Flirty's diary ...............

[flirty40greeneyes]

MIA from your own diary?!! How you doing?? :hug99:

Bad! :whoopass: That's why I have been MIA!!!!

Bad at diet - lost the plot totally and probably gained the 2lb I lost at the beginning of the week. :break_diet:

Been doing lots of thinking :thinking2: - and talking with OH and my SIL and a friend. Going to see if this is just SAD or mild depression ... where I can help myself - or if I need to go and see the men in white coats and be carted away!! Seriously I am monitoring myself and if i feel I am not coping will do and see my Doctor (whom I get on very well with) and see what he suggests. I am not anti anti-depressants (is that two negatives??!!) but don't want to take something before trying to do it another way. I was on them for awhile and it did make things better - but I always felt I was missing part of me whilst on them. ( I should definately be carted away shouldn't I??!!! siholog: )

 

[DQ]

If you need to be carted away, they better collect me first!!

 

[MadamDotty]

Aww hope you get it sorted honey, at least you're aware of the problem having had experience of it and are sensible enough to accept that you may have to go back onto anti-d's if it's necessary. Have you tried St John's Wort at all? I have found that quite good in the past when I've been a bit stressed, might be worth a try, but see what your Doc says - it's good that you have a good relationship with him/her.

Take care - don't stay away too long.
xx

 

[Gen]

well.. good morning hun... like Westiegirls diary i had to print urs off too cos there was sooo much in it i just didn't have a chance to read it in work... so read it when i got home yesterday evening!!!

I just really want to echo everything that everyone else has said Bev that you really are an amazing, kind and lovely person and soooo supportive to everyone on here. I do think everything will work itself out.

mindless post was one of the nicest posts i have ever read on here and made sooo much sense!!!

on your ex husband... what you do for him is truly amazing and i understand why you do it but never ever underestimate what you are doing there hun... there isn't a whole lot of people who would do that for an ex!!!

well done girl and keep the pecker up... you are doing fab

love

Gen xxxxx

 

[flirty40greeneyes]

Awwww Gen - I'm amazed that anyone reads my diary, pleased when they reply on it, and honoured that you went to the trouble of printing off pages to read it - thank you!

Mindless' post was wonderful wasn't it??? There really are some wonderful people in our little online community.

I'm really looking forward to meeting you in Dublin - need to get myself sorted, if I'm going to be at target???!!!! Hoping my SIL - who is my best friend too, will come over. And just seen that Sarah has put her name down - wow we're going to party!!! You'll have a great birthday!!

 

[Gen]

Awwww Gen - I'm amazed that anyone reads my diary, pleased when they reply on it, and honoured that you went to the trouble of printing off pages to read it - thank you!

Mindless' post was wonderful wasn't it??? There really are some wonderful people in our little online community.

I'm really looking forward to meeting you in Dublin - need to get myself sorted, if I'm going to be at target???!!!! Hoping my SIL - who is my best friend too, will come over. And just seen that Sarah has put her name down - wow we're going to party!!! You'll have a great birthday!!

I'm just sorry I don't have more time to read everyones diary ha ha but i am getting broadband at home this week hopefully so i'll be up to date with everyone!!!!

I was bowled over by mindless's post it was absolutely fab!! and sooooooo true!!!

Listed on the target before dublin thing... don't be worrying about it... just try take each day as it comes.. i know you would like to be at target, so would i, but if you aren't so what.... you will defo have lost weight from where you are now and you will feel great!!!! and in fairness us of all people won't be judging anyone on their weight cos we alllll know the struggles!!!

lots of love

Gen xxx

 

[mindless]

Bad! :whoopass: That's why I have been MIA!!!!

Bad at diet - lost the plot totally and probably gained the 2lb I lost at the beginning of the week. :break_diet:

Been doing lots of thinking :thinking2: - and talking with OH and my SIL and a friend. Going to see if this is just SAD or mild depression ... where I can help myself - or if I need to go and see the men in white coats and be carted away!! Seriously I am monitoring myself and if i feel I am not coping will do and see my Doctor (whom I get on very well with) and see what he suggests. I am not anti anti-depressants (is that two negatives??!!) but don't want to take something before trying to do it another way. I was on them for awhile and it did make things better - but I always felt I was missing part of me whilst on them. ( I should definately be carted away shouldn't I??!!! siholog: )

Aaawwwwww Bev,

When down it is so difficult to see up but it will come - I've said before you have so much to be proud of and thats what you need to hold onto.

