The 14st Curse: Ellie's journey

[PurpleButterfly]

Hey all. Sorry I haven't been around much lately. Here's my current thought-stream anyway.
I think I am trying to reassess what's right for my life at the moment with regards to losing weight. Somehow I think dieting is quite transient in that when your life changes and therefore your routine, different diets will suit. Also with me I think I like the variety of changing tactics. So my next venture whilst at the palace is to lose the last 2 stone. But I'm not going to weigh, as I think that messes with my head too much, and anyway when I finish dieting I want it to be because I'm happy with how I look, and not because of what the scales say.
So I'm going to do a sort of semi-calorie counting, semi-low carb approach. I've worked out, if I eat 2 eggs for brekkers then that's the most sustaining thing which will keep me going for cycling to work and through the morning. Lunch, I'll have one of their main meals - no starter and no pudding, and wherever possible I'll leave carbs out or minimise carbs. On weekends we're given sarnies for lunch so I don't know what I'll do then - probably just pick the highest protein sarnies I can, as protein is what sustains... Then on weekdays for dinner I'll have salad or small stirfry and possibly a nutrition shake leftover from my LL/exante days.Weekends just a normal meal in the evenings I think...
Anyway I'll give it a go and see how it works out. I'll be burning tonnes of calories with cycling to and from work (90mins a day total), plus on your feet all day walking round, I should burn over 3000 cals a day, then have a 1500cal ish worth of meals. The only thing is that I need to make sure it's sustaining enough, I remember last year if I hadn't had enough to eat I'd sort of run out of energy whilst cycling! Hopefully keeping protein levels up will give me slow release energy.

Anyway enough ramblings. Oh! I went on the sunday roller stroll last weekend. It was a challenge but I was just getting the knack of it again and relaxing into it, when boo hoo I fell over! gave myself a nasty bruise and scrape even through knee pad! I think a stone must've jammed in my wheel or something, not sure. Anyway I want to practice some more and get better at going fast and being confident about stopping, and skating on difficult surfaces too.... So that might be a task for tomorrow....

anyways I'll stop rambling and sign off!

 

[PurpleButterfly]

Mmm so yesterday and today I have been just limiting my calories to between 1000 and 1500, and it's going well. Someone I spoke to said they lost a fair amount of weight by just not eating between meal times, and it's true that it's easy for the calories to rack up by snacking. So, I've decided to stop snacking apart from maybe an apple at 4-5pm (which is the time of day I get starving hungry!).. Leaves me more calories for meals as well which then leaves me more satisfied after..

Today I cycled to and from the palace which I'm proud of doing. My tyres were soft so it was harder work too! I'll pump them up properly before thursday (next training day). Good to start the process of getting my legs back in shape. I need to get back into the callanetics as that was really good for toning. It's alright too because you can stick a film on and do the exercises whilst watching it so it's kinda brain relaxation, body workout. It's just getting into the routine of doing it again.

Palace is going well. It's funny cos I do get nervous meeting more than one new person at a time. But when I haven't met many new people in a while then I sort of forget. So meeting a big group of 30ish new people is pretty challenging at the moment. I just don't understand why I have a confidence problem. Because I get nervous I find it hard to relax and just be myself and have a laugh with people. Then I think "Oh they'll never want to talk to me now cos I'm boring and too serious, and I'm overweight which always evokes prejudice anyway, etc etc" which makes me more nervous and shy... You get the picture. Gaah. When I know, people I relax and then there's no problem. It's just I get frustrated at times because I can't seem to escape this pattern, I think I've conquered it and then it happens again when I meet more new people!!! Hopefully losing the weight will help me because I think it makes a huge difference when you feel confident physically. I know myself well enough to know that when I've lost the weight I'll feel happy with myself, I'm not the sort of person to get hung up about body parts etc. But I still do not understand why I naturally seem to lack confidence in myself: my parents have always shown utmost faith in me so it's not from that.

Anyway I've started to ramble. Ooh one more unrelated thing. I bought myself an epilator! Used it tonight and actually it wasn't too bad apart from on the sensitive bits like by my ankles and knee.. But I might try it on the armpit next. It's just I reckon it'll be a bit more painful. At least you can sort of control the pain a bit by stopping/starting whenever!

Anyway... toodles.

 

[PurpleButterfly]

Another good day today, eating wise. This time I might be on track to get that last 2 stone off that I've been wanting off for so long!

I'm also feeling good because I'm doing a portrait of my dad's horse for his birthday, and so far it's going pretty well: I have til october to improve but I'm happy with my efforts so far.

 

[Gemstone]

Good luck with what you're doing x

 

[bronski]

Hey babe!

You've inspired me to get moving again, reading your well laid out plan has given me the insentive to start up proper again. It sounds like an excellent plan, babe, I'm certain you'll do great with it

Oo, enjoy Bucks! Confidence is such a strange thing; deep down I completely lack it, and again my parents never put me down. For me I know it was the awful bullying at school, maybe it was someone at school that put you into a negative mind set?

Stay cool!

