Chapter Now Closed :D

[summergurl]

I just wrote a masisive (well not quite) but good reply and its just dissappeared?!!! I dont know where the hell my essay reply went ggrrrrr :sigh:

But in short i mentioned that if i weighed myself and saw the gain i would just think "sod it" and thats defo not what i want to feel. So i think, even though some may think it a "chicken" way out that i just cant weigh myself untill i feel ready too. Does that sound cowardly?

Its just i know if i see a gain i will honestly think sod it and thats not how i want to feel right now. I want to feel like im making some sort of effort. And i know any sort of weigh in right now will probably tip me over the edge, one way or another ... im sorry guys, i feel like such a failure over this as im the first to say "just do it, weigh yourself" but now i actually "understand" why people just cant sometimes. I know, coward, chicken, loser, failure but sometimes its really for the best that i dont. I know ive got to do damage limitation and if i weigh myself and see a gain i know i'll balls it all up same as if i weigh myself and see a loss i know i will eat what i want and be a pig as im just not THERE mentally yet .... does that make sense????

Anways sorry for the ramble, i hope it makes sense and thankyou for reading so much so far :hug99:

Anyways, I won 7 times tonight at my social clubs xmas draw, one of which was in the top 10 prizes and i got a sat nav!!!! The others were an eletric carving knife (gave to my gma), crate of carling (gave to my little brother), £5 in cash, 1ltr vodka, 1ltr malibu and a "best" cutlery set (gave to mum and dad) so not bad for about £20 worth of tickets

Anyways, hope what i have explained tonight about my weigh in makes sense. I will keep track of it on my own on the "unnofficial scales" in the bathroom just so i know where i am but im hoping to just get a grip of it myself without going OTT before xmas next week.

Wish me luck guys, i think im guna need it!!!

 

[summergurl]

Thursday 17th December

B- Nutrigrain (6:30am) Wheetos (8:30am)
*packet of baked crisps

L- Ham, lettuce & LF s.cheese sandwich. Packet of baked crisps. Carrot & cucumber sticks with LF Mayo mixed with curry powder.

D- Baked chicken breast with lemon and pepper & oven baked chips. 2tbps honey woodsmoke sauce.

*500ml pure water
*500ml pepsi max

*3 celebrations 6 roses
*1 chocolate from the tree
*1 mince pie 235 cals in one!!!!! haha
*half a slice of bread with very thin spread of peanut butter
*6tsps ben & jerrys icecream

 

[anne-mariep]

Its ok to not weigh yourself. We give them damn scales to much authority sometimes anyway. Wait til your ready, its the best thing to do. I'm not gonna go into a big essay coz im not in a great place and it would just feel like lying even thou i do believe it. if dat makes sense haha prob not! Good luck with the rest of the week. xxx

 

[JanD]

Waddya mean wish me luck????? How many prizes do you want to win for goodness' sake???? Lol!

It's a very difficult time for us with eating 'challenges' we're bombarded aren't we? It's entirely up to you whether you get weighed or not, you know what works best for you after all. Any indiscretions will be sorted out in the New Year if not before. I think all of us have come way to far to allow one holiday to spoil everything.
While Christmas isn't all about food as you've said - it isn't about making ourselves feel deprived either. Somewhere, somehow, sometime we WILL find that balance!!!! xx

 

[irish molly]

Tanya, as long as you are happy with your decision, that is the main thing. You are not chicken or cowardly. You have not done so well and shown such determination without being courageous in the the extreme.
All I was worried about is that it might offer the excuse of going totally mad for the next couple of weeks. As the drinks ads say in the small print "Enjoy sensibly"!!! Well done on winning all the prizes! Was there anything left for anyone else?????

 

[summergurl]

:giggle: Thanks guys

Today as ya can see was another 'bad' day - im just not sure what it is but i just cant seem to clamber back onto the tracks.. i'm trying so hard i get one foot on then i slip back off :sigh: Its frustating & upsetting but im sure i will get there. I just wish there was some kind of magic potion or pill that made us get to that 'place' .....

Maybe we can all invent one?!!!! :giggle:

 

[JanD]

OOOOOOO Yeah!! I can see the £ signs now !! xx:dancing_snowman:

Now come on Missis - be a pair of curtains before you get a complete downer on yourself going on!! xx

 

[summergurl]

be a pair of curtains?!!

 

[summergurl]

So; i feel a bit better today about myself. I just cant get past seeing a fat me in the mirror, i seem to be seing every single thing thats wrong with me lately. The main one is my boobs. Im so upset over them - i litterally have none and they are quite low down for my age which is so embarassing :cry: My bf reasures me every time i ask that i look fine and i dont look fat but yet i just cant see it right now.

Anyways todays food - my last 2am start

Friday 18th December

B- Banana (1:30am) Nutrigrain (3:00am) Porridge (6:00am)

*2 carrots cut into sticks
*1 clemintine
*1 packet walkers baked

L- Ham sandwich, one half with lettuce & LF Soft cheese with garlic & herbs, the other with raw onion & LF salad cream. Packet walkers baked. LF Choco mousse.

