Day 5; 18/02/07 - Beware of the rant!!!
No movement on the scales today - which is completely fine! Obviously I would love to have woken up weighing 10stone, but hey CD is the closest thing to that that I'm gonna get! lol
Yesterday was HARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't know why, but I'm STILL hungry?????!!!!!!!!!! Haven't eaten anything whatsoever - but yesterday I wanted something soo badly! My stomach was grumbling like mad, and the hunger pangs were really difficult to ignore - but I did, and managed to get thru the day without a single thing other that 3xCD packs, water and black coffee.
My chatterbox was saying "if u go cook some Quorn, it's ok it's protein" and later "ohh u might aswell use up the last of the bread, it's on todays date and u dont like waste" - Hmmm, me not liking waste and having no portion control is one of the reasons why I'm here in the first place!!!!!!!
Had a hot bath - nearly fainted when I got out lol. Serves me right for trying to be clever and shut up CB -lol!!
(Warning - rant to follow....!)
One thing that did pi*s me off yesterday was a 'discussion' I had with my baby Brother - u kno, the one where u have to listen and be told how u need to make something of ur life before it's too late? This coming from my YOUNGER brother! The previous day, I had pratically the same 'discussion' with my Dad (it's easier to be a nodding dog & pretend to listen than to point out that life isn't always carousels & candyfloss, it's about finding solutions and trying to live it to the full.) Anyway, I digress! So, yesterday baby bro came to see me and it was obvious that there had been talks behind my back! Now I'll have to let u in on some info, or this will make no sense whatsoever (go on say it - like I make any sense anyway lol!!). I used to run a business on the internet and did so for 4 years, unfortunately my supplier decided to completely undercut me and sell direct to the public - thus throwing me out of the equation. Far enuff, sh1t happens! Anyway, I spent the next yr and a half researching stuff to sell to make a business of it. During this time, hubby was taking driivng lessons, and we agreed that I'd take him to and from work as I wasn't currently working. Anyway, closing the business left us with some debt, nothing major - but debt notheless. I started looking for jobs and u know the stigma "u're unemployable if u were self-employed" - no-one would touch me with a barge pole! I finally got a job in dec of last year and all was going well until my PCOS symptoms flared up again, and in January I was taken to hospital with severe abdominal pain - could hardly move! I was 'gently' forced to give up my job after 4 weeks of being on the sick. As coincidence would have it, hubby has been doing Management training and after a year and a half of hard work, he finally got a management role in a store thats 30mins drive away. He doesn't drive, I do and because of these debts we can't afford for him to take lessons (£22 a lesson!! - was only £15 when I learnt lol). So it's catch-22!! Everybody else seems to have a problem with this - apart from us!! I don't mind taking/picking him up and he doesn't mind paying the bills. It's a short-term solution, hopefully I will be a CDC soon so can contribute to the bills. So yesterday, baby bro was going on and on and on about how it's not fair that hubby pays the bills and that I "sit around all day doing nothing" (WTF????) After he left, I felt emotionally drained and completely deflated, and just wanted to eat. I even went to the freezer and almost cooked a plate of chips (hubbys not mine, I don't normally eat them), but somehow I managed to talk myself out of it. I told hubby what had happened and he was soo annoyed, he said " we're a partnership - do they not realise it's all about compromise and helping each other out" (obviously minus the expletives!!!). I'm soo lucky to be married to such a wonderful, caring, understanding man.
I find it soo annoying that ppl can be so judgemental without knowing all the facts.
it's like the whole baby saga - 'once u're married u have to start a family' crap. PCOS means u *can* be infertile and have difficulty in conceiving, so they suggest to try & have children young so u have abetter chance. Hubby knew this before we got married, and he's fine with it - he said "if it happens, it happens - but I'm not bothered either way" - fine by me!! I never wanted children, I can appreciate other ppls babies and children, but this world is becoming such a time bomb that right now my instinct is saying a big fat no no. Who knows, maybe it'll change? Father in-law ("oh i'm never going to be a grandad), my dad, my mum and my baby bro (he and his gf have just had a baby) are all on the "chelle have a baby" bandwagon. It's like a broken record, where' u're screaming for it to shut up but no-one hears!!!
Ever get the feeling that ppl are trying to live their lives thru u?? So I do the usual, nod - which makes them shut up much more quickly than to express an opinion!!
Whoa- that turned out to be a bit deeper than intended, but hey it's my diary and I'm gonna waffle in it LMAO!!!!
Here's to a good day!!
Much love, chelle xx
