You are so inspirational and seem so wise about the mental side of things. I know you can overcome all the "head" issues, as long as that amazing part of you, that I and many others here have seen, thrives and continues to grow. You have a really good understanding and honesty about what's led you to the place you are. X
Bluegirls journey to ar*e island
- Thread starter bluegirl
- Start date
bettiesrevenge
Gold Member
Woooooo Lady
So chuffed for you...but alas for now, my fingers are too frozen to post, and my head is full of flotsam.
I will be back later!
So chuffed for you...but alas for now, my fingers are too frozen to post, and my head is full of flotsam.
I will be back later!
bluegirl
Silver Member
Oh Lara, you've made a tiny tear run down my cheek! Thank you for being so lovely and saying it out loud, it really is nice to hear, although like many people have said on here before its because we are old pro's and have been through countless diets and cycles and so want to stop people falling and failing in the same ways that we have.
So, its the weekend, and I am trying to prepare myself for a day at home. I was up early to take the cub to his Duke of Edinburgh hike thing, god its cold out there, I really think they're brave taking a group of 13 years olds out to Saddleworth Moor today! Anyway I am sure he'll enjoy himself, and the bonus is after 6 hours walking he'll be shattered tonight and we hope will want an early night.
So after my good results last night I ate something stupid and pointless last night. Hallumi cheese. Raw (as in not grilled/fried/cooked), now I dont mind it cold in salads, but I found myself slicing off a big chunk and squeeking on in. Whats that all about? Definately not hunger. Definately not desire. Just plane old "I want something and I want it now!" and that was the only thing to hand. Did I enjoy it? No. Did I want it? No. Did I need to eat it? No. But did my head say "you need a reward" I think so, but why not reward myself with something other than squeeky cheese?
I think there is definatley a bit of my personality that says I can do/have anything I want. Which I think has only ever been tested with not being able to have children. So what I need to do is try and add "I want to lose weight" to have the same emphasis as - I want that dress, I want that job, I want that thing and I will not smoke again (gave up in a flash of determination 3 years ago), and I wont eat meat (became vegetarian when I was a teenager - although this might be the start of my relationship with food to last a lifetime).
So another challenge is to find that determination. Anyone seen mine?
I do ramble when I am on a roll! xx
So, its the weekend, and I am trying to prepare myself for a day at home. I was up early to take the cub to his Duke of Edinburgh hike thing, god its cold out there, I really think they're brave taking a group of 13 years olds out to Saddleworth Moor today! Anyway I am sure he'll enjoy himself, and the bonus is after 6 hours walking he'll be shattered tonight and we hope will want an early night.
So after my good results last night I ate something stupid and pointless last night. Hallumi cheese. Raw (as in not grilled/fried/cooked), now I dont mind it cold in salads, but I found myself slicing off a big chunk and squeeking on in. Whats that all about? Definately not hunger. Definately not desire. Just plane old "I want something and I want it now!" and that was the only thing to hand. Did I enjoy it? No. Did I want it? No. Did I need to eat it? No. But did my head say "you need a reward" I think so, but why not reward myself with something other than squeeky cheese?
I think there is definatley a bit of my personality that says I can do/have anything I want. Which I think has only ever been tested with not being able to have children. So what I need to do is try and add "I want to lose weight" to have the same emphasis as - I want that dress, I want that job, I want that thing and I will not smoke again (gave up in a flash of determination 3 years ago), and I wont eat meat (became vegetarian when I was a teenager - although this might be the start of my relationship with food to last a lifetime).
So another challenge is to find that determination. Anyone seen mine?
I do ramble when I am on a roll! xx
bettiesrevenge
Gold Member
Hahaha,
Squeeky cheese, indeed!
I dont know what possessed you, but I can't see you, or anyone for that matter, rewarding yourself with something so - well, odd...
