorothy Perkins and bought 3 vests for £12 and 2 black cardis, saw lots of lovely other nice stuff but I can't afford to buy them at the moment and I also don't want to buy anything until I've lost a bit more weight. Finally I went to the Body Shop to replace my makeup brushes another expensive thing but you really don't know how much you need these things until you have to replace them. Darn, having to replace everything at once it is such a hit on my credit card!

Came home and had a afternoon on the sofa and watched sport on TV. Then had a snooze. Had a muffin and a bar with a coffee and some ibuprofen because I still have a headache and a sore throat. Did have a craving moment and had a second bar but I'm hoping I'm through it now. Have had 6 packs instead of 4 but no food.

Still got a headache and I'm going to have another early night. Just feel like I want to sleep for a month. At least if I sleep then I won't eat!

Can't say that I'm not relieved that the day is almost over and I can go to bed and start day 2 tomorrow, a day closer to ketosis.

 

[pandora]

hi hun,
glad you had a nice, all be it expensive , day yesterday, hpoefully you'll get some compo to cover the costs.
having your hair does wonders for lifting the spirits !
love the sound of the wellies n brolly combo - get you eh !!!
here's to another good day
xx

 

[IreneH]

So pleased day 1 went well and good luck for today
Irene xx

 

[Karen1972]

I want those wellies!!!!!!!!

 

[texasmorning]

Hello, Sarah,

I have just looked at your piccies. It was like watching some grow young, tall and slim! And the confidence in the later pictures is soooo telling. What a difference. Well done, lady!

I lived in Edinburgh for 16 years. Miss it often. However, my daughter is studying in Cardiff, so we've been able to enjoy the Welsh countryside as well. You've had some wonderful scenery in your life!

regards,
texasmorning

 

[westiegirl]

hi hun,
glad you had a nice, all be it expensive , day yesterday, hpoefully you'll get some compo to cover the costs.
having your hair does wonders for lifting the spirits !
love the sound of the wellies n brolly combo - get you eh !!!
here's to another good day
xx

Don't think I'm going to get compensation at all so I'm going to have to absorb the costs. Bummer! Mum said she is going to give me some money towards new straighteners instead of an easter egg. Good idea methinks!

So pleased day 1 went well and good luck for today
Irene xx

Thanks Irene, hope you are doing well yourself.

I want those wellies!!!!!!!!

I know, aren't they fab! With the matching brolley and knee high socks, J isn't going to know what him him. Pity I just don't like him like that!

Hello, Sarah,

I have just looked at your piccies. It was like watching some grow young, tall and slim! And the confidence in the later pictures is soooo telling. What a difference. Well done, lady!

I lived in Edinburgh for 16 years. Miss it often. However, my daughter is studying in Cardiff, so we've been able to enjoy the Welsh countryside as well. You've had some wonderful scenery in your life!

regards,
texasmorning

Thanks Texasmorning, Scotland and Wales are both lovely parts of the country and I appreciate how lucky I've been. Thanks for the compliments, I felt so much better at the end of my journey and I am still struggling to get back there, but I ain't giving up yet!

 

[westiegirl]

Day 2/42 - Sunday 1st April 2007

Started the day well again. Had a nice lie in and got up to a beautiful sunny day.

Had my vanilla coffee shake then went outside and sat in the garden for an hour with a magazine and just chilled out. Lovely.

After lunch my mum and myself deciced to go to the shops. Dad dropped us at the retail park and we had a mooch around. Went into Outfit and bought a new top to go with my skirt for the wedding. We then went to Bhs and had coffee, followed by New Look where I found 2 lovely summery tops and some lovely black killer heels to wear at the wedding do aswell. Finally went into Debenhams and replaced the bra that was stolen last weekend in my stolen suitcase. Was really mad because I'd only had it a day!

Walked back up the town and called into Superdrug to get some basic bits of makeup such as mascara that I also lost. Came home in time to watch footie on tele. But must admit I did fall asleep, as usual.

Still feel absolutely rubbish with sore throat and headache. Definately have a bug of some description and feel wiped out. Have had an early night for the last few nights and slept in the afternoons but still feel exhausted. Can't wait until next weekend - 4 days off in a row and not too much planned except possibly a party or a night out in Liverpool on Easter Sunday. Cool!

