Blergh! - FatFairNForty(ish) - my diary

[KateF]

Yep, you probably needed the wake up call just to let you know that this can happen-
but i know that weight will be straight off in no time with your determination. Also shows how important working your way up through the plans is (as I'm still trying to learn!)

Blueeyes- hecky thumps. What a twit he acted as, out of fear. You were so willing to give him a chance too and genuinely liked and fancied him but he blew it! Good on you for not giving in.
Never a truer word spoken when you said he didn't have the monopoly on men who were likeable but had been hurt.

Good luck back SS'ing and I hope the man-feast continues!
(er...that sounds wrong, but you know what I mean- your appetite for life is inspiring- go for it!)

 

[FatFairNForty(ish)]

well, I am so de-motivated today - not diet-wise, just work wise. I have a mountain to do and no interest whatsoever! All I want to do is sleep. At last the headache has abated... am SSing like a good 'un. Been to the loo (if you know what I mean) for the first time in 2 days and feel MUCH better for it! Also been off the diet coke all day and see if that helps too.. guzzling water and appleade and had 2 packs of the 3 already so need to pace myself for my final pack later tonight.

Feeling hacked off about the gain and scales here are showing a further gain today - which pees me off even more! I am going to hang on in there though and see what results I get by SSing all week again, although I have to say, the way I felt this morning (nauseaus, headaches, rough as hell!) were all the same ones I had on Day 2!! So... clearly the carbs do not agree with me!! Bah!

You never know, perhaps it will all go by next Tues weigh in and I will be writing a happier update then!

As for the man front... Blueeyes - not going back down THAT road again... Casinoman (remember him - he called me to ask me to go to the casino on the same night I had just agreed to meet Blueeyes so I blew him out) anyway, he rang last night and asked if I'd like to meet up again so we are going to meet on Saturday for a walk around the lakes - I figured it would be combining 2 things - a) a good walk in the sun (hopefully) and b) not sure how it'll go as he knows I went out with Blueeyes instead of him (no secrets me ya see - well, not too many ) so not sure if he will show up even... lol

Also - man wise... a very old flame rang... and... I'm clubbing with dancing Man on Friday night...although have some reservations about that...

Right... will pop back later... Theatre tonight with my friend then driving back again to Hatfield... I think I'm coming down with something (again) or perhaps it's just tiredness and I should scrap late nights until Brum!

 

[RachelA]

Hiya, I also put on last week, 8lbs! I reacted badly to stress and just ate, but its the weird symptoms Ive been having that concerned me. Must be a reaction to carbs, almost flu-like, achy joints, headache, general malaise!! I did think it was related to the carbs and it turns out i'm right!
Keep up the good work Jen, its a teeny tiny blip and you are coming back head on!
Fingers crossed i can do the same, more like fridge padlocked and me handcuffed!!

 

[FatFairNForty(ish)]

Can't believe it's Friday already! Not been on here as been in an odd place head wise but have managed to SS since Tuesday's disasterous weigh in so hoping for good results Tuesday! Out tonight with sis and dancing man and his mate.. so that's ok (got it all clear as to boundaries etc!).. blew out matey boy for Saturday lunchtime! lol Will explain tomorrow as off to bed to get a couple of hours kip now in preparation for this evening's clubbing session and driving! Sleep tomorrow and then the cinema early evening.. and Sunday - more sleep and then UB40 in the evening! REALLY looking forward to that!

Have had all kinds of emotions running through my head these last few days - felt really crappy too... just like at the start of the diet... so.. no more carbs until at goal and when they say to have 'em in maintenance!

I'm so looking forward to next weekend and seeing everyone's friendly faces once again.. it feels like forever! Rachel - hope you've managed ok this week too.. it's such a shoker isn't it!?!

Will catch up loads more tomorrow and hopefully get to see everyone else's diaries too as feel like I'm so out of touch having cocooned myself away...

 

[KittyB]

(((Jennie)))

Hope you have a fantastic night tonight....coming from a girl who's already in bathed and in her PJ's ready for a night in front of the box :blush: I wish I had your energy....I don't think I'd get passed the first dance today LOL

Take care

Love,
Kitty xxx

 

[westiegirl]

Have a great night Jennie. No doubt you will, you're just like me when you get on the dancefloor (as long as the music is good!) - can't get you off again!

