Hi i`m back again lol

Wow you certainl y seem to have turned the corner.....hope you relax whilst getting your nails done...you deserve to look and feel great no matter what size you are.....!

You go girl.....knock them all dead.
 
Roch said:
Over the last year or so since i have been suffering with bad depression i have really given up taking pride in myself phyisically and emotionally.
I used to be the kind of person that would not go out even shopping without makng sure i look decent, hair done and a little bit of make up it used to make me feel good when i looked in the mirror and thought "yes i am big but i look ok"

Over the past 12/18 months that has all gone out of the window and i can barely sort myself out to leave the house let alone care how i look due to depression and mild agrophobia.
My mother inlaw Aarons granny in Jamaica used to say to people "fix yourself up woman" and last night i decided enough is enough i am sick and tired of going round looking like a slob,clothes a mess and hair not done and skin looking dull and nails a mess(used to have long nails done at the salon every 2 weeks without fail "
I have let myself go big time and i dont want to sink any further. So i booked an appointment at the nail salon this morning to have a full set of tips put back on again, bought some decent hair products which i usually used to use regular and went out and got a new hair straightner as mine broke over a year ago from constant use lol.

Today is going to be the first time i am actually going to be in a social occasion for some time, a mate of mine who lives downstairs from me its her daughters 4th birthday and she is having a big party in the garden with a bouncy castle over the past 12/18 months i would not even contemplate going but i need to stop myself from hiding all the time so i will fix up and go down even for an hour or so,

Anyway off to wash my hair its so long its 3/4 down my back and thick so it takes ages to straighten so i look decent to go to the nail salon as the party is straight after my appointment.
It might sound mad to some peeps that i am making a big deal about going out but suffering from depression and mild agrophobia this is a big step for me as there is going to be loads of peeps at the party.

Thanks for stopping by and have a nice day xx
Click to expand...

Roch...

you are coming out the other side.... this post is a huge huge huge step in the right direction... I'm not sure if you realise how much your mindset is changing... but have a read back over this and oh my god you really are changing and all for the better

Well done to you my dear... Can't wait to see the next phase of the changes in Roch!!!!

big hugs to ya hun... enjoy getting ur nails done... enjoy straightening ur hair... enjoy the party and most of all enjoy being the 'real' you!!!!!

love
 
Roch said:
Hey stranger, how r u doing, its been a long time :eek:
I 2 have been lurking for quite some time trying to get the courage to start posting again.
How r u doing hun, wot u been up 2.
Take care and hope to chat soon x
Click to expand...

Hey babe,

It's been far too long and so much has happened....doing really well at the moment. Staring CD again tomorrow for the final time and it feels different this time! Will be online at work this afternoon so will try and cach up on here later if you're about...if not I have a new email/msn address so will email you later.

Hugs
Linkypie
x
 
Hi Roch
well what a great positive post to read - it has lifted my spirits to read that you are waking up out of your depression and beginning to live again.
You are a beautiful lady and you should be showing yourself to the world - laughing and confident.
Your weight is just a cloak that covers you - you can take that cloak away to show everyone your physical beauty when you are ready.
There are not many people in this world who have true inner beauty - however, you have been blessed and you should now learn to let that shine through.
Your decision for the operation is a brave one and I hope it brings you the happiness you so deserve.
Will be thinking about you having fun today
 
sonkie said:
Wow you certainl y seem to have turned the corner.....hope you relax whilst getting your nails done...you deserve to look and feel great no matter what size you are.....!

You go girl.....knock them all dead.
Click to expand...

Hey girl,not 2 sure about knocking them dead but i def felt better big time and going to make an effort to get back to how i was a year or so ago, yes i am a very big gal but i still deserve to go the same places as a slim girl as long as i feel i look the best i can look then i feel happy.
Take care hun and have a good weekend xx
 
Linkypie2006 said:
Hey babe,

It's been far too long and so much has happened....doing really well at the moment. Staring CD again tomorrow for the final time and it feels different this time! Will be online at work this afternoon so will try and cach up on here later if you're about...if not I have a new email/msn address so will email you later.

Hugs
Linkypie
x
Click to expand...

Hey girl well done 2 u for starting back on the cd journey again, am really pleased that things are going good for u at he moment u deserve to be happy.
Mail me ur new email and add me to ur msn and we can chat, take care and have a nice weekend xxx
 
nadhak said:
Hi Roch
well what a great positive post to read - it has lifted my spirits to read that you are waking up out of your depression and beginning to live again.
You are a beautiful lady and you should be showing yourself to the world - laughing and confident.
Your weight is just a cloak that covers you - you can take that cloak away to show everyone your physical beauty when you are ready.
There are not many people in this world who have true inner beauty - however, you have been blessed and you should now learn to let that shine through.
Your decision for the operation is a brave one and I hope it brings you the happiness you so deserve.
Will be thinking about you having fun today
Click to expand...
\

Thanks hun for such a sweet post u have really made me smile.
I am going to try my hardest to make a special effort each day to do my hair and make up and try to go out even if its just for a drive but because i am suffering with mild agrophobia sometimes its hard.
How r u doing hun hope u r having a wicked weekend and soaking up the sun.
Take care hun and ty so much xx
 
Oh Roch :)
I'm so pleased you've decided to bite the bullet and have the operation.
I know you are worrying about the finance and the risks, but think how wonderful the benefits will be :)

I bet your nails look fantastic. I'd love to get mine painted and shaped properly, I might book up a appointment for next friday and treat myself too :)

Don't hide away again hun, talking is such a wonderful therapy and there are so many of us who relate to your battles to support you.

