Cheekychinchilla's food and stuff

He kinda saved me from myself and sent a really sweet text asking if I would just like to visit his house and see where he lived - not staying over. So I admitted some of what I'd been thinking and he said if even on the day I don't feel up to it just say :eek:

Thanks B. I'm trying to sort it out now. Fake Brother is going to check his rota to see if he can come with me one day and I'll ask John about the other. If Tim can't do a day, then I'm not sure what to do, but I'll figure it out I suppose.xx
 
Sad to see that you arestressed about John stuff, he is clearly a great guy and isnt going to get fed up easily if he has been so patient so far. Go to his house and meet the guys and then you dont have to be such a ninja :D
I can tell he is trying to put as little pressure on you as possible so dont be afraid to change plans you can't physically handle! He knows there will be time for these things when you are feeling better. He knew.what he was getting into with your illness when you met so he isnt going to have massive expectations of your energy levels etc. Dont feel like a bad girlfriend! I know at he strt of relationships it is kinda tense to keep things perfect but he is probably getting man points for helping his lass- men like to feel needed and be the hero, so let him drive you places :D
P.s. The waiting for physical stuff is kinda nice too, building a strong friendship to base a relationship on is a really cool way to start!
 
Oh I'm so tired!! Had horrible nightmares about bizarre medical procedures and being treated like a joke. One of the Dr's in one of the dreams was wearing Christmas elf shoes. Wtf brain?! Hope up very anxious and it's just continued in to the day. My heart's pounding and is actually a bit fast, I feel very tense and jittery, my head's killing me, and I'm really tired!

Going out in a bit, which I'm looking forward to. Just wish my eyes would stop streaming!! Me and Mum are going to meet my friend Michelle for a carvery and then go to the pics.
So today will be off plan/using up saved syns :)

Today I've eaten two bowls of Fruit Loops with Koko milk :whistle: But they're all gone now. Was waiting for an opportunity to finish them off so they wouldn't keep looking at me every time I go in the cupboard!
So tea tonight will be a pile of veg, potatoes, Yorkshire pudding, stuffing, gravy, and cranberry sauce :D May have dessert at the carvery if we have time, but if not and I don't feel too sick I might get a small bag of sweeties ;)

Not sure what we're seeing tonight yet. I kinda wanna see Kick Ass 2, but not sure Mum does. So might be 2 Guns instead. I actually don't really care as long as we see a film :p

I think I know that John's a good guy, but I can't help feeling that he'll get sick of waiting and just bugger off. It's going to be really difficult when he doesn't have a car any more. Trying not to think of that too much. He has been talking a lot about Scotland the last few days, think we just need to sort a date really. He's insisting on paying :eek: Usually I would argue, but tbh, I'm so bloody poor right now! I'll get the coffee and stuff ;) And provide the entertainment with my terrible singing!
I'm you agree on the building up to physical stuff Tetris. That's what I've always thought with a relationship, but I thought I was a bit weird for thinking that :eek: I want to build a friendship and get to know him and eventually become closer. Think that's nicer than jumping straight in to bed. Guess it depends on the people and the relationship really.

Anyway, had better go get ready. Can't stop yawning!! Mum's going to try and call the car warranty place today before I pick her up from work and that's really playing on my mind too.xx
 
So sorry your day worries are following you into your dreams :( No wonder you're tired if you're restless at night, hope you get a better night's sleep tonight.
You food for today sounds scrummy, hope you enjoy and have a pleasant evening with your mum x x
 
I suffer from nightmares and insomnia anyway Tace, but it's SO bad at the moment :( I suffer from night anxiety normally anyway too, but this is getting ridiculous. I'm just SO tired! I'd been awake an hour and couldn't keep my eyes open, was yawning like mad, and my eyes were streaming.

Did have a nice afternoon tho :) LOVED Kick Ass 2!! Hadn't heard great things about it so had very low expectations. But thought it rocked!! Feel very sick though :jelous:

Also finally got to put some air in my tyres. Yeah, my back to tyres are f*cked :( One wouldn't take in hardly any air and the other one wasn't much better, so going to have to call my garage tomorrow and see if they can fit new ones on Fri or Sat morning. Hopefully they can do it while I wait and I'll just have to go to the Neighbourhood Cafe for coffee ;)
Mum called the warranty place but I have to email them permission for her to speak on my behalf. So just going to do that now.

