Unthoughtful people!

[kingleds]

No one should judge at all - that's the worst of it. And it is no one else's business. There seems to be some people who believe that you are some kind of lesser being if you haven't procreated and I hate that assumption full stop.

When you actually do want kids though it really does wound.

I usually just say that my lack of children isn't due to lack of trying and that usually embarrasses them enough to shut up. There is this general myth that having children is a) easy to achieve and b) something that everyone should do. Neither is true!

I daren't say what I tell people when they ask me take a look in my diary & you'll see. It might offend so won't repost it here!

I really hope that you are successful in having kids hun & make sure you tell the next person who makes any assumptions about you exactly why it's none of their business!

 

[missy1978]

Thank you - it's nice to have an intelligent conversation about such things! Much appreciated x

Ps - I did just look and I love it! Inspired! XD

 

[missy1978]

Married three years tomorrow as it happens so I am really getting it in the neck! Plus i'm only one year away from my mid-thirties :/ It's hard enough when you can't conceive, it doesn't need to be made any harder by attitudes and ignorance.

And if you don't want kids? Your choice too. And nobody else's. End of.

 

[HPSaucy]

I'm so glad it's not just me that has chosen not to hve kids and is now made to feel like some kind of freak/monster because I have no interest in children. If I get the *knowing look* "ah one day that'll change and you'll get all broody" comment one more time I won't be liable for my actions.

Whether you chose not to have them like me, or you have trouble conceiving like my poor best mate who has been trying for 7 years and then conceived only to lose the baby, it's no ones bloody business but our own and the comments are nasty and spiteful.

"Married 3 years now, and no little ones?" - I mean really, what could the answers to that be? A) you've been trying and it hasn't happened = none of their business b) you can't afford kids yet = none of their business c) you dont want kids/yet = none of their business. There's not really any useful answers for them so it's sheet nosiness.

We chose not to have children too and I'm not career minded as love what I do but not fussed about wanting to climb the ladder but the comments I get are unreal.

People seem to think its their god given right to lecture me on it.

I decided when people started asking I'd say "we can't have children" and most people shut up but you still get the odd person who goes "why?" I then say that my husbands had a vasectomy and they follow it up with "if he really loved you he could have it reversed!!".. Makes me mad lol!

Missy197 I wish you good luck and hope it happens soon, people should just keep their opinions to themselves on the matter as they don't realise how much they upset others by their little comments x

 

[sparty]

hahahahaha!! kingleds and jezzi you are both hilarious!

 

[debtin]

Guys I get it as well...I do have a child, which I know I am lucky to have. However folk can't understand why i don't want any more. So I started with "when are you having them" to "when is the next one"....its endless. Can't possibly only have one child tut tut argh

 

[missy1978]

Again, no ones business apart from yours. I am from a long line of only children and I have no doubts that I won't have more than one (if I am lucky enough to have one!).

I feel like I am the only person in the world who isn't pregnant and doesn't have kids sometimes and it's bloody lonely, even though I know that really it's just me being over sensitive.

Anyway - this whole conversation has made me feel quite a lot better about it all so thank you everyone x

 

[Shirleen]

I'd be tempted to answer 'Because I don't like sex, at least not with men'.
Motherhood or Fatherhood is not or everyone..

 

[sparty]

I get it too (and i do eant kids but cant afford them atm)

I just say that sex before marriage is a sin going über religious always makes em shut up!

 

[GothGoddess]

Dear thoughtless person,

Please don't assume because I don't have children yet that this is by choice.

Nor does being childless make me some kind of selfish career woman with an empathy deficiency who puts work first and hates kids. It just makes me rather unlucky and fairly miserable about the whole situation.

I know you don't know me very well but assumptions are never good and tbh are pretty upsetting at this point..

Thank you

Amen to this... The amount of people over the years that have assumed I didn't want kids... They have no understanding of the agony I have gone through having had to make the decision not to for the child's sake... Don't please let them get to you... xx

 

[donna88]

I think people feel like they can comment on that respect no matter where in your life you are, once your pregnant people feel they can comment on everything you do as suddenly you become public property! At least that's how it feels at times.

