Karens Herbalife Diary- bad penny returns :D

[Karen]

im dead keen!! when is her birthday? will have to find a way to stitch her up like u lot did on my birthday. none of u r yet forgiven for giving me that heart attack lol. she'll be a cheap date too! "want another pint of sparkling water, sam?"

i think i need to see a professional. I just went into major meltdown at not being able to find the tablet sweetners!! there were very nearly tears shed, i tell ya! have been looking forward to my coffe vanilla shake all morning and couldnt cope if i hadnt found the sweetner. I even started looking on the floor incase I had dropped one during the last day anyways...found them in the end. breakdown over. sitting watching scooby doo with my sweet coffee now. PHEW!

 

[sonkie]

hmmmmm scooby doo, we got razzled dazzle on he just had his lunch and now we are having a quiet time to let his lunch settle.

Iv been ok today.....touch wood.

 

[sonkie]

Sams birthday is march 24th.

Did you get caught in that downpour this morning ?
It was horrendous.....some of the kids were dripping, poor things.

 

[Karen]

kevin did school run this morning so I was nice and dry in my dressing gown just thinking of u all getting soaked

im glad u r getting on well sonya. we can beat this bulge!!!

 

[Karen]

day 10

Its day 10 of restart and I am still being good!! I feel much more focused this time around. or is that determined?? either way, its working.

I was seriously worried about Kevin being on late shifts this week as he doesnt get home til gone 9pm and the kids are all in bed by then. this is usually the time i would have snacked on crisps and a bowl of southern fried chicken bites or something of the like. Im finding spending most of my time here is helping and ketosis is my saviour right now too!

the food cravings and the huge urge to comfort eat is subsiding more with every passing day. Taking this diet one day at a time is making a huge difference to how i approach it. if i dont think about anything other than the time between waking up and going to bed then i find it much easier. usually i think in terms of weeks and months and always end up feeling defeated.

I am daunted by how much more i have to lose but cant dwell on it otherwise i will throw away the progress ive made thus far. when i think "i've lost 1st 5lbs!" I feel great but when i think "1st 5lb down, 8st 9lb to go!!" then i become so anxious and overwhelmed.

so! generally feeling happy and chuffed with myself but i realise theres a discomfort and tenderhooks underneith the surface. Cant wait until i have a full month under my belt so that I can feel more secure in keeping with CD.

still smiling regardless

 

[flirty40greeneyes]

You are right to think of the "now" rather than look to how much you have to lose.

You will get there - you have lots of determination and will power ... and when it goes missing for a bit - come on here and we'll help you look for it!

 

[sonkie]

Hello K glad your feeling good today, Callum didnt say too much on what he and J saw last night.....Dont know if it was stunned silence or he just was not bothered....lol.
How did it go with your visitor last night ??????

 

[dizzy-n-mizzy]

Your doing Brill Karen. It's really come together this time.

Enjoy the journey rather than thinking of how far away the goal is. Each weeks loses are very exciting so make the most of them.
'
Dizzy x

 

[Karen]

thanks u dizzy and flirty. makes the world of difference to have a network of support. i dunno what i'd do without minimins to be honest!

 

[Karen]

Hello K glad your feeling good today, Callum didnt say too much on what he and J saw last night.....Dont know if it was stunned silence or he just was not bothered....lol.
How did it go with your visitor last night ??????

well he was a mortgage advisor so it was doomed from the start lol. tried to be pushy (how suprising ) but was a decent enough fella.

i think jay and cal got bored of it in the end. they spent so long hyping themselves up about it i think they ran out of steam in ther end. I need to get someone round to have a look at clearing this house of ghosties me thinks!

 

[Mini]

Its day 10 of restart and I am still being good!! I feel much more focused this time around. or is that determined?? either way, its working.



Cant wait until i have a full month under my belt so that I can feel more secure in keeping with CD.

Happy for you Karen and well done

It makes all the difference when you feel your head is in the right place and you have your focus.

Love Mini xxx

 

[Karen]

thanks a lot mini. u r right! its making it all seem possible...and not wishy washy possible but completely do-able.

i realised my uneasiness yesterday was actually my brain wondering why i havent given up yet! when i was doing this before i knew i would be having a "scheduled break" (xmas and birthday) and so doing the diet in the lead up to those events was easy. i simply knew i'd be coming off it soon!

now theres no excuses and no escape and i dont know if my head knows what to make of that lol. Ive never completed anything in my life as I have never had the self esteem. projects, diets, uni etc. i start it...i do well then i stop midway. i fulfil my own prophecies...ones made with no confidence and so am quite self destructive. i have a decent IQ and Im not without experience but i screw upself up at every turn!

i am waiting on my course material to do my Open University course (open degree...starting topic sociology and "working with families") and god damn it this time i am going to complete it!!

i am on this diet and I am gonna ruddy well complete that too!!

i make my own success and failures and it will no longer be done with a lack of confidence in my ability. I am sick of being my own worst enemy and it is stopping now!!!

