my diary ~ no more CD for me

Good luck back on the sole sourcing Nikki!
The gym sounds a brill idea too-though take it gentle...
Personally found back on SS a relief after going off it-but am well impressed you only put 2 pounds on the other week anyway.
 
Thankyou both for what you wrote. I have felt awful today so not sure I'm well enough to be trying again yet. I got the kids back home from school, went straight in the bath and fell asleep, then got out of the bath and lay on my bed and fell asleep again. I just couldn't get up my head was throbbing and my throat feels like someone has been rubbing sandpaper on it.

I'm sure the headache was worse because it's a combination of carb withdrawal and still not being well. My head is still pounding but had to go out to buy something for the kids to eat cos there was nothing in the house for them.

Not going out with Mr Cinema on thursday now cos the silly sod has gone and broken a few bones. So I'll have to find someone else to spend thursday night with.
 
I slept in again this morning. I fel so lazy I've done nothing but sleep for the past week. Oh well.

I weighed mself this morning (after taking the kids to school) and I am 11 stone 2 eeeeeek!!!!! how can I have gained that much since monday?Maybe that'll be enough to regain some motivation.

I bought a litre bottle of water yesterday so I'm going t use that to help me make sure I get enough to drink. I've had half a litre of plain water so far and am now having half a litre of peppermint tea. Good start to the day by my standards lol. I've had a cranberry bar for brekkie, but it tasted weird, I don't know if it was just because I've been eating other things and just expected it to taste different or something.

You can tell I wasn't right last night cos I hardly wrote anything lol. I couldnt read much of other peoples diaries either I just couldnt concentrate. So me and my eldest watched telly together for a bit before he went to bed and I sat and cursed mr cinema. In fact lets call mr cinema Dave, thats much better and less letters to type out. (lets hope I don't call him dave in person or he might get jeaous lol) I'm terrible, the poor bloke is nursing broken bones and I have no sympathy cos hes spoiled my plans. He did it playing football. I'm always telling him to dodge out of the way so he doesn't get hurt but he wont listen. So it's his own fault.

The skinny lass I work with yesterday stared on her "life's too short to diet" thing again. She really annoys me with that. Fair enough she didn't know me when I was at my heaviest but if you're hapier when you're slim then life's too short not to diet if it's working. She did admit that she used to be 14 1/2 stone after having her 2nd baby so she must have dieted to get as skinny as she is now. Theres not a ounce of fat on her anywhere, that doesnt happen on it's own.

I'm going to make sure I stick to getting into ketosis this time no matter how ill or tired I feel. I only have the kids tonight then I don't have to worry about being asleep the whole time theyre here. I HAVE to get back into it so I don't depress myself by being too useless and not being able to stick to it.
 
kati said:
I'm going to make sure I stick to getting into ketosis this time no matter how ill or tired I feel. I only have the kids tonight then I don't have to worry about being asleep the whole time theyre here. I HAVE to get back into it so I don't depress myself by being too useless and not being able to stick to it.
Click to expand...

Good girl!! You CAN do this, I don't think (having read your diary) that SSing is going to do it for you though as you simply cannot stick to it fully, (not a critcism, an observation based on what you have written) so...as you have relatively little to lose, have you thought about the 790 plan? It seems to be the solution for so many on here and they have fab weight losses too! I think that your life means that you would do better having some food "allowed" and it will make you feel loads better to be able to stick to something properly rather than faffing about and beating yourself up about not sticking to it. Honest Nikki, I think you are so hard on yourself and you have achieved so much. This is, of course, just my opinion, but I want what's best for you and what will make you feel best about yourself... :D
 
well maybe you're right and I shouldn't worry about sticking with ss. I have eaten today but it as as much as I'd have on an aam day so shouldn't worry about it preventing ketosis. I'm not feeling bad about eating it because I was starving.

I've already had about 3 1/2 litres of water today so thats a great start just need to keep it up every day. Having 2 litres before going to work really makes a big difference.

I'm sooo tired again. I don't know why it is but I can hardly keep my eyes open. It's the same time every day as soon as I get th kids hme from school and I can sit and relax I'm just exhausted.

I think I'll have myself some hot chocolate (made with my latte whisk thingy), the extra calories might boost my energy a little bit. I really cant let myself sleep all the time any more.
 
I didn't have hot chocolate I had vanilla coffee yummm. It was actually better using the latte whisk that it is using the blender! I wish I'd tried it earlier it's much easier on the head and less washing. That has to be my new favourite gadget! However I did mix it with some cold water first to minimise any lumps but it did the trick. The only problem is it was so nice I wanted another one straight after. i've resisted and had another 1/2 litre of water instead, I want to make my other 1 1/2 packs last for the rest of the night.

