Tanya's Refeed Diary!! ~* Back On TFR *~

[IrishMum]

Have you gained much? My goal at the minute is to maintain my losses? If I can stick at this weight for a few months, then I fully believe I'll lose my excess after a few more weeks tfr, then back to maintaining. It's like a trial period if you like? I'm eating healthily most of the time, I'm having the odd beer, and not gaining loads back. I'm happy with that? I don't feel like I'm missing out, I'm eating like my 'skinny' friends and the scales aren't budging- so maybe...just maybe I've cracked it this time? I don't want to jinx myself though, so for now it's one day at a time.

 

[summergurl]

Im not sure irish - im going to weigh myself on friday morning. The last time i weighed myself i was 13st on the dot so im hoping i havnt put on more than half a stone :sigh: but i just feel sooo bloated so im thinking ive gained more!

Its all about damage control between now and when i go on sunday then when i get back ill have 4 weeks to lose as much hols weight as i can before i go back on the shakes

 

[JanD]

Why are you waiting those 4 weeks? Just curious ... xx

 

[summergurl]

Got my graduation on the 22nd jan and got a few family coming down etc - im only guna graduate once!!!! and i cant really afford an extra £144 that month as ive got my car insurance to pay for :sigh:

 

[summergurl]

Feeling a little down today :sigh: All i wana do is munch. There is so much rubbish food in the cupboards all i can hear is 'eat me tanya, eat me'

Also, my hair has been falling out pretty drastically so i went for my routinly hair cut today, she said to me before i even said to her about my hair loss "where has all your hair gone tan?!!" I told her im not happy with it etc she said well atleast you are thin! bless her - but anyways i had to have 1.5inches chopped off :cry: as it was so thin and stragely and thats what was making it look so bad :sigh:

Food today, not too great:

B - Apple & banana

L - Tuna and home grown cucumber sandwich (i didnt grow it!) with a little ex light mayo. 3 very small carrots chopped up into circles and a lf yog.

S - 2 slices of cheese!!!! and some extra strong mints.
pepperami stick.

D - Gammon round, home made chips & mondays home made sauce (Gammon was grilled and chips i used 5 squirts of fry light)

Its taking all my might to not march down stairs and have a proper binge.

What the ef is wrong with me?!!!

I have a plan for when im back on the shakes though - i watch neighbours at the Aus pace (downloaded *cough cough*) and i havnt watched the episodes for about 2 weeks so im guna save them all up so when i am back on the shakes i am keeping myself occupied in the afternoons after work So hopefully it shouldnt be too hard 5 weeks and 4 days to go.

 

[IrishMum]

Seriously- that ALL you ate?? I won't even mention the 'breakfast' (snack- slaps wrist!!) Lunch was okay & so was dinner, but where were your carbs at dinner? It's no surprise you're starving!

Really Tanya...an apple and a banana for breakfast?.....

 

[Scotsmist]

Hi Tanya

You really are struggling sweetie....I think it is a mind game with you at the minute. Just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you. You sound quite like me when I go through the whole eating disorder thing! Like your mind is just constantly thinking of food and what next to have, but you try to be good, but something takes over....

At least you are coming on here and voicing what is going on and what you are having. I think you are probably getting fairly hungry cause calories quite low, but I know where you are coming from though and can understand 100%!!!!

Just try and relax....get some good honest food down you, loads of it! Even if it is a veggie curry/chilli and the biggest plate you can find that will make you feel so full, but not many calories

You will be ok, but dont think TFR will solve your probs hun.....you will suffer the same next time round if you dont get to the bottom of why you want to munch all the time. Seems to me there is an emotional attachment somewhere....hope you dont mind me saying that, would hate to offend you....I only say it cause I see a lot of you in me and the type of things you are saying and what you are trying to eat in a healthy way, then going off the boil and eating other things that are empty fuel full of cals.

As I say, thinking of you Tanya and hope this helps a little bit.

Not long to your wee holiday....I am flying into Dalaman on Monday!!! Going to Dalyan for 5 days, then to Kusadasi after Istanbul

 

[summergurl]

Im scared of carbs irish lol they are my worst nightmare - i psyched myself up from this morning that i was going to have a sandwich for lunch!!!

A banana and an apple is what i have been grabbing cuz ive been having an extra 10mins in bed - tomorrow i will take my cereal though - more carbs :sigh: Infact i am going to prepare it after this post so no excuses! lol

Im not offended scots - i know where you are coming from. TFR wont solve my problems but i knew that this would happen as soon as i finished tfr - i knew id want to get smaller etc. Im just so paranoid im looking fat and putting on weight and im so determined not to that i think i am my worst enemy. Depriving myself of something i really want, eating healthy stuff instead and then i end up eating the thing i wanted in the first place! I still find it hard sometimes seeing the change in the mirror - pictures - great but actually in the mirror i still see the 19.6st me :sigh:

I was always a binger. I used to get up at 6am .. i went the whole day without food thinking i was being good then it got to like 4am and id go to the shop before work and buy crisps, sandwiches, chocolate bars ... yep all plurals! and munched the lot in the car before i went to work :sigh:

Anyways - i now realise its going to take a heck of a long time for me to get over binging :sigh: ... so far so good though. I have taken my mind off it by unpacking my suitcase and packing it again, having a shower, painting my toenails .... what can i do next?!!! lol

Theres alot of sighing in my post - sorry guys! lol :sigh: hehe

 

[summergurl]

So i have edited and am now having some home made chips sprinkled with paprika with my gammon :drool:

more carbs :sigh:

 

[kered]

Preparation is the name of the game Tanya. I am days tomorrow, and I already have my home made soup in a dish in the fridge, sandwich made, and porridge weighed and in a bowl.

