We are indeed !
hadn't noticed that before......we WILL be skinny minnies for Dublin !
take care hun...
love
Debz
xx
Flirty's diary ...............
- Thread starter flirty40greeneyes
- Start date
We are indeed !
hadn't noticed that before......we WILL be skinny minnies for Dublin !
take care hun...
love
Debz
xx
Hey Bev,
Not posting much as sorta in bad place myself so sooooooooo sorry to see that you are not feeling on top form.
If its any help - I find that the greatest consolation for me at the moment is the diet.
Sounds strange but it is the only sodding thing IAM IN CONTROL OF (used shouting caps there just in case it was listening) in my life at the moment.
It is most re-assuring.
If theres anything I can do to help (semi-naked pole dancing I draw the line at due to fears for public safety) please get in touch
If its any help - I have attached a brilliant piece of algebra that all men can relate to (think you need to click it to increas its size so its readable)
cheers
Not posting much as sorta in bad place myself so sooooooooo sorry to see that you are not feeling on top form.
If its any help - I find that the greatest consolation for me at the moment is the diet.
Sounds strange but it is the only sodding thing IAM IN CONTROL OF (used shouting caps there just in case it was listening) in my life at the moment.
It is most re-assuring.
If theres anything I can do to help (semi-naked pole dancing I draw the line at due to fears for public safety) please get in touch
If its any help - I have attached a brilliant piece of algebra that all men can relate to (think you need to click it to increas its size so its readable)
cheers
Attachments
flirty40greeneyes
Busy busy busy!!
Thanks Mindless - wish my problems were as simple as that! Have been thinking about them a lot recently.
Problems: (part 1)
Problems: (part 1)
- my mum .... I have had "issues" with my mum since I was born ... she wanted a son and didn't even have a name for me! She use to beat us with a wooden garden cane, wooden coat hanger etc, lots of emotional/physical abuse over the years. Could not say I looked nice on my wedding day (although I had to tell her she did!) , has never told me she loves me ... etc etc etc Anyway the upshot of all this was to make me very insecure and NEED to get her approval ... which of course i never did. I have tried to be the model daughter and never given her any grief .... but still not good enough. Now she's 75, has shingles so bad, the onset of senile dementia and I find the roles reversed and I worry about her and act more like the parent. She will never apologise, never tell me she loves me, never give me the approval I crave - but I do forgive her ... because I have a man I love who loves me ... 3 kids who I dote on and who adore me and who can show me approval and love. (She taught me how not to be a mother - and with my kids I did the opposite and showered love and approval on them). It took me a long time to get there ... and there are times when I still work on it - but I know her time is measured and I don't want to look back and be full of regrets.
- my ex husband .... an alcoholic and not a very good husband or father, but a lovely person. Our life together was very hard and tempestuous as I tried (unsuccessfully) to stop him from drinking, keep a roof over our heads and bring up our 3 children. We often had the police at our door (something that made me cringe with embarrassment), furniture was broken and I had bruises and even a broken tooth once. He is still very much part of my life even now (we parted in 1999) and we have an amicable arrangement where I get all his salary then pay all his bills (rent, food, car insurance etc) and then give him a weekly "allowance". It means I will be tied to him until "death us do part" - but because i don't want my kids to have to become his carers I am his legal guardian and next of kin. It is strange as he holds down a very good job as a civil engineer, but can not get himself sorted on a day to day basis. He has brain damage in that he can not speak properly (even when sober he sounds drunk), can not walk properly and shakes all the time. He will kill himself through drink and as it's his choice there is nothing else I can do. Sad to see the man I met, fell in love with, married and had 3 children with, diminish to this.
sonkie
Gold Member
This site is so good in that we feel confident enough to share our problems etc with each other, I have come to realise why I have let myself get so big in the first place, and now Im doing something about it......as are the rest of us.
Beverley you are doing a wonderful thing in helping your ex to try to keep himself afloat, you re an amazing woman and always have a helpful bit of advice and support for others.......Thank you.xx
Beverley you are doing a wonderful thing in helping your ex to try to keep himself afloat, you re an amazing woman and always have a helpful bit of advice and support for others.......Thank you.xx
flirty40greeneyes
Busy busy busy!!
Thank you Sonkie and Karen ... my ex is a very special person and although I don't still want to be married to him, I do still care and he is my childrens father.
