Tinytootz rant-and-involve-some-food diary

[Tinytootz]

STILL got a splitting headache and I feel like crying. I suggested to him indoors that we do something later, but he wants me to decide what we do, and all I want to do is sit in a box and pretend that the last 3 days never existed. The house is in a right state, so I need to tidy it up and clean up tomorrow I guess, even though I can't be fagged to. I don't want to keep dragging our argument out, but I feel like he doesn't understand how it makes me feel. So perhaps if I put him on the backburner for a few days, he will understand what it is he might lose if he carries on. Its kinda playing games, but not really. More playing it cool I think. The issue is, any time I make a decision about what we should do, it eventually gets thrown back in my face as a rubbish choice.

But enough of him, he'll be back in just over an hour, so can muddle my way through it later. Enough of ranting about boys

 

[Tinytootz]

Things still seem a little stilted with OH, on his part, not mine, so I'm playing it cool today, but oh man, I feel rough as a dog!

Headache finally shifted at about 8pm last night, then just before going to bed, I bashed my head on the sofa arm and it made me feel sick. Woke up this morning feeling awful. So awful, I daren't leave the house yet (IYKWIM). God loads to do today - dads birthday so gotta pop round there, need to do a bit of food shopping, and ideally, I need to hoover and mop all the floors. :cry:

 

[Tinytootz]

Man I'm poorly, STILL in the bathroom! lol

OH sent me a text saying he had bought me something. So off I half skipped downstairs to see, and its a Wii game. Now. I know it's the thought that counts, but I'm really not a games console type person, never have been. So although I appreciate the gesture, the actual gift is kinda lost on me. So I've typed him a text which I will send later, as I promptly had to run back upstairs. It pretty much says thanks, but please, no more games, I would rather he saved his money, or bought me something for 99p. I've worded it so he doesn't think I'm being ungrateful. Which I'm not. But he got me a game yesterday, and we played it, and it was blummin awful, even he admitted it!

Now, to somehow get downstairs to watch Jeremy Kyle.....

 

[Tinytootz]

Why oh why did I do a sneaky pre weigh in weigh in! Still poorly, so I thought "I know, I'll hop on the scales, see if it cheers me up" - 2lb up!

I hope it's ok by tomorrow :cry:

 

[sarah83]

Sorry to hear you're feeling poorly. Hope you feel better soon.
And naughty naughty for your sneaky weigh in... you know it's not real until the day!!

 

[Tinytootz]

I know, I know!

Gutted me though. Oh well, what will be will be I guess!

Gonna brave a dog walk in a bit, although I still feel like cack, but being female, I still have to walk the dog, do the shopping and at least hoover the house, even if I skip the mopping for today

 

[Tinytootz]

All I've managed today is weetabix, milk, 2x tea, water, a yoghurt and some strawberries, and man, I am bloated like a blimp! Dunno why, I'm presuming water retention due to my poorly-ness earlier. Think it's safe to say the weetabix is no longer in my system though.....

Day 7: 1/8/11

Weetabix - HE
Milk - HE

Strawberries
Yoghurt

Small bread roll - 5

Gonna try and have tea!

HM tomato soup
Jambalaya - 3 for chorizo
Strawberries

Expecting a gain tomorrow now, due to today. Bit bummed.

 

[Tinytootz]

I managed to eeeek a STS this week. A blummin lucky one if you ask me! I don't think me being poorly helped, as I managed to eat last night, and it seems my body wanted to keep hold of all of it this morning, if you know what I mean!

Bit bummed, but hey ho, lets get on with it

 

[Tinytootz]

Day 8: 2/8/11

Bit bummed out today, still being poorly (IYKWIM) so no idea what I'm gonna eat today.

Bran flakes - HE
Milk - HE

Out for lunch with a friend. Don't fancy a lot at the min, we shall see

OH is cooking tea

Having one of those 'f&%k it days'. Getting a bit fed up of the atmosphere between OH and me (although I think it may be in my head), being on a diet, my job, and the fact that I always feel skint. Getting fed up of the dog following me round everywhere, of the house constantly needing tidying and cleaning, and the fact that I was poorly yesterday, and OH shows concern via text, but in person, he barely touches me, and doesn't ask how I am.
It's a gloomy day too. So I'm gonna try and lift my mood by actually doing my hair for once, may even paint my nails, and meet up with friends for a good ol' winge.

 

[Tinytootz]

Well, yesterday was my "f&%k it" day!

Breakfast didn't remain in me for long, lunch was nice, but I was still a bit poorly, but not as bad. Then I went out, drank a fair bit of wine, had some tea when I got in, and that was it! Not tooooo bad for a F%&K it day in reflection, but yeah.....

 

[Tinytootz]

Day 9: 3/8/11

Weetabix - HE
Milk - HE

Leftover jambalaya - 2

Srawberries
Yoghurt

Sausage casserole time! (tomatoes, onions, oxo, herbs)
2x WW sausages - 1
Mashed potato or wedges
Carrots
Peas

70 syns, 3 used, 67 left

(opting for having 10 a day from today onwards. Dunno why!)

 

[Tinytootz]

Well, it's clearly been one of them days! Woke up at 6:20am after having hardly any sleep (I never sleep well when I've been out drinking, and the heat didn't help), and finally sat down at 4:30pm. In that space of time I:

Swept the front and back yards
Washed both yards
Walked the dog
Watered the plants
Put a wash out
Hoovered and mopped ALL the floors
Cleaned the bathroom
Washed the dishes
Cleaned the kitchen, including blummin cupboard doors
Emptied all the bins
Ate lunch
Had a shower
and also did 4 hours of work at the computer.