I'm with you Kitty. I'm sitting on the sofa under my blankie, watching The Biggest Loser Australia on TV.

Worked late tonight. When the MD asked why we were on a Friday, Penny said her husband was away working, Rach was going out later anyway and I just replied "because I've got no life". It was a flippant comment, but actually very true lol!

 

[FatFairNForty(ish)]

Well, not been on here since 5 mins before setting off for my night out and now... well... it's almost 6am Saturday and I just got home - tired but had a fantastic night - and you were spot on Sarah , lol... once I was up on that dancefloor there was no shifting me! lol Great practice for next weekend!!! (Although no idea what to wear!) lol

4 of us went in the end , me, my sis, dancing man and his mate.. sis and his mate got on famously so the 4 of us had a great night! Started off in a pub in Hitchin then moved onto the club in Stevenage and afterwards his mate wanted KFC so they (sis and mate) queued up for 20 minutes to find when they got to the front that they had run out of chicken! lol Hilarious! So.. 4am and trying to find somewhere that sells chicken! lol (I didn't have any - and was on the diet pepsi all night too!). Straight run home though thank goodness and just jumped on here before going to bed... plan to sleep all day ) Will catch up on all the goss later sometime between waking up and heading off to the piccies.. night night (or is that Good Morning? )... :giggle: :giggle: xxxxxx

 

[westiegirl]

Good morning indeed! You'll have to change your title again. Hello? Saturday already lol!

I so can't wait until next weekend now! I am desperate for us to have a good boogie again!

Sleep tight for the next few hours!

 

[Summerskye]

I so can't wait until next weekend now! I am desperate for us to have a good boogie again!

You and me both, Sarah - although I think I'm gonna need to spend all week building up my reserves to stand any chance at all of keeping up with you young things

Glad you had such a great night Jennie. See you next weekend!!

 

[westiegirl]

You and me both, Sarah - although I think I'm gonna need to spend all week building up my reserves to stand any chance at all of keeping up with you young things

Glad you had such a great night Jennie. See you next weekend!!

Not a chance my darling, you'll be up there giving it loads with us!

 

[FatFairNForty(ish)]

Off out now to pics.. need the extra time to find the place and also suss out the place for tomorrow nights UB40 gig ,... dead tired... got some sleep until flaming dog woke me after only 3 freakin hours! ARGH! Tried to get more kip but you know how it goes.. lay there thinking.. so.. up.. showered, hair washed and looking akin to a woolly mammoth! lol Mooched around the house, hand washed last nights clothes and ironed too now! All ready to pack for weekend.. lol.. dishwasher done too... 2 packs down me neck (still love the spicy tomato soup!) - one of course my scrummy choc mint muffin! Gallons of water/appleade/coke zero guzzled... taking some coke zero in car to help keep me awake in pics... last minute thing to go.. but you know me... if I get chance to go to pics then I'm there! lol So... thought I would leave early as tw*tnav will be on top form no doubt!! (Thank goodness for sticky notes and road maps!)... and then if time might have a browse around any shops that are near the cinema... lol

Actually got my ironing done! Shock horror! Still... only did that coz I'm too tired to do anything that requires much concentration... lol

Did lay in bed for ages reading my Hindi Bindi book... made me cry - very moving bit in it about a mother/daughter relationship and the mother having Breast cancer... found myself laying there with tears streaming... said a prayer of thanks for my mum's recovery...

Right - just brief today as off now! Not going to be too late a night and tomorrow more sleep (going to open back door and leave it open all night so damn dog can sod off out as much as he likes! lol) Times like this I'm tempted to give him away! lol (not really... well.. maybe a little...) Bless him!

I lost his lead too! (Haven't told you about that nightmare! Grr!).

Right.. toodlepip for now.. soon be flippin Sunday at this rate! lol

OOOOH Sharon and Sarah - I just SOOOOOOO can't wait for next Saturday night !! Yeeeharrr already listening to 70's & 80's cds and brushing up on me footwork! LMAO!!

 

[Summerskye]

Hey!!! How gorgeous do you look in your new avatar pic!!

