my diary ~ no more CD for me

[kazz]

No no no no no!!! You cant move the goalposts back!! How about taking the bag now then, using it for your night out on monday, then giving it to someone to look after until you have maybe lost another stone or more? Kind of enjoy wat you have achieved and then send it back until you achieve somethin else?! Not sure if that makes a lot of sense...my head is muddled cos I'm tired!!

 

[kati]

my mother has it and wont give me it till christmas. If I tell her to not give it to me until I've lost another 2 stone then even if I dont make it she will give it to me because I have lost so much already. She and her boyfriend have been complaining that I'm losing it too fast and saying I need to eat more.

Maybe I should spend one of my days off work this week and go shopping. I could find something fantastic to wear for this night out everyone is going to in Newcastle in January. I could be a 10 by then couldn't I?

 

[KateF]

I bet you could aye, that's another two months and a bit away.
The aims things are really good-and moving the goalposts further away when you've reached one.
It's brilliant isn't it that you wanted to be a size 14 by Christmas but you are now!

 

[kati]

yes it is good to have hit that goal a couple of months early, but to be perfectly honest I don't think the moving the goal posts thing will work for me. If you keep moving them further and further away you will never reach the goal and then give up on it eventually. Thats my way of thinking anyway and when you start moving it you can always say to yourself when you do that thats the last time you move it but you probably thought that when you set the goal so whats to stop you moving it again when you get to your next one.

So for me it has to be a new goal or nothing. It is a good idea if you know that will work for you though.

I've spent the last 6 1/2 hours cleaning non stop. my arm is aching and my back is too. I even got down on my hands and knees to scrub the kitchen floor to make sure it was done properly so now the kitchen is the only room finished. The dining room almost is but the table is covered in ironing and I need to sort out my mail that I havent opened yet (from the last month!). I havent even started in the other rooms but wanted it all done thoroughly before moving on, so after 6 hours you can imagie how bad it was . It did take an hour to scrub the floor though.

I didn't want to mess up the kitchen so I took the kids to macdonalds for their tea. So now I'm hiding in my bedroom out of the way while they eat. I still have 2 packs to go so think I'll have some soup for a change in a little while.

I've had 3 litres of water so far so still a little bit more to drink too. Havent had any peppermint tea yet though so will have plenty of that tonight.

 

[FatFairNForty(ish)]

Just tackle one thing at a time hun, I would definitely do your mail first as there might be something important in there.. also... if it helps... get a recycle box in so you can throw out the envelopes and junky bits right away (I find that's helped stop me hoarding it all in a stack!)

It's much easier to tackle an overwhelming list of jobs in dribs and drabs.. one tiny step at a time. Even if it is simply sorting out one shelf. That's an achievement. Cleaning out one cupboard. Ironing for an hour. Small steps soon add up to huge improvements. Believe me, at one stage in my life I could have featured on Life of Grime or How Clean is My House! lol

Good thing about cleaning up is that it lifts your mood and stops you thinking about food - especially if done accompained by loud boppy music that makes you sing! lol

Have a lovely Sunday - hope it is sunny where you are - it is here and I have my washing on the line!

 

[kati]

Thanks I now have downstairs pretty much sorted just needs a good hoover and the dining chairs and bikes moved out of the way before the cleaning man comes. I need to wash the wood floor in the living room too. Oh and need to wash the windows in the kitchen and dining room. Oh and havent touched the downstairs loo (shoe heaven my son renamed it after we got our dog in july) so it's not really just about done is it? lol. Oh well.

I'm taking a break right now because I don't know where to start next. I have all the clothes put away other than socks and undies but I can be sorting out socks while the bloke is here. Dont think I'll have my knickers out to sort then though thats a bit too much. unless he's nice then he might take more interest in me lol, but i doubt it. (wouldnt go showing him my knickers no matter how nice he is really, not on a first clean)

I went and bought some of that vinyl floor cover stuff for in the bathroom and downstairs toilet. The dog seems to think that is the place to "go". He's right of course, but you're meant to go IN it not against it!!!! so I needed to get rid of the carpet and get something easy to clean. any ideas how to get him out of that habit? But I have this huge roll of stuff now and dont know where to start with that either. I was all set to get cutting and thought, hmmm where do I start. It cost £50 too so dont want to be mucking it up and wasting it.

My mother and her boyfriend decided to turn up out of the blue this afternoon just as I was finishing the living room thankfully. glad they didnt turn up when I had all the chairs pulled out and was sorting out what was shoved behind them. Good news is though they've offered me the use of a steam thing to strip the wallpaper in the twins room ready for painting it. that'll make it much easier.

