Belle's Journey

[bellefrogette]

End of day notelettes.


just finished watching nigella lawson on iplayer and I never watch her, must be boredom .First thing I thought is -why is the camera at such an odd angle ? Ok she is plump, so what? But I could not help feeling that the food=s8x angle was laid on with a shovel and the chip Kebab was absurd, and there were hints at self parody and recrimination when she spoke about herself and eating.



could have done more or differently, no gym and not enough water, only two shakes, just could not take another one ,but bed early and I am having a pint of warm water as I type... was listening to a fantastic album ealier


by

joanna newsom who is a total goddess


anyways, wonderful album, and better than a chip kebab

 

[bellefrogette]

p.s I'll have a quick additional shake before bed, maybe orange, cos I really like that flavour with crushed ice-cubes

 

[bellefrogette]

:coffee:/12.

the next 3-4 days is about operation deep purple.I want strong ketones by thursday morning.. I actually do not get much of a buzz from light ketosis. with light ketosis I am neither fish not fowl.

So I am going to document my physical activity

on my ipod for today I want to listen to

and

Don Miguel is an easy listen to, and that is why I chose to spend the day with him, first- because I also want to be more interactive with whats coming to me. I can be a bit of a passive listener. Also I am taking a small notebook with me so that even bus-tube journies I am doing something with my mind




Ok activity

- power walk to post office
-long bus ride to south london, that could take 80min in itself- body scan meditation
-get to nearest fitness first arround midday
-powerwalk after gym to location evening class
-power walk after evening class as far as I can



3 lots of power walking as short as 15 mins each or as long as..........


main thing today is to walk as much as I can

be interesting to see what I actually did in my evening notelette.

 

[bellefrogette]

:coffee:/12.

why does my appartment get so disordered.


me, that why.

what does it say about the state of my mind, emotions and thoughts,

well best get to it

 

[bellefrogette]

:coffee:/12.

the next 3-4 days is about operation deep purple..

Still:coffee:/12.


Operation deep purple indeed. Well I haven't seen much activity. With the tube strike, no doubt I'll be able to do something about that.

 

[bellefrogette]

Still:coffee:/12


just thinking aloud here, I don't have anything interesting planned for the next 3 days, I have fashion today and pattern cutting tomorrow morning but nothing exciting.


was watching Portia de Rossi on Oprah speaking of how she used to live on 300 cals a day

she has a new book

I was reminded that the original cambridge diet formula was 330 cals, the American version of 3 scoops at 330 cal still exists. I rarely am that low, in truth I do not think I ever am, but I was once and the weight loss was rapid and sustainable. I actually felt quite well on it for about 3 months though I remember the advice at the time was if reaaly really hungry ( which never happened deep into ketosis) eat the white of an egg or two.



'..United States

Rights to the original Cambridge diet formula—a powder to be mixed in a blender with water or diet soft drinks—in the United States were obtained by Cambridge Direct Sales in 1979. After working to improve the formula’s flavor, the diet was placed on the market in 1980. It was initially quite popular. The original version of the Cambridge diet is sometimes known as the “Original 330 Formula” in the company’s promotional literature because Dr. Howard’s first rapid weight-loss program called for a total daily consumption of only 330 calories, provided by three servings of the original powder formula (110 calories per serving). The nutrient ratio of the original formula is 10–11 g of protein per serving, 15 g of carbohydrates (derived primarily from fructose or fruit sugar), and 1 g of fat.
In 1984 Cambridge Direct Sales hired Dr. Robert Nesheim to develop Cambridge Food for Life products. Like the Original 330 Formula, Food for Life is a powder that comes in a can to be reconstituted with conventional foods. Food for Life is available in a super oats cereal version as well as flavor choices including tomato, potato, mushroom, chicken soup, vanilla, chocolate, strawberry, and eggnog. Nesheim was specifically asked to meet guidelines for nutrition supplements established by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA). The company states that Nesheim “increased the protein and carbohydrate content for an extra margin of safety when used as the sole source of nutrition.” Food for Life contains 140 calories per serving, 13-15 g of protein, 18 g of carbohydrates, and 1 g of fat....'




Now I am actually supposed to be doing 330 but, well depending on my mood, its much higher.

I have too wonder what would happen if I gave the original 330 a chance.

 

[bellefrogette]

.:coffee:/12

:sigh:



:coffee:/12

yes.still.

 

[bellefrogette]

:coffee:/10,


at last-movement,

I am listening to some weight loss podcasts ..i do find them useful, believe it or not some of the O/A podcasts are really helpful. I generally listen to those that deal with the psychological issues. I ignore all the 'disease', 'addict' and 'powerless' talks, so most of the talks don't fit my outlook.


However this morning I am listening to someone talk about obsessions of the mind around food and abstinance. Abstinance being defined as a 'freedom of mind'. And their 'food plan' or 'plan of eating' is the way to get that abstinance, or freedom of mind.


I actually find that the O/A stuff around food plans/plan of eating was and is very good... funnily enough in the real time meetings very few folk spoke about this , it was more sharings of pain, struggle , powerlessness and angst- the main reason I simply stopped going.

But lately I have been feeling a lack of support, though I am supported internally and externally..but as I said I have been feeling something missing..and I think I must take note of that.because that feelingis a warning. I am not sure what to do..but I am paying attention to this feeling


:happy096:

 

[bellefrogette]

Just thinking 138 ( my goal ) is

/10


so any */10 is a good way station for me.I still love my stones/lbs, I have never got my head into the kilos thing. I must be old school

Okay, now I am also listening to


Why it takes courage - to be healthy and happy

DR. CHRISTIANE NORTHRUP


it just 6 mins long and it helps set me up for the day.she has a few podcasts on itunes

 

[bellefrogette]

:coffee:/8,

what sort of day is it going to be when I wake up and whlie still in bed I am aware I am moody?
its going to be the type of day I decide its going to be.

first off the neighbours cat was outside my window meowing- and I did not want to let it in because I was in a mood, never mind that its cold and raining.

get over the mood and let the cat in, how would you like if it you were cold and wet and no one let you in?

