The end of the line, or the beginning of a new life?

[Awaken Me]

Ooooh your two course dinner sounds fab, and it is so nice to hear that you are getting lovely comments - you deserve them.

Well done on getting into your size 22 top and the others are right about sizing as I have a size 20 top that glides on and another one that I have to stuff myself into..grrr.

 

[minusfour]

Ah, thats what lemon curd is! Thank you, it is offered on some resturant menus. Thanks too for the recipe, I've printed it out, is golden caster sugar any different to plain caster sugar?

I'm so pleased that you are getting some recognition, what a lovely thing for her to say!

I've been going through one of those periods where you don't sleep well, and am exhausted. I spent the entire time the lady who had come to sort out my book keeping problems was here trying to distract her like a child. I am going to bed early tonight!

Farmgirl- she is amazing, isn't she?! Good luck to you, do you have a diary?

Have a great day!

 

[White Tulip]

any sugar is fine to be honest, just use what you have in the cupboard. Dark brown sugar will affect the colour so normal white is probably the best. I'm all for using what's in the house rather than buying stuff in specially for something

Yes, have an early night, I seemed to spend the whole night last night having one long and very odd dream!!

I have a very sore throat today and don't feel 100% . Feel quite tired as well and it seems it's something going round at work.

I have 6 more weigh ins to my holiday. I need to stop the 'fear' feelings I always have before a holiday.

I worry myself stupid about the seatbelt......

For the last 3 years the plane seatbelt hasn't fitted by about 2 inches. The first 2 times (to holiday and back) I managed to 'hide' the fact it wasn't done up with my jumper whilst sat next to OH and neither time they didn't check. When I got back I bought a seat belt extender from America. I promised myself I'd never need it, I'd lose weight. About 6 weeks before each holiday (normally 2 a year) I'd start panicking as I'd lost nothing and try to lose a bit - I'd normally lose about 10 pounds. I'd measure seats in the house to try to replicate a plane seat and use string as the seat belt, I googled seat belt lengths and even found the length of the ones on the planes at the local airport.

Each holiday since I roll it up and put it in my handbag. I pray my bag isn't searched at the x-ray machine and it be brought out into the public area. OH doesn't know I have it. We always sit separately on the plane - he has always had to have the window seat and I say that if I sit on another row, we can both have the window seat. I ensure I'm a couple of rows back (not in front in case I'm challenged by the cabin crew and he wonders what the problem is) and I sneak it out of my bag, clip it together and hide the excess under my jumper/top. I ensure the buckle is on show when they do the cabin checks and have it done up really tight so it looks as if I am at the end of the normal seat belt even though the extender gives tonnes of room. Since the times they never really checked I've been asked twice if my belt is done up and I've shown it is. I think those 2 times I was very, very lucky as OH would have gone mad if they'd have found out the seatbelt was undone and given me one of the on-board extenders. As the one I have is black, it looks like the normal seat belt. It was all meticulously planned every time I flew, but I'd be panicking inside from going through check in to the second I know that 'final cabin checks' have been done and they were sat down themselves. It was horrible each time and really affected how I felt about going on holiday and then the flight home.

I have never told OH about it as he would be so, so, so disgusted. Seriously disgusted at me. The holiday in May was with a different airline (normally Ryanair where nothing is allocated but this time was FlyBe where you get specific seats) so I'd pre-booked the seats to ensure 2 different rows and told OH that is what had been allocated because I knew that if we took seats on check in they would be together. and I nearly had a panic attack getting on the plane. The seatbelts were grey, not black. I managed to hide the black part of the belt under my top successfully. On landing, I discretely unclip it and pop it back in my bag.

This holiday it should fit......I've lost 7 inches off my waist and also my hips. I wasn't 7 inches away from the seat belt fitting....I'm planning on sitting on the same row as OH in an aisle seat so we have the middle seat between us and I will be terrified that I'll be sat there next to him and it won't do up. Logically it will. In another 6 weigh -ins I should have lost another inch at least and I have to trust in the reality of what the tape measure now says and how 'short' it was last time (ie a couple of inches).

I am normally around 22 stone or a shade under when I go on holiday so really do need to convince myself that at a few pounds away from going to 18-stone 'something' will be fine.

I expect I'll still take the extender with me because of the fear It will be the law of sod my handbag is searched........

 

[great things]

oh tulip!!!! i can understand the holiday stress. i couldn't believe what i've just read! i think that you shouldn't have to worry bout it this time round. no one thinks twice these days asking for an extender! just enjoy your holiday and your seat belt WILL fit

 

[White Tulip]

not something I could ever do with OH sat there though

I will sell it on ebay in a few more stone time.......no going back then.....

Sore throat has turned into a sore throat and a cold

 

[minusfour]

Oh, hope you are feeling better soon! How did you bear those holidays, I think there would be drug smugglers who would feel more comfortable boarding a plane! It must have just been awful, thank goodness you don't have to face that again, in fact you'll probably have to tighten the belt now, you know they like it nice and snug! Where are you going on holidays?
I haven't tried the lemon curd yet, it's been one of those days that-in spite of lots of worrying, and list making, (in my head!), I haven't really done anything!
Hope yours is better!