I'm not back in ketosis yet, and I weighed myself this morning and was 11 stone 5. I didnt want to be too disappointed when I get on Isobels scales tomorrow so wanted to be prepared a bit at least. Oh well, thats the price you pay for cheating. I'm hungry now.

I wonder if theres any chance I'll be able to keep on top of the housework once I get it all clean. Maybe, who knows. it is much better when its tidy than when it's a mess. The work is just never ending though.

I also need to get rid of loads of junk. My bin cupboard is already full. I have 2 bin bags full with nowhere to put them and the bin men dont come till thursday. I think I'm going to have to have a trip to the local tip to get rid of some of it.

I've had my ipod on to help with the cleaning but the battery ran out so I'm waiting for it to charge up agan to get on with things lol. It's much easier to work with music than to work along to the sounds of Dr Who and the Daleks (the kids are obsessed with Dr Who)

So, where do I start next?
The bathrooms probably pointless cos we all need a bath tonight. My bedroom isn't too bad. Just what the kids have dumped in there today when I banished them from playing downstairs. the twins room, er I suppose I need to do it some time. James' room...eek scary!!! Anyone else want to do it for me? I need samantha from bewitched to come and wigge her nose for me to get it done.

Maybe I should do tea first. I'm hungry I neeeed some soup. Maybe cheating was a good thing after all cos it means I am having the soups again rather than just shakes and bars. I just couldnt face the thought of them before but now I can. I only have 1 fruits of the forest thing left anyway so can't be having the sweet ones all the time. i still have 2 packs to go, and lots of cleaning.

Yes thats what I'll do, make food. That gives my ipod a bit longer to charge before I get back to work singing my little heart out. I need to get my Keane cd added onto it so I can listen to that. It went off in the middle of red hot chilli peppers though so I think I might have the ones i missed back on. Cant remember what song it was up to though. Maybe the ipod will go back to it.

 

[KateF]

Gosh-I'm exhausted by proxy just hearing about all that cleaning-
Don't worry about tomorrow-remember Isobel's scales are magic...well...sometimes...

 

[kati]

lol Kate if you think reading about it is exhausting you shoud try doing it! (please?) I'm knackered. I've hardly stopped. My nails are ruined and the house stinks fo cleaning stuff.

My vacuum cleaner went on strike. It picked just the right time didn't it. It could have picked any day to do it but it had to pick the day before someone will be taking loads of notice of the state of the carpet aaaargh. It kind of had smoke coming out of it then wouoldn't pick any thing up any more. I took it part and made sure it wasnt bunged up or that that belt thing wasnt jammed on anything but that ws ll fine It just doesn't want to work any more. Typical that it waited for me to spend a fortune on capet cleaning and new floor coverings to do it. I'm going to have to find a cheap one somewhere that will do the job till i can afford a decent cleaner. They're selling vax ones in B&Q cheap (well £20 cheaper than I've found online) so maybe i'll beg my mam to lend me the money to get one of those then she can borrow it cos she wants her carpets washed and is too mean to pay someone to come and do it. hmmmm that could be a good idea if she'll go for it.

My eldest son came up to me today adn said by the way mam you're doing a great job with the house it looks much better and he gave me a kiss and a hug. He was so sweet. but I've made an enemy of him now by telling him it was too late to come on the internet to do his homework because he's had all week to do it and he waited till bed time again! Now he's cryig os he doesnt want to go to school now. He should have done it earlier shouldn't he.

I've still got loads to do but i cant be bothered now. I'll have to hope I've got time tomorrow. I wonder how long it'll take for him to clean the carpet. Don't know what I'm going to do with myself whilehe's doing it. i hate just sitting while someone is there doing something. I still need a bath but theres no more hot water left so I'll have to do that in the morning too. I've put some trousers in the tumble drier in the hope they will shrink lol If they have I'll wear them tomorrow if not er might anyway.

My belly seems huge today, dont know why it just feels huge.

 

[kati]

i forgot to say I'm finally back in ketosis! phew!!!!! I'm so glad I don't have all the headachy stuff again that I had first time. Maybe I just didn't have enough carbs to have such bad withdrawal symptoms.

Ok now my body needs to work really quickly and lose 3lbs by tomorrow morning. think I'll manage it? Oh no it is 5lbs I need to lose cos I was 11 stone 5 this morning. I'll probably pass out with shock if that happens lol. Isn't it amazing how such a small amount of food can make such a difference.