I have to say that I am a tad anti-anti depressant as I am not so sure whether that solves what ails

If you do consider that route - get into Holland and Barrett and look at something Herbal

But hey advice is there if you want to take it - but we are here whatever so :grouphugg: from us all (taking liberty of speaking on behalf of all) cos you give hugs to all us when we need it

 

[flirty40greeneyes]

Thank you - all of you.

Have just made an appointment to see my Doctor (not until Monday 19th though .... as I'm still breathing!!) - I went into Asda shopping today - saw a friend of mine whom I've not seen for ages and promptly burst into tears. I know she was worried about me - and that that is not normal behaviour - so came home and rang Doctors straight away. Want my OH to come with me - hence delay in date as he can only come in the evening. I'm not sure if I'm going down the anti-depressant road or not - but realise I need help ...

 

[Gen]

big hugs to you hun. be very proud of yourself for getting help.. you have a lot going on in your life at the moment so please do not give yourself a hard time.

take it easy and have a lovely weekend.

lots of love


Gen xxx

 

[sonkie]

I have been on antideppressants a couple of years ago, everything just got on top of me. I couldnt eat but when on the rare occasion I did eat I would binge on junk food. I couldnt sleep and just didnt want to get up in the morning, when I did I just sat moping.
Well after being on them for 2 days I slept for the whole night, I also lost my appetite for junk food and started to eat healthier, it took a couple of weeks for my moods to lift but they were definately worth it. I was on them for a number of months, and your dr will when you are ready slowly wean you down to see how it affects your moods as you may need them a little longer.
You cant really get addicted to these drugs, not like years back. I would certainly use them again if I ever felt that bad again.

Good luck for your appointment if I dont post again before.

 

[flirty40greeneyes]

Eating junk food, not sleeping, not wanting to get up in the morning ... moping - god Sonkie you are discribing me!!!

Had Mc D's at lunch time followed by 4 creme eggs - I mean FOUR??????

Definately going to talk to Doctor about it all - and take OH with me for support. IF he says I NEED anti-depressants then will go with his advice.

 

[DQ]

Glad you are going to talk to your Dr xx

 

[flirty40greeneyes]

Problems: (part 3)

• my brother. My brother is 3 years younger than me and the much wanted (by my mum) son. I spent most of my childhood getting bullied by him, blamed for things he'd done and no recognition for the achievements I made that he didn't. Anyway into adulthood and we moved away from each other in locality and eventually through something he did we became estranged. This suited me and I've had about 6 very peaceful years without him in my life. Anyway last summer my parents informed me that he needed to see me. It turns out he had done something very bad - for which he had been caught and was going to prison. So I went down to see him and we mended bridges and i said I'd help him etc etc etc. My mum then went to pieces when he went inside and developed shingles from which she has not recovered and is now a shadow of her former self. My brother continued to manipulate, lie and try to generally con everyone (including the prison staff) whilst inside. My patience, sympathy and anything else I had felt for him evapourated as I saw what he did to people, how he used them and how he'd do anything to get his own way. His way was the only way and we fell out again. He wanted time off work - so told his partner that our mother had had a fall (she had not), needed a brain scan .. (no she didn't) and then when he wanted more time off - that she'd had a stroke (she had not) ..... for this and other misdeemeaners, I can not forgive him and so have now broken all contact. But he is still in contact with my parents and spreading lies about me, my SIL (his ex wife), and god knows what else. I am powerless to stop him, do not want to upset my parents further - although my dad is aware of his lies etc, he seems to be able to make himself out as the "hard done by one". Since August he has lost his wife, his home, his business and partner, his sister (me) plus some good friends along the way. He is evil and I have come to realise that I am better off without him anywhere near me and my children. The only good thing that has come out of it all is the friendship i know have with my wonderful SIL.

But I can put my decline mentally and emotionally and eating wise down to last August when he came back into my life. I need to distance myself from him and his problems, whilst still being there for my SIL and my parents.

I'm not looking for any solutions to this one - just writing it down for myself ... in order that it is "out of my head" so to speak.

 

[sonkie]

My youngest brother and I had a major falling out years ago, and because me and my mum were very close he ignored her too. This went on for years and didnt miss him. Everything he does or has is bigger and better than everyone elses, and you cant say anything other.

