how do you lose 2 thirds of your self?

[broadsbean]

food diary for today

B 2 synfree sausage sandwich with mushrooms (hexb)

L mugshot, 4 crispbreads (4syns) banana and cherries

T chicken breast wrapped in lean bacon, garlic new potatos tenderstem broccli,
carrots, green beans and baby sweetcorn,sweet chilli sauce (2syns)

S muller yog

 

[Lily42uk]

Famlies who would have them eh
I know from my real life job that you can't help people unless they want to be helped.
Until they make the decision to change or except they need to then they won't.
I have always been the biggest member of my family but can concieve a situation in the future when that is not the case cos i am the only one who is taking this seriously.
Think i motivated my sister by telling her this
Yesterday was interesting cos for the first time ever i had all the will power and stayed 100% on plan
Quieter day today, final visit to work with mum, the community nurses are doing her iv's from tomorrow. Still have to go twice next week for appointments of my own though
The campaign to make me go out every day is gathering momentum i am sure !!!
hoping for a day off tomorrow so i can catch up on my housework
hope everybody had a good weekend xx

Hi sweetie,
Families, don't get me started :8855:
Like you I have always been either the biggest or close second to my brother (there were 7 of us me and my younger brother were about the same weight), and like you I am the only one taking it really seriously, my sister is the worst, most of her life she was a sensible weight and didn't have any weight problem, but has in the last 2-3 years lost total control, she has gone from a size 12 and is now at least a 24 or more even, I'd say I was actually smaller than her now...which is ok weight gains happen but she really is being pathetic and childish about food, at my granddaughters birthday tea party she thought it was clever and funny to come right up to my face and eat her chippie chips shovelling them in like a 5 year old would to taunt you, not that it bothered me for me. It bothers me for my niece who is 20 in a couple of weeks and is at SW with myself and my 2 daughters, and who has no chance of losing the 8 st that she needs to as my sister won't listen and even says that all slimming clubs are a con while she uses oils in cooking by the gallon.
It really upset me at my granddaughters tea party to see me and my 2 daughters eating sensibly, yes we had pizza and we had chips but we had SW chips and 1 piece of pizza each, whereas my niece ate everything , garlic bread, wedges, cakes chicken wings full fat coke and lots of cider and my sister actively encouraged her...made me so angry, I don't care if she wants to kill herself that's her choice but why is she not worried about her 19st+ 20 year old daughter?
I have tried to sit ehr down and tell her all this (my sister) and I get told I am ramming it down her throat so I have to back off and watch and it's heartbreaking to me ...sorry about that rant over lol
I am glad the campaign to make you go out is still ongoing, wish someone had pushed me into it earlier than they did ..and well done you for actually going ...proud of you xxxxxx

 

[LoChan1984]

Mandy you sound more confident by the day :bighug:

What synfree sausages are you having? I bought some joe's ones but can't say I was all that keen. They were alright cooked in a stew but as a sausage on their own must say I turned my nose up at them

Lily - if you're worried about your niece in particular could you try talking to her direct and leave your sister out of it? If she's joined SW already she obviously wants to change things. Although I can understand that her mum will still have an affect on how she behaves she's getting towards that 'she's an adult it's up to her' stage too.

Saw my mum on friday - had to tell her how I've done as she didn't bother to ask. Said she should rejoin SW too but she moaned that her and her partner will be going off every weekend to wales soon (the partner just bought a house in prestatyn) and she's comfy in their routine of breakfasts/lunches in the pub then going shopping and buying cakes and things.

I told her bluntly she'll have to stay fat and comfy then lol

 

[broadsbean]

i am feeling more positive by the day lo, combination of things i think, meds obviously helping
Still have my moments and still can't imagine going out alone but i KNOW i can change that one too. I think i have discovered that i am actually this panicy scared person but have always managed to hide it. now i am learning to change not just hide . Does that make sense?
The support i get from here and the inspiration from reading others diaries has been immense. I still have issues to resolve but facing them and accepting them is the first stepxx

syn free sausages come from the local sausage shop on the market. they do have a slimming world endorsement but i believe they are all being withdrawn by SW. they are really nice come in several differant flavours. not cheap i must say but they don't release any fat when cooking. they do less than 5% fat which i tend to count as a couple of syns if i use them The welsh dragon ones are to die for

 

[LoChan1984]

i am feeling more positive by the day lo, combination of things i think, meds obviously helping
Still have my moments and still can't imagine going out alone but i KNOW i can change that one too. I think i have discovered that i am actually this panicy scared person but have always managed to hide it. now i am learning to change not just hide . Does that make sense?
The support i get from here and the inspiration from reading others diaries has been immense. I still have issues to resolve but facing them and accepting them is the first stepxx

syn free sausages come from the local sausage shop on the market. they do have a slimming world endorsement but i believe they are all being withdrawn by SW. they are really nice come in several differant flavours. not cheap i must say but they don't release any fat when cooking. they do less than 5% fat which i tend to count as a couple of syns if i use them The welsh dragon ones are to die for

Mmn I love the welsh dragon ones when I can find them, usually in wales funnily enough lol

I can imagine that it happens to a lot of people, that the stress and other issues are with them for a long time but they push down all their anxieties until one day it all comes out at once and it's just too much to cope with.

