my diary ~ no more CD for me

[kati]

well I cant really stop him ringing/texting or coming to see me but can block him on the computer. But right now I don't really want to, I know it's mad but thats why I said I'm an idiot and a glutton for punishment.

If you ignore the cheating lying etc he is actually a nice person (er trying hard to understand that myself) selfish but generous and kind. He is good to have as a friend and handy to have as a mechanic (when I'm feeling up to asking him to do the work for me rather than going to an extortionate garage)

But i suppose the question I have to ask myself is can I keep him at arms length and have him just as a friend because I know it could never seriously be anything more. Hopefully there will be no more revellations and things will be ok. If I feel myself falling I have to back off and regain my sanity.

So if I start mentioning things here tell me! lol

I need another man to make me forget all about mr mechanic!

 

[kazz]

Never know....you could meet someone nice on saturday night wen your out with the mad ones from here!!

 

[kati]

hmm doubt it somehow, I'll probably be to busy trying to work out which one is slapper woman to talk to anyone lol.

Nah, not worth it and i might say something I'd regret if i did work out who she is.

but how could I meet anyone with all that competition I'm going out with??????? lol

 

[kazz]

Ah sure isnt there plenty of blokes to go around???

 

[kati]

probably I suppose but I want a nice one lol. apparently the friday before christmas it was wall to wall blokes in newcastle and hardly any women out (or was that the saturday, cant remember) maybe it might be the same again and we'll have the pick of the lot lol

 

[kazz]

Nooooo dont say that!! You will just make me insanely jealous!! When I was out in Dublin last week, I swear there were lots of yummy men to choose from!! So in the aid of em, researching their kissing skills, I had to sample a couple!

 

[kati]

lol of course how could you not sample a few! you cant find the best without trying a few others out along the way

 

[kazz]

I like your thinking hun!! I must try a few more when I go home again he he he.....or just the one would do....***sigh***

 

[kati]

just 1 would do for me too but haven't met which one it should be yet.

What happened to the bloke from the party is he forgotten now?

 

[kazz]

no no!! Just havent been to work since before Christmas, not back til Monday so wont see him til then! Pretty much cant see anything happenin with him really TBH, I prefer mr policeman but would settle for party bloke in the interim lol

Just remembered I have my birthday nite out in a few weeks as well....woo hoo!! More men he he he!!

 

[kati]

ok well enjoy yourself whatever happens.

I dont think i'm going to get any sleep tonight cos of somethings he's said today. Basically I'm too boring cos I've got kids and cant go out all the time. well thats just tough I can't change that.

 

[kazz]

there are plenty of blokes out there who will be ok with you having kids hun!! hes a muppet!! when you find that perfect bloke, will you send me his brother pretty please lol!

Hes just using that as an excuse....I've had exes who were quite happy to sit in with me & Chloe when I couldnt go out and stuff like that...if I could get a bloke like that then so will you, but only when you are happy with yurself hun!

My birthday night will probably be a massive let down! I am likely to go out, get p*ssed and so something silly....but if bloke from nursery is there and I do somethin silly with him i wont be complaining!

 

[kati]

yeah I know it's all just excuses for his selfishness, theres more than just that one. But I'm so torn between telling him to sod off and not telling him to because I want to see him again. I'm mad.

My birthday is always a let down. I'm sure whatever you do it'll be better than mine. Lets hope if you do something stupid that its with the nursery bloke then

 

[kazz]

Your not mad....just addicted hun! I would say its difficult to keep him at arms lenght and personally I would ditch him completely, but I know thats easier said than done!

Maybe your mum will surprise you this year and be nice about your birthday!!

 

[kati]

i think you're right, isn't it funny how you can be addicted to people? Specially the ones who treat you badly. I can't do it yet. I'll have to wait till he upsets me again.

 

[kazz]

its a bit strange, but when I find out the meaning of life, I'll ask about that one as well!!

 

[kati]

ok thanks, dont forget to let me know the answer.

I suppose the best way to cure an addiction is to go cold turkey. But I had loads of cold turkey over christmas and it still hasnt worked

 

[kazz]

true...but doesnt cold turkey work best when you can team it with another distraction as well??!

 

[kati]

hmm but didnt meet any nice distractions

 

[kazz]

well, hopefully you can meet a nice distraction sometime soon, and then try the cold turkey again!! Dam, getting hungry now and I dont even like turkey lol