I just spotted it on another thread and had to pop on here to say that you are an absolute BABE!! (and, no, I most definitely don't mean the one with the curly tail who has a way with sheep *lol*)

See you on Friday

Love

 

[FatFairNForty(ish)]

LOL Sharon - thanks!
Am cross at the moment - long story (aren't they always) but sis not coming to gig and we were supposed to leave in half an hour! So - given her ticket away to one of my mate's friends (not even a sniff of an offer to pay anything for it!) and going with my friend Lisa and her chap in - oh - half an hour! So - off to pile on the warm clothes, go to the loo, pack a rug or 2 and a chair and see if I still have me thermals as its not looking too warm out there and it's an open air gig! Am excited though and looking forward to dancing again! lol It starts at 8 and ends around 10pm so not too late a night (although have so much work facing me tomorrow that I think I'll try and do some when I get home..).. not sure. Am really tired at the moment. Toyed with the idea of getting up very early and going in 2 hours early in the morning instead of sitting up late tonight... actually, the way I feel at the moment, I don't want to go to work at all.. but that is, as they say, a whole different ball game!

Sorry - rambling and need to go! T'ra for now and glad you like the new avatar - it was me at Notting Hill... attached are a couple of the pics I took whilst there... it was ace!

 

[muffin top]

wow it all looks very vibrant & colourful. You're so lucky to live up that area, i'd love to go to something like that, but i think i'd find the masses a bit intimidating
xx

 

[KittyB]

Hi Jennie,
Hope the concert was good

K xxx

 

[FatFairNForty(ish)]

updating... sorry, almost a week to get through so very boooring!

Right... here we go... I've been trying to get my diary updates done... so.. sorry but this is long and droning but, it's my diary so therefore entirely self-indulgent... lol

Firstly though... thank you Muffin Top - it's a long way from me to London but it was worth the effort... it was very colourful and vibrant and, if you can cope with the crowds then definitely worth going (at least once!)..

Kitty - it was amazing... still to write about that (and work out how to get my pics off mobby and onto pc! lol)

So... updates start here ......

Sunday 26th August

Had a bit of a lay in, which is rare in itself, but still lots to do! Blueeyes was a nightmare (as you know) so will skim over that! Took the dog to the kennels and eventually set off to see my sister. We went to her friend's house for a BBQ, it was freezing cold but the company was excellent. It was all African food and my mouth was watering just watching it cooking!!

I had some fish, lamb and chicken. I was asked which peice of chicken and when I chose it sis said 'Oh right, the biggest bit then!'... I was so shocked and told her that I'd actually chosen it as it had least skin on... she said she was kidding... I dunno.. sometimes I think I'm way too sensitive! lol

They dished the food up on plates and brought it round.. now, I KNOW I could have left it, but there was rice and I adore rice, so I ate it....and the coleslaw... in fact... now I look back properly... I shouldn't have been all that surprised at the weight gain as I did eat a fair bit that evening (although nowhere near what I would have previously!)... still,.. BIG mistake and NOT to be repeated!!

They were very friendly and made me feel most welcome, but sis and I were getting cold and as folks were leaving we did too. We decided on the way back to the house to go out for the rest of the evening!! Totally unplanned!!! I wasn't really suitably dressed but we went anyway... started off in Chicagos (can't think of that without hearing Peter Kays joke about it being called Chick A Goes... lol ) and it was pretty empty but not a bad start... nice looking chap at the bar kept grinning at me.. think he must have been looking behind me.. lol We left and headed next door to Envy... sis had free tickets for there... well... it was funny! There is seating that is about 50 foot off the floor!! (slight exaggeration) .. but even so... when we got our drinks and sat down we both had to positively leap onto the seating and our feet dangled like kids on a swing! lol

Music wasn't great to start with and then they changed DJ's - makes ALL the difference... the dance floor went from empty to full and stayed that way until they switched back again... that was our cue to leave. I must confess... I don't much like the fashion at the moment (p'raps I'm just REALLY old and out of touch!!) but... all these shorty shorts and things that look like baby romper suits which tie up on the thighs... not a good look... well... not for me! lol

We headed off to sis's favourite club in Luton but when we got there they were charging £10 to get in as they had some special DJ's... I managed to blag my way in to use the loo (was busting!) but they wouldn't let me get anything to drink so we fetched a couple of cans of coke zero from the car and sat outside talking to some of my sis's friends. We left and headed back to Envy... the receptionist let us back in (recognised us from earlier) and the doorman (bless him) welcomed us back with a 'can't keep away from me eh ladies?' lol

Music was pretty good and we danced loads... had agreed not to have a late late night and so when we realised it was almost 3am (!!!!) we left! lol

Stopped and got some chicken with salad on the way out.. (more food!!) Blimey - I didn't remember all this when I went for weigh in... hmmm... selective masticating amnesia!!!! Got back, ate chicken (griddled, no skin and served with plain salad)... and went to bed. It was a great night but I knew I'd probably regret it the next day as it was Notting Hill!! Fell asleep and slept like a log! (I love my sleeping bag!)