 

[sonkie]

Wow such positive vibes Karen, I had to eat last night, my head was pounding and when I get 1 of those heads I have to eat......well I tried to persevere all day but last night it was agony so had a sandwich and a yogurt. Half an hour later it lifted ....!

 

[Karen]

but u r straight back on the wagon though, arent you? i get headaches sometimes with CD, even tho i have enough water but i have the luxury of going to bed early and leaving the kids to kevin. will be better when ians shifts change and u can do the same xxx

 

[sonkie]

Yeh im back on track this morning. I aint had 1 of those headaches for ages....

 

[Karen]

GOOD STUFF!

i never usually get headaches but do sometimes on CD now. i think sometimes its cos im over tired or i have overcooked packs thus less nutrition. i just cant stand having the packs in hot water. it has to be boiling ortherwise i cant drink it and i think it loses nutritional value when u do that

u r doing amazing sonya and u only have 2 days til weigh-in now so just see how it goes.

has this week gone fast?? i weigh again in 3 days but it feels like only yesterday i was weighed!! blimey! who woulda thought time would fly by without food?

im only so determined now sonya cos i have it staring in my face...the only thing that stops me from having a life is me. i have been given so many opportunities and i dont have the confidence to do them...despite having the stock it takes. My IQ is 132-135 which is no genius but hardly bad! I have had good jobs and good self employment but i always stop myself. i was doing really well at college and when i did my access courses for uni but i just stopped. i found excuses to not do them and it all comes down to one thing...me letting my past lead my future. ive been told im stupid so many times i believe it. well thats not true and i am only just starting to really see that.

kinda makes me feel sad that i have wasted so much time feeling unworthy of anything good. i dunno whats snapped in me but i think not having food to hide behnd and numb my emotions with is having a big impact. sod all this for a game of soilders. Im getting everythig sorted out while im SSing. my barrier has been taken away but it wont be too long before its back (gota eat again one day!) so i need to shift my butt and get some issues dealt with properly and professionally!! I know i need to cos i keep thinking about my miscarriage and my rape and stuff like that. I never usually think about these things one bit....probably cos im too busy eating lol.

im excited about it really. ive never been in control of my life but i will very soon.

didnt mean to waffle on. was just quickly responding about headaches..lol. good to get it off my chest though.

have a good day today sonya. u can do this diet standing on ur head! dont try to tho...unless its a carpetted floor

let me know how u get on. if being out of ketosis is getting to u, shout and i'll lecture u out of eating lol. nice!!

 

[sonkie]

Im ok though I got on the scales and its not good......but im not gonna dwell on it as its not worth it......just had run in with hubby......I put it on the rant thread ....lol.....what a w****r

 

[Karen]

Im ok though I got on the scales and its not good......but im not gonna dwell on it as its not worth it......just had run in with hubby......I put it on the rant thread ....lol.....what a w****r

i replied there hun. Im sorry i rant about it. i know its not constructive or helpful so i will try better! I just cant stand the injustice of how u r being treated. he has the gall to think he is superior to you when anyone can see u have more spirit, grace, decency and strength than he is in his toe nails. HOWEVER, i think its more constructive to be there for you instead and stop doing my nut about him i am grinning on the inside for you mate. my my how the worm will turn when he sees u succeeding even moreso than u have thus far. i think tht'd be the best case of "how the table turn" I've ever witnessed you just keep up the hard work and dont let him win by pushing u off track.


so the last 24 didnt go according to plan. all week i had been arranging for my parents to have the kids last night so i could spend some time with hubby in the evening then spring clean in the morning while kids arent here. ended up going to bed instead of spending the time with hubby so i guess thats a rare opportunity wasted! kids never stay at my parents. ah well.

I only had one pack and 2.5 litres of water yesterday so Im a bit worried how that will affect me. i spent ages furniture shopping and all the faffing dropping my kids at my parents for the night and by the time i got home i was too tired to lift the kettle, nevermind make and drink a soup or two!! i went straight to bed and to sleep.

i feel dizzy and out of sorts today, most likely cos i had only one pack yesterday bt hope that'll start to sort itself out when i start having todays packs.

well...when i feel a little better i will post prperly. think i will go back to bed for a little while seeing as kids are gone for the day ....:sigh:

 

[sonkie]

Wow what a rare opportunity....no kids, Well I have been having a peek in the Bath website to see if I can get any ideas for where to meet and where to stay over whilst we are there.....well its a blooming nightmare....!

 

[Karen]

lol...aww mate. i will give you a hand when i am more with it. xxx