 

[Awaken Me]

I can’t say that I know exactly how you feel but this is the reason why I never been on holiday abroad because of not not fitting in an airplane seat..makes me feel thinking about it.

For me being massively overweight put the fear into everything, fairground rides, restaurant seats, going to the theatre to watch a play, going to gigs and I’ve been to parties and literally cried from the pains in my legs from standing up all night because I wouldn’t sit on a seat for fear of it breaking (I suffered this particular embarrassment once before).

I honestly think you have nothing to worry about and you can really enjoy your holiday. Hope you feel better soon and good luck with your weigh in tomorrow.

 

[minusfour]

Hope you are feeling ok! I have had a massive day of book keeping- I have even rationed my minis, a first for me!

Awaken me- I have never thought of how uncomfortable life could be, just because of your weight! Once, I had a work uniform where I couldn't get the skirt zipper done up, and had a big nappy pin holding it together, which also meant I couldn't take my blazer off, and I thought that was bad! Thank you for sharing that, opened my eyes!

 

[White Tulip]

Still feel groggy headed. I've been sticking to bog standard painkillers rather than anything cold related or lozenges in case they affect ketosis. Very tired.

2 pounds off this week, which I am pleased with as it was add a meal week. Takes my total to 4 stone 9 in 12 weeks. My bmi has dipped under the next point and another half inch off my waist this week. I guess my glycogen stores have filled a little this week but my loss should go back to normal next week. I'm hoping for 4 pounds next week, 5 would be out of this world as it would take me to 5 stone.

Doing add a meal has taught me a lot about food and my relationship with it. It shows how little food the body needs to slow down weight loss - and I guess how little it needs to gain weight!

I realise my old habits aren't fully eradicated. Adding chick peas or chicken to a soup at night was fine. My brain still knew I had 3 meals a day. Having tuna and lettuce and then a soup made my brain crave the tuna the moment I got in from work. An old, very ingrained habit to eat straight after work in that time before dinner. I have a long way to go to stop my brain wanting food just because it is available.

I also realise how futile ever doing SW was or would be. I used to eat piles of 'free' food and then be frustrated at a tiny loss. Shows why really when just a couple of hundred calories can slash a loss that much!

Awaken Me - I know just how you feel. I would never attempt to go on a fairground ride, I choose chairs without arms (but they have to look sturdy - anything with a cane/rattan seat is approached very cautiously!), in meetings I choose a chair that isn't against the wall in case the gap isn't big enough or someone wants to get by, the same with tables when in the pub etc. I never choose a train seat with a table - if I'm going on the train I reserve seats near the door without a table as it means not having to get down the aisleway and be stared at. There's no point in me even attempting to put the tray down on a plane - if I buy something I just get bottled water and say I don't need a glass so they don't attempt to put the tray down in front of me. I dread going through a turnstyle....

Life takes planning when you're very overweight I'm afraid.

But not anymore eh Sharon

 

[minusfour]

Not a bad loss my darling girl, strange week,with the adding a meal, it sounds like you've learnt a lot. I tried appetite reduction tablets a little while ago, and was surprised to find that it was so hard to resist food, even when I really wasn't hungry. I found a few really good books at my local library, which looked at why we eat, and the science of food selection.

A few years ago, I broke my leg, and it seemed like someone had taken blinkers off me, realising what the world was like for those with impaired mobility. (You would not believe how many people wouldn't get out of your way, or would suddenly stop, right in front of you, even when clearly I was labouring) Another set of blinkers have come off reading how difficult life can be at a certain size. To you and Awaken me, thank you so much!

 

[Awaken Me]

Tulip, life takes or took lots of planning but definitely no more . I am lighter in so many ways although sometimes I forget and still think I’m 27st . I’ve got all sorts planned for my slimmer life – 3 comedy gigs before the end of the year and a UB40 concert, F1 next year, a trip to London to watch Dirty Dancing and Sister Act and hopefully a trip to New York with my Daughter (my first time ever on an plane).

Well done on your loss and no doubt normal service will resume next week. I reckon you will have a huge loss to take you well under 19st. Get well soon xx

Minus Four – thank you for your lovely comment. I’m beginning to see just how difficult and uncomfortable life was for me, it was just normal at the time. I am very excited about the future xx

 

[White Tulip]

wow.......Sharon, you have loads planned, that is really excellent

I also saw it as 'normal' and made so many excuses for myself for being tired/lacking energy having extra aches and pains.

Started another charity bag of clothes yesterday, it's about a third full. About 3 or 4 items from the 'a bit tight' section of the other wardrobe have been promoted to 'fits'

5 weeks until my holiday so have started to gather bits from what I have. I have a couple of bits which almost fit that should be perfect by 5 October. Other than maybe a couple of long daytime tunic tops, I shouldn't need anything else. I am also considering getting a smaller case. Ryanair are boogers when it comes to the weight limit and each time I teeter on the 15k limit. I have an extra light case but it's huge and was way too big even with my size 28 and 30 clothes in it!! By the holiday, I kind of thought - everything I take will be 6-8 inches smaller and it would be brilliant to have a smaller case which in total weighs less overall. Strange thing to think maybe but I've always associated part of my luggage weight to the fact the clothes are so large.

