my diary ~ no more CD for me

[kati]

10 stone 13 today wooohoooo!!! my bmi is 27.1. isn't that strange? it is only 12lbs I need to lose to have a bmi of 25 so thats a whole er 2 bmi's in 12lbs. It's been 1 per 7lbs up to now.

I was lying in bed wide awake this morning, (grr only day I could stay in bed till 10 if I wanted to and as wide awake at 7) and was having a bit of a feel of my hip bones and as I do I lifted the blankets to see just how much they stick up when I'm lying flat. I decided to turn on my side and was amazed to see just how much smaller I am. I haven't looked at myself like that since before I started the diet I think so it makes a difference seeing things from a different angle. Of course this is ignoring the flabby belly hanging down and resting on the mattress but never mind that, even that is still smaller.

Got to pick up my dress this morning, cann't wait. Maybe thats why I couldn't sleep. Would have gone for it first thing but wanted to make sure I had at least 1 pack and half a litre of water before going anywhere. Just so I dont get behind later.

I really need to get to the gym to tone up my stomach, that would make a lot of difference to my flabby bits.

 

[Maintainer]

Well done you. Getting into the 10 stone something is such a buzz. How tall are you, by the way?

You mentioned earlier in the thread about having to buy baggy 16s sometimes to hide your tummy. Have you tried those fabulous "hold in your stomach" BIG knickers yet? Very useful to have in your wardrobe, although useless with hipsters (who created hipsters anyway! must have been a MAN!)

I smiled at your feeling your hip bones in bed this morning... I still regularly do that. Isn't it peculiar being able to touch them!

 

[kati]

thanks I'm feeling good about myslf today.

I'm 5'3 by the way so still overweight. And no I haven't tried those knickers but I think I'm going to have to invest in some. Maybe someone will invent some invisible ones to go with hipsters. Or you could just wear long tops with them. No one is going to be seeing my belly lol

I got my dress and top then went to the local charity shop. I bought the only size 12 jeans there and a lovely fitted denim jacket for a fiver then took them home and tried everything on.

The jeans I could only just get up my legs!!! there as no way I was ever going to get them fastened so I wasn't happy. But I tried too many clothes on yesterday to know the jeans must have the wrong label on rather than me being too big.

The miss sixty top is fantastic. It's so soft to tuch and looks great on (yes it fits!) The dress is also fantastic. It is too tight to wear just yet though but thats ok as I still have till christmas to get into it. It is a lovely shape though and who'd have thought a few months ago I'd ever get a size 10/12 dress over my head let alone on and fastened!

I hadto go and pick doggy up from my mams on my way home from work. Opposite hers theres another charity shop so I went in there to see if they had any proper size 12 jeans. I came out with 2 pairs of trousers and 2 skirts, and a ssize 10 top thing that now I'm wondering if it's actually a top or underwear. It's a principles one so I know it would have cost a bit new so I decided to get it in anticipation of being that small.

My mam came with me and I said something about not wanting to pay a fortune for stuff that wont fit me for long because I have another 2 stone to lose. So she started going on about how I shouldn't lose too much etc.

It is fantastic knowing I am a size 12 but it is so odd that I am that size while I'm still so heavy. I just cant get my head round it. Also I really do still think I dont look that small. The sizes must have changed since I was last a 12 12years ago when I was 8 1\2 stone.

I have to say, I was really looking forward to getting into the 10 stone weights but the size 12 clothes have overpowered that

 

[kati]

oh forgot to say I had 2 people give me compliments today. Maybe they read my post complaining that people just tell me I'm losing weight well those 2 today both told me I'm looking great because of the weight I've lost. that made me smile.

 

[kati]

still 10 stone 13 today and still wearing my se 12's lol.

I have loads of washing piling up to do but I don't want to do it cos I'll never wear the clothes again. I suppose I should wash them and give them away. My friend is the size I used to be (except a lot taller) and my sister might be able to get into them so maybe I'll ask them if they want any of my clothes then I'll give what they dont want to a charity shop.

One thing I haven't bought yet is new underwear. My knickers dont seem to be too big for me maybe its just because they're stretchy. Anyway, once I'm at goal I think I'll just throw out the whole lot and get new ones (If I can afford to)

The time seems to have flown by this morning. I can't believe it's 10 am already.

