my diary ~ no more CD for me

[kati]

thanks for the links isobel.

Vicky (sorry can't be bothered to type out caireallydothis lol even though I just did oops) I'm so glad you got out of the destructive relationship and found something much better fo yourself.

I've spent the night trawling the internet to find out how much i need to lose to get into a size 14. According to most sites I should be just about there. Most of them say 30 - 31 inch waist and 40 inch hips. So why is the skirt I have to try on so much smaller than that? methinks a trip to try on clothes in a shop is in order. I wont even try size 14 tops though I know theres no chance of them fitting. However if the size 14's in all the shops wouldn't fit I'll end up making myself more miserable so might just leave it for a while. till next weekend.

 

[KateF]

So sorry you're having a poo time at the moment.

Boo to that rubbish bloke. Mind- don't doubt the bits that were real actually were real. What you felt and what you knew he felt for you wouldn't have been a lie- the other women were about him being rubbish at committing and having his cake and eating it.

You're doing brilliantly on the diet and I think it's going to be a necessary boost for your self esteem (not just cos of how you feel in yourself, though that'll be part of it), but because of how it really is something you're doing for YOU, despite the opposition of others. And it sounds like you badly need to do more things for and about you in your life. You sound like you're getting stronger in lots of ways through doing this and more ready to stand up for yourself.

Erm...as a very, profoundly random thing, that I'll mention just in case... As Maintainer rightly said, you're often really funny on here when you write. I'm running a women's comedy workshop in Newcastle tomorrow-Saturday- (at the Apartment Bar on Collingwood Street, 1-5, free). You'd be so welcome to come. People who've never done stuff before but just want to try some of it are welcome. There's usually between 5 and 8 really nice women and we have a real laugh. Real mixture of people as well- some who'd like to write, some who'd like to perform, some who just want to fill in a Saturday afternoon trying something they've never done before. We're aiming to boost people's confidence and have fun with it, as well as get new writer/performers. It's just some writing exercises, bit of performance exercises, nothing too scary, then anyone who'd brought work reads/performs it (usually some people bring stuff and some don't). Being shy's no hindrance- quite a few of the people who've come are. Just turn up and say hello if you decide to, we're on the ground floor at the back in the curtained off area, walk straight though to it.

Otherwise, whatever you do this weekend-make it about pampering like Vicky said. You're worth it.

Kate xx

 

[KateF]

PS; bet you anything loads of Dorothy Perkins 14s fit you.

 

[Flopster]

Hi Kati

So sorry to read you are having such a rubbish time. I wish I knew what to advise, but I don't other than there has never been a better time to do this for yourself rather than someone else. You are doing great!

Regarding a size 14, I have two skirts that I bought from the same shop, by the same manufacturer, one was in brown, the other in black. Both were a size 16 and one was very loose and the other very tight - go figure!

Have to say now that they both fall down and I was finally convinced to go look in the shops and try on size 14s as I didn't believe for a second I could get in them.

Not only could I get in them, but they had room to spare as well - I am going proper shopping today - just me with my credit card!

Try different shops and different clothes because there is a huge variance as I have said above.

Good luck and keep going, you are doing brilliantly and no man can ever replace that feeling of self worth and pride in what you do.

 

[FatFairNForty(ish)]

I've only just come across this thread... gosh Kati... how crap is HE! NOT YOU!

What an idiot he is - you know, I think that some men (well, most) just don't know what a fantastic woman they have!

I know your heart is breaking - and believe me, been there done that, still paying off the counselling bills to prove it! BUT, and this is a MEGA BUT (a bit like mine at the moment), YOU are worth so much more than any man! YOU really are an incredible woman - look at all the things you do and overcome and now, blimey, you are looking at size 14 clothes - how brilliant is THAT!!!!

As a single mum too, I try to relish the times I get alone in the house... putting on my "crap" music ., lol... wandering around in me jimmy's , soaking in the bath with the door open so I can hear my music!

Being able to sing at full belt karaoke-like to an old Bay City Rollers album (lore, showing my age now) - but you get the kind of thing I mean...

If you find the quietness unsettling then fill your home with noise - tv, radio... lol put their stereo on loud !

Oh... one thing that usually makes me feel a bit better is to strip my bed (whether it needs it or not) and put all fresh bedding on it, then, light an aromatherapy candle an hour before bed, and maybe get some new throw cushions for your bed too... make it feel lovely and welcoming to YOU.

Sorry, gone on too much as usual, but just wanted to really say ditto to all the other wonderful posts on here and to wish you a lovely weekend.

Broken hearts take time to heal, be kind to yourself sweetie, it's ok to be upset and no matter how many times you go over the wheres and whyfors.. still means diddly.

Wishing you a happier heart because, just like the ad...YOU'RE WORTH IT

 

[kati]

Thankyou so much ladies you're all wonderful.

