Evilpenguin's food diary

[evilpenguin]

Phased return will be good, gives you a chance to ease back into it

Those little fruit packs are great, never thought of those haha! Will add it to the shopping list! It will probably save me money actually cos I buy apples that just go to waste if I'm not in the mood to chop them up, if they're already chopped up in a bag I won't waste them. I'm not too keen on the frozen fruit, I had a frozen fruit salad once and it all tasted like sour melon. I love frozen mango it's just expensive for what you get. Will see what the bf says at the shop about frozen mango! He's been buying all the groceries with me not having any income atm and he's tight so we're always on a budget

Haven't made soup for a while! We were making loads but always forgot to freeze it and ended up with mouldy stinky soup that we couldn't eat. I don't mind eating the same things all the time, I pretty much rotate the same 7 dinners each week lol. Hmmm I fancy making soup now. Again will see what the bf thinks lol! x

 

[evilpenguin]

Had a measurement & weigh in session just now. All the inches are the same as they always are! Scales are saying 18st 11lbs. Please let them stay that way for Saturday!! I want back in the 18s

 

[icklerockchick]

Yeh there's plenty other cheap options - my fridge seems to be mega cold infact it often freezes things accidentally if they are left at the back for too long lol so soup lasts most of a week in there without going off!

Yeh looking forward to getting back to full time to have money again as still waiting on them processing my benefits forms!! ARGH! I'll be needing to take my own advice soon when I go back to the random eating times that are associated with working strange shift times x

 

[evilpenguin]

Had a row with the bf last night. Gave in to the offer of half a croissant and a muffin from my mum grrr!! Can't even check syns online cos my access stopped on Sunday night. Guessing 20 syns for the muffin and about 10 for the half croissant.

I don't even think I had my HEB or HEA. Was too upset to even eat my dinner! Ate it cold at about 10pm then felt sick and went to bed.

Feck sake!

So 30 syns yesterday with no healthy extras.

I'm so annoyed! Why does it take so little for me to eat whatever is offered to me?

 

[evilpenguin]

EE today

Breakfast: coffee (part A)
Lunch: weetabix bar (4 syns)
Dinner: pork fried rice with random veg
Snacks: apple & grapes, strawberries, kiwi, more grapes, peanut butter on toast (HEB 10 syns)
Total syns: 14

 

[evilpenguin]

Sent that too soon! The send button is in a weird place on the android app.

My internet has been cut off again hence the lack of diaries. Off to work soon so will post one later if I can.

 

[evilpenguin]

Half pound off this week

 

[evilpenguin]

I have been a bad dieter this weekend! Back on it today. Got a couple of days off work which should help me get back into it. I'm still struggling with this shift work thing

So EE today!

Breakfast: coffee (part A)
Lunch: fruit!!
Dinner: spaghetti bolognese
Snacks: more fruit!
Total syns: 0

 

[evilpenguin]

Ugh. I dunno wtf is wrong with me. Just read my last post and feel awful I keep saying that I'm back on it but I dunno if I can stick to it any more. I keep sabotaging myself

What the hell is wrong with me?? How do I get back the enthusiasm I had at the beginning?!

I've been messing around for months now. Been stuck in the 19s for ages. Can't remember the last time that I stuck to it for a full week

And none of my tricks worked! When I started this I wrote a letter for myself to read if I ever fell off the wagon, well reading it now and it's not sinking in. Neither is the list of reasons to stick to it. Or the pictures of pretty clothes

I seem to have a day of 100% motivation then the next day its gone wtf?!

I don't want to get fatter, I want to keep losing weight, so why can't I stick to it??

 

[icklerockchick]

Sorry to hear you are struggling.

I don't know maybe it's just coz dieting is really hard! It takes focus and planning and enthusiasm every day and that is really difficult.

Eating and drinking whatever we fancy is the easy option. And when others around it are doing it it just seems unfair that we can't. Picking up lunch on the go or meals out make it extra difficult there's few healthy options there.

Looking at your reasons and pretty motivational clothes is great sorry it's not helping. Give me a shout if you need a chat or anything! Here's some hugs xox

 

[evilpenguin]

Sorry to hear you are struggling.

I don't know maybe it's just coz dieting is really hard! It takes focus and planning and enthusiasm every day and that is really difficult.

Eating and drinking whatever we fancy is the easy option. And when others around it are doing it it just seems unfair that we can't. Picking up lunch on the go or meals out make it extra difficult there's few healthy options there.

Looking at your reasons and pretty motivational clothes is great sorry it's not helping. Give me a shout if you need a chat or anything! Here's some hugs xox

Thanks chick *hugs*

I think the problem is my attitude. At first I was so positive, said no to anything off plan, enjoyed planning meals and looked forward to every weigh in. Now I just cant be bothered, and I need to be bothered. The months are flying by. I dont want to get to Christmas and have another year go by without doing something about my weight.