 

[kati]

well I was still 11 stone 5 this morning. I'm refusing to move my ticker backwards though.

I've had a busy day and my sister force fed me tuna and sweetcorn wraps (she refused to let me not have any actual food and said I'm losing weight too quickly so had to eat) so back ou of ketosis. grrr. I'm not going to see anyone else ever again. well till 7 30 tonight when I go and pick my friend up to go out on the town. will still stick to water even though I've eaten.

 

[kati]

I was good and did stick to water last night rather than thinking oh I've blown it I might as well have a drink. Had a good night but was quiet since it was monday. I wore my sparkly top, short black skirt, fishnet tights and (stretchy) knee high boots. Felt ok till about halfway through the night then I saw myself in a mirror and felt huge. Everyone else who was out seemed to be size 8 or something so that made it worse. Maybe I just don't notice overweight people anymore just skinny ones. My friend is a size 16 but I stil felt big next to her too. Going out with her again tonight though, just because I can. Will be water again. I have no halloween costume to wear though so will look very boring compared to everyone else. I think I've been out just as much in the past couple of weeks as I have in the whole of the rest of the year! I'm sure it isn't going to stay that way though.

I forgot to weigh myself or check for ketosis today. So I'll just keep plodding on. I need to get back to my cleaning and make a start on the twins room.

 

[kati]

I did really well today and didnt eat a single thing. I went out tonight and some ******* ***** went and put wine in my drink. I didn't realise till I took a big drink I thought it tasted funny so didnt have any more. I hope that isn't going to hinder me getting back into ketosis to much. They've all gone off clubbing but I didnt want to go with them so I've come home.

Saw my friend who likes to pick me up today. He is sooo sexy it is not fair at all!!! Why do the nicest ones always have to be taken already? I'd be too shy to tell him how nice he is anyway if he was single. Apparently his brother was in the same pub as me tonight but I couldn't work out which one he was. they obviously dont look alike. Anyway enough mooning over him he's no good. He could rival Johnny Depp if you ask me though. thats the only reason I let him pick me up lol

I realised tonight that I need a new hole in my belt!!!! So I might not have been losing any weight but I think I have still been shrinking. I tried on the skirt I havent been able to wear since I was pregnant the 1st time and I got it on and fastened!!!! It's still too tight to wear comfortably but It's a good start. I couldn't get it up past my bum last time I tried it a few weeks ago.

I've decided my new aim is to get a long black bench coat. I love them. Wrote a thread about it on chit chat but I'm definately going to get one. Also I need a clone of my picking up friend to have too. Maybe I could shrink him a bit since my shoulders are about level with his waist though. Actually no I think the height is part of the appeal.

Do I sound desperate? lol

I went to my friends today and while I was there she sat eating then we had to go in the kitchen whle she cooked pizza and stuf for her kids aaargh. Oh well, I don't like pizza but they look and smell lovely. I used to buy one every now and then just to remind myself how horrible they taste. I could just eat one now. But i wont.

i need to remind myself that I now have nothing in my wardrobe that I cant get on!!!! Hopefully I will soon be in a size 12. I will I will I will!!!! Then I'm definately going to have to buy some new clothes. The kids have been in my room and pinched my tape measure so I cant tell how much I've lost in inches. Although I can see by my belt which I could just get fastened on the 1st hole when I got it and now I need more holes yay!!! I can only lose about 3 more inches before I cant wear the belt at all because there will be nowhere to put more holes. I need it though cos my size 14 jeans keep falling down. It's great! apart from the fact I just bought them, but I was sick of still looking huge because everything was baggy on me.

 

[kati]

Back in ketosis yay!!!! AND I weighed myself this morning (but forgot to do it before I had a drink so might have been less if I'd weighed myself before drinking it) I was 11 stone 2 wooohooo I've made the bonfire night goal I set myself to lose a stone and I still have 4 days left lol With any luck I might just be in the 10's by the time I go to see Isobel on Monday. I hope so anyway.

I can't help thinking how odd it'll seem once I get to 9 stone something. Just seeing the 1 number at the beginning instead of 2 is something that hasn't happened for 11 years and I'm so impatient to get back there.

3lbs since monday! and it's only wednesday!!! I think I've got my motivation back lol. I knew the amount I'd eaten I had to be still losing weight it must have just been the glycogen or whatever it is that kept my weight up. I really felt like I'd had a huge binge because I was so full after eating but when I told a friend she said "thats not a binge it's not even breakfast!" so I felt a bit better about it and was able to look at it from another point of view. It was only a binge because it was stuff I wasn't supposed to eat it not because there was a lot there. And I felt so full because I purposefully took a drink of water between each bite so had 2 pints of water at the same time. Is that a good thing or bad thing to do? I want to stay thin but dont want to get unhealthy about it.

