my diary ~ no more CD for me

thankyou both for your replies.

Thinking it's the other persons shortcomings and believing it are also who different matters too. I'm so sick of always feeling like I'm not good enough. Maybe thats my own perception of things but the way people treat me I'm not likely to think any other way. I'm always too fat, too ugly, too boring....etc

I don't need the heartache over never being good enough so I'm just going to give up on everyone. I've got my 3 boys don't need anyone else. anyone tries anythng they can just bloody well leave me alone
 
kati said:
thankyou both for your replies.

Thinking it's the other persons shortcomings and believing it are also who different matters too. I'm so sick of always feeling like I'm not good enough. Maybe thats my own perception of things but the way people treat me I'm not likely to think any other way. I'm always too fat, too ugly, too boring....etc

I don't need the heartache over never being good enough so I'm just going to give up on everyone. I've got my 3 boys don't need anyone else. anyone tries anythng they can just bloody well leave me alone
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Nikki, please don't make me come up there and kick your butt! You are worth so much and it hurts me to read your post. You sound so down at the moment and I wish I could make it better! I will tell you something and this is the god honest truth, when I met you in Newcastle I thought you were great. In fact I compared myself completely unfavourably to you! In my eyes you were much prettier, more confident, slimmer and less boring than me. You might not have felt that but I did - see what a difference in perception makes? I didn't see any evidence of the things that you said about yourself - it's hard to believe I know, people can tell me how good I am too but I dismiss them totally. Please don't be so hard on yourself, I know it's hard, but please!

Sending you ((((((((hugs))))))))
 
wow thanks for that Sarah, I never thought anyone would think of me like that. I felt a mess, awkward, shy and not confident at all in newcastle. Maybe I seemed more confident there because its where I live. (sorry I got your name wrong though lol ooops)
 
westiegirl said:
Nikki, please don't make me come up there and kick your butt! You are worth so much and it hurts me to read your post. You sound so down at the moment and I wish I could make it better! I will tell you something and this is the god honest truth, when I met you in Newcastle I thought you were great. In fact I compared myself completely unfavourably to you! In my eyes you were much prettier, more confident, slimmer and less boring than me. You might not have felt that but I did - see what a difference in perception makes? I didn't see any evidence of the things that you said about yourself - it's hard to believe I know, people can tell me how good I am too but I dismiss them totally. Please don't be so hard on yourself, I know it's hard, but please!

Sending you ((((((((hugs))))))))
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kati said:
wow thanks for that Sarah, I never thought anyone would think of me like that. I felt a mess, awkward, shy and not confident at all in newcastle. Maybe I seemed more confident there because its where I live. (sorry I got your name wrong though lol ooops)
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I agree with Sarah...I said that too you online, but i'm posting it here for all to see...I met you in Newcastle too and you were lovely, one of the nicest, (not saying others weren't nice LOL) just saying I took to you immediately, you were lovely to me before I got there and have been lovely since I came home..I count you as a friend now, but I want you to start being a friend to yourself as well.......NO QUESTION....BE NICE TO YOURSELF,,,,AND WESTIE SAME GOES FOR YOU TOO GIRL......me and you outside BJ's at four o'clock in the morning...lasting funny memories ROFL:D :D :D
 
cazmaz_irl said:
I agree with Sarah...I said that too you online, but i'm posting it here for all to see...I met you in Newcastle too and you were lovely, one of the nicest, (not saying others weren't nice LOL) just saying I took to you immediately, you were lovely to me before I got there and have been lovely since I came home..I count you as a friend now, but I want you to start being a friend to yourself as well.......NO QUESTION....BE NICE TO YOURSELF,,,,AND WESTIE SAME GOES FOR YOU TOO GIRL......me and you outside BJ's at four o'clock in the morning...lasting funny memories ROFL:D :D :D
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See Nikki, we all have a skewed perception of ourselves and we would NEVER consider talking to other people in the same way! Thanks Caroline, I promise to be nice to myself. Yes, good memories outside BJs at 4am trying to find a party *lol*. Same again in Birmingham?
 
westiegirl said:
Yes, good memories outside BJs at 4am trying to find a party *lol*. Same again in Birmingham?
Click to expand...