I think that this could have been one of those things...I get them mostly when I am tired, I have noticed this last week, during my foray into the dark side (or it could have been light side) that when I am knackered in the wee small hours, I can open my mouth for any vertible delight at the bottom of the snack cupboard...and I mean, there have been some strange things lurking in there, water crackers for instance...I never really eat them in my previous incarnation, without strong cheese and a darn good chutney, so why did I try and stuff my gob full of them? I mean so full, I wouldnt have been able to chew as the saliva dried up and it cemented together! (perhaps that was the idea?) of course I then had to chissel them out into the bin...but I have had near missed with a few things (smarties eggs of my daughters, which are gross by the way) the only thing I can say is I needed something, I was tired, it was cold and I had nothing else...no hugs, no pep talk, no benjamin bonetti.
Then, it was only cheese right?
Your determination is right with you BTW. It takes a VAST amount to stick with this madness of a lifestyle, it takes determination AND focus and you have both of them in spades.
Ciao cica!
Squeeky cheese, indeed!
I dont know what possessed you, but I can't see you, or anyone for that matter, rewarding yourself with something so - well, odd...
I think that this could have been one of those things...I get them mostly when I am tired, I have noticed this last week, during my foray into the dark side (or it could have been light side) that when I am knackered in the wee small hours, I can open my mouth for any vertible delight at the bottom of the snack cupboard...and I mean, there have been some strange things lurking in there, water crackers for instance...I never really eat them in my previous incarnation, without strong cheese and a darn good chutney, so why did I try and stuff my gob full of them? I mean so full, I wouldnt have been able to chew as the saliva dried up and it cemented together! (perhaps that was the idea?) of course I then had to chissel them out into the bin...but I have had near missed with a few things (smarties eggs of my daughters, which are gross by the way) the only thing I can say is I needed something, I was tired, it was cold and I had nothing else...no hugs, no pep talk, no benjamin bonetti.
Then, it was only cheese right?
Your determination is right with you BTW. It takes a VAST amount to stick with this madness of a lifestyle, it takes determination AND focus and you have both of them in spades.
Ciao cica!
bluegirl
Silver Member
I guess I've never been normal, so squeeky cheese it was rather than a packet of crisps or a slice of bread.......normal is boring after all!
Im not sure I have the determination, or the absolute focus that I need, but I am trying to find it. Every day is a struggle. But everyday I learn a little bit more about me and how I react to emotions and situations. Reading diaries like yours helps massively xx
Im not sure I have the determination, or the absolute focus that I need, but I am trying to find it. Every day is a struggle. But everyday I learn a little bit more about me and how I react to emotions and situations. Reading diaries like yours helps massively xx
bettiesrevenge
Gold Member
Well of course your not normal, I don't talk to people without quirks. I just don't have the capacity... You are a delectable cheese muncher and who cares!
Now here is where I wag an imaginary finger at you and suck my teeth in a frustrated, and petulant way. You SO have resolve and determination. Each day you get through it, each day you struggle on. You. You.... you do all that yourself, you are a plucky warrior woman, baking cakes and solving problems all in a lickity split.
I want to hear you give it a OOO-RAH! In the style of an American marine x
Now here is where I wag an imaginary finger at you and suck my teeth in a frustrated, and petulant way. You SO have resolve and determination. Each day you get through it, each day you struggle on. You. You.... you do all that yourself, you are a plucky warrior woman, baking cakes and solving problems all in a lickity split.
I want to hear you give it a OOO-RAH! In the style of an American marine x
bluegirl
Silver Member
Hiya, thanks for checking up on me. Ok diet wise, just feeling a little poop in mood. Nothing major, just seems to be all work at the moment. Still I have the weekend with my beau to look forward to (and real life eating), and I really do need it.
I will try and catch up on diaries tonight - providing I finish work at a reasonable time - it was 10pm yesterday........hhhmmmmm
x
I will try and catch up on diaries tonight - providing I finish work at a reasonable time - it was 10pm yesterday........hhhmmmmm
x
bettiesrevenge
Gold Member
I know the feeling Kay, still it's nearly April things should be better then!
bluegirl
Silver Member
Hello my lovelies, thank you for stopping by, it's refreshing to remember that we all have bad days, regardless of the diet, it's just normal to feel poop somedays and I shouldn't automatically think its because of the diet.
So I've kicked my own butt since I've got "home" from work, trying as Spangles does so well to plan forwards, to set targets, to have an idea of where I want to be so;
This week I expect to lose 1lb (struggled and ended up having 5 products more days)
Next week to 23/2 with a planned weekend away I expect to lose 1lb (dancing and walking will help!)
