my diary ~ no more CD for me
- Thread starter kati
- Start date
kati
Gold Member
well as of last night I'm back in ketosis and now 4lbs lighter too 
ok so its not fat but its a good start because it means I have stopped messing about and now I will get to goal and be thin again
I just have to keep remembering its not for long and it will be soooo worth it.
I was dreading work today being surrounded by food again but it was ok and I resisted all temptation. i had my moments where I thought oh a bit of ham or something wont hurt but then I decided no I dont want to start that again.
have had 1 pack and 3 litres of water (at least, kind of lost count a bit after 2 litres then have had another litre since getting home). I was worried about being shattered when I got in but I feel a lot more awake than I have done for a while which is fantastic. Still haven't got huge amounts of energy but cant have everything all at once can we
Got my car taxed today so thats one less thing to worry about, but then remembered while I was in the bath I haven't paid my water bill yet which was due in december eek there's another £130. The kids keep moaning and moaning about the tv but tough, it works so I can't buy another one yet they're too expensive. I have contacted someone I owe about £100 to, gave them £30 and offered to pay them £15 a week till the rest of it is paid off. Haven't heard back but they should be ok with that. Maybe if I just pay the water company a little bit per week they will be ok with that too. The other £80 that needs to be paid like last week ill have to come out of my overdraft. Oh well, I'll get it sorted soon. THEN I can save up to go to Ireland in June. Oh and I also need to get doggy sorted so he wont be humping legs, he's not so bad now though. I'm going to see Isobel this week so after I've paid her I'll have £50 to spare which will help towards those bills. Oh maybe I should keep some of that back incase the kids want to eat lol. Actually we have plenty of food it just means I have to cook meals for them and they cant snack too much. The car is filled with petrol (did it on my way home from work) so dont have to worry about that either. Must remember to phone sky and talk talk so I can save some money there each month. What else can I get rid of? There's the gym but I want to go to that, pointless being thin if you cant stay that way and I want to get fitter. I shall have to have a think.
ok so its not fat but its a good start because it means I have stopped messing about and now I will get to goal and be thin again I just have to keep remembering its not for long and it will be soooo worth it.
I was dreading work today being surrounded by food again but it was ok and I resisted all temptation. i had my moments where I thought oh a bit of ham or something wont hurt but then I decided no I dont want to start that again.
have had 1 pack and 3 litres of water (at least, kind of lost count a bit after 2 litres then have had another litre since getting home). I was worried about being shattered when I got in but I feel a lot more awake than I have done for a while which is fantastic. Still haven't got huge amounts of energy but cant have everything all at once can we
Got my car taxed today so thats one less thing to worry about, but then remembered while I was in the bath I haven't paid my water bill yet which was due in december eek there's another £130. The kids keep moaning and moaning about the tv but tough, it works so I can't buy another one yet they're too expensive. I have contacted someone I owe about £100 to, gave them £30 and offered to pay them £15 a week till the rest of it is paid off. Haven't heard back but they should be ok with that. Maybe if I just pay the water company a little bit per week they will be ok with that too. The other £80 that needs to be paid like last week ill have to come out of my overdraft. Oh well, I'll get it sorted soon. THEN I can save up to go to Ireland in June. Oh and I also need to get doggy sorted so he wont be humping legs, he's not so bad now though. I'm going to see Isobel this week so after I've paid her I'll have £50 to spare which will help towards those bills. Oh maybe I should keep some of that back incase the kids want to eat lol. Actually we have plenty of food it just means I have to cook meals for them and they cant snack too much. The car is filled with petrol (did it on my way home from work) so dont have to worry about that either. Must remember to phone sky and talk talk so I can save some money there each month. What else can I get rid of? There's the gym but I want to go to that, pointless being thin if you cant stay that way and I want to get fitter. I shall have to have a think.
cazmaz_irl
Banned
Woo Hoo , I'm so happy for you , even your posts are full of energy ,,,,,no stopping us now eh!!! Really, Really Happy, can ya tell....ROFL
chelle_powell
We ride, we ride....