(((hugs)))

Kitty xxx
 
A few days ago when i decided to stop lurking and come back online and start a fresh diary thread. I said in my first post that something very personal happened to me which made me realise how special and precious life really is.

My cousin Hazel who was my mums first cousin has been battling with breast cancer for the past 18 months sadly passed away at the begining of the week and that made me realise that i have to stop taking my life for granted and make serious plans to change things so i can be around to live a long healthy and happy life and to be there for Aaron for many years.

Hazels`s funeral was on friday and was a very big funeral i tried to go and got half way and had a panic attack as i suffer from mild agrophobia which i have been suffering from for the past 3 months and i find it hard to leave the house and especially if i am on my own or if i have to go to a place where there are many people as i feel people are all staring at me and 90% of the time they are and the comments they make get me so upset.
So i went to a local synagouge and said a prayer for her(first time i have been in a synagouge for at least 6 years shame on me) and came home.
All day yesterday i thought alot about my situation and decidec that i could not go on like i am and that is when decided to make the effort to go and get my nails done today as it did make me feel better.
My friend downstairs was having a birthday party for her 4 year old and had a bouncy castle so i went down for 40 mins and it might sound really stupid to some people but to me that was a big step in the right direction.

Hazel passing made me appreciate and value my life and realise there is more to me than my phyisical body and how i need to work really hard at getting out of the house on a regualr basis to make sure i dont become comletely a prsioner in my home.
 
So glad to see that your cousin's death has made you value your life and turn things around. Good luck and remember little steps Roch
Irene xx
 
Roch said:
Hey girl,not 2 sure about knocking them dead but i def felt better big time and going to make an effort to get back to how i was a year or so ago, yes i am a very big gal but i still deserve to go the same places as a slim girl as long as i feel i look the best i can look then i feel happy.
Take care hun and have a good weekend xx
Click to expand...


WOOHOOOOthats the way to think.....you are sounding so positive I am welling up :wave_cry: I am so pleased you have come out of the depression. You are a person in your own right and deserve the same respect as everyone else on this planet.
Awwww Im so happy you are feeling better xx
 
Roch glad things are looking brighter for you take each day at a time and you will soon be there xxxxxx
 
Hey Roch

Can I just say how wonderful it is to ready your posts over the last couple of days - you seem so sure, so certain and it is very inspiring to read.

Like a few others I have been lurking, but I always look for your diary thread! And I am so thrilled that you are taking action to deal with everything that you want fixed.

Well done on going to that party, even if it was just 40 minutes - it is a small step in the right direction :) .

Goodluck getting through the next couple of weeks and with the surgery.

Lots of Love, CC xx xx xx
 
Barb said:
Hi Roch, good to hear that you have made this big decision. I bet you feel better just knowing that the decision is made. Glad to hear you are getting your nails done etc.. I do agree with you that it is too easy to let yourself go and then you feel even more depressed. You are a very lovely looking girl and you need to keep up looking good because very soon you are going to have the figure to match!

Take care of yourself, Much Love Barb xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Click to expand...

Hi Barb i do feel better but still nervous as well as excited. I think its going to be a very long time if ever if i have a nice figure as i dread to think about all the lose skin but i can put up with that as long as i get my life back again.
so hun how r u doing, how is your son. Take care hun and thanks for stopping by xxx
 
Gen said:
Roch...

you are coming out the other side.... this post is a huge huge huge step in the right direction... I'm not sure if you realise how much your mindset is changing... but have a read back over this and oh my god you really are changing and all for the better

Well done to you my dear... Can't wait to see the next phase of the changes in Roch!!!!

big hugs to ya hun... enjoy getting ur nails done... enjoy straightening ur hair... enjoy the party and most of all enjoy being the 'real' you!!!!!

Hi Gen thanks hun for stopping by on my new thread :D
I know my mindset is changing but i dont think i have come to terms yet with how my life will soon chane big time.
The party went ok i stayed for 40 mins that was enough for me.
So girl how r u !! Hope u r enjoying the nice weather and having a nice weekend.
Thanks and take care xx
Click to expand...
 
KittyB said:
Oh Roch :)
I'm so pleased you've decided to bite the bullet and have the operation.
I know you are worrying about the finance and the risks, but think how wonderful the benefits will be :)

I bet your nails look fantastic. I'd love to get mine painted and shaped properly, I might book up a appointment for next friday and treat myself too :)

Don't hide away again hun, talking is such a wonderful therapy and there are so many of us who relate to your battles to support you.

(((hugs)))

Kitty xxx
Click to expand...

Thanks Kitty 4 stopping by. i am chuffed with my nails and did feel good making an effort today and managed to look in the mirror and say to myself yes i am big but i scrub up ok:jelous:
Hope u r having a nice weekend take care xxx
 
Curvy_Chicken said:
Hey Roch

Can I just say how wonderful it is to ready your posts over the last couple of days - you seem so sure, so certain and it is very inspiring to read.

Like a few others I have been lurking, but I always look for your diary thread! And I am so thrilled that you are taking action to deal with everything that you want fixed.

Well done on going to that party, even if it was just 40 minutes - it is a small step in the right direction :) .

Goodluck getting through the next couple of weeks and with the surgery.

Lots of Love, CC xx xx xx
Click to expand...

Hi CC how r u doing hun. So u r s lurker 2 join the lurker club:jelous: :jelous: :jelous:
I felt a bit aprehensive but it was ok as i was on my home turf as it was in the communal gardens of my flats so i knew i could always escape and be in my flat in 2 mins flat or as long as it took me to haul my big self up a flight of stsirs:eek:
Hope u r having a good weekend take care and thanks x
 
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