 

[FatFairNForty(ish)]

Notting Hill Carnival - what a day!

Monday Bank Holiday – August 27th 2007

Morning came way too fast and it was time to up and shower, make a muffin and set off for the train station (forgot to say, sis had brainwave and we got tickets half price!!)… anyhoo… Met up with her friends (the Singer and the Joker I’ll call them) at the station and headed off excitedly into London. I haven’t been on a train to London in ages and loved it! Lol I’m such a big kid at times… lol

We got to some station or other and waited for 2 more friends to arrive… (already got their nicknames – Terry and June!) lol the guy did look a lot like Terry Scott but the girl looked like Gwendoline from Wallace and Gromits cartoon.. lol…

They arrived and we were off to the Carnival!! I couldn’t wait to get there! Sis had raved about the music and the costumes and atmosphere and I was really looking forward to it! Camera at the ready – spare batteries, empty memory card… lol… I was prepared!

We were to meet up with more of her friends at a viewpoint along the route called “Trini Hill” it’s where folks from Trinidad and Tobago meet up and watch carnival. Sis told me that it was the Trinidadians who originally brought carnival over to London and so Trini Hill is a very popular spot. There were already lots of people milling about but plenty of space so, we nabbed what we thought would be a good spot (by the railings) and settled down for the day… Sis’s friends were there complete with cool box full of ice and booze.. lol.. huge bloke called Les who was a real gent and let me use the cool box as a platform later on… and a chap called Curtis who I think thought he was a Ninja Turtle in a former life…lol.. sorry… but the white toweling headband made me chuckle… lol

Whilst waiting for everything to start I took the opportunity to go exploring – phone on and in pocket in case.. and, camera in hand, off I went… just up the road a way was all the food outlets… you’ve never seen anything like it! Miles of BBQ’s and vast waves of smoke wafting all over the show! Smells to get even the most hardened taste buds awash with saliva… foods I didn’t recognize at prices I didn’t want to! Lol They were only really setting up and beginning.. I saw some of the side streets and watched in utter amazement at some speakers being set up… not kidding.. they were at least 10 feet high (if not more!).. took lots of photos of interesting people (with their permission) and saw that chap off Channel 4… ooh what’s his name… he did a programme about trying to get the cast of Dallas back together… thick west country accent (I think)… anyway, took his photo.. lol… (didn’t ask permission as body guard looked scary!)… never seen SO many police before… there was positively an army of them! I bet they HATE it!

Quick trip to the loos (only just opened) and back across the street to my vantage point.. more of sis’s friends had arrived (a lady and her daughter)… so that was us all set! The streets quickly filled up with people and I was very glad we had got there when we did! I wouldn’t have seen a thing had we not been at the front (too flamin’ short!) lol But I had a great view.. and.. when the procession began it was SOOO exciting! I started snapping away with my camera… and that was great… sun was beaming down the entire time… everyone happy and laughing… and then the press arrived and stood directly in front of everyone and got in the way of everyone else who was trying to take piccies… I mean.. you can’t really blame them I guess.. but it did get really tedious… the thing is.. the floats ALL stop at Trini Hill and do their thing – it is incredible… the cheering and flag waving…and singing and dancing… lol I loved it – got swept up into the whole atmosphere! Mega grin on my face almost the entire time! Lol

Camera was in overdrive and the costumes were breathtaking… the music loud and rhythmic and oh so dance-able-to! I heard loads of the stuff we’d heard on holiday and that made me smile even more! It was fantastic and I was loving it! The photographers seemed to multiply so I asked if I could stand on the coolbox – bless ‘em – they let me… for a long time! It was ace as I was slightly higher than the photographers and the guys behind me were all flippin giants so I wasn’t blocking anyone’s view.. so ..t’was all good

Between the floats there were very long periods of time with nothing going on – I wasn’t expecting that really… but sis explained that they floats/entrants had to do their thing to the judges just around the previous corner so there had to be spaces to let the sound systems die down etc… this I understood.. but sometimes the lack of music led to a decline in atmosphere (or at least that’s what I felt)….

