My Countdown - 20 Weeks to go!

[Surfhunny]

Glad I was still lurking and hadn't gone to bed yet. It's the empty belly feeling that keeps me coming back to CD over and over

I forget where I heard this but it totally applies to me and CD "your body can do anything, but your mind is playing tricks"!!! I keep reminding myself this when I start to waver; of course my body can do CD, no doubt about it!! It's my mind that puts doubts there, and plays tricks on me making me resent CD!!!

I hope your motivation is still there in the morning but if not, it'll come back I'm sure, it's just temporarily MIA. xxx

 

[Surfhunny]

Morning Hun, how're you feeling this morning?

 

[cornishkez]

Hmmm not sure how I am feeling this morning, apart from fat and bloated still... Lol

What I can't understand is why I can do cd and not eat anything, but I find it so hard to just eat sensibly. If I can give bad foods up on cd, why not every day?

And why can't I stop when I am full? Or only eat when I am actually hungry? It's so easy to think to myself that a small amount if weight gain is ok because a week on cd will get rid if that, but it's not ok. Cd isn't a miracle cure, I'm still the gorging binger underneath.

I feel like I need to get back to where I was last weigh in but by sensible eating and exercise, just to prove I can do it. Which I have before. 3 stone in 5 months on sw. Cd just feels like the easy fix and that I'm going round in circle.

Were off to the gym in a bit to sign up for membership and to book a badmington court for tomorrow. Then out for the afternoon with family. Scotts cousin 30th so a big crowd of us going bowling then for some food then out for the evening. Can't get out of it this short notice without a lot of awkward questions.

His cousin would all be the same, I'll take you running love! I'll get you into shape in no time.... Yeah thanks! Not!

 

[Surfhunny]

I'm the same with eating, I don't think my brain has a moderation setting, I'm all or nothing!! I'm following the Beck Diet Solution book in desperate hope that I'll learn to moderate food!!!

If I can't I'm going to turn into a binge and bust person (what do I mean TURN INTO?? I am already that person).

My big problem is that if I come off CD for whatever reason I KNOW I'm going to go back to it so I eat all the bad things I've been craving because I know I'm not going to be able to have them again for ages. That's what I need to get a handle on!!

I've kind of resigned myself to the fact that CD is the only diet that works for me, I've got way too much cheat space on any other diet. And I'm lazy!! CD is a lazy girls dream diet lol.

Please if you find a way of controlling and moderating food, will you let me know? Cos right now I'm hiding away on CD, hiding from the responsibility of dealing with real food and real temptation. I've already made a deal with myself that I'll CD until I get to target but once I'm there I'll have to step up and deal with real food again.

Well done for realising that you have to do the same and for being brave enough to try and tackle the issue now!!! I'm still firmly wrapped in my CD security blanket!!

 

[cornishkez]

Not going bowling now, so had a cd porridge for dinner and we'll see how the day goes. Scott is on a serious diy mission, sanding down doors and Walls. So I'm following behind him painting and glossing. Seems it's the season for diy!

Just watching biggest loser us. The first episode this season I've watched. I'm loving oneils determination.

Oh well off to b&q!

 

[great things]

when he's finished sanding will you send him my way please. got loads of painting and glossing etc to do and i really cba!

 

[cornishkez]

Grrr! After waiting for Scott to finish pissing about doing housework, he then decided he would pop round and see his mate. Fine, I'll go go the gym by myself. But now they close in an hour, the girl who does memberships has left early and the induction people are helping cleaning?! FFS and men say it's women that piss around?!

 

[*Shanny*]

Tell them to get a move on, how long u been waiting for now? X

 

[cornishkez]

This is just a rambling post of me trying to get some perspective. This evening I sat down and ate a 12" pizza, a bottle of coke and 2 bags of fizzy laces (one of which I snuck upstairs to each) I would have then also sat an eaten the large bag of doritos if Scott wasn't in the room and I didn't feel ashamed for him to see.

I'm 9 lbs up on the scales and I can only put 4 of them best case down to water and glycogen. That's heading quickly towards a stone.

I can feel my double chin has grown again, my skin is looking crappy, the change I can see in my arms has gone. I feel like I am back where I was, I might not be on the scales, but physically I am.

I have got 2 weeks until I start my new job and I would love to be back where I had gotten to on the scales. I was really starting to see changes in my shape. Small changes but enough for me to be able to tell.

I need to get to the gym tomorrow afterwork for an induction, the thought terifys me , but it'll be something to work at. If I can fit something in 3 times a week, plus my riding lesson and badminton. Variety is the key right?