Feeling well peeved with Matt at the moment. Don't know whether it's because I'm ill or whether I'm just really fed up with him. Haven't seen him for a couple of weeks but we've been texting every day. We should have seen each other on Thursday but I had LL (even though I didn't go in the end) and he wasn't free until tonight. He was out Friday and Saturday night and ended up texting me and calling me in the middle of the night both nights! He kept saying how much he wanted me and how sexy I was, but tbh I wasn't in the mood for it. He assures me that he wants me for more than just "that" but it's beginning to feel like he does! When he texted last night he had run out of credit and I didn't hear from him at all today, even though I texted him to ask what time we were going to meet up tonight. I don't know whether it was because he still didn't have credit (he has a house phone because he called me on it last night when drunk) or whether it was because he couldn't be bothered or as I suspect he just hasn't been horny today *lol*. When he eventually did text me about 7.30pm I ignored him. He also tried to phone and I also ignored that. Eventually texted him back to say that because I hadn't heard from him all day that I had made plans to have dinner with my parents and but I felt crap anyway so it was probably a good thing. Seems to me that I'm just being "desired" when he wants it and tbh I'm fed up of it. Maybe my thinking is skewed because I'm ill and totm but he's going to have to prove to me that he wants the whole package because that's all I have to offer!

I must say that the diet has gone out the window this evening. It was a mixture of habit, hunger, feeling unwell and tiredness that lead me to the fridge but I'm disappointed that it happened. I then ended up having dinner with my parents (only a small portion but even so).

But tomorrow is another day! Have more I want to write but I'm too tired at the moment so I will come back to it tomorrow.

 

[lavender]

Hi Sarah,

sorry your still feeling poorly. Emotionally I have had a crap weekend and feel compleatly drained now, my neck is so stiff, I need a massage, which is a joke as being on a massage course you would think that I would get load s but alas ,no!!!,,
Food wise I haven't been too bad, could wlaways have been worse and this am I am back to packs as we have just booked a last minute get away to gran canaira and i would really like to be able to wear my bikini and not get ahrpoooned by green peace!!! At least if I manage 3 days a week on them I have cut a few calories out. Good luck with your SS endevours this week. God it's soo hard !!!

 

[Gen]

Hey hun... hope you are ok today!!! roll on the long weekend eh... can't wait meself... i'm bloody wrecked!!!!

love

 

[westiegirl]

Hi Sarah,

sorry your still feeling poorly. Emotionally I have had a crap weekend and feel compleatly drained now, my neck is so stiff, I need a massage, which is a joke as being on a massage course you would think that I would get load s but alas ,no!!!,,
Food wise I haven't been too bad, could wlaways have been worse and this am I am back to packs as we have just booked a last minute get away to gran canaira and i would really like to be able to wear my bikini and not get ahrpoooned by green peace!!! At least if I manage 3 days a week on them I have cut a few calories out. Good luck with your SS endevours this week. God it's soo hard !!!

Hi Heidi

Yep it is hard, still struggling myself at the moment - very badly. Head is not in the right place at all. Bluddy hormones!

Lucky you booking a break away. I'm hoping to get away in September. We're planning a family trip - Mum, Dad, Bro and myself. Mum and Dad will chill and me and bro will party. I hope we can get the trip sorted.

Hey hun... hope you are ok today!!! roll on the long weekend eh... can't wait meself... i'm bloody wrecked!!!!

love

Not too bad (relatively) now, but was a miserable bugger earlier *lol*. How many days left till the weekend????

 

[westiegirl]

Monday 2nd April 2007

Well another week and another new start and another failure already *lol*.

Got up and still have my sore throat. Pur-lease let it go by the weekend. Don't want to be ill over the long weekend.

Started the day ok with a vanilla coffee shake and a coffee. Pootled around the house and took out the bins etc - no rush today because the roads will be quiet - Easter holiday.

Got to work and realised I am definately in the grips of TOTM. Very bad mood all day! I also had a craving for chocolate so when someone was heading to the shop, I gave in, no arm twisting needed! Then had a sandwich and crisps for lunch, with a strawberry cheesecake to follow. Yum, but didn't really appreciate it because I felt so crap and down on myself. This time 4 weeks ago I felt the same (checked my diary and this was the day I travelled back from Edinburgh and had to make a real effort to not snap at my mum because I was in a bad mood). Girls at work were laughing at me for being pre-mental and it helped to have a bit of a joke.

Came home and knew I was going to eat, but I've not been too bad. Had (another) sandwich, a sausage roll and some aero bubbles. Feel quite full and satisfied and not too tired either. My throat is still sore (more niggling than anything else) and I've developed a tickly cough.

Since coming home I've been in deep thought about why I can't succeed at the moment. I know my hormones could be the problem, but what if they're not? Even if they are I can't go on like this forever. I need to do something. Thinking hard over the last few days has basically made me realise that it all comes down to one thing - HABIT!