Bron

 

[Gemstone]

Hi there, I hope all is well x

 

[PurpleButterfly]

Hey Gem! Thanks for looking in on me hun.

Things are going well, I was a little naughty on friday night in that I ate a whole pizza to myself. I had done my cycling that day though so I'm sure I burned off at least that many calories as was in the pizza and I just felt like having a naughty friday night I was very good yesterday that I didn't buy the brownie that I really really wanted from my local farmers market. They are so yummy but I thought, hey there'll still be brownie there in weeks to come and this is my chance now to finally shift that last bit of weight.

On the diet I've been doing well, emotionally I'm a bit all over the place. I suppose it's a good thing that I've kept the two things separate, i.e. my diet isn't all over the place because I'm emotional. I just miss my OH and it's hard having to go another 5 months before I can see him. Weekends are the worst, because that's when I think I should be spending time with him. Anyway, I'll soon be busy, and when I'm busy the time will fly.

Basically all fine though, sorry I haven't been around much to see how others are getting on, a bit selfish I know. Bad me.

 

[Silence]

Sorry to here you're feeling a little down. It's hard being away from the person/people you love isn't it?
Just try to throw yourself in to what you're doing and time will soo fly by!
Hugs
~Silence~

 

[PurpleButterfly]

Thanks hun. Yeah it's kinda inevitable that it'll be hard for these next few months. Ah well. I'll appreciate it all the more when eventually we are together.

Anyway I'm trying a new cut of meat and I hope it'll be edible: pigs cheek! It was on special offer at my local farmers market so I thought what the hell, try something new! So I stuck it in the slow cooker this morning with a few bits (barbeque type sauce): if it's gross I can pull somthing quick out of the freezer! but it seems just like normal pork tbh.

 

[Silence]

Sounds exciting. Do let us know how it is!!!

How's work going? You enjoying it?

 

[Gemstone]

Hi Ellie - Keep chin up honey - time will soon go by and he'll be home in no time x

 

[** Just Jools **]

Hey Ellie, how's it going hun? Hope you're ok & not too down. x x :hug99:

 

[Gemstone]

Just popped in to say "Hi" and hope you are ok x

 

[PurpleButterfly]

Thanks girlies! Means a lot that you stop in and see how I'm doing, awwwwww.
Doing well thanks, of course I have the odd down day and it's worse when I'm tired. I know I'm losing because I'm back into my barometer jeans which I was too big for when I came back from NZ. So I'm just continuing on as I was, although I'm losing I know my head gets messed up too much by numbers on the scale so I'm going to carry on as I'm doing, eating a bit less, exercising a bit more. Someone said they were doing a diet where they were allowed one 'off' day per week, I'm trying that out - it should work well because it's easy to regulate my eating whilst at work: there's only a few times of day I can eat. Then on my day off it'll mean I don't have to worry too much..

We just started at work and it feels sooooo good to actually start work again: training was so tedious. Even the boring bits at work weren't as bad as training lol.

Anyway all good..

 

[** Just Jools **]

Glad your doing ok hun. Take it one day at a time.

Barometer jeans??

Glad you're at work but sorry the training is dull, hope you've not much to do.

Keep up the good work. x x

 

[PurpleButterfly]

yeah barometer jeans! i.e. when I can't get them on it's uh oh better lose weight pronto. When they just go on there's still a bit more to lose but getting there. When they fit nice and loosely (I'm getting there!) .. well I haven't quite got there yet lol

Doing fine thanks frijj Same old really.

 

[Silence]

Glad to see things are going well.
Yay for getting into your barometer jeans!!!

 

[Gemstone]

Hi there - just stopping by to see how you're doing x

 

[** Just Jools **]

yeah barometer jeans! i.e. when I can't get them on it's uh oh better lose weight pronto. When they just go on there's still a bit more to lose but getting there. When they fit nice and loosely (I'm getting there!) .. well I haven't quite got there yet lol

Doing fine thanks frijj Same old really.

Oh right!! :giggle:

Keep at it hun. Soon you'll be buying a smaller pair of "barometer jeans"!

Hope you're ok & having a good week. I've been off all week & am dreading going back on Monday. I enjoy this lady of leisure lifestyle. In fact I'm off out to buy a lottery ticket now!

I can dream!! x x

 

[PurpleButterfly]

Hehe good luck on the lottery ticket!!

It's my ToTM soon and for me that means one thing at the moment, I want to eat chocolate morning noon and night! Luckily with my job and cycling, I'm burning off almost 3500cals a day which means I can quite happily eat some chocolate and be ok, still be losing. I'm going to rejoin the friday gal's weigh ins from next week . Forgot to do it this morning so I'll do it tomorrow morning and take it from there: I know what I was earlier in the week anyway. so I'll be aiming for 2-3lb a week (considering I'm burning so much a day I think that's reasonable).. Difference is this time I have conquered the negative thought pattern that was stopping me from losing any more weight. Now every time I get unsure about whether I should be losing more, I say to myself "I DESERVE to be thin. Therefore I will choose this action because I deserve to make this choice". It works for me anyway.