Lipotrim 01.08.11-14.11.11 Diary Challenge

Day 11, Part 1 @ 07:56 : This morning I have discovered a new obsession. "Measurement!"
Yes. From now on I will be taking measurements of my body since the weigh in side of things is letting me down this week and kind of making me lose the faith. But if I see places like my waist and thighs are losing cms? Then that will push me further.
Today I'm gonna buy my third week worth of lipotrim. I know that if I keep on top of them before they run out I won't feel so inclined to cheat. But I don't think I'm worried about cheating at this point. My mouth feels so dry, tastebuds are bland and my stomach is so empty that I don't think I even have the chemical reactions it would take to break down any kind of food. I feel so dried up inside that at times I feel like I could go a day without the third shake or a glass of water. I'm that starved.
I still have feelings of exhaustion so I haven't been able to do more than 2 minutes of aerobics. When I will begin to feel energised, I have no idea. If this is what it would feel like to be aneorexic everyday of your life, then, I'm really sorry for them. I just hope I don't get sucked into it. I've had days when I do starve myself intentionally, but not longer than 3 days. This is some proper religious fasting and it does make me think of all the people who live like this everyday without anything to eat or drink. I feel bad now. It's time I stopped abusing food and focus on other aspects of my life.
 
Measuring is a great way to see if you've lost something. Scales can be evil at times. It doesn't show muscle gain or fat shrinkage. I think I totally made up the term fat shrinkage, but I think you get what I mean. So it's good that you measure yourself too :)

Sorry to hear that you didn't lose weight. Staying the same is better than gaining weight. I don't know what you're supposed to do if you don't lose weight on the shakes. Have you looked around the forums to see what anyone else says, or have you written a thread about it in in the lipotrim section? It's worth a shot to ask people for their tips and advice :)

Glad to hear your area is better now. That's great about the dress for the wedding, it always feels nice to look good :)

Hmmm if your mouth is dry feeling, you should drink more water. It's not good to be dehydrated like that normally, and especially when you're dieting.

I hope it's warm over there in England. Here for the past week it's been cold fall feeling already. The weather here sucks, summer is too short, and we didn't have a proper summer this year. I'm freezing today >_<
 
Day 11, Part 2 @ 11:20: I've just come back from shopping and on my last bus, I immediately noticed this young black girl sitting opposite me. She was huuuuge! And, I couldn't stop looking at her from behind because it was like I was looking at myself. Her facial features and her complexion from the back and side were so similar to mine, it was like I was viewing my parallel self. She wore a light track suit. But can I just say to anyone whose got cellulite and hanging, wobbly skin? Don't wear light pastel colors, especially trousers because it does show. You might as well be naked. Try a dark bottom and if a light top? make sure it's a printed one.
Anyway. Back to the young lady. Her hair was in weave but it was at the point where it needed to come out cos of the hair growth and tangle. Next I noticed her rhinestone heartshape earrings and chipped bright pink nail polish. Yes. I observed. I'd just come from picking up next week's lipotrim and I wanted to ask her politely if she wanted to lose weight. I wanted to tell her that she looked like a good candidate for gastric bypass. I wanted to be her friend and help her to not feel embarrassed anymore. Because like me? (and I know lots of people do it) she was listening to music and that's why I do to block out the comments. I also noticed how she avoided eye contact like I do. And when she stood up, she pulled the back of her bottom sweat jacket. Most likely to hide the fat and stretch marks because I could see it all across the back of her shoulders.
As I continued to watch her walk away, her love handles were like two breasts without a bra. It was then that I began to feel tears burning my eyes. I....
 
(cont.)....watched other people on the bus's reaction as they looked upon her. Her light grey suede-like tracksuit showed off her big panties on a flat, shapeless bottom. I didn't care that she was fat. I cared that she was ok. I asked myself if she'd ever worn a dress and if she did? what did it look like. I imagined that she had lots of stretchmarks everywhere on her body and wondered if she too felt it pointless to lose weight because her secondary problems would be her skin just like some of us. But I rather have stretch marks than be fat and have stretch marks. At least if there's less of you you won't feel too hot covering up.
Her image has borrowed itself into my brain like a maggot into a decomposed organism. She was me if I didn't continue to lose weight. It was like a sign. An answer to my question. Is this worth it? Yes. It is.
I felt bad because I was a lot smaller in size compared to her. And although I do find it hard to fit in certain clothes, she probably has more trouble just finding a shop that does her size!
Argh! I'm getting teary eyed again cos it's not fair. It's not fair for anyone to feel like they don't belong just because of their looks. And that's how the fashion world makes us feel. Like we're not worth it unless we have lots of money, the right skin color, the right shape or size, white teeth, no disability etc, etc... Just makes me sad. Makes me feel guilty because I want to fit back into a size 12 when I could do like Gok and celebrate my vivacious curves.
I don't know....
 
