Bluegirls journey to ar*e island

[bluegirl]

So ladies, yesterday was crapola, sh1t on a stick, rubbish, yack! I was so annoyed I couldn't even bring myself to tell you how annoyed I was. I was so annoyed that a *nearly* threw the towel in. I *nearly* let old habits kick in. I *nearly* gave up.

But I didn't and here I am. Vowing to give it one more week.

So why did I feel so bad? 1/4 of an f'in pound. For all that pain. For all those missed eating opportunities. I lost as much weight as a fart.

So my lovely CDC is puzzled too. Last weeks excuse was either my period being due, or the skinny lattes I'd had. This weeks maybe it's my period? I think it maybe my body saying that's it, I'm not letting any more of this lovely warm padding go while its -6 degrees! I think it might be time to trick it with some food.

So, you experts out there, HELP!

How does a vegetarian do "add a meal" when they are living in a hotel 5 night a week? Will it be enough to eat a tub of cottage cheese and some carrot? Will that make the difference to my body? Or, as me and my gorgeous gorgeous man (who stopped me caving in last night) have a weekend in London booked in 2 weeks time, will that be enough? Can I continue SS until then, bare the losses and then use that weekend as a natural break for my body? It will be 5 days and I will be walking lots and dancing like I just don't care and maybe drinking too, so that'll be 5 days off. And I know it's sabotage but as a couple we really do need it. That weekend is more important to our relationship at the moment than any amount of diet is for me.

I can't bare to update my ticker yet. My scales said 2lbs which I would have been chuffed to add to my ticker. I can't even begin to write a 1/4 of an f'in pound.

 

[bettiesrevenge]

Oh China doll!

I feel your pain, this is just not on...

I think that you could do worse than adding some protein in there for a week and see if it shifts, but let me ask you this...what's the water intake like? The reason I ask, is my poo (being the objective negative pretext) losses have been atributable to really awful water intake.

Also, stress, in my non professional opinion, causes for a hike in cortisol, which also causes blood thickening, problems with insulin and general havok on the ole' bod. I think it's time for some loud music, a big jug of san pel, and some scary shape throwing in a dark room...banish the stress, drink more and it will all be good.

Some options by the way for some protein

2 x packs of those rank (but edible) quorn fake meats, I favour turkey.

1 x 360g tub of low fat cottage cheese with some rocket

2 x eggs in an omellete for breakfast which the hotel could whip you up (with some optional cottage cheese if it makes it go down the hatch)

but dont take my advice - I have gained this week...well I think so, about to find out!

 

[bluegirl]

Thanks Nat, my water intake is ok, stress high but I like it that way! But you have just given me a light bulb moment - breakfast! For some reason my brain was only allowing add a meal in the evening. No reason why it couldn't be breakfast is there?

I know I am going off the waggon for my wobble session in London, it's been planned and dreamed up for months. We've even managed to coincide with Mr Scruff being at Coco so we definatley *need* some oil on our joints. I'll see how this week goes SS then next week I'll try the omelet then the weekend I'll enjoy

Nat, I lov ya! Xx

 

[bettiesrevenge]

Hahah! Its defo the sub zero temperatures then.

It's our anniversary this week and I don't give a hoot, I'm off for my planned and promised chateau briand, was hoping to be half a stone lighter as opposed to 2pm heavier but you know what. I have realized this weight stuff can't just be done overnight if you want it to last... So slow and steady wins the race! (5lb loss today wouldn't go amis though!)

 

[Kira]

OH!Blue!! I "feel" for you!! It's simple! Retail therapy is definitely in order to compensate! (Spangles always gives very good advice and it worked for me!)

On a serious note yes you need to up the meal bit. Hotels are a problem but maybe you can purchase raw veggies like broccoli and tub of cottage cheese? I had raw broccoli florets yesterday with my cottage cheese as I was being lazy! But they tasted lovely and crunchy and I was full. Any diet plan can be tough but when one is travelling it really is a pain. However, you still lost honey, you didn't gain. That is why you shouldn't throw in the towel. (I'll share my taking the wide road last night on my thread! But I;m back again!)

 

[spangles]

cucumber! cottage cheese and cucumber. not carrot. carrot bad. carrot hates ketosis. carrot and ketosis have fight. ketosis dies. bluegirl saaaaaaaaaad.

sorry you've had the rubbish low lossvile bus coming round to you. i can say i am very happy now with my ss+ meal. don't know how i managed so long previously!

 

[Lara1986]

Aww Sorry to hear you didn't get deserved results. Cottage cheese sounds fine and maybe the cooked chicken you can buy?x

 

[spangles]

not *very* vegetarian, chicken...

(also, the pre-cooked stuff usually contains sugar, if you read the ingredients...)

 

[Lara1986]

Lol I knew I was missing something when I wrote that but couldn't work out what ha! My bad!!

 

[bettiesrevenge]

Ah yes! Sadly so, but quorn do one of those as well! A chicken style slice type thing. Ordinarily wrong but so right when you would eat cardboard with pepper on it!

 

[Kira]

How you doing Blue? Hoping the low loss and awful week hasn't sent you off on the wobbly road? You can get back on we're here for you! X

 

[bluegirl]

Oh dear diary, how I have tried to escape your charms, how I have tried this weekend to do without you, to be strong on my own, to settle for where I am not where I want to be. Well dear diary in life I don't settle. I'm good at what I do and I don't give up. So why do I want to give you up?

I want to give you up because it's hard. It's hard to diet. It's hard to feel deprived. It's hard to say no.

Tis weekend I have felt proper miserable. Lara I am sure it's to do with the impending full moon, Kira thank you for your message which sparked some glimmer of a consciousness. Everyone else who has messages me, or updated their own Callander this weekend, you have all helped me.