Week to 1/3 - 3lbs
Week to 8/3 - 2lbs (annual leave so know this might be a tricky one)
Week to 15/3 - 3lbs
Week to 22/3 - 3lbs
Week to 29/3 - 3lbs
So, that's 16lbs before my holiday with the family. Which then leaves me within roughing distance of my first target of 14 stone. With 8 lbs to go, possibly by going up to 810, or add a meal or whatever it is I need to do. I would hope to lose that last 8lbs in April, then I can sensibly decide if I really need to lose another stone and a half, taking me to the top of the normal BMI for my giant height.
It's doable isn't it? I've never dared set myself these kind of targets before, but I feel like I can now, where I want to be is getting close. I just need to watch that devil on my shoulder.
I'm hoping to really enjoy this weekend, I am going to eat, and drink and dance and shop and walk, and mostly hold hands with my man. I am convincing myself that the eating part won't be that exciting and it will make me happy to be back on CD on Tuesday. I think that I am going to need some virtual hand holding come Tuesday.
Xx
So I've kicked my own butt since I've got "home" from work, trying as Spangles does so well to plan forwards, to set targets, to have an idea of where I want to be so;
This week I expect to lose 1lb (struggled and ended up having 5 products more days)
Next week to 23/2 with a planned weekend away I expect to lose 1lb (dancing and walking will help!)
Week to 1/3 - 3lbs
Week to 8/3 - 2lbs (annual leave so know this might be a tricky one)
Week to 15/3 - 3lbs
Week to 22/3 - 3lbs
Week to 29/3 - 3lbs
So, that's 16lbs before my holiday with the family. Which then leaves me within roughing distance of my first target of 14 stone. With 8 lbs to go, possibly by going up to 810, or add a meal or whatever it is I need to do. I would hope to lose that last 8lbs in April, then I can sensibly decide if I really need to lose another stone and a half, taking me to the top of the normal BMI for my giant height.
It's doable isn't it? I've never dared set myself these kind of targets before, but I feel like I can now, where I want to be is getting close. I just need to watch that devil on my shoulder.
I'm hoping to really enjoy this weekend, I am going to eat, and drink and dance and shop and walk, and mostly hold hands with my man. I am convincing myself that the eating part won't be that exciting and it will make me happy to be back on CD on Tuesday. I think that I am going to need some virtual hand holding come Tuesday.
Xx
spangles
Bouncy Castle
Hurrah! You know that sometimes the numbers won't play ball - but i find calculating where i'll be by certain dates makes the whole thing more manageable and... *finite*. Finite is good. the great yawning months ahead of you when you start this diet are the kind of thing that really got me down.
bettiesrevenge
Gold Member
I think it's far easier to plan a project to be fair...if I could gant chart my life, I would be in a far better situation!
I think there is so much sense in planning day by day, it's just the foresight I lack. I really want to get this last stone off for instance, I know that I can do it, I just need to do 20 mins of excercise a day and drink a bit more water. Do I do it? Do I fuggery. I have got to get my mojo back. I just have to.
You on the other hand are doing so well. You may have had 5 packs some days, but woman, you are amazonian, that's hardly going to touch the sides, is it? Not like us more umpalumpa types.
Kay Darling...you ARE doing it, it's NOT forever. 8 more weeks. Challenge yourself to do that. Get past April and you will be transformed!
I think there is so much sense in planning day by day, it's just the foresight I lack. I really want to get this last stone off for instance, I know that I can do it, I just need to do 20 mins of excercise a day and drink a bit more water. Do I do it? Do I fuggery. I have got to get my mojo back. I just have to.
You on the other hand are doing so well. You may have had 5 packs some days, but woman, you are amazonian, that's hardly going to touch the sides, is it? Not like us more umpalumpa types.
Kay Darling...you ARE doing it, it's NOT forever. 8 more weeks. Challenge yourself to do that. Get past April and you will be transformed!
Jelliebabe
Gold Member
YYYYAAAAAAYYYY - well done don't "blow a fuse zing boom"
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