D- Spaghetti Bolognaise made with tin toms, beef mince (no turkey mince left ), onion, grated carrot, chopped toms, garlic & chopped herbs. 16 strands of spaghetti (yes i did count them! lol)

*1.5litres pure water
*1 glass pepsi max

*6 roses
*2 biscuits

------------------------------

Making pastry today as tomorrow im going to my friends from work and were having a day of drinking and baking all things christmassy! So expect to see lots of nawtyness on here tomorrow/sunday.

-----------------------------

Ive also been working out my calories from a 'normal' day with no snacks to try and understand why i feel so hungry and so can i have opinions pwetty please?

breakfast - banana 100cals, porridge 250cals

snack - clemintine & apple 100cals

Lunch - sandwich with ham/chicken salad. LF yog & Apple ...... around 400 cals

Dinner - Baked chicken/salmon & cooked veg ....... around 450 cals

Total = roughly 1250 cals

Is this enough? I really dont think it is which is why i seem to be eating lots of junk and snacking too much.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr damn maintainence hate it. hate it. hate it. hate it. hate it.

 

[dia1972]

Hiya Tanya!

Having been away from the forum for months, I've just popped back for a mini-refocus (after some slap up Christmas nights out I am feeling bloated).

I know exactly how you feel with the negative thoughts. My body image remains a little distorted even after months of maintainence...I feel HUGE as I know I have put on a little bit from all that naughty white bread...but I am still in my 'goal' jeans...so back to the treadmill [mentally] yet again just to make sure I don't carry on with the wrong eating (with a what the hell attitude)and start to really put the weight back on.

I knew I had slipped when I started to skip breakfast again....of course, we LT soldiers know better than that:sigh:

Think I will hang out here a bit more now as it is Christmas and New Year fast approaching and I want to keep megafocussed and be back down to my lowest weight by my one year LT anniversary at the end of January

 

[summergurl]

I knew I had slipped when I started to skip breakfast again....of course, we LT soldiers know better than that:sigh:

We do indeed! Thats one thing i will never miss, breakkie! It really does set you up for the day

I hope you manage to get yerself back on track, i know what ya mean by wanting to go easy untill after xmas and new year, thats exactly my train of thought but still, lets hope we dont let go of the reins entirely!

Oh, and ditch the nasty nasty white bread mrs!!! :giggle:

 

[JanD]

be a pair of curtains?!!

pull yourself together .... sorry - just my feeble attempt at humour, probably a bit misplaced if you were feeling down :wave_cry: xx

 

[JanD]

So; i feel a bit better today about myself.

I'm glad

I just cant get past seeing a fat me in the mirror, i seem to be seing every single thing thats wrong with me lately.

We really are our own worst enemy sometimes! But we're all the same if that's any consolation. Just as it can take a candid photo to make us realise how big we've got it can take the same to make us realise how well we've done. ... Now this might sound mad but sometimes I'll sidle through a space - eg. in between 2 wing mirrors in a car park or through a partly opened door and then look back to see how big the space was ... invariably it's smaller than I would have thought - try seeing how small a gap in a doorway you can get through - I bet you'll be surprised

The main one is my boobs. Im so upset over them - i litterally have none and they are quite low down for my age which is so embarassing :cry: My bf reasures me every time i ask that i look fine and i dont look fat but yet i just cant see it right now.

Oh dear .... we're never satisfied - I guess we just have to weigh up the pros & cons and decide which list we prefer. I hate my loose, saggy skin but I don't want to fill it up with fat again to get rid of it so I'll just have to put up with it

Anyways todays food - my last 2am start

Congratulations & well done for managing the odd hours - I bet your intake will return to more acceptable levels for you now too! Strange hours/changes in routine can play havoc!

Friday 18th December

B- Banana (1:30am) Nutrigrain (3:00am) Porridge (6:00am)

*2 carrots cut into sticks
*1 clemintine
*1 packet walkers baked

L- Ham sandwich, one half with lettuce & LF Soft cheese with garlic & herbs, the other with raw onion & LF salad cream. Packet walkers baked. LF Choco mousse.

D- Spaghetti Bolognaise made with tin toms, beef mince (no turkey mince left ), onion, grated carrot, chopped toms, garlic & chopped herbs. 16 strands of spaghetti (yes i did count them! lol) :8855::8855:

*1.5litres pure water
*1 glass pepsi max

*6 roses
*2 biscuits

------------------------------

Making pastry today as tomorrow im going to my friends from work and were having a day of drinking and baking all things christmassy! So expect to see lots of nawtyness on here tomorrow/sunday.