 

[minusfour]

Everything is shrinking in your life these days! (You really are disappearing, like that lady said)
I have been doing book keeping all night- trying to get everything ready to hand over to the accountant, and I can't get it right! I must admit, several hours ago, when I realised what a big job it would be, (I spent most of yesterday doing it too), I had thoughts of some calorific type reward. Luckily I ran out of time to entertain the thought, (run down to the shops), and I'm not any the worse for it. cannot believe my thinking still runs like that.

Hope you have a great day!

 

[minusfour]

Hope all is well in your world White Tulip!

 

[White Tulip]

Struggling today to be honest.

Thought my cold would be on its way out but feel worse today than over the weekend!

I have to confess that last night, when I made OH roast gammon, bubble and squeak and eggs I had 1 mouthful of the gammon. Literally 1 mouthful. But when I came in from work today, I cut a tiny 1 mouthful slice . It was just so delicious and I really just felt I needed a little bit of something 'comforting'.

I have also had a cup of tea today and I had 2 cups yesterday. I really needed them to keep me going and whilst I had tablet sweetener I had a small splash of skimmed milk in each.

The reality is I've probably had about 100 calories more than SS over the last 2 days which is nothing, but it's the principal of the matter that I reached for food - however little. I even found myself fleetingly wondering how I would feel if I ate the bag of Aero Bubbles I've had in my drawer at work since the beginning of June. I didn't even go as far as taking the bag from the drawer but it's the first thought I've had about them in 3 months.

I think once I'm over my cold I will be fine but I do feel quite rough today and I would love some really heartwarming food.

 

[great things]

focus on why you are doing this diet. put those 'treats' into mental boxes and make them not yours.

you can do this. colds are a bummer but get some paracets down your throat and vicks too. you can survive the cold and do this diet too.

 

[minusfour]

Hope your cold is better today.

I think the relationship individual's have with food is one long spectrum, and in the ideal world you would find yourself about mid way. Able to enjoy food, but with moderation. Even the most controlled eater in the world would sometimes have a mouthful more than they needed. I think you are being a bit too hard on yourself. I do understand what you mean by the principal of it, but it is an oversimplication, surely? Your body has been literally starving- consuming itself- for 12-13 weeks now. You have a cold- your starving body is fighting an infection. I don't know that it would really be your will power/dedication that is lacking at the moment, more likely your body is sending some pretty blunt messages that it needs more. I reckon you have actually displayed an amazing change to your whole attitude by eating so little when you are feeling so bad.

I don't know anything about VLCD, so I apologise if I'm wrong, wrong, wrong, but I have many times punished myself (by self loathing etc) for eating too much or the wrong thing, and I would hate to see any punishment come in to it for you- sometimes it's wisest to accept less than perfect conditions, and do with the best you can. I think you are successfully doing that. Hope you have a better one today!

What is gammon anyhow?

 

[White Tulip]

well another day of feeling rotten. I've been popping cold capsules every 4 hours (after just taking painkillers the previous days) and have now had a headache since Saturday It's getting worse which is just a pain in the......well, head, face, eyes, neck..... I am going to have a dig around about what to have instead of cough mixture as I always get a cough at the end of a cold and know I won't be able to have traditional cough medicines because of the sugar.

Gammon is roast ham.....yummy.... I put the leftovers in a dish with peppers/tomatoes etc and spices for OH last night so that's all gone now.

I did think about whether I was being a bit hard on myself I will be fine once this all clears up (I was hoping to be on the last stages by now but obviously not!) , I am going to have some vegetable water flavouring in a minute. My body probably does need 'something' to help it fight the infection but I think I'm going to have to keep going and just grit my teeth over the next few days. I really don't trust myself not to eat something to make myself feel better, realise it hasn't worked and then go into a mini beat myself up/guilt spiral. I know myself too well!

I think I'm going to bring the chocolate home out of my desk. Both lots in there were gifts from colleagues to say 'thankyou' and I was determined they would stay in there until I hit target to prove to myself I could do it, but at the end of the day, it's just a bit of chocolate, I can give it to OH and then it's not there as any kind of temptation if I have anything really pants happen.

 

[great things]

if you feel like more what about doing a few days of 810. remember that you can phone your CDC and get advice from them, tell them how bad you are feeling. they might have some other ideas of things that you can have to make you feel better.

hope you feel better soon, it's not nice feeling rubbish.

 

[minusfour]

Being sick is so horrible, try and be kind to yourself for a few days, until you start feeling better. Is there any other treat you could use to make yourself feel better- new something? Codiene is really good at stopping coughing, but does tend to make you constipated. Inhaling over a bowl of boiling water can help that face ache if it's due to sinus. (And is nice and low cal!) I will shut up and go to bed, hope you are feeling better!