Well when mum found out her cancer had returned in her brain, I text him as I couldnt face talking to him to let him know........nothing !
When mum was admitted to hospital I was called in to see the dr and she told me that mum would not be coming home and that she has only days left, deep down I knew this but when she told me I broke down. She said I must tell all family so they could come and visit her, so I had to phone him. Well after years not wanting to know my mum he turned up at the hospital and took it upon himself to stay with her 24/7.

Things were strained but I tried for mum, well whilst he was at the hospital he stole cash from her purse and her hiding place at home. There were mqany more things he did but I ignored it for mum.
Well after the funeral it went back to how it was before and we fell out over some of mums bits as she wanted them donated to a charity to be auctioned off but he sold it all and kept the cash.
Well that was some 8yrs ago and I had only just got in contact with him again to tell him about Wayne and we talk occasionally but we are not great friends.

So I sure know where you are coming from and can sympathise with you.

 

[MadamDotty]

Hi Bev

Really glad for you that you're able to get this all out and written down, I really do believe it's a help, even if it's just to acknowledge these things and the impact they've had on your life.

As I said before you've had some very tough times in your life, but it's made you a very special, warm & caring person and you should be very proud of yourself for that fact alone.

I'm glad you're going to see your Dr and prepared to take the anti-D's if they're necessary, hopefully he can start you back on the path to getting yourself back to how you should be again.

Take care & mega ((((((hugs))))) for you

xxxx

 

[pandora]

hi flirty,
sorry to read that you are having tough times at the moment.
i have only read a bit of your diary so if i say anything thats allready been said - sorry.
its good you are going to see your GP & that your OH is going with you, is counselling an option, or have you been down that route ? just you atribute alot of your problems to the troubles with your brother & found writing it down a help.
you know what they say - you can choose your friends but not your family - sometimes its a shame we are given family we don't get on with / like
hope you get things back n an even keel soon
xx

 

[dawntinkler34]

Problems: (part 3)

• my brother. My brother is 3 years younger than me and the much wanted (by my mum) son. I spent most of my childhood getting bullied by him, blamed for things he'd done and no recognition for the achievements I made that he didn't. Anyway into adulthood and we moved away from each other in locality and eventually through something he did we became estranged. This suited me and I've had about 6 very peaceful years without him in my life. Anyway last summer my parents informed me that he needed to see me. It turns out he had done something very bad - for which he had been caught and was going to prison. So I went down to see him and we mended bridges and i said I'd help him etc etc etc. My mum then went to pieces when he went inside and developed shingles from which she has not recovered and is now a shadow of her former self. My brother continued to manipulate, lie and try to generally con everyone (including the prison staff) whilst inside. My patience, sympathy and anything else I had felt for him evapourated as I saw what he did to people, how he used them and how he'd do anything to get his own way. His way was the only way and we fell out again. He wanted time off work - so told his partner that our mother had had a fall (she had not), needed a brain scan .. (no she didn't) and then when he wanted more time off - that she'd had a stroke (she had not) ..... for this and other misdeemeaners, I can not forgive him and so have now broken all contact. But he is still in contact with my parents and spreading lies about me, my SIL (his ex wife), and god knows what else. I am powerless to stop him, do not want to upset my parents further - although my dad is aware of his lies etc, he seems to be able to make himself out as the "hard done by one". Since August he has lost his wife, his home, his business and partner, his sister (me) plus some good friends along the way. He is evil and I have come to realise that I am better off without him anywhere near me and my children. The only good thing that has come out of it all is the friendship i know have with my wonderful SIL.

But I can put my decline mentally and emotionally and eating wise down to last August when he came back into my life. I need to distance myself from him and his problems, whilst still being there for my SIL and my parents.

I'm not looking for any solutions to this one - just writing it down for myself ... in order that it is "out of my head" so to speak.

My youngest brother and I had a major falling out years ago, and because me and my mum were very close he ignored her too. This went on for years and didnt miss him. Everything he does or has is bigger and better than everyone elses, and you cant say anything other.

Well when mum found out her cancer had returned in her brain, I text him as I couldnt face talking to him to let him know........nothing !
When mum was admitted to hospital I was called in to see the dr and she told me that mum would not be coming home and that she has only days left, deep down I knew this but when she told me I broke down. She said I must tell all family so they could come and visit her, so I had to phone him. Well after years not wanting to know my mum he turned up at the hospital and took it upon himself to stay with her 24/7.

