So, today is Sunday,
We're off to buy a slow cooker in a bit, never owned one before but I think it may stop me reaching for the take away menu when I get in from placement.
I did something earlier, something that I haven't done in such a long time,
I looked at myself in the mirror completely butt nekkid...I did not like what I saw :-/
I've never been a tiny slim person, I came close a few years ago and looked amazing in my underwear! But now it just feels like miles away :-/ it's got to the point where I don't feel comfortable with letting my other half see my naked, and I'm only 23!
And you know what I always think 'if only I'd have maintained that weight I'd look fabulous now!' - I think we're all guilty of this.. :-/ why do we do it to ourselves? Telling ourselves we'll start again tomorrow, but tomorrow never comes and you're 4 years down the line, 6 stone heavier..this battle feels like it will never end, food is my go to when I'm bored, anxious, I relate everything with food, going to the pictures, going out with friends, even blinkin Mother's Day, we're off to his mums for a take away :-/
I really need my 'figure' back, I look like I'm in a fat suit it's horrid! Why is it so difficult to loose weight!?
When I think back to the last time I lost the weight, my dad had just passed away, well it was about 3 months since his death, February I decided to turn my life around, I was so committed yet probably my way of grieving, constantly focused on food and calories, it worries me I'll be like that again. I made myself ill, which is probably why now, I don't go hungry? If that makes any sense!
Maybe I need a shrink haha
One thing I do know is, I can not go on holiday this big, a) because I can't afford to buy yet more new clothes for it and b) I'll be a hot sweaty mess in 38 degree heat!!
I sound mad! Lol
Anyhow, I'm not feeling down, I'm just feeling angry with myself, like I've let that thin girl inside of me down, because she's desperate to come out!!
Next week I plan to gym it atleast 3 times let's see if I can do it lol
X