There were so many people there and when I had to surrender the coolbox I wondered how I would see! Lol So… Singing man lifted me up (like a groom does a bride) and put me on the railing! I was beside meself! Lol Firstly I was so shocked that a man could even lift me up, let alone sweep me onto a flippin railing (having lifted me over the heads of those next to us!!)… He simply told me that it was probably the best way to see and he would make sure I didn’t fall off. I was very grateful and did have a brilliant view… so.. for several hours I sat on a railing about 3inches wide at most… now… it has to be said… I loved sitting there and jiggling around to the music when there was some but OH BOY! Did I suffer for it on Tuesday… and Wednesday… and Thursday! I tried shifting my weight every now and again to relieve the pressure.. lol.. and I managed… and I got some great pics.. and had a wicked time…and loved every damn second! UNTIL….

The Joker decided he was going to get food and asked if I’d like to get some too.. by now I’d had very little to drink and only some pretzels to eat… (BIG mistake!)…and was hungry and thirsty so said yes! So… I relinquished my space and knew I wouldn’t be sitting there again.. but to be honest I think my thighs and bum were very glad! Lol So off we set… the police were doing a road crossing thing where they herded everyone across in batches.. all well and good in theory, except that people were going in both directions and basically it was a crazy free for all of thousands of people crushing to cross over between the procession… it wasn’t good… I got squashed and stepped on too many times to mention! We finally got across and then to a food outlet and I had Jerk Chicken (again!!) rice… (oh man!!) and.. now… this is the killer… a Jamaican dumpling!!

NOW see what I mean about selective amnesia!! We paid and set off into the crush to get back… NOT a good idea. We got separated in the crowd and I was basically being carried along by them… it was scary and no way out… I wasn’t happy now! I finally got across the road but that was when the really nasty bit happened… right in front of me (I’d been shoved to the side of the crowd and had just made it to the pavement ) a guy was being cautioned by the police… this soon turned into a really nasty incident… the guy was calm and not shouting and not objecting and the police basically just pinned him down! I was so shocked… I watched in horror as the stewards tried to get them off him… and remonstrated to let him up… I had nowhere to go.. the road was closed off behind me by police officers, to my left were barriers.. to my right were more police and in front of me was this scene being played out before me… all I wanted to do was eat my tea!!!

I started snapping and took pictures of it all… unsure as to what else I could do… by this time there were at least 5 police officers on the guy and more getting involved.. the stewards were pleading with them to back off and not be so heavy with him… they were told in no uncertain terms to mind their own business…

In the meantime the procession was on again behind me in the road.. and others were spotting what was going on… they had him handcuffed and I was shoved into the barriers as they bundled him up the road a few feet… next thing there were even more of them and they had his trousers around his knees and him on the ground with them all on top of him – I couldn’t hear him say a thing… the stewards were beside themselves by now… no-one seemed to be able to do a thing… one police officer then told them that the man was wanted for murder so they couldn’t take any chances… I found that startling but still said nothing and kept out of the way… I still had nowhere to go!! With the path blocked all around me I had to stay put. I felt sick inside. I watched the scene continue… stewards still pleading for the officers to let the man breathe… others now at the roadside doing the same… then he was back on his feet and still (remarkably) calm and not shouting or anything.. if I hadn’t seen if for myself I wouldn’t have believed it…

Now they re-opened the pavement again and ordered me to move (not nicely) and I replied that I was very happy to and that I’d had no choice but to be there as they had all blocked me off! I was very shaken by it all and wanted to go home.

I fought my way back to sis and friends – the crowd was just a surging mass of people heading into one another – total chaos – I wondered why there wasn’t a one-way system in place as this was really not good… Singer man was the first to spot me.. he shot over and asked me if I was ok… I was really shaken but yeah, ok… and then sis had a go at me for not staying with the joker (I think it was relief to be honest) – I tried to explain what had happened and how we’d been separated in the crowd (she hadn’t budged all day)… but it was difficult and the crowds were still shoving.