Things were strained but I tried for mum, well whilst he was at the hospital he stole cash from her purse and her hiding place at home. There were mqany more things he did but I ignored it for mum.
Well after the funeral it went back to how it was before and we fell out over some of mums bits as she wanted them donated to a charity to be auctioned off but he sold it all and kept the cash.
Well that was some 8yrs ago and I had only just got in contact with him again to tell him about Wayne and we talk occasionally but we are not great friends.

So I sure know where you are coming from and can sympathise with you.

Hey girls,

i have great respect for you both, i have come to realise that my problems are trivial compared to some!! Yet i still make excuses to emotionally eat well thats gonna stop!!

x:grouphugg:

 

[flirty40greeneyes]

Thanks everyone for their replies - it astounds me anyone wants to read my drivel, let alone comment on it!

Feeling better now i have made an appointment to do something about it - and my OH is so behind me. He feels very upset that he can't solve my problems or cure me .... he works in a "give me a problem and I'll sort it out" logic and of course this isn't that easy ... no simple solutions. But he listens to me ramble on (until 3am one morning!) lets me cry on his shoulder ... (his shirts are getting mildew with all my tears!) and holds me tight, which at the moment is what i need more than anything. My SIL is also my best friend and although she is in London we are in constant contact and she is very supportive too.

Pandora - I've been down the counselling route years ago , but I'm wondering about psychology ... think I am willing to do anything to feel better and stop my life from becoming so part time.

Anyway eating - or rather not eating! - has gone by the wayside and I'm not even bothered. Will sort my health out first and then concentrate on losing weight.

I am lucky in that I have the best OH, wonderful kids, great freinds, a nice house and a job that i enjoy. Life could be so much worse ... and the daft thing is I don't even appear depressed, if you know what i mean????

 

[minilady]

Hi

I've been reading through some of your last posts and can sympathise completely with you. I also had problems during my childhood, which at the time I didn't think were affecting me too badly...you learn to live with them. It was only when I got older, probably early 30's that I began to realise what a huge impact it had had on my life and the way I lived my life and related to other people.

I had counselling and anti depressants, all the usual stuff, I also tried tarot readings and mediums to help out I then found out a friend of mine's sister was a hypnotherapist, and thought I'd give that a shot....It did help me, it made me remember incidents that I had forgotton, or my brain had blocked out...I did feel worse before I felt better though, as of course it bought everything back, but it made me realise why I always felt guily even though things weren't my fault, and why I would go out of my way to help people (always the wrong sort of people) and end up getting stabbed in the back.

Once I started to feel better or should I say calmer with myself and my feelings, I went on to do a parttime psychology course. It was brilliant, it covered different psychological issues and I found myself analising myself and others and it gave me understanding....which I think is the key...if we don't understand, we get confused and more stressed and depressed, but if we understand why we feel the way we do then it's easier to rationalise and cope.

You can definately find yourself and feel better, the first step is having the courage to ask for help, which you have done!!!

God I'm sorry this was only going to be a short message, and I've waffled on for ages

Good luck to you
Tracey
x

 

[flirty40greeneyes]

Hi

I've been reading through some of your last posts and can sympathise completely with you. I also had problems during my childhood, which at the time I didn't think were affecting me too badly...you learn to live with them. It was only when I got older, probably early 30's that I began to realise what a huge impact it had had on my life and the way I lived my life and related to other people.

I had counselling and anti depressants, all the usual stuff, I also tried tarot readings and mediums to help out I then found out a friend of mine's sister was a hypnotherapist, and thought I'd give that a shot....It did help me, it made me remember incidents that I had forgotton, or my brain had blocked out...I did feel worse before I felt better though, as of course it bought everything back, but it made me realise why I always felt guily even though things weren't my fault, and why I would go out of my way to help people (always the wrong sort of people) and end up getting stabbed in the back.

Once I started to feel better or should I say calmer with myself and my feelings, I went on to do a parttime psychology course. It was brilliant, it covered different psychological issues and I found myself analising myself and others and it gave me understanding....which I think is the key...if we don't understand, we get confused and more stressed and depressed, but if we understand why we feel the way we do then it's easier to rationalise and cope.

You can definately find yourself and feel better, the first step is having the courage to ask for help, which you have done!!!

God I'm sorry this was only going to be a short message, and I've waffled on for ages

Good luck to you
Tracey
x

Thank you Tracey - that sounds like me! I did a psychology course, which I found really helpful for me. I also help inappropiate people and it backfires on me quite often!

Thank you for your "short" post! It helps to know there are other people like me out there and that you've come out the other side.