I have gone through in my mind every other way I know of controlling my food intake in order to lose weight. I have thought about diet clubs, about diet chef, even about abusing myself far more than this diet ever could do, but I keep coming back. And that's probably because I know it does work. This god forsaken Cambridge crap does work. But it does bring with it some dark days and misery. If only. Could have lost a teeny bit more bulk I'd have still had my smile. Now I just feel like my body is fighting against me. Self sabotage.

Just by being back here means I haven't given up doesn't it? I've a week of exile in north east and I'm going to give it a bloody good try. I want to wear smaller sized clothes, I want to be more active, I want to feel healthier. I want to be normal. Xx

 

[spangles]

Oh kitten!

look at how strong you are - this diet works for us where no other does, but don't be mistaken for thinking it's easy. it's bloody hard to make these sacrifices and every day you've been doing it is a massive achievement - please give yourself credit for that.

and it may work - it *does* work... this is just a blip on the scales, most likely - but that doesn't mean you have to like it. It's normal and understandable to be utterly furious and resentful of all the things you have to miss out on. and ultimately, only you can make the decision if you want to carry on. You can stop at any time... and yet it's scary and horrible having that responsibility - so much easier for me, being compelled to stay on the bloody thing - i can take my resentment out on the medical profession. But you keep making the good choices, keep choosing deferred happiness over instant gratification, and your inner child hates your grown-up self for doing that. and since they are both you, you're going to feel down sometimes.

feel better, honey. xxxx

 

[Kira]

Petal!!!you must let me know when you're back in Newcastle! I'll come and meet you,
? You can come over to my madhouse? I live only two streets away fom Alan Shearer, ex Newcastle footballer ( if like me know know little about football!) if you like celebrity. Steve harper the Newcastle goalie lives only a street away and his son is in my sons year. Oh! I live in the less salubriuous end where houses really need to be knocked down as they're falling apart. Either way you'd be welcome. Come on, make that awful travelling and staying in a hotel less rubbish. Please do let me know when you are up north next.

I have fallen like like a brick today. The planning the safety net i thought I had I have purposely demolished. Like a stack of falling dominoes my plans have fallen . You are not alone we can rebuild our plans again. We are NOT going to regai the weight we habe lost and more. But we are going to amiantian at worst and at best lose a little at a time. That is realistic and doable.

 

[Krissykat]

How are you feeling now hun?
Not been around to read your posts as I've been feeling naff myself!
Hope your next loss it better you deserve it xx

 

[bluegirl]

Hi everyone, thank you from the bottom of my bottom for all your kind words and support. I have had a quick look at other diaries and it seems it's been a tough weekend for so many of us. Selfish but it does make me feel like I belong and that you all understand - so much more than anyone else in my "real" world.

So, is it the full moon? Or is it the vit D deficiency that Nat talked about (and the department of health have issued an alert to clinicians today which I'll try and dig out). Or is it as wonderful single minded Spangles says, it's that she has a real solid reason. An end point. An aim. And something so worth striving for that she can stick to it so marvellously at 100%. I don't know the answers, obviously, but I do want to learn and I want to change. I just need to increase the *want* so that it becomes a no brainier, a must do and second nature.

Today has been better. Mainly because it's been busy, back to back meetings and the first thing I did was fill a 2 ltr bottle with water and I've carried that from place to place until it was empty. The other thing I've done is meet a new CDC who will be my supplier while I'm away (might even be the same as yours Kira, her name is Vanessa?). She seemed lovely, and positive. Even made me think if I have to take redundancy from work (we were all asked to apply for VR last week) that it might not be a bad job!

So I am still in the office, likely to be a late one most nights this week, so I'll catch up with you all while I have half an hour and my tea time tetra. I've been sneaking a read of your diaries while I've been on conference calls so I'll try and catch up properly later.

Never forget how wonderful you all are and what a difference your messages make to people's days xxxxx

 

[Kira]

I totally "get" what you say about no one in the "real world" really understanding. I think we spend too much time competing with other either intentionally ornprobablymostly unintentionally and vice versa. If it is any consultation my weekend was ok I thought I was making choices, I was but I knew I was wavering.... Low and behold I thought today I could get back into SS+ like I did after Christmas /new year BUT an hour ago I found myself in binge mode. Started off with what could've been an 810 meal of lentil dal.... I won't go into the rest.

This really is going to continue to be a work in progress and we have to decide whether we are going to go strctly hell for leather for the rest of February on CwP be it SS or SS+ or 810 etc. Let's at least give a shot. X

 

[bluegirl]

I'm willing to really try and be 100% for the month. If I am then I could be a stone closer to my target, so I could be within a stone of my "normal". It's doable isn't it? We can make February special and memorable for more than work and caring for other people.

I think this might just turn into a little challenge for myself - how about February is my time to lose the 15's? How about I try and lose these crappy good for nothing lazy grumpy fat cells that I am not going to let beat me.

I can do this. I can be positive and give myself the same care and concern I do to others. I'm worth it too Cheryl blimmin Cole!

Xxx

 

[Kira]

Way aye you're worth it pet!!! We all are!! Ok tomorrow is a new day, a blooming' freezing one up north especially in our house 'cos there ain't no heating!! Wonder if I'll use up post binge glycogen stores trying to stay warm? Ok wishful thinking!!

So let's gt our positive heads on tomorrow and despite what sh*** comes our way for the rest of Flabuary let's I'm have a tiny but less flab! Let's give ourselves a but more TLC! X

 

[Lara1986]

It's true let's make February a wonderful positive month xx