I've been looking in the mirror at myself again and I still look at myself and think urgh I'm fat. what is wrong with me? What if I never get over that feeling and keep trying to lose more and more weight? According to that thread about celebrities and their weights and sizes I'm the same size as charlotte church, I think she looks fantastic so why can't I feel the same about myself? If I remember right she's only about an inch taller than me or something. I am still about a stone heavier though. No idea were they come up with the weights and sizes of these people though, I'm sure it's not something that they're going to go round telling everyone all the time. I always thought I'd feel great if I got back to this size again, I wonder if everyone else has the same problem. Is it because the weight has gone so quickly I haven't had time to get used to it yet? Maybe I'll start a thread about it somewhere else so I can find out if others have the same problem. Actually I think I will right now.

I had someone texting me last night and I was told in 5 separate texts how good I'm looking. Not over the top compliments though, one being "you're a smart looking bird" how romantic eh. Oh well I don't think geordie men are renowned for their romance. but at least others are appreciating my weightloss even if I'm not as impressed by it. Actually I am impressed by the weightloss it's just how I feel about my size that I'm not impressed with. I used to think of size 12 as being really skinny, I am not nearly skinny.

I tried those jeans on that I got from the charity shop again. they're definately too small but I can get the on and fastened. they're very low though so my belly bulges over the top. I think theyre probably a size 10, or inbetween a 10 and a 12. Oh well I'll be able to wear them soon.

I really need to tone up.

 

[kati]

Well I've had more comments about my weightloss today. I reckon Isobel saw me moaning about people not saying anything about whether the weightloss looks good or not cos since I wrote that everyone has started adding that onto the end of what they say, so she must have gone round telling people to say that lol.

People are shocked when I tell them I have another 2 stone to lose and tell me I don't need to but I do need to for me. I'm not losing this weight for anyone else so am not going to stop just because someone else told me to. I don't just say "oh I have another 2 stone to lose" when someone gives me a compliment, people ask me if I'm still trying to lose any more so I am honest about it.

I don't care what they think about my weight, I'm not happy about it so I am doing something about it. I really don't care that I'm a size 12 (ok i love it really, that alone isn't good enough though) I need to be lighter for my own satisfaction. I need those scales to tell me I'm that small. I really don't believe that the clothes are fitting me so I must look smaller. I can see it (the clothes fitting) but I don't believe it. I am having quite an issue with this right now. Maybe if I'm a bit more toned up and less ....er.... soft, then maybe I'll feel better. I hope.

I'm dying to ask the woman I'm working with what size she is. Then I might be able to get some sort of perspective about how big I am because she is tiny. I'd have said she is a size 10 but I feel so much bigger, so now I'm thinking maybe she's an 8. I might fit it into the conversation one day. I just feel like I cant really talk to her about it much because she's obviously always been small so doesnt understand about how it feels to be overweight and have to take such drastic action to get thin.

I really need to do something about toning up so from er tuesday I am going to go to the gym regularly. I will go swimming until I'm doing 790 then I will go back into the actual gym bit and start using the machines again. Or maybe I'll swim for a bit then go and do some weights.

I'd have said I'll start today but I can't. I have the kids so the only time I can go is tuesday. Unless someone will babysit, hmmm, might be worth a try. I tried doing pilates but I can't breathe fast enough for what the woman on the dvd tells you to do. I got completely lost off. I did a pilates class at the gym a while ago and that was good I could cope with that one. What I couldn't cope with was the mirrored wall and how awful I looked in it. Maybe I'll go back to it now I don't look so big, I wont feel so out of place anyway. Silly isn't it, having to lose weight to feel comfortable enough to use the gym. At least on the machines you don't have to see yourself while you're doing it. I wonder if I'm going to need a new swimming costume! don't want bit's floating out of it under the water lol.

 

[FatFairNForty(ish)]

You're doing great! Seriously impressed that you are going to go to a gym every week! That will make you feel and look better too! Happy for you that people are noticing and giving you compliments! Well done! xx

 

[kati]

thanks but don't be too impressed with the gym thing till it actually happens lol I'm full of good intentions now but going out into the cold might put me off. At least the changing rooms are heated there I suppose.

 

[kati]

I need to have a moan to start with I'm afraid.

My arm hurts and I'm getting a stye so my eye hurts and looks all swollen and red and horrible oh and my neck is aching too. I haven't been to the loo for a few days either (sorry if you don't want to know these things) so I have a bad belly too. Ok think I'm done now. Maybe, might find something else to moan about in a bit.