Well done on getting into ketosis.... here's to sailing thru to being skinny! lol
Much love, chelle x
Much love, chelle x
westiegirl
Gold Member
Hi Nikki
Just caught up with your thread after being away. I am glad you are feeling a little better because the first few posts I read worried me a lot because you sounded so down. You are so like me in lots of ways and I understand a lot of your pain, because my self esteem is as low as yours. I've said it before and I'm going to keep saying it - please be kind to yourself.
You have so many friends on here and we are all routing for you and think you are fab. PS, go see Isobel - she will make you feel much better, coz she's fab!
Just caught up with your thread after being away. I am glad you are feeling a little better because the first few posts I read worried me a lot because you sounded so down. You are so like me in lots of ways and I understand a lot of your pain, because my self esteem is as low as yours. I've said it before and I'm going to keep saying it - please be kind to yourself.
You have so many friends on here and we are all routing for you and think you are fab. PS, go see Isobel - she will make you feel much better, coz she's fab!
kati
Gold Member
thanks everyone. Had a bit of a blip today but never mind will carry on regardless (gonna have that song stuck in my head now)
I went to work this morning and forgot to take any soup or shakes with me, big mistake. I'm not out of the eating habit yet even if I am in ketosis (was?) so after running around like a lunatic all day (was hectic!) so I ended up trying to eat lettuce cucumber and ham. no problem eh, but then an evil twix jumped down my throat and ruined everything. Oh well, whats done is done.
I did make the connection though that he twix was more of a comfort food than anything else. every time I caught sight of myself in the mirror I couldn't help thinking how terrible I looked and what people must think of me for how I look, and it really got me down today. So once I was on my own, faced with another hour and a half of pure cleaning before I could go home. I kind of looked around me thinking where do I start? and the fridge started calling, and I had to walk past more mirrors to get to the fridge, and I gave in.
I was driving home, rush hour traffic so going at a snails pace and people who were passing, or who i was passing they (as you do) were looking at me on the way. I just kind of tried to ignore them because when i didnt I was just thinking oh god I know I look awful you don't have to stare. then started wishing I could be pretty a bit at least. Very very down on myself. Oh and my stomach was hurting after eating (and it had only been since saturday lunch time that I last ate (it's now tuesday)) Anyway, I took my hair bobble out during my drive home (now wondering what I did with it) to kind of hide behind my hair. Went to the newsagents on the way home to get a stamp so I could post off payment for one of the bills I listed yesterday (phew something else i can forget about) then i came home. I'm a glutton for punishment so when I got in I looked in the mirror again and thought OMG what has happened between getting out of the car and entering the house because now I look good!!! i thought maybe it's cos I let my hair down, so put it back up and thought no that hasnt made any difference. How can I go from looking hideous to looking good insuch a short space of time? Must have been the lighting. But there we go, thats how bad my self esteem is and how easy it is for me to give in and eat. Never mind, I wont fall for it again tomorrow.
Oh I also tried on my size 10 jeans again this morning but I'm too fat to wear them just yet. Need to lose a few more pounds first.
Talked to my friend in wales and he wanted me to put the webcam on and he was telling me I look beautiful, which is always a nice compliment but I've now decided he's as much of a #*;% as all the rest of them. He can make me feel worse about myself so easily even though he will always tell me I look lovely. I let others influence me too much. I know looks arent everything but no one ever tries to get past that with me.
It doesn't help that I'm always with extremely thin people so that in turn makes me feel huge and I doubt I will ever be that thin even when I'm at goal.
Oh well.
Going to see Isobel on thursday to get me restarted properly. I may have had a blip but it's not going to set me right back to where I was last week. Even with what I ate today I still haven't eaten that many calories it's just that it'll have knocked me out of ketosis.
I went to work this morning and forgot to take any soup or shakes with me, big mistake. I'm not out of the eating habit yet even if I am in ketosis (was?) so after running around like a lunatic all day (was hectic!) so I ended up trying to eat lettuce cucumber and ham. no problem eh, but then an evil twix jumped down my throat and ruined everything. Oh well, whats done is done.
