Flirty's diary ...............

Hi Beverley

Only just read your last post - so sorry to hear that your mum is so, so poorly - I hope the visit at the weekend wasn't too distressing for you - and the visit to your brother too.

I really wouldn't worry about trying to SS or even 790 at the moment - you are under an enormous amount of pressure and need to look after yourself and not beat yourself up about not doing the diet - you probably aren't even eating properly anyway with the stress of the situation.

Anyway, just wanted to say hi, missed you being around and sending you positive vibes and hope your family is appreciating all the support you are offering - make sure OH looks after you - you need support too....OK;)

Take care hun
Love
 
Thank you Mich - it really does help to post and receive positive vibes from other people in the same boat, or who have been down this road before.

So where am I now??? Well we went down to my parents at the weekend - and my mum's really in a bad way. Not eating/drinking, getting constipated, then eating cream so she gets diahorrea and then colitus and then has to go on steroids ...... she's so weak now that getting out of bed is difficult and so she has a commode in her bedroom, Poor dad has to sit with her as much as he can, as she panics when he's not there. I spoke to her Doctor and have requested a district nurse to go in and assess them - as I'm worried poor dad will end up making himself ill.
Then went to visit my brother in an open prison on Saturday. I felt so ashamed and dirty ... even though it isn't me who has done anything wrong. Sorry if that sounds snobby - but never been anywhere near a police station let alone a prison in my sheltered 44yrs before. He is being very difficult with my sister-in-law (they're in the process of splitting up) and I found the whole visit very stressful. So where i'd taken my shakes/soups/bars down to kent with me and eaten them on Friday/Saturday ........... I blew it big time Saturday evening and Sunday. The problem is I have to go down again in a couple of weeks time - when he gets out and is tagged and I really can not say I'm looking forward to it - but for my parents and SIL sakes I'll do it.

So now I'm even heavier than before .... and desperate to lose some weight. My clothes are tight and i feel uncomfortable. No promises this time - that I end up breaking and then feeling bad. Just really going to try each day to stick to some kind of diet - whether it's SS, 790 or low GI .......... haven't even changed my ticker to reflect gain ... but hopefullt it will soon read right again.

Feeling less stressed now - and will take a look at all "my friends" on here's threads to see how you've all been doing. Sorry for not posting more - I'm sure you all understand..... in fact i know you do - and thanks!
 
flirty poor you you really are having a tough time, Please don't be so hard on yourself as much as you'd like you can't be wonderwoman gosh i'd love to fit in that costume:).... Please take some time out for you!!!! You seem to always be there for everyone... Go to the bathroom and lock yourself in:). You don't have to soak but it is nice:)... You are right one day at a time is the way and we will be here for you to scream and shout at as much as you want:) We can hear you:)
 
Thanks Sam .... do wish Pierce would add a tearful face for me to put on my threads! ........... always seem to come on here and some kind person has put just the thing I need to hear........ but I'm so emotional at the momenmt, I end up with tears in my eyes!
 
Awwww Beverley just to let you know im thinkknig of you ((((((hugs))))))
 
Hi Beverley!

So sorry to hear your mum is so poorly - I hope you manage to get the care sorted out that her and your dad need. I hope things work out ok for your brother too - I obviously don't know whats gone on but I'm guessing he's feeling angry and rejected by his wife and because I guess he's got alot of time to 'think' being in prison things manifest themselves even more sometimes.

Diet wise - don't stress - take each day as it comes - if you have a good day - great if you have not such a good day - then don't beat yourself up about it. I am struggling to remain 100% daily and seem to be loosing and putting on the same half stone:eek: - I'm sure something will just 'click' soon and I'll get my head back in gear (I bluddy hope so....lol:eek: )

Anyway, take care and try and take a bit of 'Bev' time and chill - even if it's a long soak in the tub with a good book - maybe even a glass of wine......just a small one mind;)

Love
 
Thanks as ever Mich.

Mum and dad, my brother etc are big worries in my life at the moment.
My dieting, or losing weight is not as big an issue as the above. So I'm putting my weight to one side - being sensible (I hope!!!) and we'll see what happens!
Love the idea of a bath, good book AND a glass of wine (your suggestions should be on prescription!!!) .... hopefully things will seem a lot better tomorrow then.
Thanks again to you, Isobel (love the shoe by the way!) and Tracie.
 
Quite funny I made that suggestion really as I hate having a bath - couldn't tell you the last time I did.....LOL:eek: I do shower at least once a day tho I hasten to add.....LOL!!:D

Whatever you do, I'm sure it'll be the right decision for you:)

Take care
Love
 
Feeling yukky today - think I have a cold starting. Sniff, sniff. Achooooooooooo!

My step-daughter coming tomight after a break of 4 weeks - her choice. So we are hoping for a nice quiet family weekend ...... well we can HOPE!!!!

Hope everyone else has enjoyable weekends ....

Think I'll go back to bed with a book and a lemsip now. Achoooooo!
 
Ohhhhhhh it's time for the colds now aint it, my son went to school this morning coughing and splurting his wee germs everywhere :eek:

Hope you have a nice and quiet weekend Beverley, you certainly deserve it.

And enjoy your lemsip!!
 
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HUn i am so sorryn 2 hear that your mum is still poorly this is such a hard time for you sending you lots and lots ((((big hugs))))).
Hope u feel better soon hun, take care Beverley and rest up let everyone take care of u for once x

Hun u have so much going on at the moment pls dont stress yourself about your weight.Maybe low gi is a good way forward for u just eating the right foods to give u strength and energy to get u through this difficult time so u can be strong emotionally and phyisically and the weight will come off gradually.