I have trouble being out on my own at times too - find it very difficult to motivate myself and when I'm out I tend to have compulsive thoughts about having accidents and other stuff (won't go into more details than that, it's not pleasant what my brain conjures up ). I find listening to music helps distract me a little, and good weather helps too, naturally. I think it's been a good thing for me that my son's changed schools where I don't get SEN transport both ends of the day now as there's something I need to get outside for every weekday. Similar for you with your mum having to go to the hospital where you work and you going with her/to visit her - these things that seem like a struggle will be a help in the long run

You'll get there eventually, I'm 100% certain of that - you've got the willpower to change what needs changing xxx

 

[broadsbean]

haven't done anything i meant to do today
i tidied up then caught up on all the programms i had taped,and then started reading diaries and time just seemed to run away with me
oh well it will still be there for me to do tomorrow :sigh:.
been on my own all day today which usually would result in some boredom eating, but except for a punnet of cherries i have been really good
planning some zumba this evening, not done any for a few days so should do me some good.

todays food diary

B PB and toast (hexb + 4.5 syns) 2 plums

L golden rice, egg, prawns, cucumber and tomatoes (odd mix but very tasty)

T beef in red wine sauce (3syns) baked potatoe mixed veg muller yog

S banana, cherries

 

[broadsbean]

i love minimins it is soooooooooooooo good for avoiding house work

I am not the worlds best house wife i am afraid, like the kitchen and bathroom clean but not really bothered by dust
I once read an article that stated that the more intelligent you were the more likely to hate housework you were I quite obviously am a genius my house says so
now a question for you all i want to join the curvi challange but not sure how do i just copy and paste my name and can i just join
think i am just rambling on to avoid doing anything Think i might do some zumba before the men come home.
then need to decide what to make for tea .
Will pop back later to write a food diary when i have decided.

 

[broadsbean]

:happy036:
Must share this

i just did the terrible scale hopping that we all know we shouldn't do but boy this time i am glad i did!!!!!!!

According to my magic scales i have lost 7 st 7lb:banana dancer::banana dancer::banana dancer:

I kid you not thats what my scales say I am in to the 19st bracket:8855::8855::8855::8855::8855:

They have stopped working at all now :cry:The battery has gone but i loved seeing that weight :8855:

how motivating can't wait to see it for real

Now i think that until i get a new battery and can weigh myself again i will just have to stay 19st6

who said scale hopping was bad:8855::8855:

 

[broadsbean]

Todays meal plan,

B tomato on toast (hexb and hexa),
dairylea light as spread for toast

L speed soup, 4 crispbreads (4syns) rest of dairylea light, banana

T cottage pie with carrots, green beans and sweetcorn, dessert yog (0.5syns)

S grapes, boiled lean ham, banana

3 lts of NAS and 1/2 hr exercise

 

[LoChan1984]

:happy036:
Must share this

i just did the terrible scale hopping that we all know we shouldn't do but boy this time i am glad i did!!!!!!!

According to my magic scales i have lost 7 st 7lb:banana dancer::banana dancer::banana dancer:

I kid you not thats what my scales say I am in to the 19st bracket:8855::8855::8855::8855::8855:

They have stopped working at all now :cry:The battery has gone but i loved seeing that weight :8855:

how motivating can't wait to see it for real

Now i think that until i get a new battery and can weigh myself again i will just have to stay 19st6

who said scale hopping was bad:8855::8855:

Where do I buy my set of magic scales :8855::8855::8855:

 

[Lily42uk]

Love those kind of scales...wtg on your fab loss hunni, even if it is only temporary :giggle:
I thought the scales at class last night were magnificent too, at first. When I first got on them they said I weighed nothing at all, now I knew I'd lost but thought hey what a spectacular week I've had :giggle:, unfortunately I stepped off and back on again and they zoomed up darn it
Ah well it was good while it lasted those 2 seconds :8855:
Hey I'm with you on the housework hun lol...I do it, don't like doing it but have to say I love the end results lol
Hope you're having a great day sweetie xxx

 

[LoChan1984]

Glad to see you on board the curv-a-licious challenge Mandy

I do housework in fits and starts, neglect it for a few days then have feverish half-day sessions of it. Hardly eat anything on those rare days, too busy

 

[broadsbean]

counselling was awful today!!!!!!:sigh:
I feel like i am taking every little aspect of my life apart and that things won't ever be the same
I am confronting demons that i have never wanted to face ,i think i knew they were there but wanted them to stay hidden.
I made two startling discoveries about myself and why i feel like i do.
The most important is that i set myself up to fail and i use my weight in order to ensure that i do indeed fail. Then when ever any thing is wrong in my life i have the perfect excuse. being so over weight allows me to continue to believe i am a failure and for some reason i have yet to fathom I believe i am a failure and need this evidence.
I over eat to prove i am a failure.

