10st10lbs' Diary - been away for far too long!

I can't even begin to describe how stupid I feel. And I just got my period.
 
Oh Ali, just want to give you a big fat hug, the stupid man has no idea how foolish he is behaving, if I were you I'd try and be reallly really strong and not ring him again, but that's easy for me to say as I'm not sitting in your pjs (lol!), maybe he is finding the goodbye as tough as you are? Hope today is better, I am stillin my pjs but i have been houseworking solidly since 8am this morning! even cleaned thru biggest loser, hope this week isn't as tough on you, now period has arrived you *hopefully* will feel a bit less emotional, another squidgy hug, donna x
 
shell_y said:
I dont really know the situation so can't advise, but if you wanna talk pm me x
Click to expand...

I might just take you up on that offer... but right now, I think it's too overwhelming to talk about and don't wanna meet family with red eyes and a red nose :( xxx

donnajt said:
Oh Ali, just want to give you a big fat hug, the stupid man has no idea how foolish he is behaving, if I were you I'd try and be reallly really strong and not ring him again, but that's easy for me to say as I'm not sitting in your pjs (lol!), maybe he is finding the goodbye as tough as you are? Hope today is better, I am stillin my pjs but i have been houseworking solidly since 8am this morning! even cleaned thru biggest loser, hope this week isn't as tough on you, now period has arrived you *hopefully* will feel a bit less emotional, another squidgy hug, donna x
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Thank you Donna, your words did give me comfort... Yeah, maybe he is finding it difficult but I don't want it to be a goodbye forever, I'm happy to go visit him every week. I think he wants to let go so that I start hating him and give up on everything, but giving up is not something I do easily - especially not now that SW has given me all this willpower. I've been lying in bed since this morning, in too much pain to want to do anything. Got up and had a three minute walk on the treadmill (at 0.5mph so I burned a mega whopping three whole calories, yay) and then my cousin came over and I ended up spilling all to her about how I felt, didn't cry once but felt somewhat more angry, maybe dredging up the good memories wasn't the best thing to do when I feel bleh. Thank God the period pains stopped, have just had a very long very very very hot shower and have left my phone under my pillow, deciding that I'm not going to let it take over my Sunday.

Well done you, for all the housework :) and thank you lots and lots for the squidgy hug. You're a star xxx
 
Oh hun please don't let a man ruin how far you have come...
No man is worth that, you may not think that now but you will in the future.
No matter how much you want him to contact you, nothing you do will make him. It does sound like you are right and that hes said goodbye and maybe wants to move on. As painfull as it is you need to try and let go a bit.
You are worth more than this. Big hugs to you xxxxxxxx
 
big hugs to you!!! ((((((hugs))))))

time will heal!
 
shell_y said:
Oh hun please don't let a man ruin how far you have come...
No man is worth that, you may not think that now but you will in the future.
No matter how much you want him to contact you, nothing you do will make him. It does sound like you are right and that hes said goodbye and maybe wants to move on. As painfull as it is you need to try and let go a bit.
You are worth more than this. Big hugs to you xxxxxxxx
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I don't think I want to contact him first... but if I leave it up to him, I don't think there will be any contact. Honestly in two minds about this - he broke it off in June but it's getting harder and harder? I sound like such a wimp, lol.

I will be better about this, I promise xxx

dreamaholic said:
big hugs to you!!! ((((((hugs))))))

time will heal!
Click to expand...

Thank you hun :) I won't cross my fingers just yet xxx

Madferret said:
Sorry I have been AWOL hunni... sounds like you have had a pretty poop weekend mate.... so sorry to hear that

Please be strong and don't put anything in your mouth that shouldn't be there

You have come so far - you can do this...

T
xx
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Nooo, don't apologise! Poop weekends are standard now that uni has started again.

Yesterday was my brother's birthday so I had a lot of cake. I didn't want to, but I did, and it had buttercream icing on it, which I don't even like, but I ate it and then felt terrible later on. Today is a really fresh start, my food diary will be something to laugh at.

xxx
 
Monday 27/09 - Success Express

9am
- Apple

10am
- Coffee

5pm
- Coffee

7pm
- Biriyani rice (2 syns) with half a boiled egg, small potato and lamb (HExB1)
- Cucumber, carrot, raddish, lettuce and cabbage salad with EL mayo (0.5 syns)

8pm
- 250ml semi skimmed milk (HExA1) with 2 small dates (4 syns)

10pm
- 350ml skimmed milk (HExA2) with Scan Bran (HExB2) and 10g Cadbury's Dairy Milk (2.5 syns)

Total syns: 2 + 0.5 + 4 + 2.5 = 9 syns
 
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shell_y said:
You need to turn all that sad feeling around into determination.
You can do this hun, we are all behind you.
It's understandable to have a few bad days, just don't let it slip completely xx
Click to expand...

Thank you hun :) I just think it's that time of year, where you start everything all over again so it's hard to stick to old habits - well for me anyway. I also think Eid had something to do with - maybe I should have tried to stick roughly to plan... Since then I have been really up and down with my food, thinking 'it's OK if I have this today because I won't do it again tomorrow so...' but then I do it tomorrow and it's like 'doesn't matter, there's always another day...'. But today, it's been more 'OK. If I don't lose, I will be paying £4.95 to be told what I already know'. I wish I'd lost after the SE days last week and all the extra Body Magic, that motivation I had was so scarily powerful that it shocked me! I shocked me!

xxx
 
Tuesday 28/09 - Success Express

10am
- 1 chocolate Weetabix (1/2 HExB1 + 1 syn) with 100ml skimmed milk (2/7 HExA1) and a banana

12pm
- Sula (0.5 syn)

2pm
- Sula (0.5 syn)

3pm
- V small portion pasta with chicken and cheese (1/2 HExA2 + 1 syn)
- Pear - a very big one

5pm
- Coffee
- 2 Custard Creams (6 syns)

7pm
- Biriyani rice (1 syn) with half a boiled egg
- Cucumber and carrot sticks

9pm
- 250ml skimmed milk (5/7 HExA1) with Scan Bran (HExB2) and 1tsp sugar (1 syn)
- Milk Tray choc (2.5 syns)

Total syns: 0.5 + 0.5 + 1 + 6 + 1 + 2.5 + 1 = 12.5 syns
 
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Ali - there is nothing more painful than a broken heart (well there is but you will learn about that when you are a mum), you need to nurse your heart but refuse to let it ruin how far you have come

There is a man out there that will cherish you and love you for you good and bad, you need to remember that you are beautiful inside and out and a girl needs to kiss lots of frogs before she mets her prince, chin up we are all here for you when it gets too much x
 
Wednesday 29/09 - Success Express

11pm
- Sula (0.5 syn)

1pm
- Sula (0.5 syn)

3pm
- Coffee

4pm
- 1 slice of toast (1/2 HExB1) with EL Philadelphia (0.5 syn) and chicken (1 syn)
- Carrot and cucumber sticks

5pm
- 350ml skimmed milk (HExA1) with a shortbread biscuit (5 syns)
- Tortilla chips (5 syns)

7pm
- Chicken and chickpea curry (2 syns) with chapatti (3 syns)
- Pear

Over syns for the day already but not caring for some reason? WI in the morning x

Total syns: 0.5 + 0.5 + 0.5 + 1 + 5 + 5 + 2 + 3 = 17.5 syns
 
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