Hi i`m back again lol

Today i have been thinking about my cousin Hazel i have not seen her for over 3 years and we were not close and her passing was not a shock as her cancer had recently spread to secondary cancer in the brain. I do feel guilty for not being able to make it to her funeral but hopefully soon i might be able to go to visit her grave.

She did not know how bad things had become for me and how my health phyisically and mentally had deteriated and i hope as she forgives me for not being able to attend her funeral but i am sure she would be happy to know that i am having the op and that i taking small steps to try and take back control of my life starting with going to the party today in the communal garden today.


When i saw the consultant who is going to perform my op he said he was going to write to my doc and request that she send me to a hospital in London who are the only hospital who specialise in doing Breast cancer gene study to see if i have inherited the gene as both my mum and my grandma both diet of BC and my mum was only 36 when she died.
My doc has always had the attitiude u dont need to see a specialist unless u find a lump but arent they taught that prevention is better than a cure !! (think i got that saying write)
 
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Hiya roch,
great to hear you sounding positive - dosnt matter you stayed 40 minutes, you went and that is the main thing, small steps at a time :D

I didnt realize your cousin Hazel had died, was wondering how things were.. so sorry to hear that. the way you described her, she was a lovely lady, and I'm sure she would understand you not attending her funeral...

Look after yoursefl, how is your liver shrinkage diet going??

love
Geri
x
 
Hi Roch, I have sort of been taking a back seat and just having a look when you post as I didnt want to say the wrong thing, I do think at the moment though, that your head is finally getting to be where it should be. I do know how bad things are when depression and stress kicks in, Everything becomes irrational and thoughts become strange, this is because of the anxiety that you are going through, I experienced this a couple of years ago, the thing is at the time you swear blind that black is white and white is black, but the brain is not thinking rationally. I think know you are back to being you and I do hope now that rational thinking helps you. It was a big step for you to go out even if it was for 40 mins, if you think back to a month ago it wouldnt have been for 40 mins, it wouldnt have been at all and I want you to appreciate how far you have come!!!!
 
Awww Roch no wonder you have been on a downer, we didnt realsie your cousin had died.....dont be hard on yourself about the funeral....I dont think you were in the right mindset for a funeral. You can pay your respects at her grave when you feel able.

Take care hun xx
 
Geri said:
Hiya roch,
great to hear you sounding positive - dosnt matter you stayed 40 minutes, you went and that is the main thing, small steps at a time :D

I didnt realize your cousin Hazel had died, was wondering how things were.. so sorry to hear that. the way you described her, she was a lovely lady, and I'm sure she would understand you not attending her funeral...

Look after yoursefl, how is your liver shrinkage diet going??

love
Geri
x
Click to expand...

Morning Geri yes Hazel was a lovely kind lady she died early last week but i was not ready to come online and when i stopped lurking and finally come back online i did not feel ready to write about her passing.
she died peacefully in her sleep and was not in any pain for the past 10 days or so since she was back in hospital.

when i was younger i was close with her as my grandparents kept the family together but since i have grown up and left home round 20 yrs ago and chosen to follow a life that is different to theirs which is middle class jewish family i kind of got distanced with her and most of my family and tradition is very important in the jewish religion.

Boy i seriously am rabbiting on this morning it mus be the 3 co codamol and the diclofenac tabs i just took think i must be high:jelous: :jelous: :jelous: :jelous:

Had to stop my liver shrinkage diet untill 2 weeks b4 my surgery and hopefully surgery will be booked for the may half term but i cant speak to my uncle yet concerning my surgery as he is in a bad way over hazel death as he was close to her and its his first cousin, so in a few weeks time i will speak to him and ask him to ring up and pay for thr surgery and hopefully i will be able to get a slot in the school half term if not then a week or 2 after either way its ok with me.