Also when you have children your judged on everything and like others have said, one isn't enough people always want to know when the next one is.

I'm not with my sons Dad, but people still ask me when me and my boyfriend are having another one, they don't even seem to understand when I say ''we want to get married first, plus we've been together 3 years, we're enjoying our relationship as it is'' its almost like people think because I wasn't married first time round and had my son very early in the relationship that I should or would do it that way again. Noone seems to consider the fact that I didn't plan it that way and that even if I had I'm not stupid and that relationship didn't work out, why would I want to copy it???

 

[missy1978]

Amen to this... The amount of people over the years that have assumed I didn't want kids... They have no understanding of the agony I have gone through having had to make the decision not to for the child's sake... Don't please let them get to you... xx

I try not to Thank you so much for writing this - I know it couldn't have been easy for you xxx

 

[hendopig]

I'm so glad it's not just me that has chosen not to hve kids and is now made to feel like some kind of freak/monster because I have no interest in children. If I get the *knowing look* "ah one day that'll change and you'll get all broody" comment one more time I won't be liable for my actions.

Same! My brother has 3 kids and claims that I'm 'not right in the head' coz I don't want any! All my friends have kids but I just don't want any. My mum tells me I used to look at dollies in disgust and throw them on the floor as a child hehe!

Some people just don't want kids and that the end of it. If one more person tells me I'll change my mind I might poke my own eyes out.

 

[dudette2001uk]

I'm so glad it's not just me that has chosen not to hve kids and is now made to feel like some kind of freak/monster because I have no interest in children. If I get the *knowing look* "ah one day that'll change and you'll get all broody" comment one more time I won't be liable for my actions.

Hear hear! I'll second you on not being liable for my actions if many more people tell me that one day I'll change my mind and get all broody! People practically look at me in horror when I say I don't want children!

More than that, they quite often tell me I'm "too young yet to make that decision" (I'm nearly bloody 28, not 18!) and that, as a teacher, how could I not want children of my own? Ummm...if a lot of people worked as a teacher they'd understand why I have no desire to have children of my own! And having spent time with my little niece, I'm not too fussed on babies either! Monster that she is!

 

[hippychick85]

I get it too (and i do eant kids but cant afford them atm)

I just say that sex before marriage is a sin going über religious always makes em shut up!

Ha ha I use that one too!

 

[*Emsie*]

People comment on all sorts thats none of their business, when we used to rent a house people always used to say why didn't we buy errrr what the beep they thought it had to do with them I don't know! When we weren't married why didn't we get married etc etc

 

[kingleds]

People comment on all sorts thats none of their business, when we used to rent a house people always used to say why didn't we buy errrr what the beep they thought it had to do with them I don't know! When we weren't married why didn't we get married etc etc

I tell anyone who asks why I don't buy a house that Property is Theft & I don't agree with it. They tend to look at their shoes & shuffle away sharpish from the communist in the room

 

[babybuffy84]

Guys I get it as well...I do have a child, which I know I am lucky to have. However folk can't understand why i don't want any more. So I started with "when are you having them" to "when is the next one"....its endless. Can't possibly only have one child tut tut argh

Oh snap I know that one too !! My little girl is 3 in a few weeks & all
I'm getting is when's the next one coming you can't just have one etc etc..... Even the fact that my little girl was very ill and I was very ill still isn't enough to satisfy some people ! I wish they would butt out !!!

 

[donna88]

Apparently I'm too skinny in the face now and shouldn't loose anymore weight.... well thank you very much I don't want to loose much more and I like my face! But thanks for putting a dampner on my day

 

[juicygooseface]

Apparently I'm too skinny in the face now and shouldn't loose anymore weight.... well thank you very much I don't want to loose much more and I like my face! But thanks for putting a dampner on my day

thats just jealously hun! at least you werent told "aww look at your chubby little face youve got a little chin goin on too" when you were preggers! xxxxx