I got rudely awoken before 7 am by the dog jumping on me! I was having a dream that I'd taken him to the beach and the sea just kept coming further and further in land and the dog ran off so I was having to try and find him while trying to get away from the water too. Then in my dream I bent down to pick him up and he licked my face, just at the same moment he really was licking my face and woke me up doing it, yuk! I hate him licking my face but everyone else lets him do it to them.

Anyway, still 10 stone 13 today. I'm attributing it to the lack of recent toilet use lol

I lazed about doing not much this morning then this afternoon I finally got round to sorting out the twins room then stripping the wall paper. That'll probably be why I'm so achy. But my arm has been hurting for months just not usually this bad. I think it's probably about time I went to see a dr about it. I don't know if I damaged it at the gym when I raised the weights (raising the weight of the weights not raising as in lifting, well ok, both) I was using, or if it's because of what I do at work. It isn't good however I did it. Oh and it started hurting before I started the diet.

My sister came and i gave her all of my clothes that don't fit me any more, well the ones i don't need anyway. Had to keep some so I have something to wear but all my good clothes that I loved but don't need have now gone. so I can't go back to being that size again. Now I really need to lose the rest of my weiht quickly so I can start building up a new set of clothes and get rid of the rest that are there.

I was lying in bed last night and was just dozing off when I got a text on my phone. It frightened the life out of me cos I wasn't expecting it. It was just mr cinema blokey asking how I was so I ignored it. Then a few minutes later as I was dozing off again he sent another one. another shock. But this time he said "oh wow I feel really ill" so I replied to that one saying "I'm ok was asleep you just woke me up. whats wrong with you?" so I think he took it wrong and thought i meant what was wrong with him for waking me up but I meant how was he ill. He apologised then I went back to sleep. I got another message half an hour later that i never heard just saying wow and nothing else. I've tried today to see how he is but his phone is off so no idea how he is or what was happening or anything. I Hope he's ok but I'm nosey too and want to know what happened. I thought it was rather strange for him to send those texts, I know he hasn't been feeling too great for a while but he's not usually like that.

 

[kati]

quick extra moan again.

Owwww my arm really hurts, it's normally just the top that hurts but now got pains shooting all the way down it. ow ow ow

 

[kati]

did more decorating today but not so achy thanfully. I was soo looking for ward to a long hot bath afterwards but there was no hot water so I had a long luke warm (which rapidly turned cold) bath instead.

The scales finally changed to 10 stone 12 this morning. Whts the chances I'll lose another 1lb by the morning? Would be good but I doubt it'll happen. I've just realised I've given away the trousers I usually wear to get weighed in so it's going to be an inconsitent weight tomorrow and might mean that I weigh more depending on what I wear. hmmm. They were hanging off me anyway. Every monday they'd fall down and I'd stand on them and trip myself up at work.

lol I just had visions of myself with my trousers round my ankles tripping over them there. But I am pleased to say that never actually happened as they had a drawstring thing to help keep them up otherwise they'd have gone long ago.

Haven't had much of an interesting day. Haven't done much contemplation about weightloss or anything else other than how red the paint looks and how badly it goes with the metallic blue on the other walls. Oh well, my sons will never grow up to be interior designers. I've done loads of washing too, but theres still loads left in the washing basket, but I'm just going to throw it all out.

Oh, I forgot to mention yesterday. I have this blouse I used to wear but I couldn't pull the sleeves up to wash dishes or anything because my arms were too fat. I tried it yesterday and could get the sleeves all the way up to the top of my arms. So, now the tops of my arms measure the same as what the bottoms of my arms used to measure before I lost any weight. I hate to think how big the tops of my arms used to be!

I've still got loads to do tonight, got to make the twins room so they can actually sleep in it and have to iron clothes and all sorts. Cant be bothered I want to go to bed now.

I couldn't sleep last night because it was so cold I ended up sleeping with my dressing gown on! so I think it's time for my extra duvet to go on the bed. I slept with 2 duvets on for the whole of last winter and half the time was still freezing and had to wear extra clothes too. I hope it's not so cold this winter.

