Dee, thanks hun, your right it is about "control" his control over me, my loss of self control etc... (vicious circle) BUT one thing I do know, is I WILL DEFO get it back! I have done it before I can and will do it again... XX
Peachy my darling, thanks sooo much for telling me I`m brave, I guess I must be. Your right he is toxic... he has ruined a lot of lives, and I wont let my daughters be one!! On the other hand he has rights, and so does my daughter, but its hard as I naturally want to protect her fiercely. He knows i`ll never let him have her alone, thats why I have to keep seeing him, TO PROTECT HER. He wont go to see a solicitor to arrange to see her thru mediation and contact centres, because it means parting with money. Even though I have managed to get maintenance out of him this last year, and he will put towards extras she needs.... all that is just a game of control to him, (not loving care and concern for his daughter) He isn't committed to her, and I know the longer I refuse to play along with him, his interest will fizzle out. He has 4 other grown up kids, Cheryl who he hasnt had anything to do with since she was 4 !! from his 1st marraige to Christine (who he hit) She is my friend, lovely lady and so supportive of me and Scarlett too. Then he had an affair whilst married to christine, which apparently resulted in her getting pregnant at same time as christine was... this lady had a son who he denys being the father of (does not like boys) He married again to Sharon (A tough cookie, who gave him what for if he tried to hit her) they had 2 girls who are very much products of an awful up~bringing, not there fault) but my goodness they are 2 very manipulative girls!! Then they divorced and he married an american lady called Amy, who after a short time with him, did a moon light flit back to America, and as far as I understand it hes still married to her.... Hes had other GF`s since then before me that didnt work out all for the same reasons, (his violence, and temper issues) Incidentally Peachy I didnt know most of this till after I found out what he was really like, and did a lot of detective work... ( I can be a very determined person when I need to be!)
Thank you Pamdev, your so right.... I know I will be ok too.... how are you doing? XXX
Aww ok chick, well you sound positive and ready to move onwards, so well done hunny, it will be off in no time
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Ahhhh thank you Peachy, me and my girlie are gonna be ok... and your so right in what you say about walking away and showing I`m happy.... that will cheese him off ha ha ha ha..... me and my girl have just finished baking Oatie Biscuits as she asked mummy if we can bake today. I don`t mind doing that with her, and there not a temptation strangely enough
even though I am assured that they are very scrummy!! .... I am truly thankful I saw him at his worst before I went thru with it.... What made it worse was I was always anti~abortion (still am) and he had so much control over me that I still think about that with such guilt. BUT I "woke up" in time & found the strength to tell him to go to hell, and that I will not murder MY BABY. I always wanted a girl and when I discovered I was I was so elated to say the least. So you see she will always be my special and most wanted little girl I love her so much and would probably do something quite extreme if anyone (him included) EVER hurt her.
...L xx
but taking it easy as tummy's still very tender. TOTM isn't helping either lol x x x
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Atchoo..... i have a cold!!! Lol...