Just tried to download the becks book but it isn't an iBook. Feeling pretty rubbish right now, just at myself and how I allow myself to go to go round and round like this? Maybe the imminent wedding was keeping me in track? It would have been 17/18 weeks today.

I should have stuck to my 2lbs regardless goal. That's still 34 lbs mind, even from my new greater weight that should see me comfortably in an 18. I think?!

I guess I need to get my head back in the cd zone and get cracking with it. I'm not ready to go solo, then when I get somewhere near to goal I can worry about the long term plan then. Not now!

My body is failing me, or rather I should say I have failed my body, my weight affects me so much. My knees feel like I've been doing hours of squats, when all I've been doing is kneeling in them while painting. Riding lesson has caused my weak ankle to play up and my hips feel like they're riddled with arthritis.

Laid in bed now on my front and I'm struggling to breath comfortably as I'm weighted down on my chest.

Sort it out young lady! Sort your life out, before it catches up with you and it's too late to do something about it.

 

[Surfhunny]

Oh Kerry big hugs Hun!!!! I've just been reading my diary from the beginning and I've felt the same as you do now so many times. Thinking back now to how I felt then I wish I hadn't given up, and I'm glad that I've got the motivation back now.

I know nothing I can say will really be much help to you but you CAN do this, you've done so well. Don't let how you're feeling now escalate, you can control it!! Don't let this gain turn into more. Just look at me as an example!!! I've got an extra stone to lose just to get back to where I was before I tackle the 17lbs I had to lose to get to target.

Big big hugs hunny, you can do this!!! You've got 34lbs and I've got 31lbs let's do it together. Xxxx

 

[cornishkez]

Thanks sal, have just emailed CDC as well. So I'm kind if accountable to some sort of authoritive figure. I've got a weeks worth of products, a week on plan might get me back into the 16's again. I promised myself I wouldn't leave them unless it was for the 15's!

 

[Surfhunny]

You will do it Hun. And as horrible as you feel right now, it sometimes serves as a good reminder as to why we're doing this!! I'm always around if you feel like you're slipping!!

Tomorrow is a new day! Xxx

 

[cornishkez]

Thanks! Snap, goes without saying.

Tomorrow is going to be hell. Might even invest in some paracetomol, I hate carb withdrawal headaches.

 

[Surfhunny]

Just take paracets from the moment you wake up, stop it before it starts!!! You'll be fine I'm off to bed with my hypnotherapy app. If it doesn't work for weightloss, it's great for falling asleep!! Night xxx

 

[cornishkez]

Yawn, I'm so tired! One of the dogs got me up at 5am wanting to go out for a pee , then they all decided they wanted to go out so had to wait, then the cat wanted to come in for a cuddle and insisted on sleeping on my head.

Our landing light has been crackling for a while now, the bulb flickers and in the last few days a couple of times I've turned it in and it's been dead. Well this morning I got a couple if flickers and a bright flash. So all the lights are off at the breaker and I will need to pick up a new Rose tonight and check the wiring. I hate electrics, they scare me lots!!! Should have checked this the first time it happened.

Scott isn't much help, he's so blaghsaa about things. He thinks I'm panicking, but it's a complete fire hazard right?!

 

[cornishkez]

And only 2 weeks till I start my new job. Yay! My soon to be old boss is such a bully, I can't believe I let him get to me so much.

His golden girl returns to work today from maternity leave, looking forward to there being someone to shield some of the crap. 10 days left, I can't wait!!!!!

 

[great things]

hey hun. just go to the gym yourself. take care of yourself first, your own accountability. i prefer going to the gym on my own. i find others are distracting as they want to talk and i just want to listen to my music and do my own thing. classes are different.

 

[Surfhunny]

I'm exactly the same, I used to go with my friend and didn't work half as hard as when I'm on my own!

 

[cornishkez]

Induction is booked for tomorrow evening, after work. I tried for this evening but as we are joining up on a joint membership, we both need to be there and there weren't any slots.

Didn't get back on plan today, if I try tomorrow do you think it will be bad with me going to the gym?! Only as I don't DO the gym...lol

 

[Surfhunny]

Induction is booked for tomorrow evening, after work. I tried for this evening but as we are joining up on a joint membership, we both need to be there and there weren't any slots.

Didn't get back on plan today, if I try tomorrow do you think it will be bad with me going to the gym?! Only as I don't DO the gym...lol

Should be okay Hun as inductions don't really involve much, maybe a couple of mins on each machine to make sure you know how to use them. Nikki is best person to ask!