I did make the connection though that he twix was more of a comfort food than anything else. every time I caught sight of myself in the mirror I couldn't help thinking how terrible I looked and what people must think of me for how I look, and it really got me down today. So once I was on my own, faced with another hour and a half of pure cleaning before I could go home. I kind of looked around me thinking where do I start? and the fridge started calling, and I had to walk past more mirrors to get to the fridge, and I gave in.
I was driving home, rush hour traffic so going at a snails pace and people who were passing, or who i was passing they (as you do) were looking at me on the way. I just kind of tried to ignore them because when i didnt I was just thinking oh god I know I look awful you don't have to stare. then started wishing I could be pretty a bit at least. Very very down on myself. Oh and my stomach was hurting after eating (and it had only been since saturday lunch time that I last ate (it's now tuesday)) Anyway, I took my hair bobble out during my drive home (now wondering what I did with it) to kind of hide behind my hair. Went to the newsagents on the way home to get a stamp so I could post off payment for one of the bills I listed yesterday (phew something else i can forget about) then i came home. I'm a glutton for punishment so when I got in I looked in the mirror again and thought OMG what has happened between getting out of the car and entering the house because now I look good!!! i thought maybe it's cos I let my hair down, so put it back up and thought no that hasnt made any difference. How can I go from looking hideous to looking good insuch a short space of time? Must have been the lighting. But there we go, thats how bad my self esteem is and how easy it is for me to give in and eat. Never mind, I wont fall for it again tomorrow.
Oh I also tried on my size 10 jeans again this morning but I'm too fat to wear them just yet. Need to lose a few more pounds first.
Talked to my friend in wales and he wanted me to put the webcam on and he was telling me I look beautiful, which is always a nice compliment but I've now decided he's as much of a #*;% as all the rest of them. He can make me feel worse about myself so easily even though he will always tell me I look lovely. I let others influence me too much. I know looks arent everything but no one ever tries to get past that with me.
It doesn't help that I'm always with extremely thin people so that in turn makes me feel huge and I doubt I will ever be that thin even when I'm at goal.
Oh well.
Going to see Isobel on thursday to get me restarted properly. I may have had a blip but it's not going to set me right back to where I was last week. Even with what I ate today I still haven't eaten that many calories it's just that it'll have knocked me out of ketosis.
westiegirl
Gold Member
Nikki
Please don't be so hard on yourself! I worry about how much you put yourself down but I know where you are coming from because I do the same, all the time. Please take it from me, you are lovely and gorgeous. Our own perceptions are skewed, I think I've told you that before. Please be kind to yourself.
Much love and lots of hugs
Please don't be so hard on yourself! I worry about how much you put yourself down but I know where you are coming from because I do the same, all the time. Please take it from me, you are lovely and gorgeous. Our own perceptions are skewed, I think I've told you that before. Please be kind to yourself.
Much love and lots of hugs
westiegirl
Gold Member
Sarah you're lovely
I try not to put myself down but I think it's just second nature to me now. We're both going to look and feel fabulous very soon arent we
Too right Nikki, but remember we are already fabulous! Just we will be thinner and fabulous lol.
kati
Gold Member
well the day has been full of mixed emotions, diets gone well anyway. Never felt like eating apart from about one seond where I hd a breadbun in my hand and thought how lovely and soft it was and how tasty it would be. But I put it out of my mind and had some lumpy hot chocolate instead.
I know I've moaned a lot about mrs stick insect on here but I've gotten used to her and quite like her now, her husband comes into the shop a lot too so have got to know and like him as well. Well he found out yesterday he isn't likely to make it to his 40th birthday so today has been so hard. I don't know how the pair of them haven't spent the day in tears, it's not going to change my life whatsoever but I wanted to cry for him so many times through the day. What do you say to someone who has just found out something like that? I had the woman in the shop next door telling me her husband has an incurable form of leukaemia (?) last week too. I wonder if the place is fated. So anyway, work was hard and very emotional. I was kind of glad when mr and mrs stick insect went and left me on my own but even then I just wanted to sit down and cry.