I ended up getting phonecalls and went back out last night. I would have said they just wanted a lift home but one of their boyfriends was giving them all a lift anyway so I went. Saw the bloke I went to the cinema there. He asked me if we can just see each other properly without all the sh*t of going out and getting to know each other stuff first cos we already know each other pretty well. You're probably reading that and wanting to scream at me HE JUST WANTS SEX!!!! and yes I'm sure he does want that but he does have a point about us already knowing each other well. He was saying about how we can only see each other when I don't have the kids and just seeing each other then could mean that we end up not seeing any other friends which isn't healthy. So, what he means is, when I have the kids he's happy coming round to see me with them there even knowing they're here and don't go to bed till about 10. I'm not sure. I don't want him getting close to the kids and messing me around. But they're not so young as to not understand. Don't know what to do. I have said I don't think i could trust him to be faithful but is that because it is him or is that because after that recent experience I wont trust anyone. I'm not sure. I'm going to have to have a good think about that one. If anyone wants to give any advice about it I'd be grateful

Must go and brush my teeth, got the furry ketosis mout thing going on again now.

 

[kati]

oh and how do you put an extra hole in a belt without splitting the leather?

 

[kati]

berry water flavouring is not good to drink when you've just brushed your teeth. yuk!

I've been thinking all day about whether to go along with what he said last night or not. Only thing was he wasn't exactly sober so I wonder if he remembers it or not lol. I do know that he's likely to say anything just to get whatever it is he wants, he has let slip that hes done that with people before.

I have a big problem with trust I think. It's ok while it's nothing serious but once it starts getting that way I think eeek! and start picking lots of faults. I must be commitmentphobic!!!!!

I think I should probably just wait and see how things turn out (and if he remembers or meant what he said).

I've done nothing all day bcause I've been too preoccupied. I should have the kids here to sort out what to keep and what to throw out really.

I did get rather hungry though so have ended up having some chicken. It's hard ssing and not being at work to pass some time. It was certainly boredom rather than anything else that made me eat really. Going to be shopping all day tomorrow so shouldnt have a problem then.

 

[KateF]

Glad you're back SS-ing and happy about losing again!
You do seem to have alot of saboteurs around you what with being forcefed coke, wine and tuna wraps...fight them all off, cos you're going to win!
Dunno what to say about the bloke. I wondered why I didn't know (usually have too many opinions on everything!) and realised it's cos you've not really said what you feel about him.
I get that you don't trust him-
but don't know;
Do you like him?
Enjoy his company?
Fancy him?
Feel affection for him?
Could you ever love him?
Does your heart skip a beat/any beats/slightly speed up a tiny bit when he's around?

Good luck deciding.
Bit of seduction and romance never went amiss though rather than a bloke saying "let's not mess about". Maybe what he's saying is actually more honest though.
Don't you deserve/want/would enjoy some romancing though?
Might be speaking more about my stuff and dilemmas though.

 

[kati]

You know Kate I've just read everything I've written about him in here (which isn't much) and you're right I haven't said anything about how I feel about him at all. There could be more than 1 reason for this though.

It could mean that subconsciously I don't really feel anything for him at all and he has just been a way to pass the time.

It could mean that i don't want to show any feelings for him in case it all goes wrong and I look like an idiot.

Or, it could mean nothing at all lol.

He is a good laugh, we have a great time when we see each other. We met early last year which is probably why he doesn't want to waste time messing about, cos he's sick of waiting around lol. He's not gorgeous or anything like that but he's not ugly. He always smells wonderful (I love a man to smell nice lol but then something about the man could make the smell nice, I even started to like the smell of oil on mr mechanic whereas I couldn't stand it on my ex). I do like being with him but does my heart skip a beat or anything? I don't know I hadn't thought about it I'd have to see him agan then tell you if it does or not. Maybe if I haven't noticed then it doesn't.

Maybe I'm seeing more into it than I should because he liked me before I lost any weight. Or maybe it's because I know he likes me and I secretly think that no one else will ever really think like that about me.

anyway...still 11 stone 2 today.Tired. Cold. Not going shopping now but I suppose I should go and buy some food. Maybe I'll go back to bed. Slept from 8 till 8 last night but still knackered.

 

[FatFairNForty(ish)]

Hiya Kati

Well done on the SSing!

