Hi i`m back again lol

[Roch]

Hiya Roch just catching up hows u doing hun ????

Hey KK i am good thanks hun how r u. Hope u r out and about enjoying this lovely weather because i am thats for sure got the sun burnt arm to show for it lol
Take care and thanks xx

 

[Roch]

Well the past few days have been a real step in the right direction for me.
Things have changed for me and i feel good. I have been out and about on my own and i wake up in a good mood and it has stayed like that all day.
My back pains seem to have reduced big time enabling me to do so much maybe its got something to do with the warm weather as when its cold my arthritous plays up big time.

I have been to the park with Ebony and been walking quite a bit. Lost a few pounds over the last week and my water retention has gone down a whole lot.

I have signed back up to continue my it course its the ECDL level 2 and i did level one and i am going to go to the course 3 days a week starting monday for 4 hrs a day.
I feel refreshed and feel like i am taking back control big time.

Pls dont worry if u dont see me online over the next 2/3 weeks or so i am going to be taking a break from coming online and concentrate on being more active and staying out of my flat for as long as poss in this nice weather.
I am also going to be spending some time up in Oxford when i am not at my course.

Take care and chat soon xxx

 

[Roch]

Well some how or another this terrible cloud over me seems to have lifted over me and i am starting to change things in my every day life.
I am going out every day without fail and yes i do get stares and comments but this time i am keeping on telling myself who the hell are they to judge me because of my size just smile at them and walk on by as u r a better person than them as they are small minded fools !! and i do that each time and it works for me.
I started back on my IT course and it feels good to be among other peeps again and to chat to other people apart from Aaron and Ebony lol
My clothes are getting a bit loser and my water retention is def going down quite a bit as i am drinkng at least 3 ltrs a day.
When i am at home and the weather is nice i sit out with Ebony in the communal garden instead of hiding away in my flat and i have a nice little tan on my face and arms for the first time in ages lol.

I have noticed that my asthma has got worse recently over the past 6 weeks or so since i have been on the anti d tabs and also they have made me very sleepy as i take a real mix of other tabs for pain relief as well, so i cut down the tabs over the past week and now have been off them for the past 2 days and my asthma has def got alot better and i am not so drowsy the only thing i have noticed is that my sleeping over the last 2 days has not been 2 good keep on waking up but falling back to sleep straight away i can cope with that for the moment but i def feel more alert big time.

My surgery is still on the books its just i need to work out a convenient time for me and also my best friend as she is coming to stay at my house to look after Aaron and ebony and for her the holidays will be better.
I cant get a slot in the may half term so the only time will be in the first week of the summer holidays. Aaron is going away for a week on the first of August with his school camping for a week so that might be a good time for me to have my op as i will be back home b4 he comes back.

Weight loss and getting myself emotionally and phyisically strong is something i am concentrating on big time and i know i need some extra help to lose as much weight as poss b4 my surgery and to get myself abit healthier so i recover from surgery better so i will go back to Weight Watchers on Friday i have spoken to the leader and told her my situation and she is more than happy to have me there till my surgery.

So things are def changing for me big time and its taken a long time for this cloud to start lifting but i guess it was just not my time and now it is !!!!

 

[Eclipse]

Wow Roch, you are sounding so up-beat and really happy! It's lovely to hear from you, and that you are doing so well! You deserve all the happiness in the world hun!

 

[Roch]

Wow Roch, you are sounding so up-beat and really happy! It's lovely to hear from you, and that you are doing so well! You deserve all the happiness in the world hun!

Thanks hun i am doing well both phyisically and emotionaly i really do believe that it was just not my time to shine but now it is my time and i am going to grab every chance possible and i have started living life again for the first time on practically 3 years !!
So hun how r u doing have u had a nice weekend take care and thanks xxx

 

[kittykat]

Ah Roch glad to hear you sound so positive about life keep at it and like you said your times coming xxxxx

 

[Roch]

Ah Roch glad to hear you sound so positive about life keep at it and like you said your times coming xxxxx

Thanks hun u r such a sweetie i really appreciate the support u have shown me.
It has taken me along time to sort things out but the cloud is def lifting and i now realise that nothing is going to come to me i have to go out and get it and thats def what i am trying my hardest to do.
So hun how r u doing, did u get up to anything nice over the weekend.
Take care and chat soon xxx

 

[sonkie]

Hey Roch my son has been suffering more with his asthma in the past few weeks......His chest keeps feeling really tight. I think it is to do with the weather

 

[kittykat]

roch was painting at the weekend as the house is going on the market next tuesday were moving back to surrey to be nearer family all over on my thread

 

[Roch]

Hey Roch my son has been suffering more with his asthma in the past few weeks......His chest keeps feeling really tight. I think it is to do with the weather

Monring hun thanks hun it could well be but since i stopped the tabs altogthether 2 days ago the tightness has dissapeared completely maybe its a combination.
The thing is i take quite a bit of other medication in all i take 14 tabs a day so it kind of knocks me out as well.
I am pleased i have stopped them i was not taking them long enough to have withdrawal symptoms thank god.
I only wanted to take them for a short time just to help me get over a really hard time and to help me start re focussing and i dont want to become reliant on them 2 much.

So hun how r u doing, what did u get up 2 on the weekend, was the weather bad where u were it was terrible down here.
Take care and chat soon and hun thank u so much for all the support u have shown me constantly i really appreciate it xxx

 

[flirty40greeneyes]

Great to hear from you Roch - and you seem to be doing great. Good weather does make me feel more upbeat - so hopefully we are in for a good summer and we can both feel good!
Well done with the getting out and about - and getting a tan is an added bonus!
Hope everything slots into place for your op - and your friend coming to stay with Aaron and Ebony.
Take care.