I need to get back in control Need to find my positive mental attitude!

I can't cheat myself anymore!!!

 

[evilpenguin]

New post for my food diary because I'm too lazy to go back a page on the app to update it lol

EE today

Breakfast: coffee (part A)
Lunch: grapes & apple
Dinner: spaghetti bolognese
Snacks: apple, banana, ham & cheese toastie (HEB 2 syns) shape dessert (5.5 syns) crisps (8 syns) coffee (rest of A)
Total syns: 15.5

 

[evilpenguin]

Obviously havent been on plan for a couple of days. Yesterday wasnt too bad just had 5 syns more than I should have. Had a maccie d's for lunch today tho.

Pretty pissed off at everything just now. Have no one to talk to about anything and I'm too paranoid to go into details on here Was supposed to have my therapy thing but it clashed with my work start day and I can't rearrange it because I don't know when I can go. Work says that doctors etc has to be booked in your own time but I only know my shifts a week ahead, I can barely get a doctors appointment for the same month when I phone!!

Anyway, I need to get back on plan. My work uniform is 2 sizes bigger than I am in normal clothes, and its tight. I went the 2 sizes up because everyone said they were small fitting, and I'd rather have had to ask for a smaller size than bigger! So basically if I don't lose weight my uniform won't fit - should be enough to motivate me back into it right?

Wish I could stop using food to make myself feel better. I know it makes everything worse so why do I do it? Maybe its my own sick punishment or something. "Feeling down? Here, have a cake! Feel even worse!"

I reckon if I lived alone I'd be slim and at the gym every night. Shame I can't afford to live alone or join a gym

Now I am getting off topic. Tomorrow I start work later so I'll try to eat decently before going in, and afterwards I will ignore all suggestions of chippies, burgers or cake. I will eat the giant pineapple I have in the kitchen if I feel snacky! Or boiled eggs, like I used to do

I'm off to make dinner (carbonara)! Is it just me or does eating a healthy dinner after a junk food lunch make no sense?

 

[icklerockchick]

If you ever need a chat feel free to pm me or add me on fb or whatever, I find it easier to talk to internet people than real people but maybe I'm just weird?? I think it's coz they don't know any of the people involved so you know they can't tell them??

Aye my doctors are the same I'm already overdue an appointment but can't get it til I know my shifts. X

 

[evilpenguin]

Thanks hun. Yeah its easier to talk to internet folk I agree I find it hard to talk about tho because it makes me feel like a bad person. It also makes me feel like such a moaner, hate feeling like I'm bringing someone else down

Doctors are a nightmare. Most of the time we have to get emergency appointments just to get seen quickly even if its not an emergency. I honestly waited 8 weeks on an appointment once! They had no free appointments with any doctor for over a month! What if I had something seriously wrong with me? It was only a sinus/allergy thing luckily lol.

Xxx

 

[icklerockchick]

I won't judge so if you ever need a chat seriously take me up on the offer ;-)

Yeh it's mad I don't like talking about personal stuff with my closest friends or with total strangers like counsellors or whatever, but Internet people are some sort of magic happy medium lol??!

You a bit more settled at work yet? Hows your dad getting on with his broken foot? (that is you right? Or did I make that up??) x

 

[evilpenguin]

Thanks I will do

Internet people rule! I had more online friends than real life at one point but when I met my bf I lost touch with them all, online and real lol. Tis a shame!

Yeah works fine just the shifts are random. Slowly being trained up on everything so feeling less useless each shift. You back at work yet or got a start date?

Lol you didnt make it up. He's doing alright, not back at work yet but able to make his own tea by himself lol. Think he tried to do too much too quick tho as it got worse for a few days after he'd attempted walking without the crutches! Eedjit!!! Xxx

 

[icklerockchick]

Cool glad he's doing better and you don't have to run after him so much

I start back on Friday, really nervous but hopefully all will be ok! X

 

[evilpenguin]

Cool glad he's doing better and you don't have to run after him so much

I start back on Friday, really nervous but hopefully all will be ok! X

I'm glad too! He was doing everyone's head in! Ruined my summer holidays lol

Oh exciting!! Can imagine you're nervous but you will feel good to be back. I hope it goes well! Are you working over the weekend then? Xx

 

[icklerockchick]

Yeh bit gutted I'm starting at half6 am on Saturday!! :-( phased return over 2 weeks then have to be ready to go back to full time or get my hours cut.

More nervous about my depression/anxiety stuff than my ankle now actually as it'd just be embarrassing if I end up a crying mess in work :-/ looking forward to getting back to normal and very excited to get a wage again lol!! X