I came home and took doggy out for a run (not a walk) made the kids tea and did a little bit of cleaning. I decided to open my bank statement thats been sitting there unopened to see just what the damage is and I was amazed there was more money in there than I thought. SO, I've paid my water bill (yay) and the other £80 I had to pay too so now theres just the weekly installments of the other one and I've no more money problems to worry about. So thats cheered me up a lot. I need to change my water bills to direct debits though then I dont need to worry about them not getting paid. Just need to sort out why I'm not getting broadband now
I know I've moaned a lot about mrs stick insect on here but I've gotten used to her and quite like her now, her husband comes into the shop a lot too so have got to know and like him as well. Well he found out yesterday he isn't likely to make it to his 40th birthday so today has been so hard. I don't know how the pair of them haven't spent the day in tears, it's not going to change my life whatsoever but I wanted to cry for him so many times through the day. What do you say to someone who has just found out something like that? I had the woman in the shop next door telling me her husband has an incurable form of leukaemia (?) last week too. I wonder if the place is fated. So anyway, work was hard and very emotional. I was kind of glad when mr and mrs stick insect went and left me on my own but even then I just wanted to sit down and cry.
I came home and took doggy out for a run (not a walk) made the kids tea and did a little bit of cleaning. I decided to open my bank statement thats been sitting there unopened to see just what the damage is and I was amazed there was more money in there than I thought. SO, I've paid my water bill (yay) and the other £80 I had to pay too so now theres just the weekly installments of the other one and I've no more money problems to worry about. So thats cheered me up a lot. I need to change my water bills to direct debits though then I dont need to worry about them not getting paid. Just need to sort out why I'm not getting broadband now
KateF
Silver Member
Sad about the people around you's bad news.Life's something to be grabbed while we can isn't it?
Glad that you're looking at SS-ing again. You did so well for so long- I know you can do it again.
I'm feeling like a bit of an Evangelist for counselling at the moment but- do you think there's any way you'd ever refer yourself to the Doctor's for some sort of counselling to help with your self-esteem issues? In a way it's an obstacle you battle with all the time (often successfully) but maybe it's like being a car with a slightly poorly exhaust pipe. You'd get the exhaust pipe fixed if you could and maybe your self esteem is something you could really do with some more tools to help you cope with (she said, mixing her metaphors horribly).
It was interesting the thing with the mirror where you looked at yourself one minute and were displeased, then the next minute you were happy. Just shows what an illusion self-image can be!
Anyways. just dropping in to wish you well
xx
Glad that you're looking at SS-ing again. You did so well for so long- I know you can do it again.
I'm feeling like a bit of an Evangelist for counselling at the moment but- do you think there's any way you'd ever refer yourself to the Doctor's for some sort of counselling to help with your self-esteem issues? In a way it's an obstacle you battle with all the time (often successfully) but maybe it's like being a car with a slightly poorly exhaust pipe. You'd get the exhaust pipe fixed if you could and maybe your self esteem is something you could really do with some more tools to help you cope with (she said, mixing her metaphors horribly).
It was interesting the thing with the mirror where you looked at yourself one minute and were displeased, then the next minute you were happy. Just shows what an illusion self-image can be!
Anyways. just dropping in to wish you well
xx
kati
Gold Member
well it's been aaages since I updated my diary, for me anyway lol
Thanks for your reply kate. I understand what you mean but I don't think I'll ever go to counselling. I tried once, went for 3 sessions then never again. i dont fancy giving it another go to be honest.
I don't think I've updated cos theres not really much to update. Life doesnt change much. I go to work and come home. sometimes kids are there sometimes they arent. They went to their dads on friday and are due back in about 20 minutes.
have been half on half off the diet. so having the shakes and soups but also some food too. taking the scenic route as I've heard it get called. to be honest I'm not too desperate to get to goal, not yet anyway, once it gets to summer then I'll want my belly out of the way because i wont have the baggy jumpers to hide it. i really must start using the gym regularly.
i was seriously considering getting a loan to buy a better car today, been offered one for 3 grand and when I've looked the same ones are being sold for over 4 elsewhere (oh the joys of knowing car dealers personally) I really really need a bigger car cos the boys are getting too big for my little micra and too heavy it goes sooo slow when they're in (well when anyone is in other than me) Oh well, stuck with it for a while yet.
very tense day at work today with mrs stickinsect. I'm sure there'll be a few more like that yet. It makes the days long and hard but never mind. It's such a shame that her huband is so ill and they have so much to worry about right now.
also met a new potential date on saturday night, will have to see how that one goes. had a few texts and phone calls in the past couple of days but that means nothing yet I think.