Shortly afterwards I was suddenly flanked by 2 girls in ‘Moneygram’ promo gear and having my pic taken and then they were off – having thanked me and handed me a freebie fan!.. lol I did well that day… free fan, whistle, flags, books, thingy doofer (lanyard I think its called) and the offer of a free beer (declined graciously).. lol

Then I saw this poor woman right in the middle of the pavement.. she had a push bike with her… ridiculous! She was completely stuck.. the crowds had her pinned in and there was no-where for her to go.. no-one was helping her and I could see the panic rising in her face so I yelled at everyone to move away from the bike and barked at her to lift it up over their heads… between the 2 of us we did exactly that… she and I carried it (above our heads) to an area away from the main surge (it really hurt too! Flaming heavy!! Not sure how we did it to be honest.. lol… must’ve been adrenalin!) and we got her and the bike to a safe area.

I felt so sorry for her.. she was clearly very distressed… and now she had to try and find somewhere safe to leave her bike until after Carnival … it was madness to try and do anything else! There were just too many people!. She was almost in tears and told me how her lock had been stolen so she’d had no choice but to take her bike with her as she tried to get home… God love her… anyway.. she set off down a back street away from the crowds… I hope she and her bike were ok!

That done and I really wasn’t in the mood for any more or the crowds… there was a nasty feeling and I felt it.. so did sis and so did her friends… people were being very rough… it wasn’t necessary and I really felt it might be best to leave… we (Joker ) and I decided to go and stand where there was a bit of space and room to dance as another parade thingy was coming… as we got there I spotted someone I thought I knew! I mean.. I’ve NEVER been to Notting Hill before… and knew no-one except sis… and I walked up to this man, bold as brass and announced ‘I know you!’ .. lol Poor bugger… he looked at me and shrugged.. and I asked him where did I know him from… well… lol… a process of elimination and severe memory digging… it transpires we were at Uni together as mature students… and the last time we met was in 1997!! Lmao WHAT a small world is this!!! Lol

He lives somewhere miles away, I live up in Northants and here we were bumping into each other for the first time in 10 years in the middle of a crowd of about 1 million people in the middle of freakin London! Lol

Once we got over the initial surprise we chatted awhile, took pics.. were very stunned… lol… vowed to keep in touch – he gave me his number and I texted him mine (as he asked) and said cheerio! Lol Mad innit!

Sis and I agreed it was time to go… a lot earlier than we had planned, but we ALL agreed about the atmosphere and felt it best to leave… so… we set off! Lol Saw more of the procession as we headed for the tube station… the place still heaving with people… more music though now as we got closer to the ‘holding’ area for the displays yet to be judged… what a long day these groups must have had…

High spirits were all around us though and I liked the atmosphere of those leaving… lots of smiles and dancing… we got to the tube and saw a great couple with her sporting some dead natty flashing blue specs.. lol.. took their pic on the tube… lol… Joker announced on the train ‘Hands up if you use Rightguard!’ at which point I totally disowned anything to do with him or sis! Lol He’d been drinking but wasn’t drunk.. just very happy… lol

The journey home was lovely and relaxing and we reflected on the days events… overall it was brilliant with just a couple of down points… I don’t know what happened to the man who was arrested… not my business and who knows.. perhaps he was a wanted murderer and they simply couldn’t take any chances… but it was still a shocking thing to see… I would hate to have been a police officer there… too many people… too much booze… I think sis said there were some shootings later and several arrests… I’m glad we left when we did but I think I would go again… maybe not next year… but I would go again.. (will take me own food!)… lol

Once back in Luton it was quick dash to the car and drive off to Hatfield to pick Zoe up… I was shattered… got home at some ridiculous time of day and crashed out straight away into an exhausted (but happy) sleep… barely remembering to take off my whistle! Lol

 

[FatFairNForty(ish)]

Tues & Weds... theatre, driving, dating! Argh!

Tuesday August 28th

Shattered, had a lie in (rare for me) – but no dog to wake me up see!! Ahh what bliss! Lol Didn’t get up until the early afternoon (having laid in bed with my book for a couple of hours once I did wake!)… absolute luxury… must do it again some time! Lol

Fetched the dog from the kennels but couldn’t find his lead!!!! Nightmare! It’s one of those extending things too… not cheap… and I swear I put it in the car after I dropped him off coz they don’t let you leave it… hmm.. oh well… perhaps it’ll turn up somewhere! (Certainly hope so!)