 

[sonkie]

Weather was rubbish yesterday, its overcast and drizzly today.....and supposed to be the same for the rest of the week.

 

[Roch]

roch was painting at the weekend as the house is going on the market next tuesday were moving back to surrey to be nearer family all over on my thread

Oh i hate painting Aaron does it all for me lol. Just going 2 pop along to your thread to catch up take care hun xx

 

[Roch]

Weather was rubbish yesterday, its overcast and drizzly today.....and supposed to be the same for the rest of the week.

Just caught up with your thread girl 5 stone lost Wow thats amazing u go girl !

 

[Roch]

Great to hear from you Roch - and you seem to be doing great. Good weather does make me feel more upbeat - so hopefully we are in for a good summer and we can both feel good!
Well done with the getting out and about - and getting a tan is an added bonus!
Hope everything slots into place for your op - and your friend coming to stay with Aaron and Ebony.
Take care.

Morning Hun how r u doing girl been a long time :cry: am just going to pop along to your thread to catch up, have hardly been online recently so feel guilty not been posting and everyone still been posting on my thread !!
Have a good day hun and take care xx

 

[MadamDotty]

Hiya Roch

It's brilliant to hear you so upbeat & positive, good on you, there's nothing worse than being under the cloud and feeling so helpless as to find a way out, I'm so glad it's lifted & you're brighter.

Take care of yourself & keep on getting out there - hold your head up high & don't let anyone get you down.

xxx

 

[Roch]

Had a good day today popped out this morning to my IT course then at 1 i collected my best friends daughter and i have her for the afternoon so we took Ebony for a walk in the park, then went to the pet shop to buy Ebony some marrow baones its the first time she has ever had pne and she loved it but it stunk to high heaven and had to take it out of the room when i was eating lunch lol.

Now i am more active i think i am going to buy a pedometer and see how many steps i am doing am sure its no where near the amount i am meant to be doing but its def a start compared to me not walking at all.

i have been very lonely over the years and although there have been a few men here and there who have asked me out i have turned them down although i know they are attracted to the big and beautiful women and they hopefully see past my phyisical attributes i still have said no.

There has been one guy i have been chatting to on and off for over 18 months on the net and i met him on a BBW dating site and on the odd occasions i aggreed to meet him i cancelled because i chickened out i have recently been chatting to him again for the past couple of weeks and i have decided once i drop the first 2 stone and fit into some of my nice trendy clothes i will go on a date with him.

It will be the first time i have been on a date on 4 years as that is when i seperated from my partner and my weight just got out of controll and my self confidence was so bad as he started saying some terrible things about me and referring me to a 400 lb beached whale and although we lived together he said he told people we never had a sexual relationship he stayed on the sofa for 6 months yeah right !!
Untill we split up although i was still around 23 stone i was a very confident woman i worked full time and enjoyed life and even went to the gym and and went clubbing and to look at my life now i cant belive how much my life has changed and i am really loooking forward to getting back to the woman i used to be.
I know i cant make up for the lost time over the past 4 years but i can make sure that i make the most out of life and have the best life possible for Aaron and me.

 

[Roch]

Hiya Roch

It's brilliant to hear you so upbeat & positive, good on you, there's nothing worse than being under the cloud and feeling so helpless as to find a way out, I'm so glad it's lifted & you're brighter.

Take care of yourself & keep on getting out there - hold your head up high & don't let anyone get you down.

xxx

Thanks hun i do feel positive and upbeat and i now realise that i deserve to be happy no matter what my size is and small minded people must just have a really sad life and not be happy with their life so they try to make themselves feel better by making nasty comment to me but it jsut makes them look stupid when i ignore them.
How r u doing hun hope u r ok and have a nice week xx

 

[Roch]

Its so weird up to now when i read everyone elses diary thread they all have so much to write about but my diary thread was a reall sorry thread and miserable and i had nothing interesting to write about as i never left the house and hardly socialised at all.
Today i found myself writng for the first time something more than how i was feeling which usually was always down and miserable but instead i was able to write about what i actually did and also how i felt and it was a postive thread for once and i like that feeling.

My best friend has just left with her 2 daughters and we had a nice evening and she said she cant wait to see me start going out in the evening again as we used to have such a laugh and i used to be a terrible flirt and i used to spend hours getting ready to go out trying on loads of outfits and them all ending up on my bed and when u got home usually a little drunk whcih does not take much for me usually 2 drinks and i am drunk talk about a cheap date lol have to hang them all up at 5 am which is not easy when u r drunk lol.

Gosh times have changed for me and i really hope in the next couple of months i can take the next step to start going out socialising again, spending hours getting ready hair and make up and changing outfits 10 times and having a real laugh with my friend.
I remember stopping at traffic lights on quite a few occasions and getting chatted up and even getting phone numbers of guys thats how bad i used to flirt but it was all harmless fun i never gave out my number just took theirs lol

Anyway got some washing and ironing to do and want to catch a shower b4 Eastenders comes back on. Cant use the house phone Aaron has hogged it as per ususal talking to his girlfriend oh the joy of teenagers.
Sleep well and take care xxx

 

[Dom1979]

Hi Roch. It makes me so very happy to read about what you are up to at the moment! I know what a huge step it was to go and get your nails done and go to that birthday party. And to carry it on, just, WOW!!

You seem so positive and proud, and that makes me feel so proud of you right back. These are the first few steps to the 'relaunch of Roch' and I cannot wait to hear about all your drunken antics!!

Well done, and thank you so very very much for being so inspiring.