I eat when I'm tired, when I'm sad, when I'm bored, when I'm excited - basically any time I have an emotional response. But I don't HAVE to eat do I? That's just the response I have developed in response to certain feelings. I also eat when I come home from work. I'm not hungry and I don't need it but I do it anyway. I eat on a Saturday and Sunday morning when I sit down with a cuppa mid morning, because I just always have. I eat late afternoon at weekends, because I'm programmed to sit down with a cuppa at that time and I have to have something to go with it.

I claim to eat emotionally, but I don't - I just eat out of HABIT! OK I do have these feelings of emotion but I have just always responded to them by eating. Eating is my conditioned response when certain situations arise, be they emotional or habitual.

So realising this is all well and good, question is how the hell do I break a habit? Um, feel some research is required (and hard work too I suppose) - guess I'll have to get back to you on that one!

 

[pandora]

hi hun,
sorry i don't know how to break the habit appart from going cold turkey (prob not very helpful). could you try breaking 1 or 2 at a time ie not eat with your sat/sun am coffee to start with & gradually eliminate the trigger times. I know this won't allow you to SS straight away, but it might be easier & make you fell less a failure if you do it in stages.
hope this is of some help
as allways hugs n love
xx

 

[Coley]

Hey Sarah!! I'm normally a lurker and read most diaries but never sure what to say!!

Read your last entry there and I've just had to reply.

Well done to you. It's soooooooooo easy to blame things on emotions, that you can't help yourself. You've just went and said that yes, you have emotions and you respond to a lot of them by eating but you realise its a habit!!

I think thats a massive breakthrough. I really do. You've obviously thought it through a lot and had to be truthful with yourself and hopefully a lot of good will come of that.

Karion seems to have finally broken her habits - and has a pretty normal relationship with food. That gives me hope that we can do it, otherwise whats the point? If I can't break my eating habits then I'll always get fat again.


Just wanted to say hi, and well done again for being so truthful. Hopefully that'll help your head get in the right place for LL?

Oh....and watch out for Mr Pirate, he might be ok? I dunno!!

xx

 

[FatFairNForty(ish)]

Hi Hon...

Sorry not been on here for a few days-- just caught up with you... so sad you are having a pants time of it right now... habits are horribly difficult to break... if you think about it our habits didn't develop overnight, but over years! So.. to expect to be able to break them overnight is unrealistic and puts us under enormous pressure doesn't it?

You've done ace and still are - you're facing the emotions and realising stuff... I think vlcd does things to how we look at food etc.. and to be honest.. what you're saying rings so many bells I'm beginning to look for the fire engines arriving!!

I think you are right about your man too... and you are worth so much more than just an object of lust (although, :giggle: that has it's place too ) but still ... you are right and he has some work to do to convince you!!

You're a smashing woman and a lovely person. Hope you feel lots better very very soon!!

Sending huge hugs and healthy :vibes: to you xxxxxxxx

 

[westiegirl]

hi hun,
sorry i don't know how to break the habit appart from going cold turkey (prob not very helpful). could you try breaking 1 or 2 at a time ie not eat with your sat/sun am coffee to start with & gradually eliminate the trigger times. I know this won't allow you to SS straight away, but it might be easier & make you fell less a failure if you do it in stages.
hope this is of some help
as allways hugs n love
xx

Thanks Cheryl, that's a good idea. Might just try this week to eliminate eating after work. That has always been my worst time and I can really go for it then! I would think nothing of scoffing a whole loaf of bread with a slab of butter. If I can eliminate that one thing I think I would be laughing. That has always been my absolute worst time!

Hey Sarah!! I'm normally a lurker and read most diaries but never sure what to say!!

Read your last entry there and I've just had to reply.

Well done to you. It's soooooooooo easy to blame things on emotions, that you can't help yourself. You've just went and said that yes, you have emotions and you respond to a lot of them by eating but you realise its a habit!!

I think thats a massive breakthrough. I really do. You've obviously thought it through a lot and had to be truthful with yourself and hopefully a lot of good will come of that.

Karion seems to have finally broken her habits - and has a pretty normal relationship with food. That gives me hope that we can do it, otherwise whats the point? If I can't break my eating habits then I'll always get fat again.


Just wanted to say hi, and well done again for being so truthful. Hopefully that'll help your head get in the right place for LL?

Oh....and watch out for Mr Pirate, he might be ok? I dunno!!

xx

Thanks Nicole, I think it was almost like a lightbulb moment. I have tried for a long time to analyse my thoughts/feelings etc, but realised that it does all just come down to habit. The thoughts/feelings will still exist but what I need to change is my response to them. Seems simple but I know it's gonna be bluddy hard!