I only have 1 ring that I can wear. It was gtting pretty tight for me before I started the diet but now there's loads of room. My finger has gone a funny shape rfom wearing it though so it still stays on with no worry about losing it, however it cn fit on any other fingers with ease (including thumbs) My son just decided to try it on and got it stuck on his finger!!! So that means I have thinner fingers than an 11 year old! I don't wear my wedding or engagement rings any more because well apart from not fitting me I dont want to be married to him any more. But I still try them on every so often to see if my fingers are geting thinner. I doubt they'll ever get that small again to be honest. My engagement ring is size I so pretty small. The one I wear now is a size M I think.

The girl at work was talking about a customer who works along the street today. The customer is rather large but she seems nice enough to me. But the girl at work was being rather insulting about er size, it wasn't very nice. She eems to have decided that anyone who is very overweight is just greedy and that is a completely unfair way to think. she has a knack of making me feel bad. She keeps saying that I'm not fat but I can't help thinking she is looking down on me. I'm sure she doesn't mean anything bad but her comments arent good.

Everyone kept telling me on monday that I sill looked ill because of dark circles under my eyes or something so I put lots of concealer on to hide them yesterday lol. Then got comments about being slutty because I wore too much makeup yesterday!!! I wasn't impressed, you just cant win with some people. They'd be first to complain if I didn't wear any and went to work looking a right state cos no one would want to come in and buy food off me. Why shouldn't I try to make myself look a bit better?

I'm still knackered. Have avoided the bath so I wouldn't fall asleep but just got more of a headache now instead
 
What rude people you know - I do hope you put her straight for slagging off someone large - I would've, but then, I'm a right gobby mare... lol

Oh I know what you mean about rings!! I only wear one ring, and I bought that for myself 2 Christmas's ago. It used to be tight on my finger next to the little finger on my right hand, now it is getting loose on my middle finger so once it gets too loose on there I won't be able to wear it anymore! It isn't the kind you can cut and make smaller either.

Know what you mean about the wedding etc rings too, don't blame ya! I still have my engagement ring from 1981 and would love that to fit me again (won't wear it though! lol)
 
yeah they are pretty rude. to be honest I didn't know what to say so I just walked away and didn't listen to her. she's the type of person who doesn't let you get a word in ad if you do manage she still stops you talking and changes it back to whatever she's trying to talk about. I don't think she'd change her opinion whatever I said anyway, she's just like that.

sorry.
 
she will meet her mtch one day I'm sure.

It really made me think though, I hope this wont offend anyone here, but she was going on about how this girl must love herself because of the clothes she wears and how much makeup she wears but in reality (in her words) she looks a mess because she's so big (remember this is mrs stickinsect talking) I couldn't help but wonder if people think the same about me because I always wear makeup when I go to work and I always look a mess in my clothes (in my opinion) so do people think I love myself because of that?

I personally think it's more that I have to wear the makeup because I have to feel like I've made some attempt to look better. And this irl that she's talking about probably does the same. why shouldn't she make the most of herself? So she's obese, who cares. I've served her food plenty of times so I can see that she's not constantly eating the wrong things all the time but losing weight is a strugle, we all know that because we wouldn't be here otherwise.

I am wondering if mrs stickinsect thinks that because she doesn't do anything like that. Maybe she thinks that because she is thin she looks fabulous and doesn't need anything to make her look better. Or maybe she doesn't have the confidence to wear anything other than t shirt and jeans or to wear makeup or anything. She looks ok as she is but she talks about seeing people in nice clothes but says she doesn't have the figure for them or whatever so i think she too is insecure in herself. she just puts others down because they're not the same as she is.

I find it troubling that some people are extremely narrow minded and just wont look at things from anyone else's point of vew.

Anyway, there is a shop over the road where there are 2 gorgeous women run it and they are always looking very glam and she talks about them in the same way (that they love themselves because of the care they take over their apearance) the difference is that these women are also very slim and they do look really pretty. So I have come to the conclusion that she just has something against anyone who takes care over their daily appearance whether they're fat, thin, mediu sized, whatever. They don't do as she does so they must be wrong!

ok I'll stop ranting about her now lol
 
lol, ok... I think she is probably insecure about herself and so, to slag everyone else off, for whatever reason, makes her somehow increase her sense of self. Feel sorry for her hon, she needs a good friend and some self-confidence and good manners :D I'm off to bed now... night night xxx
 
lol we only sell the normal sized ones that'll have to do.

Actually the more I see her the more I think she's not as skinny as I first thought. Still smaller than me but not that much.
 
Ok, I know my comment was hardly constructive but I am not in the best of moods!!

Maybe next time she comes out with some awful comment about people just say something along the lines of 'you must be very unhappy with yourself to have to constantly comment on other people. I feel sorry for you' Maybe that would shut her up?!

Shes probably not as skinny as u first thought, but you werent the size you are now when you first met her so its probably all relative
 
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