Well it is very sad like we talked about earlier how people treat us so differently just because we gained weight or lose weight. Have less flab, or more flab, a lot of money and a job, or no money and a no job. It's always so funny and strange how people will avoid someone as if those things are contagious like the plague.

Since I started dieting and working out, I want to tell overweight people I know hey look there is something we can do about it, don't lose to the fat. You can eat better for you, and hey watch those portions because a whole bag of cookies isn't the key to happiness. But I think we all need to wake up by ourselves to really get into high gear of getting ourselves better.

We can all become like the poor girl on the bus. It's just a matter of a little 5 lbs here, a 2 lbs here, 10 lbs here, 4 lbs here, 2 lbs, 5 lbs here 6 lbs there, then boom. That's how I went from size s to size L, and sometimes size XL. We are all the girl on the bus. Even though I wasn't as big, I feel her's and your pain. Wearing clothes to cover up the buldges and rolls. Even if it's hot I didn't wear shorts or skirts. Hoping noone would look at me. Not knowing what in the world to do to lose weight, because everything felt so helpless. For me it was my health given back to me by the great doctor at home, and my family, plus the weather was better back home. I was alive again. It's like a caterpillar very very slowly coming out of it's cocoon.

Let's work hard together Missy to come out of our big girl shells into smaller shells :)
 
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As you and I know, Cali. It's easier said than done. Some people just don't have that support network or the emotional, psychological strength to motivate themselves into cutting back on foods which bring most of us comfort.
When you're at your heaviest, and people are saying hurtful things to you. The first thing a lot of us do is say, F*** it. I'm gonna buy this or that and work it off tomorrow anyway. But you know what? Tomorrow never comes because we love to eat. We love the way it makes us so happy in that moment, even though guilt soon follows. Food gives us that good feeling where some of us can't get anywhere else. That's why it's so hard, in my opinion and experience, to pull away.
And yes. The weight does creep up on you when you're not consciously monitoring your calories, servings and weight. That's why when you go back to try on that pair of jeans or dress? You find that it no longer fits you.
I don't think any of us could really compare ourselves to that young woman on the bus because we're not too heavy that we can't walk for long periods of time, or even try to jog for short periods of time. The only way that young woman could lose weight is by drastically lowering her food intake and trying out some form of exercise like swimming (which I don't think she would unless alone) cos the way her thighs were tightly squeezing together and her arms could barely move? I'd've thought she'd feel much better just rolling down the street, in the greatest respect. It's so inhumane how her doctor has allowed her to get this far without offerring her tangeable help other than telling her that she needs to lose weight which is what I got. And I know she must've been told that cos we live in the same area.
But as you say Cali. We gotta do it for ourselves. A month ago I wasn't ready to go on the lipotrim diet but then I got tired of trying to lose it the natural way. I had to dig deep! Now? I wouldn't have it any other way.
I'm totally ready to zip out of my fat suit girl! lol I've been avoiding friends just so they can see my transformation *wink! wink!* I love my bright pink, pencil skirt dress for the wedding. I'm gonna look sooooooooo hot! there might just be a double wedding! :p
 
It's never easy to get on the road to recovery or losing weight. We all have our own stories, struggles, pain, embarrassements, and hitting bottom before we were able to finally step up to the plate to lose weight. At times it takes a lot of babysteps, or a lot of time for a person to be able to finally walk a little, and move around alittle, or even get proper medical treatment to get their body to not be in pain or to get healthier. But it's those little babysteps that eventually when you look back amounts to a few big steps. That's how it was for me at least.

