my diary ~ no more CD for me

11 stone 2 again today ack! thats not good, it should be going down not up.:( I know it's not by much but it all makes a difference specially when so close to being in a new range of numbers. I wanna be in the tens!!!!

I didnt drink enough water yesterday and picked at some turkey so wasn't the best of ssing days but was ok.

This morning I'm tired and irritable. Mr Cinema bloke (grrrr) rang me about 15 times last night between 2 30 and 5 am. I ignored them all and ended up turning my phone off but still kept me awake. Then the kids and dog woke me up at 8 and wouldn't let me go back to sleep. My stomach hurts and I have a headache. I'm such a misery today.

I'm almost at the end of my week off and I still haven't started decorating the twins room, and didn't lay the flooring stuff I got for the bathroom. I'm going to have to do that today I think before it gets ruined where it is.

At least the kids can't moan that theres nothing to eat any more because I went shopping last night and spent £100 on food just for them! thats going to have to last a few weeks at least. But I doubt it will. I got all easy to cook things so they can make their own food and I wont be tempted. Lots of weightwatchers frozen meals for them lolOne of my twin absolutely loves spag bol and he's getting rather chubby so got the weightwatchers ones on purpose for him. They complained that their dad gets nicer ones for them, but he obviously gets full fat ones grr. He has never had a weight problem he wouldn't understand. I don't think he's ever been above 12 stone.

I'm missing my bars :( haven't had any for a week so will be looking forward to when I can have them again. I wont be looking forward to going back to work again though. I could get usd to being a lady of leisure lol.

I can't wait to get to start on the 790 plan so I can start going to the gym again. I think it'll be too much being on ss but once I get down to 10 stone 1 I will make sure I go regularly. i used to like going but hated doing the classes because the walls were all mirrored and i hated seeing myself. At least now I'm not twice the size of everyone else in the room I'll be happier to go and do it. And I'll feel more comfortable going swimming too although swimming is to boring to do it often. I used to pretend to drown myself just to make it more interesting (just to me not to anyone else, didn't want anyone jumping in to save me or anything like that) Also I'm paying for the gym still, I couldn't cancel it till march so nt going is asting money! I just got disheartened because i went 4 times a week for 6 weeks and only lost a few pounds, so I want it to make me fitter and more toned up rather than for weightloss because cd is great for that on it's own.
 
Ok I've been on the internet all day looking for the perfect dress/coat/whatever to aim to get into. And I've found it.

I hve ordered a sexy black moschino dress which I will be wearing for christmas day!!!!!! It was reduced from £120 to £49 so I thought right I'm having it lol. I've also ordered a black miss sixty top which was half price too so I might not have much to wear for now but I will do. Both of the things were size 10 to 12 but I am expecting that they'll probably be small fitting (not that I've ever tried any moschino Or miss sixty stuff on before to know I'm just guessing it will be)

It is nice to have something solid to aim for though. At the moment I've just been plodding along thinking oh got I've got ages of this left to go. So now I can think No I wont eat that because I have to be able to get into that dress on christmas day. That is what I'm wearing so if that doesnt fit me I can't go anywhere. So, with that in mind I must start using that pilates book and dvd I got to try and tone up a bit so I dont have a huge belly sticking out.

I hope when these clothes come they're as I thought they'd be and not something completely different.

Actually to be honest the dress is a bit similar to the size 14 one I had that I was dying to be able to wear again. So at least I know I like that style and I think it's very flattering when it fits. so, this is me today :) :) :)
 
11 stone exactly today woohoo. I'm really really hoping to lose another 1lb by tomorrow but I doubt it will happen. Thats ok though I just like it when you break through to another stone and then I'll finally be able to say I'm 10 stone something instead of 11 stone something.

Weirdly though i dont seem to be losing anything off my waist, just everywhere else. I hope that changes. My hips are going down the fastest I think. My bra size has gone down from a 38 to a 34 which is good not sure about the cup size though I need to get measured properly but it means I never look right. I must say though, La Senza bras are fantastic for keeping them up even thugh thy're a bit big. They're the only ones I can wear now but it's pointless getting any new ones yet. I found an old bra that is a 34f which fits ok but I'm not sure it's the right size. So, that means they're still to expensive to go and buy some more till I've lost more weight.