OK.

I am listening to a fantastic story on audio

..........


I know in part what is making me moody...I don't know how to respond react deal with competitive women, cos its often so sneaky...I don't mean the good type of competition that keeps everyone moving forward, I mean the desperate attempts to be better than another. I don't want to change anyone, I just want to not be distracted by it, or become moody.

this type of moddiness is a sure sign I am feeling powerless deep down and even threatended.

But its good to know that I don't know how to respond..I'll be writting about it at starbucks cos I would allow the behaviour of others to dictate how I feel.

 

[bellefrogette]

its raining hard, the heating isn't moving through the flat so its cold, my computer guy is late, and I am drinking Eggnog flavoured Cd with a hint of organic orange extract and splenda.... blasted piping hot in the micro wave, bliss

 

[bellefrogette]

:coffee:/8,

today I just want to escape the rain ( tho I like rain) and the grey ( tho I like grey)

so I am off to the barbican - which I still think is the ugliest building complex in london but there is something fabulous there which has my name all over it..

 

[bellefrogette]

Just thinking.

I am sitting here sipping hot banana/eggnog Cd with some almond extract and splenda- very yummy and asking myself

what is different this time?

I am excited about going to the Barbican and I am going to spend all day there and then go to my local Buddhist centre in the evening
to do my body meditation.


I think what is different is that I am

Loving myself forward.

And


I am staying out of Dramas

This morning for instance I got an email forwarded from a group I used to attend, I dropped out because there was more drama than I wanted to handle and in this email, there was more drama...ha!

Not right or wrong, I just can't be asked to give dramas any of my attention- though sometimes I forget because drama can be seductive.

By really make it a point of attention i.e. - avoid/sidestep dramas. Well it’s a kind of mental and psychic hygiene and house keeping.


Loving myself forward has been more challenging. Because it has to be done one day at a time and what constitutes 'love' varies day to day but usually it involves beauty, creativity, stillness and being clear. It also involves rest and more rest. Some days sleeping 10 hours .



and keeping warm, gotta keep warm:winter_brr:

 

[bellefrogette]

:coffee:/8,


woke up stiff, really stiff...odd.Today feels like it could go either way.....mood wise.But I do feel like walking alot, strolling from place to place...long distances , I am in walkabout mood, so that is what I will do..something is bugging me and I need to walk

 

[GalwayMum]

What's bugging you?

 

[bellefrogette]

:coffee:/8


I woke thinking of Tom Jones and 'what's new pussy cat?'

so what is new? I am doing the things I want to do but its all of the same ilk. Stuff to do with art and fashion. I do enjoy it all but.............


so it could be that I am irritable/moody because I am bored...I can't do art fashion 24/7....or rather there are parts of art/fashion I am not doing now because I want to be 9/10 first-fair enough, but in the meantime part of me is definately bored.




Nothing to be done about it( that I am aware of now )




Memo to self....

 

[bellefrogette]

:coffee:/7

set my alarm to wake me up at 4 a.m-ish because I want to ring into to an american radio show to ask a question.
twasn't hard to get up.

How come when I set the alarm so that I can to go walking predawn I always reach out and turn it off and go back to sleep...its all a mind game

..if I mind it matters, if it matters I don't mind.



nothing much today but I do have my fav fashion class..and picked up my sewing machine bag trolly thing I ordered off ebay yesterday- like that is so exciting- but in away it is..its a purpose designed bag for transporting sewing machines..its shows that I am serious, waking at 4 am to ask a question of a radio show host- shows I am serious...getting up at other times when the alarm goes off will mean I AM SERIOUS.


and I can stop being such a cry baby about the cold

 

[bellefrogette]

good ketones this morning

nothing more to say

 

[bellefrogette]

:coffee:/7

She who laughs last,laughs longest.



it strikes me that this journey is not one of making a big noise about every pound I lose. It's actually an opportunity to understand deeply what matters to me and why. To learn what I value with each step.


Some people may want to 'get into' my weight loss program, like I should want to discuss it with them, or may start to gossip on the side when I don't or won't. Maybe it's because of the culture of yada yada yada...talk talk talk.

Anyhow. apart from minimins I do not talk about my weight loss..its kinda no bodies business if I do.

day 2 of the seminar today , one thing that came up is the saying that

'successful people know how to turn difficult circumstances to their advantage'


I will say that being overweight has been a difficult situation , cos I have not understood it or myself..I have been called deep by others, sometimes with a sneer, rarely with appreciation, because I chose to look under the surface of my behaviour. Even when I am 9/10 to be frank its not because of CD, its going to be because I have resolved my issues and i will never give the credit to a diet product, cos I know better.

 

[bellefrogette]

:coffee:/7


last day of a 3 day seminar, today is all about the body, body scans, body healing, going within the body and correcting stuff...its actually a very beautiful set of processes. My mood this morning is slighty disorented though.

Got some rose water extract flavoring to add to my hot vanilla cambridge. The big thing for me this week is to reduce the number of starbucks hot milks I have..but its cold and I like starbucks...still, it will do me some good , so I am going into it pleased at having made it a goal...also I don't feel like weighing till friday, i want to focus on ketones.