As I say, it has clearly been one of them days when I just wouldn't stop. Got a right sweat on, so it can't be all bad, can it! Still not feeling 100% right. Not got much of an appetite, but making myself eat.

Work tomorrow again, but out for lunch again, so I guess I got all the jobs done so I can kinda be guilt free!

 

[sarah83]

Wow that is impressive!
Can you pass me some of that motivation please... I'm supposed to start 'nesting' now and have no inclination to do anything of the sort!!

 

[Tinytootz]

Sadly, I cannot, I've burnt out!

I only get like that when I'm really tired for some reason. Before now I've baked caked and stuff after 4 hours sleep.

.....you could always get someone to nest for you!

 

[sarah83]

Nice idea but as I'm the one who doesn't have to work anymore I guess it's only fair that I do it!!

 

[craftylucyloo]

How are things now? Hope things have improved between you and OH. I know with us it is usually 50/50 and we wind each other up a lot. Maybe a bit of a break would do you good. A weekend away. I know I could do with one of those- without the kids!! X

 

[Tinytootz]

Hey. Sadly, we have had a week away, and both of us have a right bother getting time off work! We're doing ok though. Sounds selfish, but I'm coping with the tiffs better, so whatever really! I've also made sure that friends kinda know whats going on, so if it goes belly-up, I have a support network. Plus, I get to hear them moan about their significant others, which often makes your issues seem quite small. In actual fact, I blame a lot on PMT, which I am not supposed to get anymore, but I clearly do. It makes me uber sensitive and quite cranky, and even at the time I know I am being irrational, but I can't seem to shake it. Well, it's been awhile, but the monthly visitor has returned, and I seem to be far more chilled out, but very body concious, but what's new there!
Still not 100% health wise. The heat always gives me a bad stomach, no idea why, it just does. But it's raining today, so hopefully it will cool down soon, and I will be far less bloated! Seriously, my stomach is huge!

So glad your kitty came home. Mine went missing once overnight and I was in a right state over it. And when he went up the chimney. Well. I was in bits and being very impossible! Is she ok, other than being a bit shaken up? I'm sure she will be settled and back to normal in no time at all. And hopefully won't do it again!

And I hope things between you and your hubby are getting better, or at least being easier to deal with. Never nice when life throws everything at you at once, and you are worried what is going to give.

Well, it's the dreaded Friday tomorrow. Hopefully it will go fine, I've already thrown some ideas at him for what we could do with the day, and he doesn't seem to be stressed. It's strange, but nearly every time he gets like this, it is due to him stressing over something else! During the move, we fell out nearly every single Friday due to the general stress of deadlines and the like. Last week I think his issue was money. He had to fork out a fair bit unexpectedly before his day off, so I guess it put him in a spin, thinking he wouldn't have enough to do what he wanted or whatever. In the end, we did nothing so he in fact saved money!

Really glad I cleaned the house yesterday - you can't blummin' tell! Darn dog...

 

[craftylucyloo]

Yeah I think money is the biggest stress. I thought things had calmed down between us but he started on me last night and this morn said he was moving out. I told him that he better go then and this time not come back. I am so fed up of his mood swings and taking everything out on me. I can't win any argument. Getting to the stage where I really don't care if he does go. He is going away on Saturday for two weeks anyway and he is out working every night when he is here.

Cat fine now. Miawing at the door as I type.

 

[Tinytootz]

Oh dear. Mood swings are never good, unless there is a decent enough explanation. I think our main problem is although we do talk, he tends to skim over things. So rather than tell me he is stressed about money as he wanted to buy bla bla or whatever, he lets it fester, and it then taints everything for the whole day, if that makes sense. I'm guilty of it too, but I do eventually spit out what the problem is, I sometimes take some convincing though Its like in the early days, I used to flinch every time he touched me. And I wouldn't tell him why, so of course the demon brain told him it was due to all sorts of things. It was simply due to me not liking me, and that I thought he would be repulsed by my wobbly bits!

Is there an underlying reason as to why he is being like this? Is it money worries, or health worries, or something? If you *want* to work it out, then maybe having a safe place for you both to talk might help, such as counselling. But don't put up with things that make you unhappy. I did that for about 4 years, and it took me a long time to repair myself afterwards, and in many ways, it has scarred me. Not in a dramatic OH MY LORD way, but just things that I won't be able to wipe from my mind.

Do what you think is best for you and your little ones. In the heat of the moment, I sometimes want OH to 'do one', but he rarely gets further than the end of the road, before he turns round and we attempt to sort it. But we're both Cancerians, which is either really good, or really bad!

Take some time to think about what you want. Use the two weeks to try and think of what might happen in the future, and what you want as an ideal outcome.

 

[Tinytootz]

Day 10: 4/8/11

Feeling quite poorly AGAIN today. But hopefully as the temperature has cooled down, I should start to feel a bit better. Suffering with a dodgy stomach and cramps - lovely!

Bran flakes - HE
Milk - HE

Out for lunch, AGAIN. Part of me wants to be sensible, part of me wants good old comfort food. Toying between jacket potato, beans and cheese for about £3.99, or a chip bowl with beans and cheese, or a club sandwich. I mention the price, as it seems kinda steep to me, as they are microwaved jacket potatoes, typical pub grub. There's another place that does them in town for a similar price, but theirs are done in the oven and are proper yum. Still not got much of an appetite, eating more out of habit than anything else. Takeaway for tea. I hope we have chinese, but prob end up with kebab shop again, OH is OBSESSED with their doner meat!

I was sensible! Opted for the Jacket, cheese and beans (was £2.99, not £3.99, silly me) and it was done in the oven, and very yummy. Came with a side salad too, and a diet coke for me. So depending on tea, today could be a green day so far