I got an email to tell me I should get my moschino dress by 1pm on wednesday. Of course they never come before I leave for work so I'll get it on thursday morning when I go and collect it from the royal mail thingy. I know I'm going to be waaay too big for it just yet but I am going to try it just to see exactly how too big I am for it. It'll give me an idea of how hard I'm going to have to work to get into it. Hmm not sure how it fastens I might not be able to get it over my head or up my legs or something lol, it's not stretchy or anything, but the miss sixty top is stretchy so that will be easier to get on.

I had a look on the net a porter website yesterday where they sell loads of designer clothes. There were a few dresses on there which had been reduced to about £33 I thought Ohh fantastic I'll have one of those then I checked the sizes. They expected that if you have a 28 inch waist then you will only have a 32 in bust!!!! My waist is about 30 and my bust is about 40 so I have absolutely no chance of getting that on unless I lose a stone from my boobs and nowhere else lol. Maybe thats why they were selling them so cheaply. I have decided though I will try and get myself decent clothes when I'm at my goal weight instead of just buying the cheap crap I always have done to make me want to stay that slim because I can't afford new clothes lol. Obviously it'll take time to build up a wardrobe of stuff like that so will have to buy some cheap clothes to be going on with but I want some things that I will look forward to wearing rather than just seeing whats clean or what fits. I don't need loads of clothes. I don't have loads anyway my wardrobe is only full because it has lots of old stuff I never thre out just incase I could get into them again. But now I can get into them I would never wear them so need a good clear out. I'm not going to keep anything that is too big for me no matter how much I like it because I just don't want to get that big ever again.

I was gutted to discover I only had 1 shake left this morning, all the rest were soups. I really fancied some hot chocolate but only had fruits of the forest left. So I had chicken and mushroom and am going to split the fruits of the forest and make it into 2 mousses so I can feel like I'm actually eating something. I really miss the bars.

I've decided I cant face the oriental chilli soup any more. yuk. I used to love it but now i just can't. Sowill get more sweet ones instead. I like the tetras too but they're so easy to think oh I'll just have one of these now and its gone in seconds and I feel like I haven't had anything so I've been starving, but I think it's more mentally starving than physically. I've still given in and eaten meat though. Maybe I should get a few to freeze again and stick with the packs for the drinks. more messy and time consuming but more satisfying, specially since I will split the shakes but not the tetras.

It's been so long since I had anything with coffee in I'm not missing it at all now. i was thinking this morning when I go off the diet will I go back to drinking it loads like I did beefore, but you know I don't think i will. I just don't need it. I used to love it for the creamy milkiness (I'd have loooads of milk in) but now I'm used to not having it I could live without ever tasting that again. I'm still dying to try a dark chocolate flake and peanut butter kit kat though lol.
 
I just thought. I AM 10 stone something. I'm 10 stone 14!!! does it work?

Mousse number one didnt work very well. I used too much water so its just like a thick milkshake. Very sickly. I think chocolate only should be used. any other flavours should only be mixed with coffee otherwise they're disguting.

Some of my soups the date on them was oct 07, should I use them as quickly as possible or should I just throw them out?
 
well i was officially 11 stone 1 today :( I wanted to be 10 stone 14 like I was yesterday. Oh well.

I went into work for my first day back after a week off and kept getting told I look tiny so thats got to be good hasnt it? I didnt feel tiny cos I was wearing my size 16 clothes which are pretty baggy now.

I've finally checked how much money I've got leeft and eeek! I only have £100 in the bank!!! thankfully the mortgage and everything will have already come out. but I really have to watch what I spend now. Good job I've got most of my kids presents already. nothing for anyone else though. The sooner I'm working full time the better I suppose. I really need the money for new clothes! I want a new car as well but thats going to have to wait a long time.
 
10 14 again today yay! lol I'll start believing it soon if I keep saying that.

Apparently people at work have been commenting on how much weight I've lost but not to me. They talk about me when I'm not there to hear. How rude!

Everyone notices the weightloss and when people mention it the just say oh you've lost loads of weight. But no one ever says that I look good :( am I just supposed to automatically think that that is what hey mean by saying I've lost weight or do they just not think I look good? That really bugs me. Is telling someone they've lost weight supposed to be a compliment? I don't need to be told I've lost it I know already! What I don't know is whether I look good or not. I do have times when I think I look much better but there are other times when I feel just as bad as I did when I started. I wish people would give me proper compliments if they're going to say anything. Is that too much to ask? Do i really look so bad no one will ever tell me I look good? (unless they're trying to get into my knickers! thats the only time its happened)

going out tonight with chocolate box man. If you can't remember he's the bloke that gve me a box of chocolates at work. He invited me out so thought I might as well I have nothing else to do. Don't know where we're going but I hope he doesn't expect me to pay for anything cos I'm skint and water is free anyway.
 
hi Kati,

I've just been catching up with your thread after a week's holiday...