It took me this whole year to get to where I'm at now. Sure now I can walk 30 minutes, do yoga, do push ups etc now. But me at the beginning of the year, no way. I couldn't even do a girl push up, let alone walk for 10 minutes. I started on jumping on a mini trampoline like 30 jumps at a time. So I feel for people who their body might be a prison for them, be it weight or something wrong with their body health wise. Of course it took the right doctor to finally find what was wrong with me and get me the right help. I used to be in so much pain, curled up in a ball, crying in bed, hating that my body was letting me down so much. I was in bed a lot from the pain.

I know you're gonna rock it at the wedding and you deserve to :)

Cheers to us getting out of our fat suit! :)
 
CaliSweden said:
It's never easy to get on the road to recovery or losing weight. We all have our own stories, struggles, pain, embarrassements, and hitting bottom before we were able to finally step up to the plate to lose weight. At times it takes a lot of babysteps, or a lot of time for a person to be able to finally walk a little, and move around alittle, or even get proper medical treatment to get their body to not be in pain or to get healthier. But it's those little babysteps that eventually when you look back amounts to a few big steps. That's how it was for me at least.

It took me this whole year to get to where I'm at now. Sure now I can walk 30 minutes, do yoga, do push ups etc now. But me at the beginning of the year, no way. I couldn't even do a girl push up, let alone walk for 10 minutes. I started on jumping on a mini trampoline like 30 jumps at a time. So I feel for people who their body might be a prison for them, be it weight or something wrong with their body health wise. Of course it took the right doctor to finally find what was wrong with me and get me the right help. I used to be in so much pain, curled up in a ball, crying in bed, hating that my body was letting me down so much. I was in bed a lot from the pain.

I know you're gonna rock it at the wedding and you deserve to :)

Cheers to us getting out of our fat suit! :)
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More like step awwwwaaayyy from the plate to lose weight! hahaha (I slay myself sometimes...).
But it's true. Different strokes for different folks.
I'm happy for you that you've finally reached a state of mind where you are actively doing something about it and I hope you do reach your goal and be able to maintain it for a long time. I'm sure now that you recognise all the places you went wrong, you won't be repeating the same mistakes. It's a sad truth that our bodies can become out prisoners and make us an outcast to society's perfect image of what a human being should look like. But unfortunately you can't help the way you feel about yourself no more than you can help yourself from breathing. I'm just grateful that unlike a lot of things we can't change about ourselves, at least we can change the size we are.
 
Day 12, Part 1 @ 06:55 : Mia's getting on my nerves this morning. I let her in my room and she keeps chewing on my electrical wires so I have to keep shooing her away. She has her toys so I don't know why she won't chew on them. Cats!
In other news, I woke up feeling immediate hunger. So I hopped on my scales and low and behold! Another pound gone! I'm now down to 218.6 since Monday. It's still pretty slow, but the numbers are still going down :)
I've got 2 more days left in the 2nd week and can't wait for the third. The only thing that's really bothering me? Is that I'm losing the fat in all other areas except my tummy. Right now I'm looking about 6 months pregant even though it's gone down significantly. Maybe I should keep my shapewear on for support...
Right! First order of business, a chocolate shake and then Natalie Cassidy's Workout DVD! :D
 
Congratulations on the 2 lbs weightloss! That's great! The first week is always the week were you lose the most weight.

It's weird how the body loses weight unevenly or in different stages. I had that problem too, where the everything but the tummy or bum shrank. Or then the arms looked too big, or the thighs. Why can't it lose the weight more evenly over the body. It's like you have to go through a couple of funky body proportions while you lose weight to make it more annoying.

I started doing crunches when my tummy was sticking out too much, everything else shrunk around it, but the tummy was like buddha belly. Now that I've been doing crunches everyday it's flattening out alot.
 
CaliSweden said:
Congratulations on the 2 lbs weightloss! That's great! The first week is always the week were you lose the most weight.

It's weird how the body loses weight unevenly or in different stages. I had that problem too, where the everything but the tummy or bum shrank. Or then the arms looked too big, or the thighs. Why can't it lose the weight more evenly over the body. It's like you have to go through a couple of funky body proportions while you lose weight to make it more annoying.

I started doing crunches when my tummy was sticking out too much, everything else shrunk around it, but the tummy was like buddha belly. Now that I've been doing crunches everyday it's flattening out alot.
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Buddah belly you know! lmao Where do you get these phrases??? So funny :D

I have been doing crunches, not anything like Britany Spear's 1K a day. But enough to see my chest tone up and my flabby legs show definition.

I feel so tired. Think I might go back to sleep.
 
