Blonde Logic's Stream of Consciousness/Diary

[Kira]

Morning BL! You know it's lovely to read your posts! I can feel your happy mood and buzz! And you know it's kind of infectious and I love it! Have a fab day! X

 

[Spanglymum]

I'm loving your positive mood as well. Good for you! I'm hoping to be able to follow suit soon and be able to get back into some of my lovely "new" clothes again. We will do this!!

 

[MinnieMel]

I'm loving your positive mood as well. Good for you! I'm hoping to be able to follow suit soon and be able to get back into some of my lovely "new" clothes again. We will do this!!

Me, too. I can't fit into my "long trousers". I've been living in my cropped jeans which got missed in the clear out, as they'd been packed up.

 

[Blonde Logic]

Good morning everyone -Happy (?) Monday. :S lol
I had a really stressfyul few days - I have los a set of Car Keys - th remote for central locking and for disengaging the immobiliser, fuel cap key and ignition key. I spent al of Saturday looking EVERYWHERE for them. It has been a compelte palava dealnig with Ford and/or Halfords - both proving to be entirely useless,t elling me I do not have a remote fob - despite the fact that me, as the owner, who uses it everyday, confirms that I do, actually. GRRRRRRRRR....

Anyway. Was a bad week - I messad abuot again a lot - but IO upped my exercise as penance...so hopefully I will be OK tomorrow when I weight - I need to sort it -

Hope you all are well.

xxxx

(Gotta start work! oops!!) Bye for now!

 

[Kira]

Awh! BL that sounds really frustrating! Did you find your keys in the end? I am terrible with keys and they always end up in the most crazy places usually when I am in a rush! Its great you are fitting in exercise especially when you may have strayed a little. I guess that is what "normality" is about it. We'll get there!

 

[MinnieMel]

Hi BL, sorry about your key trouble. If you haven't already / go through all coat, jacket, etc pockets. check all bags (handbags, shopping, book, etc.). Any where they could have been set - then slipped behind or between pull out, turn over, etc.

My dryer is in the garage - one time I set the keys on top of the dryer when I unloaded a basket on my way in the house front quick trip. I looked all over for tgd keys only to find them the next day when I took out clothes to dry.

And my OH has taken my keys along with his - his were in his coat and he grabbed mine in error.

Good on the fitness - luck with the weigh in.

 

[Blonde Logic]

Oh Mel, I have looked EVERYWHERE. Absolutely everywher - washer, dryer, fridge. drawers, under furniture, on furniture, in furniture, the car, the verhe, the gutter, I have looked everywhere. I have given up. 160.00!!!!!Damn.

Anyway....also fed up with my messing about - it is just prolonging this. I still lost a pound this week by upping my exercise. But I need to stop this picky picky business and STAY STRAIGHT ON THE LINE!!!!! Dammit, my messing abuot!"! What am I like!! In 10 months of abstinance, I never even had a grain of salt that I shouldn't have!!! And now, I just keep pushign the limit.

It must stop or I will be on this through the holidays!!!!

Grrrrrr, realy annoyed - anbd going to try so hard to get fully back in to ketosis and let the diet work its magic like I know it will.

Happy mid week to all!

xx

 

[Kira]

((((Big Hugs))))! BL. We are where we are remember. So today is a new day. Get glugging your water and if you feel you need to "eat" something have anything but carbs although I'm sure the odd bit of salad and celery etc would also be better to pick at than anything else. YOu've done this before and you can do it again. Sigh! It is so much harder doing vlcd a second time or in my case third time around (that's not taking into account the zillion re-starts inbetween. Day at a time. Btw one pound off is the right direction and a LOSS! Well done!

 

[MinnieMel]

((((Big Hugs))))! BL. We are where we are remember. So today is a new day. Get glugging your water and if you feel you need to "eat" something have anything but carbs although I'm sure the odd bit of salad and celery etc would also be better to pick at than anything else. YOu've done this before and you can do it again. Sigh! It is so much harder doing vlcd a second time or in my case third time around (that's not taking into account the zillion re-starts inbetween. Day at a time. Btw one pound off is the right direction and a LOSS! Well done!

Fab response! You can do this.

 

[Blonde Logic]

Bless you ladies - thank you. <<<hugs>>>

Talking with my CDC last night, I think what is happening, is the first time I did this for the whole major loss, it was for me a matter of life or death. My last chance. So I stuck to it mercilessly.

This time - not QUITE so urgent, though still as necessary. I think I am being toooo relaxed as a result.

And I amnot letting myself get completely into Ketosis. So I feel hungry often and gobble up something so fast my smart voice has no time to say NOOOOOOOOO!!!! So that is the petulant child running things, innit!

So - I need to practice what I have so often preached. I need to do ANYTHING to avoid eating - bubble bath, walk, clean, cover food in Fairy Liquid...lol....whatever it takes. I am being slack.And that is naughty.

Time for diligence and focus and determination.

You are both right. I (we) can do this.

Going to give it a very very good attempt this week. Head on straight, nose down and power through!

