my diary ~ no more CD for me
- Thread starter kati
- Start date
kati
Gold Member
youre right i need to remember that sentence. I want to be thin more than I want food. I shall remind myself of that everytime I'm tempted to eat.
I even had a dream last night that I'd gone to New york and was about to eat something then thought, no I cant eat that what about my diet? so my subconcious knows that sentence is right its just my chatterbox tryng to tell me otherwise
I even had a dream last night that I'd gone to New york and was about to eat something then thought, no I cant eat that what about my diet? so my subconcious knows that sentence is right its just my chatterbox tryng to tell me otherwise
kati
Gold Member
didnt get PH ran out of time oops (traffic wasnt great)
i did eat, however I'm out tonight in my size 10 jeans and miss sixty top yay. AND they look ok lol. Have to tuck my belly in a bit but they look fine. They're both figure hugging so show off any lumps and bumps eek! I'm going to have a drink tonight but no work tomorrow so time to get back into the diet. I have however been talked into taking my nieces shopping with me tomorrow somehow. I wont take my own kids but take someone else's how does that work? Oh well, should be fun! They've been warned not to ask for anything. Might have to feed them though unless I go for them opening at 10 and get finished by 12 and take them back to the new shop where their mam will be (and mine, but obviously their mam isn't mine) I have talked my sister into babysitting while I go to see keane though
I ent to have a look in the new shop today and for some reason there s a full length mirror in the kitchen (who knows why? maybe the previous owner was vain) but anyway, seeing myself in that in those size 10 jeans, wow! I really need to get a full sized mirror at home then I might appreciate how small I have become. But anyway, after seeing that today I am going to go out feeling good about how I look.
i did eat, however I'm out tonight in my size 10 jeans and miss sixty top yay. AND they look ok lol. Have to tuck my belly in a bit but they look fine. They're both figure hugging so show off any lumps and bumps eek! I'm going to have a drink tonight but no work tomorrow so time to get back into the diet. I have however been talked into taking my nieces shopping with me tomorrow somehow. I wont take my own kids but take someone else's how does that work? Oh well, should be fun! They've been warned not to ask for anything. Might have to feed them though unless I go for them opening at 10 and get finished by 12 and take them back to the new shop where their mam will be (and mine, but obviously their mam isn't mine) I have talked my sister into babysitting while I go to see keane though
I ent to have a look in the new shop today and for some reason there s a full length mirror in the kitchen (who knows why? maybe the previous owner was vain) but anyway, seeing myself in that in those size 10 jeans, wow! I really need to get a full sized mirror at home then I might appreciate how small I have become. But anyway, after seeing that today I am going to go out feeling good about how I look.
FatFairNForty(ish)
Gold Member
THIS is the BEST news! At last - you can see the real you! Well done and am SO thrilled for you - hope you had a fantastic night! xx
kati
Gold Member
got my psyllium husks today! I did eat a sunday dnner though. Mostly broccoli and chicken though. I have had my sisters kids all day so had to have something because I can do without them going home and telling everyone that I never ate anything all day and have no food in the house to have anything after they'd gone either. I'm stuffed now so happy to not have anything else at all.
Now I have my ph I will try ssing again from tomorrow and I just might be able to do it if I don't feel so horrible as I have been when trying to ss.
Last night was ok, my friend was complaining because I'm too critical of myself. But I got terrible stomach pains and was gld to get hme when I did. It was absolutely freezing waiting for a taxi, wish I'd taken my car, it wasn't even worth having a drink.
Now I have my ph I will try ssing again from tomorrow and I just might be able to do it if I don't feel so horrible as I have been when trying to ss.
Last night was ok, my friend was complaining because I'm too critical of myself. But I got terrible stomach pains and was gld to get hme when I did. It was absolutely freezing waiting for a taxi, wish I'd taken my car, it wasn't even worth having a drink.
kati
Gold Member
had my nieces here with me since I first got out of bed this morning and they're still heere! I'm very sick now I want them to go home and leave me in peace. They're bored and hungry, I'm feeling like I can't just do what I want either nd we're all just fed up. One is only 8 so she's going to have to go home to get showered and go to bed ready for school in the morning too. they're watching crap music on mtv and it's doing my head in.
aaargh!
aaargh!
kati
Gold Member
I finally have some peace and quiet but OMG how hungry am I!!!!
I have been literally raiding the fridge and cupboards for anything I could find to have to eat. Considering theres not much there it took ages to find something. I ended up having choccie biccies though cos thats something that was there to eat straight away. In my fridge there are 2 yoghurts 2 eggs(that have been there months yuk) and a jar of beetroot I bought last christmas but never ate it cos i couldnt get the lid off (still cant). In the cupboard there are tins of beans, tomatoes and tomato soup. Oh and cat and dog food. So, in the freezer I found a chicken breast and a weightwatchers chicken curry and a bread bun. So my microwave is working overtime on the chicken breast and bread bun to have a chicken sandwich, not sure whther to have the curry too or not.