Buddah belly is a common phrase in the states. At least where I come from. There's also the phrase "I have a body of a god, and that's buddah."

That's good that you're doing crunches :) 1k a day is insane, you'll be able to wash your laundry on your abs if you can do that many:)

Sleep well :)
 
LOL
 
hi...ive been reading your posts and you seem to be doing really well so congratulations. i hope you dont mind me asking but you say you have body dismorphia? is that confirmed by the dr or do you just mean you dont like the way you look cause your heavier than youd like to be? none of us when were overweight like our reflection in the mirror :)
good luck with your weightloss journey..you seem to be doing so well so far :)
 
harriet2 said:
hi...ive been reading your posts and you seem to be doing really well so congratulations. i hope you dont mind me asking but you say you have body dismorphia? is that confirmed by the dr or do you just mean you dont like the way you look cause your heavier than youd like to be? none of us when were overweight like our reflection in the mirror :)
good luck with your weightloss journey..you seem to be doing so well so far :)
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Hi Harriet,

And thank you for your support.
I was diagnosed with having Bodydysmorphia as well as Bulimia by my gp, psychologist, psychiatrist and even my dietician. So it's definitely in my medical report. The thing is, I've had this for many years (since my teens) and it wasn't until my symptoms became more apparent, that I got diagnosed. At first I didn't know what it meant, but once I googled it I began to understand why I acted the way I did. Example, not going out until certain times, skipping college, skipping work, depression and anxiety. That sort of thing. I can understand how other people who are overweight feel about themselves since a couple of my family members are worse off than myself and still manage to live their life. But for me in addition to a lot of other things, I just couldn't cope and eventually my obession with my body had taken over my whole social life, love life and my relationship with my family and friends and that's where I differ from a lot of others who don't have my mental illness.

Hope that answers your question :)
 
Sorry to hear that you had to go through alot before. I hope you're much better now with your bodydysmorphia now. I'm going to have to google it to get a better understanding of it.
 
CaliSweden said:
Sorry to hear that you had to go through alot before. I hope you're much better now with your bodydysmorphia now. I'm going to have to google it to get a better understanding of it.
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Aw, babe. Don't be.
I'm due to commence CBT and I have an appointed with my dietician in September. so I'm not there yet but I'm a step closer in the right direction :)
 
Day 12, Part 2 @ 21:21 : Final thoughts before bed. Today wasn't so eventful. Stayed in all day. No reason to go out, just chilling with Mia whose also gone off to bed....in my bathroom aaaas usual (I wonder what she does in there....).
Without sharing too much info, the Senokot I took yesterday and today has rrrrreally improved my digestive tract. Soon as I felt my tummy rumbling and aching, I knew all systems were about to blow! I feel so much better for knowing that I can still flush out the toxins even though this diet is so notorious for it's side effects.

Just looking back on where I started, I honestly do feel like I've come a long, long way. Last week I truly believed that I would fail again. That I would give up as soon as my stomach started communicating to my brain and telling it to eat the same food that got me here in the first place. Although I'm in my second week, just losing that first stone has really restored my faith in that I can lose the weight.... I AMMM, losing the weight and that it has nothing to do with hormone imbalance or slow metabolism. It's about my love hate relationship with food. It brings me comfort but at the same time brings me hurt. And it was just time for me to say goodbye to my obession because there's been times when I would uncontrollably buy so much junk and soon as I got home I would just devour it, choosing not to care if I did gain more pounds because it made me so happy. But later I would care and make myself sick again. So what I'm saying is, lipotrim has helped me to break free from that viscious cycle. It's enabled me to concentrate on other things. It's helping me to feel positive about the future. It's showing me my future if I continue on.
Tonight, I could've gone without a third shake because I had no appetite. But I did it anyway. For the best possible results, I have to make sure that I am following the diet correctly. And since starting this regime? I have had only one headache and I think that was due to the heat last Wednesday. But other than that? I feel great. My energy is picking up again. I don't feel achy in my joints at all and sleep is getting better with the exception of a few late night bathroom breaks :)
Overall? I'm content right now. I can't wait til week 3. You bet yah I'm gonna make it. Just try and stop me! :D
 
Congrats on the ummmm digestive tracts working properly again :) I'm glad it worked.

You're doing great and keep up the good work! :)
 
lmao Thanks sweets. You too!
 
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