Feel like I havent updated much this week, its just been one of those weeks!
Diet been ok, I did have omelette last night and a few chips and some bourbons hee hee but that was all as a treat which in fact is pretty good for me
Only managed to shift a pound this week, but for being so up and down recently Im just glad it did go down!! Ideally 'praying' I can stay on track this week and get into the 16's...fed up of saying that now ha!
Started my new 'temp' job thursday and I actually did enjoy it, altho its in an office which I have been desperate to get out of!! Either way, Im earning abit more money, I still have my Theatre job and this weekend I have no work, so Im happy enough!
Been feeling quite down, feeling rejected and attacked from alot of angles recently, and whilst discussing it with a friend last night, a friend who I feel rejected from, realised that, yes, things are somewhat different, but that especially, I think its
me who has changed, in her words 'You seem different since before going to Bournemouth, you were always a fighter and now your not, its like your 'umph' has gone'...'By you not being able to afford to do something planned and us not changing the arrangements so its cheaper, isnt us rejecting you, its 'circumstance'...'last week, was pure accident that on the night you arranged for us to have a drink, just me and you, I happened to invite everyone' (knowing I wouldnt be up for that!) and so on...
What I think has changed is, for the last 5 years, I have hardly had any luck, I dont feel I have had anyone to especially turn too, and in order to get attention from friends I end up having to kick up like a child, I get attacked from all angles in life, be it in finances, friends, family or even neighbours and there is only so much that one person can take...in reflection, its made me weaker, Im more sensitive, and things that have hurt before, now hurt even more. My stength has been knocked, it takes time to heal, my once strong attitude to 'I can do everything' has gone to sleep for a while...because I have no choice, I cant dream, when this dreaming girl needs to wake up!
Oooh that felt good to write it down. Prob doesnt make any sense reading it back tho hee hee
I have the whole weekend off, soon going to see my mum but only for an hour or so, then plan to be very relaxed today and do as little as possible
xx