Anyway Problems (part 2):
Anyway Problems (part 2):
- my step daughter to be ..... we use to get on well when she first met me. She is an only child who is allowed to spend too much time with other adults and has no real friends of her own. She is 9, and weighs in at nearly 11stone and wears size 14/16 clothes. My heart really goes out to her because she is bullied at school and called "sumo". I tried to help her with her weight problem ages ago and it backfired because her mother felt i was "interfering". She is a very difficult child to get on with as she has no hobbies, except TV, computer and nintendo games. We have tried to get her interested in swimming, horse riding, gymnastics as well as take her places - but she is not interested and we are "boring"!! She is allowed to do as she pleases in her house with her mother, but we are stricter in our house and have rules that she does not like. So she decided she wasn't going to come and see her father or me. This upset me as I know my OH was hurt and we had only tried to do the right thing by and for her. I acknowledge that a lot of the problems stem from her mother ... and have decided I am not going to take on the title of "wicked stepmother" to suit them, when it really is NOT justified. However I admit this is one of my lifes problems that still has the ability to effect me for the worse and that at this moment in time I can not seem to find a solution to or be able to cope with it very well. Any answers on a post card please!!!
Karen1972
Gold Member
darling, you carry on... write down exactly how you're feeling - i'm sure it will be a great help!! Seeing it in black and white sorta makes the mind clearer for some reason doesn't it? And of course you will get some brilliant advice from everyone on here! I'm single and live on my own so don't feel qualified to suggest anything sorry darling!!!
Hi Bev...just want to echo what Sonkie and Karen have said already....
you truly are am amazing woman !!
....and yet, even with all that has happened to you, you still find loads of time to be supportive to others around you... including all of us here on Minimins ! THANKS !!
really looking forward to meeting you in Dublin....
lotsa love
Debz
xx
you truly are am amazing woman !!
....and yet, even with all that has happened to you, you still find loads of time to be supportive to others around you... including all of us here on Minimins ! THANKS !!
really looking forward to meeting you in Dublin....
lotsa love
Debz
xx
MadamDotty
Back again!
Oh Bev
What can I say, you've had some tough times lady, and yet you give so much of yourself and care so much for so many other people including us lot here on Minimins.
You are one of the few genuinely good people and I for one, feel luckier for knowing you, albeit across the internet.
It's a privilege to be able to share these things with you & I hope that it helps, even in the smallest degree by you posting all of this down.
This is such a wonderful site, with so many fanastic people on it, and it's such a release to have somewhere where you can open your heart without being judged, or ridiculed.
Keep posting Bev, get all those thoughts and feeings out of your head, I really believe that's a big help.
So looking forward to meeting you soon in Birmingham (you are going aren't you?) and I will def. come up to Chester to catch up with you.
Take care honey
xxxxxxxx
What can I say, you've had some tough times lady, and yet you give so much of yourself and care so much for so many other people including us lot here on Minimins.
You are one of the few genuinely good people and I for one, feel luckier for knowing you, albeit across the internet.
It's a privilege to be able to share these things with you & I hope that it helps, even in the smallest degree by you posting all of this down.
This is such a wonderful site, with so many fanastic people on it, and it's such a release to have somewhere where you can open your heart without being judged, or ridiculed.
Keep posting Bev, get all those thoughts and feeings out of your head, I really believe that's a big help.
So looking forward to meeting you soon in Birmingham (you are going aren't you?) and I will def. come up to Chester to catch up with you.
Take care honey
xxxxxxxx
sonkie
Gold Member
We have all had something happen to us to make us overweight, most of us have turned to food for comfort, I think being able to tell people what has happened in your life is a huge step in helping yourself to come to terms with your past/present therefore hopefully enabling us to get control back over our eating habits.
This site is an amazing place with some b****y amazing people on here, and together we can help each other with our own personal journeys.
Love you guys xx
This site is an amazing place with some b****y amazing people on here, and together we can help each other with our own personal journeys.
Love you guys xx
flirty40greeneyes
Busy busy busy!!
This is very true Sonkie .... I've been here before - lost 4 stone then because of emotional comfort eating put it back on - so this time as well as doing the diet (another 1lb off today ...so 7lb in total!) I'm trying to put down my feelings on "paper" and come up with some solutions or coping strategies. It is very cathartic and is helping me .... and it's great that you guys are there with me every step of the way with support and empathy. So a big :thankyou: to all of you!
............... and the problem with you is ??????????
Bev,
The answer is nothing
1. You are amazing for having taken the rough childhood and turned it into a loving childhood for your kids (ie. knowing how not to be a bad mum!). I reckon you know that this was not your problem it was your mums and you are adult enough to forgive and to care even after all that has happened.
Score BEV 1 - World 0
2. On your ex, you have taken something that was awful to go through, grasped that nugget of good and now use this to care for someone who couldn't care for themselves. Can't say I know precisely what you have experienced but having made a vow to myself to see my kids through to 18 despite alcohol ruining our family - me included for a time - I think I have a slight idea of how difficult that is - and to break away and still care - I give you respect that is 100 out of 10.
Score BEV 2 - World 0
3. On SD - people who make judgements on others and themselves for actions in the moment, are blinkered and wrong. Whilst what you and DH are trying to do for SD is tough (christ, we are adults and we find it hard and we are trying to make a difference to ourselves) and her mum is using it as a weapon (how dare you interfere etc ....) - it is the right thing and in time (either through success or adult reflection), your SD will have an epiphany and realise just who the real villain was. So keep your principles no matter how difficult otherwise you betray yourself.
