Thank you everyone. I like the Elephant suggestion - but must admit its very difficult not to have my mind racing ahead, dissecting every eventuality - every possibility - and its hard work! But hard to stop too.
Timing is always interesting. I have been feeling for several weeks, that I needed to finally cut the chord with Minimins, and bid a fond farewell to everyone - I was finding I was spreading myself all over the place, and giving a little attention to a lot of things, rathar then a lot of attention to fewer things. ANd I thought maybe the time had come.
And then this happened.....and now, I feel, knowing myself and my situation, I will probably find journaling helpful. ANd I know I am facing definate challenges ahead with my chatterbox.....so maybe I need to stick around awhile. But I will probably just come on mainly to write here....I do still need to start focusing on things that get neglected when I get spread to thin....so I hope folks won;t mind my prattling on and not really spending much time in other parts of the forum.
I know this is nothing anyone can fix for me. There is no bandaid. BUt I have so many feelings churning about inside, my chest feels it could burst.....so just having a willing ear now and again is so helpful.
I spoke to mom last night - and she told me to be prepared - that she was "going downhill fast".
I am so sad, because I know out trip out there at Easter - may be the last time I see her. It is always so difficult to come home from a visit....this time it is going to be just awful.
I want to carry a big bucket of sand, and keep my head in it.