Linda Spangles weekly words of advice.....
Great idea: Change how you describe an eating slip-up
Things were going so well… then something happened, and you
slipped up on your diet plan. Maybe you had a bad day at work. Or
it was your sister’s birthday. Or a friend took you to Happy Hour
and everything went south after a couple of drinks.
Jeremy had one of those slip-ups a couple of weeks ago. “We
bought a chocolate layer cake for a birthday party for my 2-year
old daughter. Of course, she only ate a little, so once she was
done, we were stuck with the rest of the cake.
I hated to see the cake go to waste, so I had a small piece,
then another, and then a couple more. Somehow, that slip-up got
me started downhill, and I ended up overeating the entire
weekend.”
Jeremy also told me that he’d been through a very stressful week
with extensive travel related to his work. As he thought about
the hard week, he said, “I knew I was going to eat a bunch. It’s
as though I made up my mind long before I was around the food,
and I couldn’t figure out how to stop the train.”
As we analyzed Jeremy’s thoughts and his behavior patterns, we
came up with three big excuses for his eating struggle. Here’s
what he identified:
1. I knew that I was going to go off my diet and overeat.
2. I gave myself permission to eat what I wanted.
3. I had too much on my plate, and felt like I deserved a break.
Let’s take these apart a bit…
1. Knowing you are going to eat
This happens a lot in response to a long hard week, high stress
levels, travel or other demands. By Friday morning, you secretly
begin plotting a visit to your favorite Italian restaurant,
knowing that once you get there, your boundaries will evaporate.
In other words, you plan your eating binge ahead of time.
The fix:
You wouldn’t tell a police officer that you “planned to drive
fast” so you don’t deserve a speeding ticket. Once you catch a
glimpse of your speedometer creeping up, you hit the brakes and
quickly get back within the speed limit.
Do the same with your eating thoughts. Recognize when you are
“planning to overeat” and immediately slam on your mental brakes.
Remind yourself that your weight-loss goals are VERY important,
and that wolfing a plate of pasta and chasing it with tiramisu
isn’t going to move you toward your goals. Focus on the benefits
of staying on track with your goals of healthier eating and
exercise rather than letting yourself get de-railed.
2. Giving yourself permission
I’m sure you’ve done this. After an eating slip-up, you analyze
the situation, and admit, “I gave myself permission to eat before
I even started.” It’s as though you justify your eating behavior
by saying, “ I told myself it was OK.”
Giving yourself “permission to eat” means that you’re taking a
parental approach to your behaviors. The parent said you couldn’t
have a brownie, but you rebelled and “gave yourself permission.”
Of course, now you’re in trouble and you can’t seem to get back
into the good graces of the parent part of your brain.
Unfortunately, this kind of thinking is usually “shame-based”
rather than carefully pondered intentions. Shame results from
setting up a controversy between “good” and “bad” behavior. When
you eliminate the use of these words, you don’t get pulled into a
mental battle and shame doesn’t have any reason to show up.
The fix:
Take back your power around food. When you’re in charge of your
life, you don’t have to worry about “permission” to eat. Use
language that supports your power, not a bossy, parental approach
toward food and eating.
Move away from labeling yourself "good" or "bad" based on what
you put into your mouth. Instead, refer to the “choices” you make
in your life. Using this language, you might describe days when
you make great food choices during the day, but make poor or
weaker choices after you get home from work.
3. I deserve a break
Jeremy told me that he’d been very stressed and he had too much
on his plate. I laughed as he described how he got things “off
his plate.” He said, “I guess I overate to feel some relief from
the burdens of my life.”
The fix:
Yes, you do deserve a break. But food doesn’t have to be your
“break of choice.” Think about other ways you could recover or
feel nurtured. Personally, I’ve become very good at drinking club
soda from a wine glass as a way to relax and renew after a hard
day.
You might also use the concept of waiting it out. The field of
addictions teaches the rule, “Wait 7 minutes” before giving in.
Somehow, this is long enough to re-set your brain and allow you
to walk away from a tempting food or situation rather than give
in to it.