Just watched Great British Bake Off. Have decided to only watch it on a day when I feel really nauseous ;)

Right, Doctor Who then bed...x
 
If John was one of those jerks who couldnt handle a relationship going slowly he would have put pressure on you by now. I think media (f*cking sex and the city etc) make us think that it should be the norm to be having sex on the second date, but a lot of people don't think like that. I mean- a lot of people still wait for marriage! And a lot of people who don't care about sex before marriage wait for their partner who believes that- it isnt shouted about all over the net like most sloppy hook ups are but srsly, it still happens. Ok, these are silly examples though, the fact is that it is circumstantial for you and he knows that. You havent had much quiet alone time to get close in and you're mega unwell so he probably doesnt want to pressurise you by making a move in case you're not feeling up for it. One of these days (maybe in Scotland ;)) you will just be having a great time and end up kissing and the moment will be right; at the moment it is like you'd have to plan for it to happen- time things when people are out or wgatever- not very romantic, nor to have your mum walking in! I'm sure he understands all this, he knows you want to get close and if if he was the type of guy to walk away because he isn't getting some action then he wouldn't be so patient and would have buggered off already... Not a guys are like that :D
 
Sorry that you have felt so bad :( always glad to be of reassurance with boy drama ;)
 
How are you today? Are you feeling any better? I hope you are. I see you watch the great british bake off as well, I love it :) Strangely I can watch food programmes all day and it won't make me hungry or want to eat naughty stuff. x x
 
Cheek's? Meow?
I dreamt about beimg at your house and a tornado was coming :O also I lifted you up and you were so light! LOL weird.
 
Hey guys!
Sorry for being MIA. I've had a really rough few days.
I saw my gp on Friday and he was very interested in my symptoms but literally held his hands up and said he had no idea what was going on, that it takes time, and that I was really out of his hands. He did get letters from my referral Dr saying they were chasing up the endocrine appointment. The only thing he could suggest was that I phone the hospital and chase up the appointment myself. That would be great if I didn't get anxiety attacks so much making phone calls :( Just fed up of hearing "I don't know what's wrong with you" And "It'll take time" I know this, but it's been going on since February!!!!!! :mad:
Have just been so ill and stressed out. On Saturday I eventually got out of bed around 2pm, came downstairs, something small happened and I ran upstairs and sat crying for nearly two hours. I just sat there thinking how useless and pointless I was and that I have no life. It all just piled in. Can't remember the last time I cried so much :eek:
I do feel a little better, mentally, now. I was having a really pro-active, I can beat this kinda day yesterday. Have been wondering if there's any chance they could treat some of my symptoms while they investigate so I can go back to work.
I really need to go back to work! For the sake of my mental health, I really need to get back! I can't bear the thought of being off until next year and I need to be doing something.
I was going to start doing coursework again today but I didn't realise it was a bank holiday and everyone's bloody here lol. Also had the most horrific nightmare that made me too scared to open my eyes or move. Took me about an hour to get over it and get up :eek: It's left me feeling pretty shaky, I have to say.
The headache is pushing it's look today too and I have that horrible pressure/lump in throat sensation today that's making me feel a bit sick. So will have to look at my coursework when there's a bit more quiet. Even if I can only do 10 minutes or something each day I'll feel a bit better and like I'm doing something!

Took the car in on Friday and they talked me out of buying new tyres!! That's twice now they've stopped me spending money!! Me and Mum went for coffee and he called and said the tyres themselves are fine and he wouldn't be replacing them if they were on his car! So he's going to repair the punctures tomorrow for me.
Mum also sorted out with the warranty people and it's booked in at the nice garage a week on Monday for a diagnostic and, if the AA agree to pay for the work, to be fixed. This garage have been so good to me. Glad I got them recommended :) Just hope the warranty will cover the work and they don't "wear and tear" me!

Had to stop in at work for meds yesterday morning and I took one of my girl bunnies with me - Ramona. She's shockingly thin now and I wanted someone to look at her. Her teeth aren't awful, but the vet said she could see a small spur and a tiny bit of redness on her tongue. So worth doing a dental to grind down the spur and check all her other teeth properly. Hopefully it is just that and there isn't an underlying problem. She was slinky when I took her in anyway, but now she's skinny! But she's eating, drinking, is very bright, jumps in and out of the run, her eyes and fur are beautiful, etc.. Just need to sort it out with my boss and get her in. I had to add her to my file without permission coz it was an emergency. I did ask my practice manager to add her and Peggy to my file months and months ago tho, so f*ck it ;)

Having brain freeze on what else to update you with lol.

Oh food's been a bit all over the place. I either feel too sick to eat or don't want much or I want to eat everything in sight. Have had almost all SW meals tho :)

Oh yeah, yesterday after going to work me and Mum went to lunch with my friend Caz at Otterspool. I had scrambled egg on toast and a slice of coffee cake :) We had a slow stroll along the prom too. Windy but warm :) Hung out in Caz's for a bit after with her hound. That was nice.