Anyway hun how are u doing are u ssing hope u and the kids are all ok, would be nice 2 see u one day have not seen u in so long and we only live 10 mins away from each other shame on the both of us:jelous: :jelous: :jelous: :jelous: :jelous:

Take care hun and hope u r having a nice weekend xx
 
sonkie said:
Awww Roch no wonder you have been on a downer, we didnt realsie your cousin had died.....dont be hard on yourself about the funeral....I dont think you were in the right mindset for a funeral. You can pay your respects at her grave when you feel able.

Take care hun xx
Click to expand...

Morning hun and thanks for such a sweet post as usual. How r u doing hun hope u r having a nice weekend.
Take care and chat soon xxx
 
Ello Roch love:D

I'm so sorry to hear about your cousen, my thoughts are with you.

Well done on getting out, having your nails done etc it always makes me feel better.....as for the party its great that you are overcoming your demands and its never only 40 minutes, its look for 40 minutes I beat you and that is a fantastic start.

Keep up the good work

Love

 
canireallydothis!! said:
Hi Roch, I have sort of been taking a back seat and just having a look when you post as I didnt want to say the wrong thing, I do think at the moment though, that your head is finally getting to be where it should be. I do know how bad things are when depression and stress kicks in, Everything becomes irrational and thoughts become strange, this is because of the anxiety that you are going through, I experienced this a couple of years ago, the thing is at the time you swear blind that black is white and white is black, but the brain is not thinking rationally. I think know you are back to being you and I do hope now that rational thinking helps you. It was a big step for you to go out even if it was for 40 mins, if you think back to a month ago it wouldnt have been for 40 mins, it wouldnt have been at all and I want you to appreciate how far you have come!!!!
Click to expand...


Morning hun and happy birthday 2 u girl and i hope u have a wicked day and all ur dreams come true and u r spoilt big time today xx

Hun u dont have to take a back seat at all i am sure anything at all that u wrote would be kind and caring even if it was a tough love post which i often need :jelous: :jelous:
You are right when things were really bad with my depression and also agrophobia things were very black and white for me but since i have been taking the anti d tabs the past 3/4 weeks things are starting to slowly change as they r enabling me to think about things rationally and see both side of the coin for the first time in a long while well over a year really.

My depression and agrophobia was something that i hid from everyone including most people here online as i felt embarassed that i had become so bad and felt ashamed, but i now realise there is no shame to asking for help.

Yesterday was def a step in the right direction for me and i hope to try and at least go out for a 10 min drive each couple of days, will take Ebony with me for company lol.

Hope u have a wicked day and hope 2 chat soon xxx
 
bondgirl said:
Ello Roch love:D

I'm so sorry to hear about your cousen, my thoughts are with you.

Well done on getting out, having your nails done etc it always makes me feel better.....as for the party its great that you are overcoming your demands and its never only 40 minutes, its look for 40 minutes I beat you and that is a fantastic start.

Keep up the good work

Love
Click to expand...


Ello Zoe hun how r u doing hun.:jelous: :jelous: How r u doing hun and how has ur weekend been. Just about to pop pver to ur thread to see what u have been up 2 am sure its a good read love reading ur thread its always such a good read u r always up 2 something not like boring old me.
Well take care and hope u have a good day xxx
 
Hope you are ok Roch hunni ;)
 
Hi Roch,

I've just been catching up on your thread and it's truly inspiring. It's wonderful to read about how you're taking such positive steps and gaining control of your own life.

I'm really sorry to read about your cousin Hazel, I'm sure she heard your prayer though...

Lots of love,

Jas.xx
 
Hiya Roch just catching up hows u doing hun ????
 
JasmineCDC said:
Hi Roch,

I've just been catching up on your thread and it's truly inspiring. It's wonderful to read about how you're taking such positive steps and gaining control of your own life.

I'm really sorry to read about your cousin Hazel, I'm sure she heard your prayer though...

Lots of love,

Jas.xx
Click to expand...

Hi Jas and thanks for stopping by and posting. I am trying to take back control and slowly hopefully ill get there.
Thanks hun and take care xx
 
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