Today the counseller asked me to write a list of what i liked about myself and i ended up in tears cos i couldn't do it.
she had also asked me to ask my family to do the same and take them in for her,
All said similar things but i found it hard to read them because i felt that they were false and just trying to make me feel good.
They challanged my belief of failure and as a result i immedietly wanted to stuff my face.
I haven't and I sort of know I won't,
and that is a huge step orward.

Sorry if that was a bit rambely but i needed to write it down and needed it somewhere where i could look back at it and not throw it away

 

[LoChan1984]

:bighug::bighug::bighug::bighug:

I think when you're dealing with your issues in the sessions it will be harder before it gets better. You've done brilliantly not to give in to wanting to binge so I hope that makes you feel proud even if the counselling session made you feel upset x

 

[Lily42uk]

Hi hun :hug99:...I actually smiled when I read you're post above ^^^, not because it was funny or sweet or anything like that, but because it's exactly what I did and like you I didn't believe a word anyone wrote/said about me especially if it was good, like you I also set myself up to fail, and then I could say see told you ...and I did the same in my relationship with Mal..pushed him away and all because I could say see told you he would leave me I'm not loveable, (wrote a poem about that one too while in counselling)...so the reason I am smiling is because you can get past this and you will and you have made such huge leaps and bounds just today with not actually bingeing...you my sweet are my hero...well done I am so proud of you and I can assure you I mean every word of that :bighug: xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[broadsbean]

food diary for today,
not brilliant cos very stressfull day

B PB on ww toast (4.5 syns)

L couldn't eat as very het up

T lean steak, actifry chips, mushrooms, onions, rocket salad BBQ sauce( 2 syns) melon.

green tea

 

[lognor8]

Hi Broadsbean
Been lurking around here and not really getting involved as I should.

I read your post and felt compelled to write.

I really feel for you and what your going through.

You said.."i use my weight in order to ensure that i do indeed fail. Then when ever any thing is wrong in my life i have the perfect excuse"....

The fact that your here among like minded peoples makes you a strong person. Yeah I know that we are anonymous and only connected by the internet...but I'm rooting for you and I know that you'll succeed.

For myself, my inspiration comes from my sister in-law. We know that weight problems causes health issues. Well, she has recently been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes.

In a selfish way, I don't want the same thing to happen to me..but she's superb and urges me on.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that we all need someone alongside us...and here we are...so keep doing your what your doing. You'll get there.

 

[broadsbean]

Hi Broadsbean
Been lurking around here and not really getting involved as I should.

I read your post and felt compelled to write.

I really feel for you and what your going through.

You said.."i use my weight in order to ensure that i do indeed fail. Then when ever any thing is wrong in my life i have the perfect excuse"....

The fact that your here among like minded peoples makes you a strong person. Yeah I know that we are anonymous and only connected by the internet...but I'm rooting for you and I know that you'll succeed.

For myself, my inspiration comes from my sister in-law. We know that weight problems causes health issues. Well, she has recently been diagnosed with type 2 diabetes.

In a selfish way, I don't want the same thing to happen to me..but she's superb and urges me on.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that we all need someone alongside us...and here we are...so keep doing your what your doing. You'll get there.

Thank you, I promised myself when i started writing this that i wouldn't lie or embellish it in any way and that it would be a true reflection of how i really feel. The support i recieve is invaluble and I think its the very anominity that helps with that because i am truely myself here and not the person i allow others to see in " in real life"

type2 diabeties is perfectly reversable with life style changes such as diet and exercise i hope your sisterinlaw can achieve this.
I lurk in lots of diaries not always commenting cos i have nothing constructive to say, but absorbing the advice and wisdom that is often to be found
So lurk away, but do say hi some times so i can offer support back. The real me is good at that xx

 

[broadsbean]

Hi hun :hug99:...I actually smiled when I read you're post above ^^^, not because it was funny or sweet or anything like that, but because it's exactly what I did and like you I didn't believe a word anyone wrote/said about me especially if it was good, like you I also set myself up to fail, and then I could say see told you ...and I did the same in my relationship with Mal..pushed him away and all because I could say see told you he would leave me I'm not loveable, (wrote a poem about that one too while in counselling)...so the reason I am smiling is because you can get past this and you will and you have made such huge leaps and bounds just today with not actually bingeing...you my sweet are my hero...well done I am so proud of you and I can assure you I mean every word of that :bighug: xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Its so very hard to do isn't it lily, stripping our lives bare and changing our core beliefs about ourselves.
I realised so much i have pushed all my friends away and forgotten really how to make new ones !
It is really good to know that you have survived this process cos it gives me hopexx
Thankyou xx

 

[broadsbean]

:bliss:
another 2 lb off for me 31lb in 8 weeks xxx