<whispers out the other side of her mouth: Give me strength!!!!>

Thanks for your support ladies.

xxx

 

[MinnieMel]

Bless you ladies - thank you. <<<hugs>>>

Talking with my CDC last night, I think what is happening, is the first time I did this for the whole major loss, it was for me a matter of life or death. My last chance. So I stuck to it mercilessly.

This time - not QUITE so urgent, though still as necessary. I think I am being toooo relaxed as a result.

And I amnot letting myself get completely into Ketosis. So I feel hungry often and gobble up something so fast my smart voice has no time to say NOOOOOOOOO!!!! So that is the petulant child running things, innit!

So - I need to practice what I have so often preached. I need to do ANYTHING to avoid eating - bubble bath, walk, clean, cover food in Fairy Liquid...lol....whatever it takes. I am being slack.And that is naughty.

Time for diligence and focus and determination.

You are both right. I (we) can do this.

Going to give it a very very good attempt this week. Head on straight, nose down and power through!

<whispers out the other side of her mouth: Give me strength!!!!>

Thanks for your support ladies.

xxx

Carry your water bottle with you always. When you want to eat, nibble, etc take a drink of magic skimming liquid and do a visualization exercise. Think of that photo of you in those skinny jeans.

 

[Spanglymum]

It IS more difficult the second/third time around, definitely. But I find it helps me if I accept that it's difficult rather than trying to fight it. Stops me feeling all the 'it's not fair!' feelings that encourage my rebellious child to act out. Who said losing weight and keeping it off is easy? It isn't. But the main thing is, the really BIG achievement, is that you KEEP ON TRYING. Remember that when you feel your resolve weaken. You are a very very strong and resourceful lady and have been through so much. You deserve to have your amazing body back. You are doing this. A few wobbles won't undo you unless you allow them to. Much love xx

 

[angie-bum]

Focus and determination. Drink your water eat your packs, one foot in front of the other. No looking round at the scenery, just one foot in front of the other til goal. You can do it. You were my inspiration back in 2008 to lose 4 stone. Your pictures were the ones that convinced me it could be done, when id lost all belief that i could lose weight. You've done it before and you can do it now.

I've kept my head down this time and lost 2 stone plus. I've wobbled, I've faltered, but not cheated, I'm still here walking that line. I will get to goal this time. I will. 2 more stone to go and I will be at goal by Christmas.

the very first thing you need to do is get firmly into ketosis. Do whatever you need to do to get in. Then you know it's plain sailing once you're no longer hungry.

take care honey. You can bloody well do it

 

[Kira]

New day new dawn BL! Go for iy BL!!! One day at a time. You can do this! We can do this! Xx

 

[Blonde Logic]

I love you ladies! I really do!!

Thanks for the encouragement.

I had a long long talk with myself in the mirror, as I have done before... .... but it works.

And I really laid in to myself and realised if I keep messing about I will jst drag this on and on and on.

So, now, if I feel that niggling voice approaching, I am visualising myself at Christmas in two scenarios. One - enjoying some lovely holiday meals with friends and family....the other....sitting at the Christmas Dinner table with a Peanut bar. I want this to be well done before Christmas. So that is a pretty powerful visual.

And ya know what - after my talk, when I lookedin the mirror - I saw a different me. The me that listens. The adult me - not the little brat who has been running things!! lol

And I immediately felt like a new person. And again, when I woke this morning - I feel storng and full of resolve and that I have that fighting spirit again. Long may it last.

It is hard to explain - but i feel compleeeetely diffferent today abuot the diet then i did yesterday. Could it be I am over my little rebellious spell??

It is as if I completely lost the plot and lost sight of what I was doing- and now I have it again??? Minds are such weird things. I really hope this lasts, because today I feel 110% confident again that nothing will go in my mouth that doesn;t belong there, and yet just last week I could have stuck two fingers up at the diet.

Your support and excellant words of wisdom, advice and friendship mean so much to me.

Thank you sooo much.

xxxxxxxxxxx

 

[MinnieMel]

Wonderful post.. Great visualization exercise.

 

[Blonde Logic]

Well, I think I have it sorted. Phew. I have been good as gold now since Tuesday night. I have had no demons taunting me.....no biscuits tempting me.....and I think tonight I am in Ketosis.....I just went in the kitchen to get some water, and ended up clearing out an entire cabinet and reorganising it! LOL And it's 11pm!!! Also, I forgot to bring any pack with me to work and the table was covered with the usual Friday food - and not a twinge. Got through the day - home- and just had my last pack now - so must certainly be in the mighty K. YAY!!!!!

I don;t know what came over me that last few weeks. I really lost the plot. And it's so odd, that all of a sudden - the desire to eat is gone - and I am right back on track, knowing in my gut i will get to my goal. What a weird little spell. Glad it's over!! So close to the end, the last thing I need to be doing is sabotaging myslef!!!