I know I should have a cd soup but I'm soooo hungry I need something to actually eat. I will go back to the soups tomorrow when im inthe mindset to start again.
I think today its just been so frustrating having my nieces around all day. I hate babysitting, for anyone.
I have been literally raiding the fridge and cupboards for anything I could find to have to eat. Considering theres not much there it took ages to find something. I ended up having choccie biccies though cos thats something that was there to eat straight away. In my fridge there are 2 yoghurts 2 eggs(that have been there months yuk) and a jar of beetroot I bought last christmas but never ate it cos i couldnt get the lid off (still cant). In the cupboard there are tins of beans, tomatoes and tomato soup. Oh and cat and dog food. So, in the freezer I found a chicken breast and a weightwatchers chicken curry and a bread bun. So my microwave is working overtime on the chicken breast and bread bun to have a chicken sandwich, not sure whther to have the curry too or not.
I know I should have a cd soup but I'm soooo hungry I need something to actually eat. I will go back to the soups tomorrow when im inthe mindset to start again.
I think today its just been so frustrating having my nieces around all day. I hate babysitting, for anyone.
kati
Gold Member
hmm i saw that too late. I got the ph capsules don't know if I can use them in the soup or if it would make any difference to it. Wouldn't know how many to use in it either or if it works when you dont have a blender.
I'm feeling a bit fed up tonight. Lonely.
After I spent the night with Mr Cinema it reminded me how lovely it is just to sleep with someone (yes I do mean sleep) forget the rest of it I just want to be able to have someone to lie with their arms around me and to fall asleep togeter like that. I really can't imagine it's going to happen again.
I'm just feeling sorry for myself tonight
I'm feeling a bit fed up tonight. Lonely.
After I spent the night with Mr Cinema it reminded me how lovely it is just to sleep with someone (yes I do mean sleep) forget the rest of it I just want to be able to have someone to lie with their arms around me and to fall asleep togeter like that. I really can't imagine it's going to happen again.
I'm just feeling sorry for myself tonight
kazz
Gold Member
Oh, I dont think you can use the capsules to make stuff....but the powdery stuff thickens soups and shakes up and makes them really filling!!
I know wat you mean about being kind of lonely....when i go through my brief flings with blokes, the thing I miss most is not waking up with their arms around me, or snuggling up on the sofa....how sad is that?! Its amazing the little things you miss
I know wat you mean about being kind of lonely....when i go through my brief flings with blokes, the thing I miss most is not waking up with their arms around me, or snuggling up on the sofa....how sad is that?! Its amazing the little things you miss
FatFairNForty(ish)
Gold Member
I make the soup like a cup-a-soup and drink a mug of bouillon alongside it and it is SO filling that you won't want food afterwards.
If you truly want to lose your weight hon you have to stop messing about with food and get on with it properly. Sorry to sound harsh, but it's true. You have only a small amount to lose and that isn't going to happen if you aren't strict with yourself. I don't think SS'ing is the way for you to do this, it's too tough. You work with food all day, I think, having read all your diary, that you would be far more able to stick to the 790 plan. Seriously Nikki.. you aren't going to get to your goal if you don't have a word with yourself and get your head in the right place again.
You KNOW I say it how I see it, and that I REALLY want you to get where you want to be, so, please don't be offended by what I've said.. know that I say it in truth and care for you.
Jennie xx
If you truly want to lose your weight hon you have to stop messing about with food and get on with it properly. Sorry to sound harsh, but it's true. You have only a small amount to lose and that isn't going to happen if you aren't strict with yourself. I don't think SS'ing is the way for you to do this, it's too tough. You work with food all day, I think, having read all your diary, that you would be far more able to stick to the 790 plan. Seriously Nikki.. you aren't going to get to your goal if you don't have a word with yourself and get your head in the right place again.
You KNOW I say it how I see it, and that I REALLY want you to get where you want to be, so, please don't be offended by what I've said.. know that I say it in truth and care for you.
Jennie xx
kati
Gold Member
well I have been pretty fed up lately nd I think thats partly because i haven't been able to stick to the diet any more, and partly haven't been able to stick to it because I've been fed up. It's a viscious cycle I think.
I tried so hard today not to eat anything but I got to about 2 30 and I was so hungry I was feeling sick. I don't know why, maybe it was pychological. How come I didn't feel that the first time I started SSing? Oh yeah thats right, I was having something before work at about 10 am. Now I am not. I really just can't face anything at 6 30 am. I don't even want to be awake that early never mind leave for work then. Even then if I did have something that early I'd still be starving by 2 30 again.