So in trying to do something for your SD even though ....
Score BEV 3 - World (and yep, its a shite one) 0
So BEV, it appears you are winning and indeed a winner - however, you do seem to give so much for others, do remember to take a bit for yourself because you do so deserve it.
:clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap:
Bev,
The answer is nothing
1. You are amazing for having taken the rough childhood and turned it into a loving childhood for your kids (ie. knowing how not to be a bad mum!). I reckon you know that this was not your problem it was your mums and you are adult enough to forgive and to care even after all that has happened.
Score BEV 1 - World 0
2. On your ex, you have taken something that was awful to go through, grasped that nugget of good and now use this to care for someone who couldn't care for themselves. Can't say I know precisely what you have experienced but having made a vow to myself to see my kids through to 18 despite alcohol ruining our family - me included for a time - I think I have a slight idea of how difficult that is - and to break away and still care - I give you respect that is 100 out of 10.
Score BEV 2 - World 0
3. On SD - people who make judgements on others and themselves for actions in the moment, are blinkered and wrong. Whilst what you and DH are trying to do for SD is tough (christ, we are adults and we find it hard and we are trying to make a difference to ourselves) and her mum is using it as a weapon (how dare you interfere etc ....) - it is the right thing and in time (either through success or adult reflection), your SD will have an epiphany and realise just who the real villain was. So keep your principles no matter how difficult otherwise you betray yourself.
So in trying to do something for your SD even though ....
Score BEV 3 - World (and yep, its a shite one) 0
So BEV, it appears you are winning and indeed a winner - however, you do seem to give so much for others, do remember to take a bit for yourself because you do so deserve it.
:clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap: :clap:
flirty40greeneyes
Busy busy busy!!
:cry: :cry: :cry: :cry:
No words ..... just thank you Mindless.
No words ..... just thank you Mindless.
kazz
Gold Member
Hello hun, just been reading your laast few entries.
Bev, you truly are an amazing woman. There are many (including me) who could not deal with their exes the way you have and I know you are doing it for your children, but tthat shows such compassion on your part and I just hope he realises how lucky he is to have your help
I feel SD is beyond your control, I have no advice on this at all but I really hope you manage to sort it out. I think she sounds slightly manipulative and please correct me if I am wrong. I get the impression she is trying to pull OHs strings and see wat direction he will go. She is obviously a very confused child, and unfortunately for her, as long as her mother continues to bury her head in the sand with regards to her daughters weight issues, she will continue as she is. You can only do your best hun. There is a saying that goes something along the lines of 'grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the strenght to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference' and its so true. Actually, might be outta the bible lol But I'm sure you know wat I mean.
You should be very very very proud of yourself, and the fact that given the lack of love you had from your mother that you are still such a loving compassionate person and that you are able to love and care for the people around you in the way that you do
Ok, thats me for now lol!!
Bev, you truly are an amazing woman. There are many (including me) who could not deal with their exes the way you have and I know you are doing it for your children, but tthat shows such compassion on your part and I just hope he realises how lucky he is to have your help
I feel SD is beyond your control, I have no advice on this at all but I really hope you manage to sort it out. I think she sounds slightly manipulative and please correct me if I am wrong. I get the impression she is trying to pull OHs strings and see wat direction he will go. She is obviously a very confused child, and unfortunately for her, as long as her mother continues to bury her head in the sand with regards to her daughters weight issues, she will continue as she is. You can only do your best hun. There is a saying that goes something along the lines of 'grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the strenght to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference' and its so true. Actually, might be outta the bible lol But I'm sure you know wat I mean.
You should be very very very proud of yourself, and the fact that given the lack of love you had from your mother that you are still such a loving compassionate person and that you are able to love and care for the people around you in the way that you do
Ok, thats me for now lol!!
flirty40greeneyes
Busy busy busy!!
Kazz - thank you for that ..... I know that quote well! It's one used by AA and Al-Anon members. As a member of Al-Anon, I learnt many helpful methods of dealing with "my alcoholic" so that i could let him get on with his life. I have 2 of their books which have quotes for the day in them - I must dig them out and see if they will help me now.
flirty40greeneyes
Busy busy busy!!
Thanks Debz - yes I'm fine, although diet has been a bit wobbly! Nothing really really bad - but not SS! But if I haven't lost on Monday i only have myself to blame!
What about you??? How are you doing???
What about you??? How are you doing???
Much like urself....weekends are hard hard hard
...and it's TOTM for me....so not sure wot those darn scales will say tomorrow......finding it really hard to get back into SS - wish I hadn;t stopped at Christmas - Mike was soooo right.....
Glad ur feeling OK.....you really are one in a million hun....
lotsa love
Debz
xx