Have a good weekend everyone!
xx

 

[MinnieMel]

Well, I think I have it sorted. Phew. I have been good as gold now since Tuesday night. I have had no demons taunting me.....no biscuits tempting me.....and I think tonight I am in Ketosis.....I just went in the kitchen to get some water, and ended up clearing out an entire cabinet and reorganising it! LOL And it's 11pm!!! Also, I forgot to bring any pack with me to work and the table was covered with the usual Friday food - and not a twinge. Got through the day - home- and just had my last pack now - so must certainly be in the mighty K. YAY!!!!!

I don;t know what came over me that last few weeks. I really lost the plot. And it's so odd, that all of a sudden - the desire to eat is gone - and I am right back on track, knowing in my gut i will get to my goal. What a weird little spell. Glad it's over!! So close to the end, the last thing I need to be doing is sabotaging myslef!!!

Have a good weekend everyone!
xx

Glad you're back on track. I cleared a cupboard last night, too. Weird.

 

[Bella Rose]

OMG BL you are so inspirational ! I have only got to post #120 but I am so fascinated by your 'ramblings' I dont even know if you still check this thread (I am reading it like a book, and i dont want to spoil the ending) but everything you say seemed to hit something familiar in my life. Surrounded by friends or family, who probably had their own problems, but who seemed to have a knack of deflecting their own faults by pointing out other peoples problems or insecurities to make themselves feel better. I have always been an easy going type of person, non-judgemental and the person that everyone comes to to pour out their own woes. They would nit-pik me to pieces before i even had a chance (not that i would) to hit back with a 'but you aint that good either'
your husband was right too when he said if youd done the diet a couple of years ago you may not have succeeded cos i keep thinking the only reason I have managed it this time is cos my mind was in the right place emotionally. one day i will find the words to write it all down, maybe here or maybe in a private notebook. I just wanted to say that so often the bad behaviour of others can make us feel so bad about ourselves, especially when we are younger. Depending on your upbringing i was married at 20 and at 29 i was still very influenced by what parents and older relatives insisted on telling me about how I should look, act, bring up my children, do my housework etc etc
the day has finally come when i was able to simply say, you know what, i dont care for what you think anymore. I have even cut people off mid sentence and told them i dont want to talk about that, which i wouldnt have dared to when i was younger. ok its taken 30 years of being an adult to get there, but better late than never !! and i am finally on the way to rediscovering the real me
I hope you are still well and enjoying a new life, not just a slimmer one, but one where self-discovery made all things possible.
Looking forward to reading the rest of this blog xxx

 

[Jezebella]

Wow, how wonderful to find you again BL, I have a lot of reading to catch up on to see whats been going on in your world, I see you are doing a little refocus too. In brief, I maintained brilliantly for ages, put on a bout a stone in total over 2 years which I lost again last January, had picked that up again over the summer (you know what my chef busy summers are like. Anyhoo, to cut a long story short, my darling Dad was diagnosed with cancer last year mid September - really difficult and stressful (as you know) so had a little dabble with lots of carbs and the glasses of wine agian , sometimes it seems the only thing that satisfies when we are so stressed and sad. They said the cancer was treatable and should have a good success rate of a cure so when Dad started Chemo and Radio I started a month on packs again - 1 to loose the pesky stone and 2 to make me feel like in someway I was sacrificing sort of like he was - he was so braave about it all. Sadly, very sadly in his last week of treatment when I was about 2kg away from goal, he suffered a few massive heart attacks one after the other - we made it up to Leeds to ICU but he never regained consciousness, and after an op and 36 hours there was nothing more they could do so his Life Support was turned off. It ripped my entire world apart (actually feeling rather teary now, and try not to think about it too much) Xmas was **** and naturally because of not doing any kind of RTM just going straight back to food, my stone was back on by new years. I started trying back on the packs again in May - felt so angry with myself for comfort eating, but it was the start of my busiest summer season ever - Jubilee Windsor Horse Show, followed by Farnborough Airshow (biggest yet) a kitchen move and then the Olympics - I realised there was no way I could do the packs (ended up at 1 point doing 47 days of double shifts no day off) so decided to wait until summer was over and start again. by this point I was 2 stone heaver and feeling so rubbish about myself, but also trying to be realistic and say that I set a time limit on things and also that death makes us act in very strange ways - I know you can relate to this. So been back on it since 3 September , think i have lost a stone now well will see if I have cracked it at WI tomorrow. Feeling happier about myself but still not great yet. Class is helping and the refocus is good for me, I forget how supportive my LLC is. So onwards and downwards I know I can do this, I've done it before, interesting to note I never got rid of all my food demons, but I suppose the only thing to do is face them once again and get back to where I want to be. I stayed away from MM for the first month as I felt like a bit of a failure to be fair, but have been peeking on from the iphone app now and again, so felt slightly less bad when I saw some familiar names and faces. I hope you are doing ok my friend and am so looking forward to catching up with you.

Much Love

Jez
xx

ps must get a new ticker etc but so happy to find you I haven't done it yet - also have the cutest new kitten - my much longed for Peterbald from Lithuania!!!