 

[kati]

oh i worked out this morning that I have 2 weeks till AAM week then if I can lose 3lbs each week I should be going up to 790 at the end of aam week. so that means only 2 more weeks with no food! (as long as I stick to it)

 

[kati]

I need to have another moan. After saying earlier i didnt have any aches and pains I now do. I tried to lift the paint tub onto the windowsill (shoulder level for me) and used the wrong arm so now it realy hurts it was only a 2.5 litre tub and I'd already used almost half of it so wasn't exactly heavy but enough to hurt

Just had another choc mint mousse, they're so wonderful lol I can't belive it's taken me till now to find out just how good they are. I have to wait till the kids are out of the way to have them though so they wont pinch it

 

[kati]

I hate having nothing (read very little) to wear that fits me I was going to wear a skirt tomorrow (because it fits!) but I just realised it's short and my knees are all bruised off kneeling on the floor to paint (wtf? how weird to get bruised off kneeling on a carpet) so I'm going to look silly in the skirt.

I noticed they were all red when I went in the bath but thought it was because I'd just been doing it, but it isn't going away. i look like I've been riding a bike and let the pedals hit me in the legs lol

Can you tell I'm bored I'm finding allsorts to post about. Watching ghost on telly but i've seen it so many times I'm bored by it. I've haad a go at knitting my scarf (fluffy black one can't wait till it's finished) but it hurts my arm to knit. I'm sounding very pathetic here lol.

my bmi has gone down to 26.9 yay 0.2 down because of 1 little lonely pound of fat (I hope it was fat anyway) only 11lbs to go till it's 25 and then I wont be overweight any more.

I was craving coffee badly earlier. Lovely milky coffee mmm so I did the nexxt best thing and had half a chocolate pack with coffee in it. Yuk, wouldn't recommend it.

Changed the telly to torchwood now, it looks much more interesting than ghost.

Mr cinema bloke wants me to go out with him again one day this week. Don't know which day though he says it depends how work goes, hmmm well if I get other opportunities to go out I wont be waiting to find out whether he wants to take me out that night or not. He should make definate plans then I wont make other plans. He's picking where to go this time though so no idea where it'll be.

i bought some size 14 jeans about 3 weeks ago and now they're too big so I'm contemplating taking them back to the shop and asking to exchange them for some size 12's. I wonder if thats too cheeky. I just want clothes that fit instead of being too big or too small. I'm losing weight to feel better about myself but i can't feel better when I look just as bad as I did before because my clothes are too big. I'll try it and see what they say. no idea if I kept the receipt or where it'll be.

 

[kati]

ooh just realised I forgot to moan about my eye being sore too I'm going to look a right mess when I go to work tomorrow cos I wont dare use makeup on it incase it's infected and I spread it

 

[kazz]

Take the jeans back!!If they still have tags on they shouldnt refuse to exchange them....or else....you could just give them to your sister, you know, with all your other lovely clothes you've just handed her on a plate....!!!

Have you taken painkillers for your arm? Or is it just achy? I dont mind decorating...I just hate the sore arms & neck afterwards!!

 

[kati]

The jeans don't still have the tags on but they're pretty obvious they're from that shop and still in stock etc so they might still exchange them. They're too small for my sister, I only gave her size 16 stuff but I'm not sure if that will fit her either. I'll soon find out if I see her wearing them.

I have taken some pain killers for my arm but dont think they're helping at all, it's actually sore to touch as well as being sore when i do (or dont do) anything.

 

[kazz]

Ah well, try it anyway....all they can say is no! Just say they were a present or something....

If your arm is sore to touch still in the morning, maybe you should take a trip to the docs? It could be a muscle thing I'm thinking....but I aint a doctor!!

 

[kati]

it's been sore for months I think I've just aggravated it some more because of the decorating, so I think I do need to go and see someone about it. when I get round to it lol

 

[FatFairNForty(ish)]

lol Blimey- just catching up on this - am loving your diary!

Ok.. clothes - take the jeans back and see what they say, after all, if you have never worn them they may well exchange them for you despite not having tags or a receipt! (Not sure that legally they have to).. might be worth buying something else too so they can see you are a customer who is likely to return!

Arm - definitely get that checked hun.. not normal for it to hurt for so long and not respond to painkillers AND to hurt to the touch...

Eye - ooh, nasty! Check with a pharmacist if there is anything you can use to help clear that up

Cinema man - hell, go out with him again if you want a nice evening out! It won't hurt... wear some of your new gear and you'll feel great!

I can only imagine how fantastic it must be to wear size 12's! (When I left school aged 16 and weighing just over 13stone I was a size 18, so have NEVER worn any grown up clothes below an 18!) Still... next summer I might get there again!

You're going great guns! Keep at it!