But of course !! I don't know how else to behave ROFL:D :D hope to be closer to goal and more confident in what I'm wearing etc..
 
ok ok you've all been so nice to me I have to believe you lot instead of making things up for myself.

Kazz suggested using some affirmations to make me feel better so how about...

I am a nice person, I am worth being treated well
 
kati said:
ok ok you've all been so nice to me I have to believe you lot instead of making things up for myself.

Kazz suggested using some affirmations to make me feel better so how about...

I am a nice person, I am worth being treated well
Click to expand...

Right idea mate! You ARE a nice person and you ARE worth being treated well. Repeat 100 times or until you start to believe it!
 
ok I couldnt be bothered to update yesterday. seemed a bit pointless really. I'm getting nowhere with the diet. I let myself get too hungry and had a major binge.

Today I haven't done well either, well , almost had my 1000 calories but havent had any soups yet.

I did disscover today though that someone is renting out the room above our shop to use for lighterlife meetings. How cruel is that to have people on that diet have to walk past a cafe and sandwich shop and have to smell all the food in there as they gt to their meetings? Ok night times are ok cos we're shut but during the day it must be a nightmare. the woman who works in the shop next to me says her sister is trying to get her to do lighter life with her but I can't imagine she wll manage to stick to it if she's doing it for someone else rather than herself. I considered sharing my experience of CD with her but that would mean telling everyone about me doing the diet and I really dont want the hassle I will get for it.

i put a smile on nice builders face today cos we had custard to go with his chocolate cake lol.

Oh and I got accused of being extra nice to one of our regular customers today. One bloke phoned up and asked for loads of stuff. He and his colleagues all usually come in to the shop but they're moving offices so rang in an order for them all at once today. I knew who half the food was for cos they all have the same thing a lot of the time so while he was talking i was saying oh he likes this that and the other doesn't he. Then at the end he said ok well you know s who you always have smiles for, he's coming to pick thm up. I told him I have smiles for everyone and he laughed said yes you do smile at everyone but you save special smiles for him!!!! OMG where did they get that idea from? he's not bad actually but thats not the point, me special smiles? never! I did comment on him not having his suit on last time but cant think of any special treatment. If anything the one on the phone has had the special treatment cos I gave him free soup once. hmmmm, I must try and think about how I interact with the customers.
 
ok I just got myself a bit annoyed reading someones thread. Not because of that person in particular but just because I hate that so many people think that way.

what she said was that she thinks that first impressions count. Ok so maybe in that instance they do, but in general I think that judging people by first impression is seriously narrow minded. I know that I personally am much different with someone I know well and am comfortable with to someone I'm just meeting for the first time. how can you possibly have any idea what a person is really like from the first time you meet them. feel free to argue with that if you like but I just dont see how yu can fairly judge someone like that. I think coming from people on this site that kind of judgement is just wrong, I'm sure most of us will have been judged purely because of being overweight, how fair is that?

There are 2 regular customers at work, 1 is a man overweight himself but yesterday made disgusting comments about the other customer who is an overweight woman. She's a lovely girl, quite pretty, very friendly, always seems happy and makes the best of herself. this man was going on and on about her saying that she is disgusting, that she only deserves to be called "it" rather than "she" or by her name, complaining that she dares to try and make herself look good etc etc etc, he went on and on I had to walk out because I was absolutely fuming with him. But this is the kind of thing that happens when someone is judged on first impressions. He will never give her a chance to show him what a nice person she is purely because he already thinks he knows what she's like. I'd bet even if she lost all her weight he's still think the same because all he wil ever see is her fat. It disgusts me, however the judgement is made, whatever it is made about.
 