-----------------------------

Ive also been working out my calories from a 'normal' day with no snacks to try and understand why i feel so hungry and so can i have opinions pwetty please?

breakfast - banana 100cals, porridge 250cals

snack - clemintine & apple 100cals

Lunch - sandwich with ham/chicken salad. LF yog & Apple ...... around 400 cals

Dinner - Baked chicken/salmon & cooked veg ....... around 450 cals ........ seems like lot of cals unless some of the veg are spuds .... ? Might you be overestimating the cals and therefore having a lot less than you actually think you are? And therefore feeling hungry??? I'm not a great believer in counting every last calorie all the time but a precise weigh & check now and then to make sure you're having enough or not too much can be useful imho.

I also think you should be able to go to at least 1500, poss even 1800 & still lose weight - albeit slowly, but that doesn't matter at this stage does it?

Total = roughly 1250 cals

Is this enough? I really dont think it is which is why i seem to be eating lots of junk and snacking too much.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr damn maintainence hate it. hate it. hate it. hate it. hate it.

So you'd rather still be a 'fatty' wishing you 'just' had maintenance issues??? xxx

 

[summergurl]

Jan you always know the right things to say and your replies always make me smile

The squeezing through gap thing; i thought i was the only one! Our bathroom door is a sliding door so i stand against the frame slide the door up to my belly then slide out and see the size of the gap

Weigh In: So i couldnt resist any longer and saturday morning after a very nice sleep i got up and jumped on the scales to find i was 3lbs up. Phew! No where near as bad as i had thought. This now makes me 6lbs up from where i finished refeed which isnt too bad i guess but still bad enough. Im glad i weighed myself though and stopped being a chicken about it lol

------------------------

So the weekend has been very very bad. Knew it would be so i am ok with it Had baking day yesterday with my friend, we listened to xmas music, baked xmas goodies AND IT SNOWED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We baked banana & walnut loaf with cinnamon, apple & cinnamon loaf, mince pies and we also made white chocolate clusters using muesli :drool: and chocolate truffles; some rolled in cocoa powder, some dipped in white chocolate and some in white chocolate with chopped walnuts :drool: :drool: :drool:

Food wise ill write all i can remember which will probably be everything, im pretty good at stuff like that lol

Saturday 19th December

*2 slices of toast, 1 with icbinb 1 with straw jam
*4 roses
*banana
*packet cheese & onion cheddars
*1 slice of toast with icbinb (after work before heading off to friends for lotsa booze lol)

At friends: 2 mince pies with cream, samples of everything we made, prawn cocktail shells, onion ring crisps, curly fries.

*Lots and lots of vodka & dc
*sangria

Sunday 20th December

*Fried egg sarnie on WHITE! bread aaahh (all my friend had)
*slice of apple & cinnamon loaf
*lime & corriander poppadoms (walkers senstations)
*9!! crackers, some with LF Soft cheese, some with marmite cheese, some with brie and some with mature cheddar with jalepeno peppers & garlic. LF salad cream & pickle on some too,
*white chocolate cluster & 2 truffles
*bag of grapes

..... Im thinking of having chinese for tea tonight. Im craving it soooo bad but dont know whether to or not!!!!

*half sweet & sour chicken hong kong style.
*half boiled rice.
*5 chips
*2 prawn crackers.

 

[Yasmine]

Congrats on facing the scales Tan. It is rather daunting but if you didn't, you would end up avoiding it totally and who knows how your weight would be affected. And hey only 3lbs! that;s great, I'm sure healthy eating will bring those lbs right back down

God I want a mince pie! ROFL ooooooo and you had some with creeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaam!!!!!! YUMMEH!!!!!

 

[JanD]

OOOOOOOO Muesli clusters!!!! Mmmmmmmmmmmm!!! Good change from crispies imo!! Might try making some of them!!

3lb aint 'alf bad kid!

Re bathroom door - you could make a mark on the runner so you can see if the gap's getting wider or narrower LOL!! xx

 

[summergurl]

OOOOOOOO Muesli clusters!!!!


Re bathroom door - you could make a mark on the runner so you can see if the gap's getting wider or narrower LOL!! xx

Muesli clusters are lovely!!! :drool:

And making a mark - what a brilliant idea!!!!! Although not sure my dad would be best please about me drawing on the runner lol

 

[summergurl]

So i had chinese last night in the end ... didnt enjoy it as much as i was looking forward to it though, i had:

*half sweet & sour chicken hong kong style.
*half boiled rice.
*5 chips
*2 prawn crackers.

So today has been better than the weekend but still not that good lol

Monday 21st December

B- 2 slices toast with icbinb
*10 pringles
*3 roses

L- Curly fries, half a lime & chilli birds eye chicken breast thingy & 3 chunks of different cheeses and 2 slices of salami.

D- 3egg ham, tom & cheese omelette. LF Nat yog & apple.

*Ben & jerrys cookie dough ice cream
* a really big slice of homemade banana, walnut & cinnamon loaf (giggle: its just sooo goddamn tasty!)

 

[JanD]

Ooooooooooooo B&Js cookie dough Ooooooooooooo .... I don't dare have that in the house!!

I hope you're enjoying what you're having! xx

 

[summergurl]

Thats the thing; im not but i cant stop myself