Thanks for your reply kate. I understand what you mean but I don't think I'll ever go to counselling. I tried once, went for 3 sessions then never again. i dont fancy giving it another go to be honest.
I don't think I've updated cos theres not really much to update. Life doesnt change much. I go to work and come home. sometimes kids are there sometimes they arent. They went to their dads on friday and are due back in about 20 minutes.
have been half on half off the diet. so having the shakes and soups but also some food too. taking the scenic route as I've heard it get called. to be honest I'm not too desperate to get to goal, not yet anyway, once it gets to summer then I'll want my belly out of the way because i wont have the baggy jumpers to hide it. i really must start using the gym regularly.
i was seriously considering getting a loan to buy a better car today, been offered one for 3 grand and when I've looked the same ones are being sold for over 4 elsewhere (oh the joys of knowing car dealers personally) I really really need a bigger car cos the boys are getting too big for my little micra and too heavy it goes sooo slow when they're in (well when anyone is in other than me) Oh well, stuck with it for a while yet.
very tense day at work today with mrs stickinsect. I'm sure there'll be a few more like that yet. It makes the days long and hard but never mind. It's such a shame that her huband is so ill and they have so much to worry about right now.
also met a new potential date on saturday night, will have to see how that one goes. had a few texts and phone calls in the past couple of days but that means nothing yet I think.
Last edited:
kati
Gold Member
had a good day today, although feeling slightly light headed at the minute for some reason.
It is flipping freezing!!!! My toes were like blocks of ice at work I need some thermal socks or something. the heater we have is absolutely useless unless you actually stick your feet on it (literally touching the heated bit!)
I think we're definately going to be in for snow soon (like this week). Was just reading the Harry potter thread and have been wondering to myself..should I pre order it or not? hmmm tough choice. Last year I was in wh smiths one day adn the woman asked me if i wanted to preorder that one so I said go on then and that was that. But this year I don't go there any more so will have to make some decisions about it.
I do love the harry potter stories but think maybe this last one is extra extra hyped purely because its the last one she's going to write. I don't make up my own theories or anything abaout them because it's up to the author to decide what happens next, not me. I will read the books again before I read the next one though.
I read Lady Chaterleys lover over the weekend, and started anna karenina last night so got something to do for a while at least. I love having these books online cos I can read them and talk to people as they pop up on msn at the same time (I like distraction, it keeps me from getting bored with what I'm doing. I find it really hard to stick to one thing at a time for long periods)
The poor dog still cant go out in the garden because my neighbours still have no fence (that means I have 1 side of my garden which adjoins theirs fenceless too) otherwise he's going to run off. Even though it is flipping freezing. At the minute he is trying to play with one of the kids balls which is about as tall as he is. silly doggy, he's never going to get his mouth round that.
I've spent a hundred pounds out of my wages but I cant work out what on. I know i went out on frinday and spent about £30 (flipping taxis!) I've also paid £35 for the kids dinner money (flipping ex's!) and spent £3 yesterday on er bread and cereal for kiddies (flipping kids!) what else did I buy??? Oh yeah bought a dress and knickers on saturday which came to £12 for the lot (yay for matalan!) so where did the other £20 go? oh I bought some dog food and doggy biscuits (flipping dog!) and er what else hmm. Must have bought something else. Oh well. Its going to take forever to save any money at this rate, its amazing how easily it's spent. Anyway, I'll be out saturday night then it'll be a month before I'm out again (er unless.. ) so I'll be spending less cos I wont be buying clothes to go out in (maybe) or spending money on taxis. OOOOOH forgot all about going to see keane!!!!!! (more flipping money! still havent paid for my ticket yet) thats less than a month away now and guess which day the teachers decided to have parents evening...yeah, keane day (flipping teachers!)