I haven't even been trying to SS I've been trying to do the 790 plan but I haven't been able to resist the carbs. I know I must seem like I moan so much, am not happy about how I am and it's all my own fault because I'm the one that is putting the food into my own mouth. I moan because i'm frustrated with myself, nothing to do with the diet not working or anything just me. I am not in the right frame of mind and I am doing everything wrong.
I usually go to see Isobel on a monday but haven't today cos I never arranged a time to go and see her. To be honest I didn't know when I would be able to. I had no idea what timeI'd finish work and had to come home for the kids and traffic is such a nightmare it would take me ages to get to hers and back. i need to work out how I'm going to manage it so that means finding out when I generally finish work etc (no set time, can't go home till it's cleaned and sorted out properly)
My head is throbbing and the kids are so loud aargh! I'm so tired.
got no peace will moan more later
I tried so hard today not to eat anything but I got to about 2 30 and I was so hungry I was feeling sick. I don't know why, maybe it was pychological. How come I didn't feel that the first time I started SSing? Oh yeah thats right, I was having something before work at about 10 am. Now I am not. I really just can't face anything at 6 30 am. I don't even want to be awake that early never mind leave for work then. Even then if I did have something that early I'd still be starving by 2 30 again.
I haven't even been trying to SS I've been trying to do the 790 plan but I haven't been able to resist the carbs. I know I must seem like I moan so much, am not happy about how I am and it's all my own fault because I'm the one that is putting the food into my own mouth. I moan because i'm frustrated with myself, nothing to do with the diet not working or anything just me. I am not in the right frame of mind and I am doing everything wrong.
I usually go to see Isobel on a monday but haven't today cos I never arranged a time to go and see her. To be honest I didn't know when I would be able to. I had no idea what timeI'd finish work and had to come home for the kids and traffic is such a nightmare it would take me ages to get to hers and back. i need to work out how I'm going to manage it so that means finding out when I generally finish work etc (no set time, can't go home till it's cleaned and sorted out properly)
My head is throbbing and the kids are so loud aargh! I'm so tired.
got no peace will moan more later
FatFairNForty(ish)
Gold Member
Oh sweetheart... chin up babe. Know what you mean about the vicious cycle.. it needs breaking but it is SO hard! Your working hours clearly aren't helping, but if you can get into planning then that should help you loads. It's extra tough on your own with children, there is no peace until all are sleeping! (that's what I found)... and with your workload and the fact that you are handling food all the time - little wonder it is SO hard.
I don't know what the solution is except to not beat yourself up but try and find a plan that you can stick to so that you are easier on yourself ... I bet Isobel can help you on that.. what a shame you didn't get to see her too.. I think I would be a mess if I didn't have my sessions with Ailsa each week! She is frank and fair and that works for me!
Take care and I hope that you manage to resist those bloomin' carbs today! Sending hugs and positive thoughts to you. xx
I don't know what the solution is except to not beat yourself up but try and find a plan that you can stick to so that you are easier on yourself ... I bet Isobel can help you on that.. what a shame you didn't get to see her too.. I think I would be a mess if I didn't have my sessions with Ailsa each week! She is frank and fair and that works for me!
Take care and I hope that you manage to resist those bloomin' carbs today! Sending hugs and positive thoughts to you. xx
kati
Gold Member
well I'm afraid I didn't avoid the carbs today either. BUT I did make sure I didn't eat too much. Instead of picking till I realised I wasn't going to be able to stop till I had something substantial, as soon as I started picking I decided to get it over with and had something. That meant I didnt want to pick at anything any more.
I also realised someething else that helped me SS when i first started. I took soups into work with me and had tht whenever I felt like picking at anything on the days I was in all day. That worked for me then so maybe it will for me now. I have been trying to avoid people finding out what diet I'm doing because I couldnt be bothered with the hassle and negativity I know I'd get so I haven't been taking any packs into work. But now I need to not care about that and just get on with it. I'll take my soups in and have them if i get the chance when I'm feling hungry.
I also used to at the start have my soups twice a day and would put them in a big bowl and eat with a spoon. Lately I've been only having the chocolate or vanilla coffee so dont feel like I am having an actual meal. So maybe I need to go back to the soup in a bowl again. Shame my blener is broke. Lumpy soup, hmmmm
I also realised someething else that helped me SS when i first started. I took soups into work with me and had tht whenever I felt like picking at anything on the days I was in all day. That worked for me then so maybe it will for me now. I have been trying to avoid people finding out what diet I'm doing because I couldnt be bothered with the hassle and negativity I know I'd get so I haven't been taking any packs into work. But now I need to not care about that and just get on with it. I'll take my soups in and have them if i get the chance when I'm feling hungry.
I also used to at the start have my soups twice a day and would put them in a big bowl and eat with a spoon. Lately I've been only having the chocolate or vanilla coffee so dont feel like I am having an actual meal. So maybe I need to go back to the soup in a bowl again. Shame my blener is broke. Lumpy soup, hmmmm
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