Remember hun we r all here to hold your hand through this diffucult time and to help u in any way we can.
Sorry have not posted on your diary recently but have been reading your diary when i log on.

Go and rest up and take care of yourself xxxx
 
Hello again!
Have been feeling really sorry for myself recently - what with my mum (who is still very poorly), my dad ... bless he's so depressed as he's looking after my mum and every 'phone call is about depressing matters, my brother - who is being the biggest pain in the a*** imaginable, my 17 year old daughter - who is being a 17 year old!

............ so with all that going on, plus more that I won't bore you with I've well and truely binged big time. Not proud - not gloating - not looking for sympathy ......... that's just it. So it was no surprise, to stand on the scales this morning and find I've put on weight and I'm now 13st 7lb. I can't believe I am doing this to myself and as a counsellor feel I should know better. But being a counsellor doesn't make us immune to putting weight back on - but as I feel I should be setting a better example, I'm going to do something about it.

I stayed away from the site recently, and felt I could not post about gaining weight and my troubles .... and look where that's got me! Had some lovely emails from people saying they'd missed me - and realised if I wanted to do this I needed your help. So I'm back - with loads of posts to read through ...... so that should keep me away from the fridge! I have started back on SS again this morning with my warm banana shake and will really really try to stick to this daft but wonderful diet. I want to lose the extra weight - none of my size 14 tailored trousers fit and I refuse to go out and buy 16's again after giving the last lot away! So not only do I feel fat, I look fat and feel uncomfortable, frumpy and ugly.

But by nature I'm an optimist .... and I did it before - was in size 12 clorthes and looked and felt sooooooooooooo much better. So with your help when I waiver i'm sure I can get there again. I have to look into my behaviour of treating myself with food when I'm down - as that has been my problem for so long.
 
Good morning Beverley... just wanted to pop by and give you all my support hun and you will get through day 1... keep glugging the water and day 2 will be here in no time and ur clothes will feel so much more comfortable!!

love

Gen xx
 
Gen said:
Good morning Beverley... just wanted to pop by and give you all my support hun and you will get through day 1... keep glugging the water and day 2 will be here in no time and ur clothes will feel so much more comfortable!!

love

Gen xx
Click to expand...

Thank you sweetheart!

Have a track from where I am going between the computer, the kitchen sink and the loo!

Yes looking forward to my clothes looking/feeling better and not looking in the mirror and going yeeeeeeeeuuuuuuk!
 
Just had my oriental chilli soup - a lifesaver for me as it's the only savoury flavour i like enough to have. And as it's so autumnal - i wanted something to warm me up.

Just made dinner for my partner and kids - put steak in slo-cook pot with veg and have peeled potatoes - will do them a hotpot type meal ... so thinking ahead and being organised.

Next time I feel like picking is nrmally when i make their packed lunches - so as of today (unless i feel really strong) they make their own!!! Feel guilty as I'm at home all day - and I also like spoiling them and making the sarnies ... they always say they're nicer when I make them (is that true flattery - or laziness that they don't want to do them??!!!) BUT from today onwards they do their own! Need to be selfish here - as bread is my biggest downfall - and makes me crave other food then ... so a nibble of a crust and I'll binge on anything and everything! Have often wondered if i have a yeast allergy??? Anyone else suffer and can shed any light on it???
 
Hi Beverley, thanks hun for such a lovely email.Sorry did not respond but was very hard for me to sit down at pc fpr very long.
I am soooo pleased to hear that u r Ssing again.
You go girl u can do this, we r all here to support u and help u through this.
You have many of us holding your hand through this journey so u will never be alone.
Take care hun and have a good day xxxx
 
Thanks Roch - and glad to be back on here.
Hope you are feeling much better too.

Have been reasonably ok - have been drinking my water and had my 2 shakes and a soup yesterday .... but was naughty as well. Won't embarrass myself by telling you what I had - but surfice to say I won't be going into ketosis by the weekend now. Mmmmmm - sabotaged myself again. But today - other than water haven't had anything. Nearly time for first shake.

On a personal front, I'm going down south next week for a few days. My brother comes out on Tuesday and I have agreed to go with my SIL to pick him up. I will also spend some time with my parents. My mother and brother are both very controlling individuals and my dad and I spent (are still spending!) our lives being manipulated and told what we had to do etc etc. I wonder if there is some kind of relationship with my eating patterns and the problems I'm currently having with my mother/brother??? Is it that I feel I'm also being controlled by the diet and so I'm rebelling against the diet, because I can't rebel against either of them?? Or am I reading too much into this and I'm just a greedy cow???!!!!!

I've been reading Kam's post re a friend who she feels overwhelms her - and i have to say that although I love my mother, both her and my brother overwhelm me sometimes. My brother and I were estranged for awhile (as I dared confront him over an issue - and he replied he didn't have a sister) and my life was so much more simple, less angst in it etc .... but whilst my parents are alive I feel I have to be there for him.

Sorry this has turned into a bit of a pity pot post .... didn't start out feeling like that - honest! But as it's all poured out from my fingers as I've been sat here - I'll leave it in.
 
Well after feeling so negative earlier in the day - I have been good so far today and feeling great!

3 shakes, 3 pints of water ..... mmmm ok I know need to up that - but I will try! My resolve/willpower whatever it is in more in evidence now and so hoping for a guilt free day as far as food goes today (not that I have anything else to be guilty about!!!) and stick to it tomorrow.
 
Yay beverley... you go girl... ya know my thoughts on ur family issues and i think u are fab for helping them all out!!

i nearly had a slip last night but didn't, not sure how, but didn't!!!

you will be in ketosis by the weekend hun just stick with it

love

Gen xx
 
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