Re colleagues at work: several people didn't mention my weight loss until I was nearly there. When they did, more than one said: "I hadn't liked to..." or "I wasn't sure whether you were ill". Several asked whether I had a gastric band!

I'm actually getting some adverse comments at the moment from a good friend at work who dares be honest with me. She's been telling me not to lose any more weight, that I'm looking tired and haggard (thanks mate!).
 
You're doing great-well done on having cracked the 11s pretty much.
I think the weight loss comments hold a "and therefore you look great" tag as part of them unsaid cos people assume weight loss is good.

I've had "you look good on it" comments only really when people have talked about CD and it's extremeness but are then reassuring me/themselves that I don't look about to die.

Also, if it's people you've not explicitly told you're dieting they do tend to be more discreet in case you've got cancer or something-

so maybe you should shout about the diet more!

Hope you have a lovely night out tonight.

Didn't get time to have our planned shop early November. If you're free for the next Hells Belles workshop-Nov 19th afternoon, don't suppose you fancy meeting up first and going into a formerly forbidden shop or two and seeing what we can see?
 
Thanks ladies :) I do wish people would say what they mean instead of just pointing out the obvious but I understand why they would talk about it to others not to me I suppose.

Kate I have my kids on the 19th but I'll try and get a babysitter. It would be great to be able to do that I will let you know if I can make it or not as soon as I know.

Was ok with chocbox man. He brought me home early cos I kept yawning though. Couldn't see myself being with him. And he called me a cheap date cos I was only drinking water.
 
I've had a long busy day today so I'm knackered and just sitting down to have my first pack of the day. It's only 8 45pm!

I left for work at 7am after weighing myself and being 10 stone 14 again. worked hard all day was very busy. Had to leave home 5 minutes after getting in to go to sons parents evening at school. After that went to the metro centre for some window shopping. I ended up buying myself a size 12 jacket for a tenner in primark :) (yay 12!) whilst there I caught sight of myself in the full length mirror and saw how baggy my jeans really are. So while thinking the jacket only fit because they make them bigger so you can wear jumpers underneath, I decided to try a pair of size 12 jeans on. Yay they fit too. So i went for a major clothes trying on spree (no money to buy) and now I think I can say I'm a 12!!!!! How fantastic is that? I can't remember the last time I was a 12.

However, as fantastic as that is, I do still feel huge. Will that feeling ever go away or am I going to keep on wanting to be thinner and thinner and not really realise I am as thin as the peple I would see and want to be like?
 
Thats fab hun size 12s wooohooo.

Hopefully the still feeling fat stage will get on it's high horse soon and leave you feeling exactly as you look!!
 
kazz said:
Hiya, how fantastic do you feel?! All the hard work has been so worth it for you to reach the size 12's!!
Click to expand...


It felt great to try on those clothes and see that they actually fit. but very disappointing to know I couldn't afford to buy anything and have to stick with the baggy clothes which are mostly 16's. The jacket is great to wear and I look so much slimmer with it on so I do feel better. However it's short and keeps riding up and showing my belly off lol so I am worried about people seeing that yuk.

i really need to win the lottery or something so I can buy new smaller clothes.

I've also been thinking. If I'm a 12 at 11 stone then if I lose another 2 stone am I going to end up a size 8? I was never imagining I'd be anywhere near that size. Last time I was 8 1/2 stone I wasn't an 8
 
ooh and my moschino dress is at the royal mail depot waiting for me to pick it up in the morning yay. thats a 10/12 so it should fit soon :)

I think I might go to a charity shop and see if I can get a pair of size 12 jeans there just to make me feel a bit better than having to wear baggy ones.
 
Well when I start needing new clothes (have a variety of sizes in my wardrobe right now lol) I am so planning on charity shopping or ebay....cant afford to be shelling out lots on clothes to tide me over for a few weeks!!

Imagine being a size 8....wow!!
 
I've ran out of my stock of too small clothes already lol I think charity shops are the best idea because theres no postage to pay lol

I really cant imagine being a size 8, imagining a 10 is impossible too. even a 12 and I'm already there!
 
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