Dont be afraid of carbs, carbs are good for you if eaten in the correct quanties and cooked in a healthy way. I have said to you before, you need to start eating 3 healthy meals a day to stop you feeling hungry in between meals and this will stop your snacking.

 

[summergurl]

Yup i know mary - its just mindset - when i do that i feel i am eating too much and always feel bloated after carbs so feel like i shouldnt be eating them.

Anyways, had my chips - had 15 - they were loverly

 

[kered]

Glad you enjoyed your chips, did you have the fat free ones?

 

[summergurl]

I made them for my family too so i cut up maris piper pots into chip shapes, part boiled them for 5 mins, then put them on a baking tray 3 squirts of frylite on the tray and 2 over the chips then sprinkled over paprika.

Are they fat free????? lol

 

[Scotsmist]

Hi Tanya

I feel the same way about carbs...and the first week I just panicked like mad..now, I dont have many and to be honest I am happier. I am not stressed out any longer. I have terrible bloatedness as soon as I eat a lot of carbs...I always have...but now since I have cut down I have felt so much better.

I understand that carbs are good and I dont restrict myself as I had chili with kidney beans tonight...but I just try and not have a lot of bread/pasta/rice, etc....some people's body just doesnt take well to carbs...I am not advocating not having them, but if this is one of the trigger points, try and just cut down and have protein and salad (which is carbs, but good carbs as such)....but you just need to make sure you feel nice and full so that you dont pick.

I know exactly where you are coming from and there was something I read the other day from Mike Smith about how people see you thin, but you still see yourself fat! I will try and find it and send it to you as it was very good and made a whole lot of sense.

You will get there Tanya, cause you are honest and want the best for you....and I bet you dont look anything like you think...we are always so critical of ourselves. You have lost so much weight that it is no surprise your mind is still trying to catch up

You are nearly on holiday .....good you kept yourself well busy.

Take care sweetie ...going to bed now.

 

[kered]

I made them for my family too so i cut up maris piper pots into chip shapes, part boiled them for 5 mins, then put them on a baking tray 3 squirts of frylite on the tray and 2 over the chips then sprinkled over paprika.

Are they fat free????? lol

Yes these are fat free. You didnt spray much frylite though, I use about 20 squirts and thats just a handful of chips for myself. They do go nice and crispy then, I love them. I make my roast potatoes the same way now - gorgeous.

 

[IrishMum]

Ohhh....I must try them!!! They sound lovely!!

 

[kered]

I par boil the potatoes if making roast potatoes, but if its just chips I dont par boil them, I just put them straight into the oven.

 

[summergurl]

Ahhh mine went crispy too - i thought 5 sprays was too much! :S lol

Well i weighed myself today :sigh: i have gained 7lbs in 3 weeks!
Nevermind though - i know where i went wrong and after my holiday i will get it all back off. Im not going to stress as theres not alot i can do between now and sunday so i am going to enjoy my last holiday of the year - of course i will keep in control and only have a few treats. Nevertheless, my holiday clothes still fit *bonus!* so heave ho ... today has been bad for food - i just couldnt resist the cheddars or the minstrels any more

B - Jordans cereal with 100ml semi-skimmed milk & a banana

*packet of mini cheddars
*handfull of peanuts
*packet of minstrels

L - 2 slices of wholemeal bread with reduced fat lemon and corriander hummous, reduced fat speadable cheese and ham. 4 circles of cucumber. packet pickled onion monster much and a freddo bar. (PIG!!! :sigh

D - Am going to have baked salmon, cooked veg and baby new pots

*3 oatcakes with lf asdas own make of philadelphia lol
*1/4 of a toffee crisp bar

So, bad day for food :sigh: i think its psychological cuz i weighed myself then i must think oh sod it kind of thing iv already gained 7lbs ... jeez! mind you - my binge is nothing like what i used to do!

I went to asda with the intention of buying a jam donut, got there and chickened out - i just looked at all the sugar and thought nah - so bought some lf hummus that was reduced instead

Also bought 2 new tops for my holidays - bargains, £4 each and some sexy panties

Anyways, off to have lunch ... hummus here i come :drool:

 

[JanD]

Well done for not buying that doughnut Tan! Who knows what else that could have led to!!!!!

You'll soon sort yourself out once you're back and refocussed, try not to stress about it - it won't help. Enjoy your holiday - brill that the clothes still fit okay xx

 

[summergurl]

I was quite proud of myself over the donut incident - but then munched at home :sigh: i will get it right one day! one day she says! lol