Hi Nikki

The truth is this, first impressions do matter, whether we like it or not, it is a basic human (and animal) behaviour. You can never have a second first impression. Now, those of us who have a bit of intelligence (such as you and I ;) ) KNOW that you cannot (and should not) judge anyone by their appearance.. however, we are enlightened.. clearly that man is not. Perhaps if someone said similar about him within earshot he might not be quite so cruel and shallow.:rolleyes: You need to also consider that by jeering at her, he was taking the attention away from his own short-comings and so, he is probably only saying what he sub-consciously might be thinking about himself! Bullies tend to be very insecure underneath all that bluff and bluster.. :)

The thing is, we do all do it, whether consciously or sub-consciously.. particularly with the opposite sex.. it's that initial moment that sort of sets the scene for conversation.. and acceptance or rejection.

It isn't nice, and it isn't mature, but.. if (in the natural world) you are looking for a mate, the initial meeting is key. That doesn't mean that you will never change how you feel towards that person (we can all fall in and out of love/lust) lol. BUT.. shallow hals exist within both sexes.. :eek:

The lady you refer to clearly likes to make an effort, and I wish someone had taken your customer to task about his comments.. glad I wasn't present or you might have had to eject me! LMAO :D

T'aint right to judge anyone on any basis, but it is something we are all guilty of at some point. Awful isn't it!!:eek: :rolleyes:
 
yeah it is awful and it shouldn't happn. I suppose I have a character flaw in me that I will always give someone a chance no matter what I think of them at first. It has been very stupid of me with some people but with others they have proven that they are not what they seem at first (good or bad)

oh well...
 
I am sooo tired i just cant seem to stay awake when I get home from work. I got home today went on here for a little while fighting to keep my eyes open, then i went in the bath and fell asleep. Now I just cant be bothered to do a thing because I'm just too tired. My head hurts too, don't know if thats something to do with the tiredness, but it's really getting to me now. How can I stop being so tired?

I think I'm just sick of everything at the minute. I have absolutely no motivation to do anything at all (including diet)

The scales are still stuck at 11 stone 2 but I dont know why because I can feel myself getting fatter and fatter. Whats going on there?

I really need to get myself back to the state where I felt I needed to do CD so badly in the first place. I feel ill constantly when eating proper food, I felt good hen doing the diet, that in itself should be good motivation shouldn't it?

I've been wondering if maybe the lack of dairy products whilst on the diet could have been making me feel so much better (apart from the vitamins etc) my mam has been telling me how she had to buy goats milk for me when I was younger because I was allergic to goats milk but then it got too expensive so I had to just have cows milk. Maybe I do still have an allergy to it. But still that doesn't explain why I am so so tired.
 
Hey hun, sorry your feelin so crappy...

Have you thought about getting any food allergy testing done? You could have a point about the dairy thing....I would imagine you are tired cos you arent looking after yourself properly

I know the days when I havent followed CD properly I have felt really tired as well, I think it was cos I was lacking vitamins since my body had gotten used to being properly nourished!! Maybe you need to take some supplements if you arent going to be doing CD for a while?
 
I haven't thought about getting any allergy testing done to be honest, maybe I should once I get some money from somewhere.

The tiredness and headaches could possibly be stress related. Had bills for £200 I wasn't expecting this week which have to be paid immediately, plus I have to get the car taxed before the end of the month, my tv is dying, as is my car radio (ok ok can live without that if I must) and my leather 3 piece is falling to pieces (coming apart at the seams) which will cost at least £100 to get repaired. So there's all this money to pay out and I just don't make that much. Plus I still have my ex hassling me to buy the house etc. If he paid for things for the kids I wouldnt have half of these money problems grrr
 
Aww hun, I know how ye feel....money is a pain in d ass especially when its tight....I have bills coming out of everywhere at the moment as well and just dunno where I am gonna get the cash to pay for them either.

I've no answers for ye hun, but I do know how ye feel
 
well I get paid on friday, will have to hope I dont need to buy any food or anything next week then it wont be so bad. the kids tend to want to eat though for some reason
 
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