I got myself a cheap pedometer on saturday too (add £2.99 to the above sums) it was half price so i thought I'll tr it and see if i actually use it before paying for an expensive one....so how am I doing with it you ask? er I forgot about it till just now (oooops) i will wear it tomorrow I'm really curious to see how much I walk in a day at work.
My house is a tip must clean it up before new bloke decides to visit (if) but must clean it anway whether he does or not. Maybe not getting my 10, 000 steps will motivate me to stay on my feet longer.
It is flipping freezing!!!! My toes were like blocks of ice at work I need some thermal socks or something. the heater we have is absolutely useless unless you actually stick your feet on it (literally touching the heated bit!)
I think we're definately going to be in for snow soon (like this week). Was just reading the Harry potter thread and have been wondering to myself..should I pre order it or not? hmmm tough choice. Last year I was in wh smiths one day adn the woman asked me if i wanted to preorder that one so I said go on then and that was that. But this year I don't go there any more so will have to make some decisions about it.
I do love the harry potter stories but think maybe this last one is extra extra hyped purely because its the last one she's going to write. I don't make up my own theories or anything abaout them because it's up to the author to decide what happens next, not me. I will read the books again before I read the next one though.
I read Lady Chaterleys lover over the weekend, and started anna karenina last night so got something to do for a while at least. I love having these books online cos I can read them and talk to people as they pop up on msn at the same time (I like distraction, it keeps me from getting bored with what I'm doing. I find it really hard to stick to one thing at a time for long periods)
The poor dog still cant go out in the garden because my neighbours still have no fence (that means I have 1 side of my garden which adjoins theirs fenceless too) otherwise he's going to run off. Even though it is flipping freezing. At the minute he is trying to play with one of the kids balls which is about as tall as he is. silly doggy, he's never going to get his mouth round that.
I've spent a hundred pounds out of my wages but I cant work out what on. I know i went out on frinday and spent about £30 (flipping taxis!) I've also paid £35 for the kids dinner money (flipping ex's!) and spent £3 yesterday on er bread and cereal for kiddies (flipping kids!) what else did I buy??? Oh yeah bought a dress and knickers on saturday which came to £12 for the lot (yay for matalan!) so where did the other £20 go? oh I bought some dog food and doggy biscuits (flipping dog!) and er what else hmm. Must have bought something else. Oh well. Its going to take forever to save any money at this rate, its amazing how easily it's spent. Anyway, I'll be out saturday night then it'll be a month before I'm out again (er unless..
) so I'll be spending less cos I wont be buying clothes to go out in (maybe) or spending money on taxis. OOOOOH forgot all about going to see keane!!!!!! (more flipping money! still havent paid for my ticket yet) thats less than a month away now and guess which day the teachers decided to have parents evening...yeah, keane day (flipping teachers!)I got myself a cheap pedometer on saturday too (add £2.99 to the above sums) it was half price so i thought I'll tr it and see if i actually use it before paying for an expensive one....so how am I doing with it you ask? er I forgot about it till just now (oooops) i will wear it tomorrow I'm really curious to see how much I walk in a day at work.
My house is a tip must clean it up before new bloke decides to visit (if) but must clean it anway whether he does or not. Maybe not getting my 10, 000 steps will motivate me to stay on my feet longer.
kazz
Gold Member
Is this the bloke in Wales??
I'm like you with money, seems to go nowhere fast, and yet when I am smashed I dont really miss it....strange that!!
Cant the ex take on his fatherly duties and go to parents evening??? Of would it just kill him lol
I'm freezin constantly too....not even funny....my boss in work told me I was being silly when I refused to take my coat off cos I was cold!! Cheeky git!!
Spill the beans on the bloke girl!!
I'm like you with money, seems to go nowhere fast, and yet when I am smashed I dont really miss it....strange that!!
Cant the ex take on his fatherly duties and go to parents evening??? Of would it just kill him lol
I'm freezin constantly too....not even funny....my boss in work told me I was being silly when I refused to take my coat off cos I was cold!! Cheeky git!!
Spill the beans on the bloke girl!!
Similar threads