Anyway, I really should eat something today. Feel a bit urgh tho and the throat thing's a bit icky!x
 
Aw poor you CC :( ... deffo, get them to help you with your other symptoms, this mystery illness is clearly pushing you into a deep depression because you need routine in your life, not to mention to be feeling 'OK' .. i bet your dying to go back to work :(

ps, i watched the great british bake off for the first time ever the other day on iplayer - was the newest series and they were baking some DIVINE cakes ..... mouth watering !!!! that guy that won first place for his marshmallow type cake was on fire !!! he was amazing !! x x x
 
I'm just not sure they'll treat me symptomatically without a diagnosis. I know that's generally a last resort. But I'd want them to continue investigating, but make me well enough to cope with life.
I'm so fed up of being depressed, I'm having terrible mood swings, I'm crying all the time, etc... Just sick of it all!

I'm worried about money. But even taking that aside, I desperately want to be back in work. My job means the world to me and I can't help but feel that I'm back where I was 8 years ago - too depressed to work and living a pretty miserable life. Feels like all the hard work I did has been wasted.

I never thought I'd like Bake Off. But I saw some random repeat episodes earlier in the year and got hooked!! I don't usually like that kinda stuff at all, but I really love it :D

It is NOT SW friendly viewing tho!!! ;) x
 
They should give you something, even if it doesn't take all the symptoms away. They can't expect you to carry on like this, what kind of life it is for you? I think doctors forget you've got to have some quality of life, have something to do, feel you have a purpose. I think they neglect the psychological side of illness, especially long term illness. Ian is the same he can't do anything and he gets really depressed, he doesn't feel he has a use. It's about time they actually did something instead of just testing.
I've watched all the series of the great british bake off, I love cooking but I have a passion for baking that is the one thing I miss being on SW :( x x
 
Well I eventually managed to eat at around 7pm. And have had a snack too :)
Just 1 each Hex and probably around 10 syns coz I had some Dinosaur biscuits ;) Have noticed a couple of days now where I'm so wound up and anxious when I get up that it takes me quite a while to feel ok enough to eat. Don't think I ate till around 3 yesterday and I'd been up earlier than normal to get in to work and stuff.

I honestly don't feel like I have a life Tace. Or a future! Something has to be done and soon! My Mum's come up with similar issues over time as the Dr's and stuff she's seen are always shocked that she still works, still wants to work, and has to fit hospital stuff around working. Do they assume everyone is on benefits or do they assume that you can just drop your life at a drop of a hat while they take their time?!

I was texting my work friend yesterday as she'd been admitted to hospital. They worked out she has gall stones, but as she's had her gall bladder removed they were in her liver. They kept her in all day without being on fluids or being offered a drink. Only gave her pain medications when they realised she'd be staying the night. Then sent her home with some co-codamol and the idea that they'd do a CT scan in two weeks. TWO WEEKS?!

I'm seriously starting to lose the love for the NHS, I really am. I have a life to lead and it took me a very long time and a lot of hard work to get it, so I want it back!

Have felt awful today. Besides the headache and the weird throat pressure my vertigo type symptoms have been really bad. Even just looking at my phone has been setting them off - that's unusual! The most useful thing I've done today it carry the lawnmower to the garage (I know!), sort the bunnies, and make my tea. I feel exhausted!
All's I've done is sit on the couch and either read or watch tv! But I'm so tired. Could relaly do without nightmares tonight and being able to sleep. I'm spending the day with John tomorrow and I need at least some energy!! He's taking me to the Doctor Who exhibition coz we didn't get there last week and our usual date day is taken up with these bloody tests at the hospital this week.
Have sorted the appointments out. My friend (now my wife lol) Michelle is coming with me on Thursday. We're going to get a taxi in and then I'm hoping the diazapam will help me be able to cope with getting the bus back. I dread the thought of getting a bus with all my crazy symptoms, but I really can't afford taxi's both ways. Michelle's taken the day off work so she can come with me :eek: And John's going to take me on Friday. Bit of a nightmare with the times they are and stuff. I know why they're timed like that, but it doesn't mean it's not inconvenient :p

Me and my sister had just discovered baking before we both started diets :rolleyes: My Mum used to be an amazing baker!! x
 
Lolz at you discovering baking just before diets- I discovered cupcake baking/decorating just before sw! Bought all of the funky nozzles and made such pretty cakes!! I am a huge cupcake fan... Havent had one this year!
I think I'd have lost the love for NHS ages ago if I were you :| utter nightmare.

Think getting into your CW is a great idea :) helps you get further when you go back too!
X
 
How you doing today?
The NHS seem to think people who are ill shouldn't have a life and should run their life around doctors, nurses and hospital. The district nurses think Ian shouldn't go out and he should sit in the house 24/7, one time they refused to come out because he was in the car with me driving. They come when they please, any time of day so you can't plan anything or go anywhere. They seem to think Ian has no right to any form of life outside of the house!! They forget people need to do things, carry on with their lives or they'll go crazy.
I'm glad you've got your appointment sorted out :) I'm sure with your friend the bus will be ok x x
 
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