Thanks for stopping by to say hello. Noticed that you're coming to the WeMITTs meet in Birmingham in September, glad you're coming along. These meets are a blast and you'll have a ball - don't be worried about it.

Hi Hon...

Sorry not been on here for a few days-- just caught up with you... so sad you are having a pants time of it right now... habits are horribly difficult to break... if you think about it our habits didn't develop overnight, but over years! So.. to expect to be able to break them overnight is unrealistic and puts us under enormous pressure doesn't it?

You've done ace and still are - you're facing the emotions and realising stuff... I think vlcd does things to how we look at food etc.. and to be honest.. what you're saying rings so many bells I'm beginning to look for the fire engines arriving!!

I think you are right about your man too... and you are worth so much more than just an object of lust (although, :giggle: that has it's place too ) but still ... you are right and he has some work to do to convince you!!

You're a smashing woman and a lovely person. Hope you feel lots better very very soon!!

Sending huge hugs and healthy :vibes: to you xxxxxxxx

Thanks Jennie, I know it will take a long time to undo bad habits but I think realising that it all comes down to habit is a major breakthrough for me. No more excuses, my habits are rubbish but they are my habits and I have developed them over time and they have obviously served a purpose for me. Well at least it gives me a focus to work on!

 

[Coley]

hee hee.....I am terrified of 1. being in Birmingham all alone!! and 2. of all these new people thinking I'm a total div!!!

Ah well......I'll be grand after a few drinks......I'll be up with you lot....I'm 21, i can handle no sleep!!.........kind of!!

Yipee again for mental breakthrough!!! hurrah!!!

 

[westiegirl]

Had a nice evening and spent some lovely time with the family.

Feeling much better after my last post - more more energised than I have for a week or so.

No snoozing on the sofa, instead I did some tidying up, paperwork, and dancing around my flat. Also sent a text to Matt asking when we were going to have our lovely date and spend some quality time together (his words in the voicemail message he left whilst p*ssed on Saturday night). Wasn't expecting an immediate reply because I know he plays footie on Monday nights.

Phoned my Bro to see what he was up to and he was at the house that my Dad and him have just bought and are doing up. He had just had a takeaway and a couple of beers and was about to phone a taxi but asked if I'd pick him up. No problem, he's taken me lots of places so fairs fair. Came home and had a nice family chat, making plans for the house renovations and the possiblity that we might all go on holiday together in September.

Matt eventually texted me and asked if I wanted to watch the match tomorrow night (Liverpool v PSV in Champions League very BIG match). Have already made plans to go to the pub with my bro so I invited Matt along. He said ok and that maybe we could have some quality time afterwards. Aye aye, I know what that means. Made some flippant reply and he came back to say he would "satisfy" me for every goal Liverpool scored. Enough is enough. Told him that I was a hard woman to please and that it was especially so when I was grumpy at this totm (and not horny). Told him he was still welcome to come along but not to have any great expectations. Funnily enough not heard back from him since! If I don't hear from him I'll text him the details for tomorrow night and let him decide if he wants to come (no pun intended *lol*). Just had enough now. He does have a long way to go to prove himself to me and it starts now. I'm sick of it and I don't particularly care if he doesn't want to know me for anything other than sex - that's not me. Anyway, rant over! Moving on!

Bedtime and hopefully feeling even better tomorrow!

 

[westiegirl]

hee hee.....I am terrified of 1. being in Birmingham all alone!! and 2. of all these new people thinking I'm a total div!!!

Ah well......I'll be grand after a few drinks......I'll be up with you lot....I'm 21, i can handle no sleep!!.........kind of!!

Yipee again for mental breakthrough!!! hurrah!!!

Nicole, you won't be in Birmingham alone - we'll all be there and try as you might you won't get rid of us *lol*.

Believe me we won't think you're a div - just one of the wonderful women who are doing a VLCD!

Glad you'll be up for a full night's partying - that's my usual aim and I tend to be one of the last one's standing (even though I'm old and crinkly - in my head I'm still 21!).

 

[Coley]

Old and crinkly!! hahaha. I'm not one for chuckling out loud......usually little chuckle in my head, but did a proper one for this description!!

You don't look old and crinkly.....you don't look much older than me!!!

Don't think I like the sound of this chap Sarah, he seems a bit dodgy to me!! "satisfy" you......errr........think maybe he is over estimating his skills? unless your team don't score of course....then he's possibly right.

 

[FatFairNForty(ish)]

She's not old and crinkly!!! LOLOLOLOLOLOL