Did some washing but to be honest, no flippin energy! Had an email inviting me to join this thing called Facebook… so I did! What a time consuming effort that became.. lol… I joined and then proceeded to put up all sorts of piccies on it… albums of family, hols… Notting Hill… found lots of people on there who I know… they added me., I added them.. lol… then it happened.

A very old flame appeared on there and contacted me. It knocked me for six. I never thought I would ever hear from him again. The long and the short of it is this – he arranged to come and see me the next day. I was nervous but agreed. Uncertain about how it would be and how I might feel. I should have guessed!

I felt very very lethargic all day and put it down to tiredness and lack of sleep generally… (makes sense I thought).. did some washing and then it was time to go for my weigh in.

I was gutted.. as you know… I put on over 5lbs… I couldn’t believe it and it sent me into a complete tail spin.

I felt such a failure and was so angry at myself… and I couldn’t understand it… but now… looking back and remembering how much I REALLY ate… then perhaps I can better understand it after all… (still very angry with myself though).

Ailsa was lovely but even so, I cried in the car on the way home and again later… I felt crap and knew it was all my own fault. Not a good feeling and not one I’ve felt for a long time nor one I wish to repeat in a hurry either!!

Later on I had a text from Casino man asking if I’d like to meet – we arranged for Saturday and a walk. I wasn’t sure about it but thought why not.. he was ok and I need to walk.. lol Not very good reasons though I’ll grant you!

Spent far too much time on Facebook and on the phone and finally went to bed around midnight… promising myself that I WOULD get some early nights in… and soon!

Wednesday August 29th August

Another bad start to the day – felt sluggish and tired, headaches and nausea… couldn’t believe how rough I felt! Just like I did right at the start of the diet. SS’d all day but it was damned hard… no amount of food was worth feeling this way for!! It was awful, I still cried about the gain and setting myself back on the whole weight loss thing… getting so damn close and felt so good at the weekend and now paying the price… well… lesson flippin’ well learned! Need to ‘get over yourself’ girly and knuckle down again! No slacking! No letting up. No ruining this now!!

Grateful not to have Blueeyes hassling me anymore and worried about how the old flame’s visit would go … I should never have agreed to him calling ‘round… it re-opened all the old emotions.. for both of us. He stayed less than an hour with the promise of a return the next day… no sooner had he left then it was time to go and pick up my mate and get to the Lakes.

I told her all about it in the car and we had a good natter about everything on the way and whilst waiting for the show to start. It was still daylight and we had 3 rugs with us… lol.. quite a few people turned up and there was an air of excited anticipation. The show was the first of its kind at the venue – a new outdoor area by the lakes specifically designed for shows etc… The theatre group comprised of 5 blokes.. and they did the entire story of Treasure Island… it was really pretty good, although we got a bit bored in places and were cold too… so… all snuggled up under 3 rugs and a fleecy blanket, lol, we ooh-arr-Jim-lad-ed with the best of ‘em. Lol It was an experience to remember and one I will repeat but probably would go better prepared as I had sandals on and was freezing cold! Lol

Whilst there Casino man texted and asked me to send him my pic – I asked why? He said he’d lost it, so, perhaps rather uncharitable of me, I told him, if he couldn’t remember what I looked like then forget Saturday! Lol Well…. Just how hard is it to remember someone you spent an evening with just 2 weeks earlier! So… blew him out.. lol.. he did text later asking again and I ignored him. Number deleted now… don’t need nonsense like that!

After I’d dropped my mate home I had to head off to take Zoë back to Hatfield.. I’m beginning to wish I couldn’t drive either! It’s very hard doing the late night drives on weekdays… still… hopefully she’ll pass her next test and this will all fade away into the dim and distant… we do enjoy the journey though… it gives us an hour and a quarter to just concentrate on each other… it’s really lovely actually… lol

Back home (hours later) and dancing man rang to confirm Fridays plans.. I told him I wasn’t sure as I was really tired and couldn’t really afford the petrol… love him, he offered to pay.. .lol.. I said I’d let him know and that I had to get home and go to sleep… and that’s almost exactly what I did. Still felt lousy and lethargic etc… damn carbs!

 

[FatFairNForty(ish)]

Good friends, dog leads, old flames, sorting out the dross!