As for the bloke dilemma - I'd keep him completely seperate from your kids. I know they are young but don't underestimate their ability to forge a bond with others.

See him on your terms not his.

If you are happy having him in your home whilst your children are asleep that's fair enough, and if you decide for him to meet your children then you must only introduce him as a friend - I'm speaking from experience.

You have to have a life, see him, date him.. but don't let him get involved with your children until you are sure that you have a future with him. That's my opinion anyway! x

 

[kati]

I think, if I need to think about things so much then he's not right for me, and it's pointless because I could waste a perfect chance of happiness by being with him.

I've been having a fat day today. I still need to lose soo much more weight yet I can't believe I ave wasted so much time and effort over the past week.

I've been having tetras so they're hard to split (I think so anyway) so I think maybe thats why I'm having so much trouble getting back int it. I've had 4 packs today and about 5 litres of water. I know 4 packs is too much but it's better than eating food which I was sooo tempted to do. If I wasn't working there's no way I could do this diet because I'd be too bored and want to eat all the time. This week I've had off has been very hard to deal with getting back into ssing. Glad I haven't given up though. And it's a good job I was in when that policeman came round earlier thinking he was doing a good deed by returning my passport only it wasn't my passport. Whats the chances of someone visiting this area who has the same name with the same spelling as me when I'm the only person with that name and spelling in the whole of the north east? very slim I'd say. More to worry about.

When the police car pulled up ooutside I thought oh I hope e's not coming here. Then when he knocked on the door I thought oh I wonder what he wants. Then when I opened the door and he said "hello Nichola is it?" I thought oh no I've done nothing wrong, the cars taxed, MOT'd and everything !!!! have I been speeding? But no, he was doing me a favour so he thought. He was gorgeous though, the uniform definately helped.

I wonder if they can find out where that passort was issued to. they couldn't have eplaced mine with it could they since you need to send the old one away to get a new one dont you? hmmm

I remember there was a website somewhere I heard of ages ago where it tells you how many people there are in the country with the same name as you. I checked my name and there were only 5 of us with exactly the same name. so waaay too coincidental. I never thought to check the date of birth on it to see if it was the same as mine. I wonder if the police checked it before bringing it out to me.

anyway, back to getting skinny. I forgot to check and see if I was still in ketosis today (wasn't any need really since I hadnt had anything to knock me out of it or so I thought) so I checked later on before I went in the bath and I wasn't in ketosis!!!! But then I remembered something someone said about how if you drink a lot of water then it will showthat you're not in it so I tried again after and there were ketones there phew! I still ffind using the ketostix weird really because I used to have to do something like that when I was pregnant with my twins. I had pre eclampsia and they had to keep a check on me with those things. so it just reminds me of that. at least this is a better experience and the weightloss is almost as quick but nothing can beat losing a stone in a couple of hours

 

[kati]

Well it's been a busy day today. Got woken up by mr mechanic askin if he can use my bed (!) because he was desperate for sleep and had trouble at home so couldn't sleep there. Me being such a soft touch let him but told him he had to waitt till the kids went to school. it as tempting to get into bed with him but I didn't I went to my friends and left him there. I stayed there for a couple of hours then came home. He woke up about 12 30 and went so I went to the metrocentre for a halfday shopping instead of a full day which I'd planned..

I tried on one of those bench coats. I wasn't going to but my friend forced me to (lol) and it fit!!! I know coats are bigger than normal clothes but still it was a size 12! But i didn't like it. So now I've changed my mind I dont want one.

I stuck with the not buying clothes thing and bought makeup! actually I got the makeup thing from benefit that you got free off buying new woman magazine which dizzy I think it was posted about. And I bought a mac eyeliner thing in a nice metallic green colour. I love it.

Got back to the school with about 30 seconds to spare to pick the twins up! Decided to go back to the metrocentre next week to have another look round for inspiration clothes.

I went into USC to try on that coat. It felt weird cos last time i went into that shop I felt like everyone as staring thinking e whats she doing in here nothing will ever fit her. So it was a bit scary going in and reminding myself that things will fit.

Oh did i mention..11 stone 1 today almost out of the 11's!!! think I'll manage another 2lbs by monday? That would be fantastic to be in the 10's by my first (official) november weigh in. But if it doesn't happen for monday then I will definately be in them by the next week. So now exactly a stone to lose till my bmi is 25. Still a while to go after that though just wont be ssing for that bit.

Had the cinema bloke texting saying his mates arent going out so he's stuck in tonight. i don't know if he was hinting for me to invite him over or not but I haven't.

got 2 packs left to have. hmmmm which ones should i have?