To start on a bright note I'm 11 srone 9 today

I didn't sleep well at all last night though, I ended up winding myself up so much I sent him texts about 5 am telling him how I felt about it and a stupid one asking if he still loved me. Not that it's going to make much difference but I just wanted to know. I have the message reports on on my phone so I know he hasnt got them yet.

About the bedclothes... the duvet cover I have on at the minute is going to get ripped up and thrown away. The day I got it he got oil on and it's never come out when it's been washed so I don't need that kind of reminder.

I've got my ipod charging so I can listen to music lol all the cds are in the car and im too lazy to go out and get them.

I'm keeping on with the diet, like you've all said it is for me and I do need to concentrate on me.

I don't know about how funy I am though (eek!) Kate that sounds like a great way to spend an afternoon, but sounds pretty scary too lol. I can imagine if I try to be funny I just wont be at all. Not sure whether to go or not. I'll feel like a fraud being there with those others. On the other hand it might boost my confidence a bit to dosomething like that. hmmm must think hard only a couple of hours to decide.

Flopster you'd think shops would make their clothes all the same size wouldnt you, its really silly not to. I'll have a think what to do, if I dont go to kates thing I might go and try some 14's on

 

[kati]

Well I went to kates thing and had a great afternoon thanks Kate my cheeks were aching at one point off laughing so much which is just what i needed.

I finally got a reply to my question of did he love me and it said "I still care for you". So thats a no then. Fair enough.

Having my first pack of the day now (on Kates orders lol) since I've only had one yesterday. will that damage the diet since I never had enough calories or vitamins or anything?

My trousers were falling down all day which is good but a bit of a pain. have to make sure i have some decent knickers to wear lol. I got that skirt on that I've been aiming to get into and managed to get it fastened ok was too tight to actually wear though.

as I was walking home through my street I had to walk past beetlejuice eek! I thought of saying something but then decided not to bother and put my head down and walked past. Then I heard him complain that I'd never even smiled or anything at him. Can't remember what his mate was dressed as so cant have been that good. Then I had a moment of panic as I came round the corner and thought there was lots of black smoke coming from my house!!! but there wasn't thankfully my eyes must have been playing tricks and someone must have been burning something in their garden. Phew!

 

[kati]

I just read my horoscope that russel grant sends me every day (he he) and he says my guardian angel is very much in evidence right now. I think now is a good time for it to show itself, and about bloody time lol. hmm wonder if that means Kate is my guardian angel for saving me from an afternoon of misery lol.

Sorry to keep going on but it really cheered me up today.

 

[kati]

just for today, well and yesterday..

I cant eat my packs, I can't drink the water and I can't eat my meal I'm supposed to have. Thats it, I just can't face any of it. I want to go to sleep but I dont want to go to bed and lie wake thinking all night again

 

[kazz]

hun, I assume you'll be thinkin about this bloke....tell ye wat...u do my studying and I'll do ur thinkin for ye lol

 

[kati]

great, what are we studying?

 

[kazz]

into to serurities and investments, then FSC regulations...and a bit of taxation thrown in?

 

[kati]

ok no bother, did financial stuff at uni should be a doddle (not that I'd be saying that if I really had to do it)

 

[kazz]

oh u have no idea how much i wish I could really trade my studying!! I hate my boss for stiching me up!!

 

[kati]

well at least you have a good cure for insomnia there. I used to find the economics books were the best ones to send me to sleep

 

[kazz]

eeeuuuugghhh..I hated economics in school...i hated the teacher as well.....!! I actually think I may have to tell my boss I'm not doing it!!

 

[kati]

well if you can do that and you really dont want to do it then I'd say save yourself the stress. You dont need it and your daughter wants you there for her now. You could always do it again later when shes older and more understanding

 

[kati]

wow just notied my diary has had 1096 views. that is 100 more than it was this morning! I wonder who all these people are who have been reaading it.

 

[chicken on a mission]

I just read my horoscope that russel grant sends me every day (he he) and he says my guardian angel is very much in evidence right now. I think now is a good time for it to show itself, and about bloody time lol. hmm wonder if that means Kate is my guardian angel for saving me from an afternoon of misery lol.

Sorry to keep going on but it really cheered me up today.

I think your guardian angel is very much in evidence. It has shown this man for what he was. If it hadn't, you would have carried on getting deeper and deeper involved with someone that wasn't worthy of you so I class this as a real stroke of luck

 

[kati]

I never thought of it that way. You're so right thankyou

11 stone 8 today yay! I almost wrote 12 stine 8 there, see how I'm still not used to being in the 11's?

anyway, now instead of being defeatist now I have to think I will do this. I will lose all of the weight I need to to feel good about myself. I am beautiful, I am as good as anyone else and I am worth more than anyone else because I only have one me whereas others will come and go. I will love myself.

My bmi is now 28.7 still overweight but sooo far from obese now. I'm happy with that. my calves are almost fifteen inches now I will be fitting into knee high boots soon!