Thursday August 30th 2007

Woke feeling rough again! NOT liking this at all! Didn’t sleep too well either… I ended up sitting up and writing to the old flame, told him I can’t see him again as he is still seeing his girlfriend and I wouldn’t and couldn’t do that to another woman and he was wrong to even ask me to and that she deserved to be treated better than that. Told him to make up his mind what he wanted in life and if it wasn’t me then to never contact me again.

He does this everytime he comes into my life… he knocks me for six then leaves me feeling rejected and crappy… so… no more. Not sure how I did it but I wrote it all down and prepared to give it to him on his arrival. He rang 15 minutes before he was due to arrive… ‘Can’t come, mate borrowed car, let’s do it Monday’. I agreed and then jumped in my car and drove to his place and put the card on the doorstep and crept away. I didn’t want any confrontations or upset but I couldn’t leave it until Monday. As I snuck down the path his mate appeared at the gate and frightened the life out of me!! He asked if I was ok… I burst into tears and said no… and he took me inside (old flame was out thank goodness) , introduced me to his wife (lovely lady) and then told me they thought old flame was an idiot. It didn’t matter, I had to do what I did, so I told them all about it and the whys and wherefores… they were very sweet but I made a quick exit before he returned.

We spoke the next morning for 5 minutes – he made his choice (just as I knew he would) and I said goodbye to him for the last time. I know that sounds melodramatic but its really hard to finally let go of someone but I knew I had to for my sake and for her sake! So I did. I never saw him when he was dating anyone else and I wasn’t going to start compromising that now either! So.. another piece of dross sloughed out of my life. Oddly relieved actually but a tad sad too. Still… it’s good to be tying up loose ends..

I had my appointment to be waxed and plucked and totally forgot!! Thank goodness she knows me well enough to text me a reminder! Burst into tears as soon as I saw her and we hugged and I spilled the lot to her.. she told me she was proud of me and I’d done the right thing.. we set the world to right as she ripped the follicles out of me legs and pits.. lol… have to say though, she’s damn good at it! Especially considering how difficult it is now with all this flaming sagginess going on!! We always have a right good chin wag when we get together… lol.. this was no exception!

Home again and did beggar all except waste time on Facebook again – really need to control that! Not a good thing! Better off going out for a walk – which, incidentally, I haven’t done in ages! Oh, I did buy the dog a couple of new leads – a cheapo one and a dead flash extending one.. she told me that if I find his old one and haven’t opened the new I can take it back. I love living in this town! Lol Where else would the shopkeepers be so lovely!

I bought the dog a pigs ear (remembered the mess he made last time with the trotter – YUKK!!)

Was going to go to bed early but had a call from a very dear friend and ended up talking for almost 2 hours!! Both of us very tired but happy to share thoughts about recent events. I’m very blessed to have such good friends in my life. I really am.

 

[FatFairNForty(ish)]

Friday - Struggling to SS, tiredness, emotions and clubbing 'til the wee hours!

Friday August 31st 2007

Woke tired again. This isn’t good. SSing is very very hard at the moment… I want to eat.. but can’t face feeling this way again. It’s awful. Not entirely convinced that I’ve shaken off that flippin virus I had. Hmm… could just be emotions of course… I am a bit of a fruit loop at the moment… hmmmm fruit loops… sound yummy…. Need to stop thinking about food dammit!!

Didn’t sleep all that well again.. lots going on in my head… declarations of feelings swimming around… emotions about the weight gain still pushing their way in… stress about work issues… elder daughter giving me lots to think about as she is changing her course and has jacked in her job! I decided to try and do something constructive so set to sorting out the study some more… 2 black sacks of shredding later and all the cd’s labeled clearly and the papers stacked in magazine files (not sorted but ready to be!) and I felt a lot better. My desk actually looks like a desk now… and there is lots of it cleared!

I came across more memories of happier times and that was tough.. but… that’s what they are, memories.. so… designated to the old memory banks and filed away for stronger times. Actually managed to do my ironing (I hate ironing) which was a good feeling, so that all done and clothes up and put away (another good feeling)… it was time to try and get some kip before heading out for the nights dancing plans!

I couldn’t sleep and got up. Got ready, and set off. Sis rang to say she wasn’t coming and I was so disappointed.. but went anyway… can’t let others down when I was the designated driver! Anyway,.. as it happens it was ace. She did join us in the end (in Hitchin) and we had a great time… got in terribly early/late on Saturday morning having danced my socks off! Just what I needed (but not the lack of sleep , lol)….